This Delicate Thing We've Made

genre: Romance

rated: M

Chapter 4: What You Like

"Hand in hand we float across the room
Explosions deep inside
Cheek to cheek, there's clouds under my feet
There's only you and I
Please tell me what you like, does that feel nice, give me a sign
If you love it I can do it again
We've got the rest of the night to get it right
Please tell me what you like, if that feels nice, give me a sign
If you love it I can do it again
We've got the rest of our lives to get it right"

It had started with a phone call. It was only a day after the fiasco at the bank, although fiasco didn't feel like a strong enough description for the fear he had felt yesterday. He had been there to take a withdrawal to pay for some furniture for the new apartment he'd procured after returning to Central, deciding to use the funds of 'Len Colden' where he had kept a modest amount of money secured over years of investing. Of course, it was investments with stolen money but that was neither here nor there as far as Len was concerned. Instead of making the withdrawal and heading to the furniture store after, Len found the man he'd given his number to two weeks before and gotten into a situation where he'd almost lost him before they could even get to the reason he had given him his number to begin with.

He'd spent an hour washing the blood off his hands and arms, scrubbing violently, his wicked mind unwilling to let go of the irony of it all. Years ago, what was almost quite literally another life, he'd been so desperate to kill the Scarlet Speedster, a threat to his very carefully contrived way of life. How far they'd come, how far he'd come. And now the blood caked on his skin made him nearly vomit at how close it'd been to being too much blood, to being too close to losing someone before he even got the chance to really know him. That thought alone, losing Barry before he could even figure out what he wanted him to mean to him, that idea made Len was the most unreversed he'd felt since coming back to life, more empty and more lonely than the reminders of his old life.

It took every ounce of willpower he had not to check in on Barry. So here he was instead, a day later, walking the streets downtown to the local furniture store after stopping at an ATM (using it, not robbing it), trying to distract himself from the desire to go back to S.T.A.R. Labs to check on Barry. Then the phone in his jacket pocket started to ring, the ID reading 'Scarlet' and Len didn't even try to fight the sigh of relief.

"Barry?" Len answered, wincing at how pathetic he sounded. Where was the bravado, the sarcasm, the witty cold demeanor?

"Hey," the voice on the other line answered. It was quiet, strained in discomfort, but still somehow strong. Len's relief at hearing that voice washed away all his frustration with himself at not even attempting to try to play the cat and mouse game they'd become so adept at.

"You're okay," Len sighed. It wasn't a question, although he did want the other man to reassure him that he was.

"Yeah, I'm okay." Len could practically hear the shy smile over the phone before the voice added, "Thanks to you."

"Well, you saved me first. Seemed only fair," Len stopped walking, leaning back against the brick building, suddenly losing focus on where he was going and only able to concentrate on the quiet words coming from the other side of the phone.

"You kept me safe, you risked your life for me," Barry paused, "you comforted me."

"How 'bout we call it even," Len replied, uncomfortable with the sincerity, the phone in his hand suddenly feeling heavy.

"I wouldn't say 'even'. The least I can do is take you out for a cup of coffee or something."

"Oh Scarlet, don't sell yourself short. Your life is certainly worth more than a simple cup of coffee," Len didn't fight the smile tugging at his lips, relief now coming from the sense of normalcy in the banter.

"Well, I've already wiped your file clean." There was that small chuckle again and Len knew there was no going back now.

"That's not exactly what I had in mind."

"What did you have in mind, exactly?" Barry asked with amused hesitance.

"How long do you think you'll be laid up?" Len asked ignoring his question.

"Normally, bullet wounds take less than a day to heal for me but the blood loss set me back a bit." The casualness in which Barry said that made something twist in Len's gut. Like when Dr. Snow had informed him that painkillers and anesthetics didn't work on Barry because of his speedster metabolism. It had nearly made Len sick to think of having to go through what Barry had over the last six years without the aid of pain relief; it had nearly made him sick but it also reminded him of just how damn strong this kid was.

"Caitlin said I should be okay by tomorrow." Barry's words shook Len out of his reverie to be able to respond, finally able to slip into that well-practiced tone of confidence and aloofness.

"Good. Take three days," Len replied. "I'll text you the address and time to meet me. That'll give me enough time to figure out just what it is you can give me as payment for saving your life."

"Snart-"

"It's Len, remember," he interrupted, "and relax, Barry. I'm a semi-reformed man."

Barry sighed and chuckled and Len could almost see him closing his eyes and rubbing at the back of his neck, a constant observed tell of the man when he was unsure, something Len assumed Barry was at the present moment. And rightfully so. It's not every day you get asked out on a date by someone who had tried to kill you in the past.

Barry had agreed after taking a thoughtful pause. They said their goodbyes and hung up, Len left standing on a street corner with the knot of worry in his gut transformed into a different kind of feeling, almost forgetting for a moment what he had previously been doing. He took a deep breath and immediately calmed, reminding himself this was just like planning a heist. Make the plan, execute the plan, and pray that when it inevitably went off the rails, they wouldn't end up crashing and burning.

Len found himself adjusting his watch for what must have been the tenth time in as many minutes. He'd picked the barely-there lint off of his dark charcoal blazer, tugged on the hem of the black v-neck he wore underneath, checked that his tapered dark jeans were crisp and not a scuff was present on his black boots. He wasn't sure if he was anxious about the fact that he was going on a date with Barry Allen or the fact that his said date was late, maybe coming to his senses and ditching Leonard completely. What was worse was Len was a relatively confident man and the fact that he was nervously adjusting his clothing every few moments in preparation was irritating the hell out of him.

Just as he was about to take the watch off and put in his pocket just so he wouldn't look at it again he saw Barry Allen heading in his direction. The younger man was dressed in a maroon sweater, the collar and hem of a gray and maroon plaid button-up peeking out, skinny gray jeans, and his ever-present converse high tops. He smiled shyly as he caught Len's eye, speeding up his walking pace to that of a normal jog till he came to stand in front of Len.

"Hey," Barry greeted, running a hand to smooth over his windswept hair, "Sorry I'm a bit late."

"Hardly noticed," Len smirked back, pulling the blazer sleeve down to cover his watch. "Besides, you're only human, it's not like you have super speed."

The chuckle and bashful smile was just the reaction he was looking for. Barry looked around at the street corner they stood on, clearly unfamiliar with the surroundings in this part of the city. Len wasn't surprised. There wasn't a lot to Lawrence Hills, it mostly being an industrial area, but it did have a few restaurants that were hidden gems in Central City.

"So what did you have in mind?" Barry asked, shoving his hands in his jean pockets, bouncing back and forth on his heels.

"I asked you to meet me here after you so generously offered to repay me for saving your life the other day," Len tilted his head, arms folding over his chest.

"Right," Barry nodded, before repeating his question with hesitant amusement, emphasizing the last word, "so what did you have in mind?"

"Your time, Barry," Len replied, turning on his heel and walking down the sidewalk, Barry following and walking in stride. "I told you at Saints and Sinners that I owed you a meal, I'd like to make good on that."

"So your idea of me paying you back for saving my life is you taking me out?" Barry asked, incredulous amusement in his tone. When Len didn't respond, Barry stopped and reached a hand out to Len's arm, stopping the other man as well. "This is for real right? You better not just be messing with me."

Len turned to face him, wanting to confess to Barry how scared he had been at the thought of losing him the other day, of watching the life fade from the eyes, the kindest eyes he'd ever seen. He wanted to tell Barry that ever since that time he forced Cisco to reveal who the Flash was that Len had been plotting how best to use that information to his advantage. That the problem there was that it stopped being a con and scheme and became a curiosity. That Barry Allen had changed him and Len wanted more. But he couldn't be that open, not yet, not that much. But maybe he could share a little.

"I died, Barry," Len said instead. "I died just when I started to learn things about myself and I realized there was still a lot I didn't know. And that includes about you. Most of what I knew about you wasn't nearly enough and you almost dying at the bank, it felt like our story was really just beginning and I'd run out of time to know more."

Len wasn't sure if the emotions he felt were showing on his face, betraying the even tone of his voice as he decided to open up just a bit. Barry, however, displayed a range of emotions and Len wondered what it was like to be that naked, to wear your heart on your sleeve and have the world see it.

"So if you're willing, Barry, I'd like some of your time, take you out, talk, and get to know you," Len finished, sidestepping to open the door of the nearby shop, Barry not even realizing he had stopped them in front of where Len had made reservations.

"That's it? That's all you want?" Barry inquired. It wasn't disbelief in his voice but hope, a hope that sparked a similar sentiment in Len.

"You're selling yourself short again," Len replied, smiling in satisfaction when Barry blushed slightly.

"Okay, deal. But just a heads up, I am not a cheap date," Barry smiled, ducking his head in thanks before entering the restaurant, completely unaware of the sigh of relief Len let out before following him in.

They walked side by side, enjoying the spring dusk air as they strolled through Central City Park. Dinner had been perfect, Len having ordered them an array of appetizers and entrees for them "to try", suspecting that Barry needed to eat more than a normal person with the super metabolism Dr. Snow had mentioned, and not wanting the kid to be shy about it. The grin Barry had as he dug his fork into dish after dish told Len he'd managed to be right without being presumptuous.

For three hours over food and wine, they'd had casual and wonderful conversations, surprisingly ordinary and refreshingly effortless. They asked the mundane and standard first date questions, amused at how almost absurd it was that the Flash and Captain Cold were discussing the basic essentials of their lives. For Barry, there was no hesitance in sharing his story with Len, no fear of giving out information that could be used against him by a former rival. For Len, he had never been this open before with anyone, never given away anything of the private life he held so closely guarded. For both of them though, sharing this wasn't even a conscious choice, it just happened organically as they both let their guard down and willingly allowed themselves to unfold.

Len told Barry of how he grew up in Leawood, the blue-collar neighborhood a couple of blocks from Central City Stadium where he and his grandfather used to sit in the park next to the ball field and listen to the Diamonds' games. Barry told him of how he grew up in Danville, first on the east side with his parents and then on the north side with Joe and Iris, of how living so close to his old house took him two months to stop accidentally turning onto the wrong street on his way home or taking the wrong bus when he left school alone on the days Iris stayed after.

They talked of their favorite movies, 'Shawshank Redemption' for Len and 'Singin' in the Rain' for Barry. They talked of books and music, Len sharing that his favorite song was "Who Wants to Live Forever" by Queen, and Barry's favorite album was "Rubber Soul" by the Beatles. Barry had smiled sadly when Len had asked him about it. He told him that his mother's favorite song was "In My Life", shared with him of how she used to sing it to him as lullaby growing up, that she told Barry it was their song. Barry's eyes misted as he told Len that his mom had lost a lot in her life, but how Nora had said she felt complete when they had Barry, like she'd gotten the family she'd always wished for, that Henry was the love of her life but Barry was her dream come true. Len had reached out a hand to clasp over Barry's atop the table as he shared the intimate story of his mother. Len couldn't relate to the kind of love and loss that Barry felt as he talked about his mother, but he could almost feel the emotions radiating off of Barry. It was intoxicating to see someone feel things so deeply. Len couldn't imagine it himself, but to be an extension of that for Barry as he provided a small touch of comfort, it felt to Len like a purpose.

"Raymond had said something our first night on the Waverider that stuck with me, about someone putting a cap on my destiny," Len said now as they strolled through the park, Barry to his left so close their arms nearly brushing against each other. They were in the second hour of their walk around the city, even having stopped for ice cream on the edge of the park. It had all seemed pedestrian, so unnaturally normal that Len would have scoffed at the idea of it had it not felt so nice, how they had yet to run out of things to share, things Len had never shared with anyone. "It made me think about how I'd boxed myself in, how in my efforts to be better than my father I still continued his legacy, a legacy of pain and selfishness. Working with the team, I got a taste of what it was like to be a part of something bigger than yourself and your own interests. It felt like real freedom. I liked it."

He looked to Barry who was smiling at him knowingly as Len spoke, ignoring the playful shoulder nudge Barry gave that implied the 'I told you so' that thankfully Barry had the decency not to say out loud.

"Okay your turn, honesty time," Len moved on quickly. "What happened between you and Iris?"

"Isn't that like cardinal date rule number one? Don't discuss exes," Barry laughed, looking away.

"I don't know if you're aware of this Scarlet, but rules aren't really my thing," it was Len's turn to give a playful shoulder nudge. "Spill, kid. After going to the trouble of almost getting eaten by a shark wearing pants to help save her, you could at least tell me what happened."

"Not much to tell really," Barry finally replied. "Well that's not true, there's actually a lot to tell. I love Iris more than anything, things just didn't turn out the way we thought. Maybe if things were the way they were originally supposed to be."

"Originally?" Len asked, slightly relieved that Barry didn't speak of Iris with sadness or anger but acceptance. It meant it was mutual, it meant it was amicable, it meant that Barry was ready to move on.

"Before the Reverse Flash changed the timeline to kill my younger self but instead killed my mom, Iris and I were supposed to be married. But in that timeline we didn't grow up together, we lived a different version of our lives," Barry explained, hands moving in front of him as he talked to further express his story as if it would somehow help make sense of it all. He told Len of how they discovered Barry wasn't supposed to become the Flash till 2020, and of how Thawne manipulated them all just so he could get home back to his time. He told Len of the last year, of his daughter from the future and how Thawne had tricked her into manipulating the timeline yet again to the point of erasing herself out of existence, and of how Iris and Barry's marriage couldn't survive it.

"Our relationship with each other is still the most profound connection either of us has. But to move toward a future without Nora?" Barry paused, unable to hide the hitch in his voice as he said the name of the daughter he lost. "It's better this way. I mean it took a while, a lot of nights holding each other crying, nights fighting. We both felt that grief of losing her, and then realizing we were no longer in love with each other, we grieved that too. But we worked through it, together, and now we can both move forward with our lives, still best friends, still partners, but without that pressure of trying to move towards a future that felt predestined for us and out of our control."

"No strings on you," Len nodded before asking a question he was afraid to know the answer to. "And that's good, right?"

"It is," Barry sighed, smiling at Len before averting his gaze straight ahead as they strolled. "There's no pressure to become the people we're allegedly supposed to be and instead we can just be who we are now. Things are like they were before; we still spend way too much time together, tell each other everything. She's still the person I turn to when I'm happy or sad and she's still the person I trust most in this world. The only difference is we're not intimate anymore, just like the only difference then was becoming intimate. And honestly, we're happier this way. She's my platonic soulmate and things are good. That's why I wear this most days."

Barry reached beneath the collar of his shirt and pulled out a thin silver chain with what looked like two wedding bands hanging from it.

"It's a nice reminder of what we had, who we are now because of it. She still wears my mom's ring. It reminds us of what we mean to each other, even though its changed," Barry's face dropped suddenly, panic seeping in as he realized what he'd just revealed. "That's not weird, is it? You're not weirded out, are you?"

"Relax, Barry," Len chuckled, reaching a hand to put Barry affectionately on the back. "I get it, I really do. She means a lot to you. That would be petty of me to think she suddenly didn't. Besides, I'm not the jealous type."

That was a lie. Len did not like sharing. But he believed Barry when he said it was over, had no reason to think otherwise, or be jealous of Iris. The kid was not a good liar, not that Len had caught him in very many. Besides, they all had a past. He couldn't judge Barry for his connection to his, in fact, he kind of envied how deep Barry's love ran for the people in his life.

"Yeah, I don't know if I believe that but thank you, for not making a big deal out of it. My story wouldn't be complete without Iris in it and you understanding our friendship, means a lot," Barry beamed at him, tucking in the necklace beneath his collar once more. "She's saved my life over and over and she saved me from my own mind when I came out of the Speed Force. She's the only person that could have."

"It's funny. Mick was the one who in the end was able to get through to me when I came out of the time stream," Len remarked, thinking back. "It took him a few months rather than a day, but he's the only one that would have been able to reach me. Not even Lisa. Mick always took me at face value, saw through my bullshit bravado, or lies. Saved my life the first time I met him, never let me try to protect him. We were equals always. Made it easier to withdraw when we needed time apart but it made it harder when we'd fall out. He reminded me of who I was, not who I tried to be, whether it was the good or the bad. Sometimes that's a good thing but sometimes it held me back, but it was always a return to center."

"Like an anchor," Barry nodded, "like Iris is my lightning rod."

"Maybe," Len nodded, taking the moment to stop walking, looking up at the night sky.

"Do you miss him and the team?" Barry asked, moving to stand in front Len, afraid to ask the next question on his mind but needing to know. "Are you gonna go back with them?"

"Nah," Len shook his head, stopping to turn and face Barry. "Been there, done that. And after time traveling, stopping an immortal from destroying the future, dying, and being lost in time itself, I'm looking for a new kind of adventure."

"Does that mean new heists and new ways to keep the Flash on his toes?" It was Barry's turn to smirk, not realizing he was taking a step forward closer to Len.

"Diamonds, money, breaking and entering, it just doesn't hold the same thrill it once did after all that," Len tilted his head, leaning in closer till he was just inches apart from Barry. "If I'm going to be tempted to steal something it's going to have to be truly one of a kind; more precious than any priceless stone or trinket."

"Like what?" Barry asked quietly, swallowing nervously.

But Snart didn't say anything, just smirked at him before looking at his watch.

"Six hours and no shots fired," Len smiled. "That's a new record for us."

Len could feel that twist in his gut again when Barry chuckled, a sound so wholly innocent with bright green eyes eyeing him up and down.

"I can't believe we did this. That you and I..." Barry marveled, smiling. He looked away, shaking his head, before turning back to look at Len. "This was really weird but nice. We should do this again."

"I'd like that," was Len's response, voice conveying his satisfaction Barry gave him a strange look then like he was trying to solve a puzzle. "What?"

"When did you know?" the younger man finally asked.

"When did I know what?" Len asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

"When did you know," Barry began to fidget with his hands as he stood in front of Len, trying to find the words, "that you were, ya know, interested in me?"

"Who says I am," Len winked, unable to stop the laugh that came out of him as Barry shoved at his shoulders playfully. The push destabilized Len slightly and he reached out to grab Barry's arms to get his balance back. They stood there then, holding on to each other's arms. He'd never been fond of physical displays of affection, never been around people who handed it out freely and without ulterior motives, and he was more likely to associate touch with violence than kindness, but he found himself reluctant to push Barry away, found himself wanting to hold on tighter.

"When the whole thing with Lewis went down," Len said, dropping the aloof act as his hands tenderly gripped Barry's arms. "When you walked into Saints and Sinners there was something different about the way you sauntered in."

"I do not saunter," Barry smiled as he rolled his eyes, giving Len's forearms in his hands a little squeeze.

"After that whole ordeal, I couldn't help but see you differently," Len continued, staring into Barry's green eyes, trying not to get lost in them. "And then at Christmas with Mardon, I wanted to help you but I knew if I did, there'd be no going back. Everything you'd said about me would have been right and I was not ready to commit to that yet. And I was definitely not ready for you to think you were right about me, you'd have been insufferable."

"That's when I knew too," Barry dipped his head, smiling shyly at Len, flustered enough that he passed over the teasing comment completely as he dropped his hands from Len's arms.

"Even though I killed him?" Len couldn't help but ask the question.

"I don't agree with it but I understand why," Barry replied simply, shoving his hands in his pockets, looking down at his sneakers before looking back at up Len. "He tried to kill Lisa. Honestly, I would probably have reacted the same way if someone tried to kill Joe or Iris. But I want you to know, I wouldn't have let him hit that switch."

"Well if you were fast enough to do that you could have stopped me from killing him," Len pointed out, a swell of warmth at Barry's words. He knew it was true, knew Barry wouldn't have let anything happen to Lisa. Barry was a hero. But part of Len liked to think he wouldn't have let anything happen to Lisa because of what she meant to Len.

Barry just shrugged, not denying or confirming anything with a coy little smile as he rocked back and forth on his heels.

"Helping you stop Lewis, working beside you. It felt good, felt like it could be like that all the time. I had really wanted you to fight alongside me with Mardon and Jesse when you broke into Joe's house to warn me."

"I wasn't ready yet to be that," Len admitted, voice soft as they unintentionally leaned closer towards each other. "If Miss West hadn't been there, however, I might have kissed your right there when you pushed me up against the fireplace."

"I might have let you," Barry whispered back, almost closing the distance between them before he realized what was happening. He moved back, now at arm's length from Len instead of inches away.

"My turn to ask a question," Len stated, waiting for Barry's approving nod before continuing. "You didn't call after I gave you my number and asked you out that night at the bar."

"I didn't hear a question in that," Barry dipped his head before looking up back up at Len, answering the unasked question. "I was scared."

"To go out with me, because of our history," Len finished the sentence.

"No," Barry replied quickly, shaking his head, "because our history didn't even cross my mind. I was scared because I wasn't scared. Does that make sense?"

"Yeah," Len nodded. "Perfect sense."

Barry bit his lip as Len watched uncertainty and hesitance shine through his eyes before Barry released the bottom lip from his teeth and smiled shyly at him instead.

"I should go," Barry said suddenly, taking a step back. "Thank you for tonight."

"Night, Barry" Len responded as Barry patted Len on the shoulder before turning to leave.

As Barry turned away, Len reached for Barry's elbow and tugged the man back towards him, sliding his other arm to wrap around his waist, pulling him against him, lips meeting. Barry moved into the kiss after only a second of being stunned, wrapping his arms around Len's neck as the other man's hands traveled up his back.

Len kissed him deeply, slowly, breathing him in as Barry did the same, suspended in that moment that Barry could swear it was like they'd entered Flashtime. Their first meeting of lips felt simultaneously like the spark of something new and the practiced dance of seasoned partners. They moved in tandem, if Barry's lips were the question, Len's were the answer. If Barry's kiss was like the need for air, Len's kiss was the air supply.

When they pulled away from the kiss it was as if time continued to move in slow motion, the embrace easing slowly. Barry just gazed up at Len for a long moment, saying nothing, hands traveling slowly from around his neck to rest on Len's chest. Len just ran his deep gaze over the man standing in front of him, hands resting on Barry's hips, thumbs massaging gently relishing the soft feel of the sweater but wishing it was skin beneath his hands.

"Scarlet," Len whispered but was cut off by Barry leaning in for another kiss, this one quick and chaste before pulling away and sending chills that felt so good down Len's spine when Barry whispered back.

"Where's your place?"