A/N I'm sorry for the delay. I'm still dealing with a writer's block. Which makes it very difficult to write at all at times. I just want y'all to know that I will continue writing this story. It can take a while between posting chapters but I won't stop before it's finished.

I want to thank everyone who sticks with me and this story. It means a lot to me.

For now I'll be only writing for this story, write a epilogue for Runaway and maybe write a one shot once in a while until I'm back in the saddle so to speak.

TRIGGER WARNING!: This chapter can be hard for some of ya. There's no violence in this chapter though. But it ain't the happiest or most sun shining chapter of this story so far.

Back to this story, I hope y'all do like this chapter.

As always, please R+R.

Chapter 40

Alex had walked back into the living room to let Jane and Abby walk inside, so the blonde ADA couldn't see who was coming form around the corner. Of course Oliver couldn't see it too from the couch in the living room. However, the Detective hears a pair of heels clicking. He would recognizes this sound and rhythm anywhere just like he would with Alex. He knows exactly who walks into their apartment.

Casey walks into the hallway with Amanda right behind her.

"Oliver Alexander Benson, ya have been holding out on me, on us. You're gonna pay Detective Benson. You're gonna pay for that." Amanda hollered into the apartment.

Standing in the door opening from the hallway to the living room Jane sees the look on Oliver's face and immediately recognizes what it means. The brunette Detective steps into the hallway stopping the three women from entering the apartment further.

"Stay here and don't come inside!" Jane demands.

Without waiting for answer Jane walks into the living room and closes the door behind her, leaving three shocked women behind in the hallway. In the 10 seconds that Jane been away Oliver had whispered to Alex to help him in the wheelchair and get him to their temporarily bedroom downstairs. Alex had just pulled the wheelchair to the couch when Jane comes back. The two of them help Oliver to get up from the couch and into the wheelchair and then Alex brings the Detective to their bedroom. When the blonde attorney disappeared into the corridor towards their bedroom. Jane walks back to the hallway and opens the door and steps aside to let the three confused women inside. When they are inside they don't see Alex or Oliver.

"What's going here, honey? Where are Alex and Oli?" Abby asks.

"Let's say that what Amanda just hollered wasn't the smartest thing to say. That's all I'm gonna say about it. Alex and Oliver are in the bedroom now." Jane answers.

Abby having an idea of what went wrong nods at her girlfriend.

"Well let's take a seat and wait till Alex and Oli are coming back. In the mean time I'll make some coffee." Abby says.

Casey walks to the chair on the left next to the couch and Amanda sits down on the chair on the right side. Jane walks to the dining table and gets a chair and places it next to the chair in front of the coffee table across the couch. Abby had walked into the kitchen to make some coffee. A few minutes later Alex walks back into the living room.

"I'm sorry but it doesn't look like Liv is coming out of the bedroom soon." Alex says.

"I'm sorry Alex. I didn't mean to cause any trouble." Amanda apologizes.

"I know Amanda. You didn't do it on purpose." Alex says.

"Where is Abby?" Alex asks, looking around.

"She's in the kitchen making coffee. I'm going to Oli." Jane answers as she stands up.

"You can try but he said he wanted to be alone for awhile." Alex answers.

"Trust me, I know what I'm doing Alex." Jane says softly.

"I do trust you and I know that." Alex says softly.

The two women look at each other for a second or two and then they both nod. Alex walks to the kitchen after telling Casey and Amanda that she's going to help Abby and Jane walks down the corridor to the bedroom. Normally the tall Detective would've knocked before entering the room but now she decides against it and to open the door and knock when she's inside. She waits a second and opens the door. Inside the room Jane sees Oliver sitting in front of the safe with the key in it. The strong Detective's hand reaching to the key and then pulls back his hand to do the same thing again two seconds later. This time his hand stays on the key but he doesn't open the safe as his head bows downwards like he's looking at something. Jane figures now is a good moment to announce her presence and knocks on the door.

"It'll get easier eventually, Oli." Jane says softly.

Oliver's hand freezes in the air for about 2 seconds before he lowers it and turns his wheelchair around. Holding his head down not wanting to look his friend in the eye, partly because he's afraid of her look and partly because he knows that Jane knows why his hand was where it was. Jane walks to Oliver and takes his wheelchair to the bed turning it so they can look at each other and then the female Detective sits down on the bed. She takes a deep breath before speaking up. Like Oliver, Jane herself doesn't talk easily about her own emotions or feeling neither and she knows that's what Oliver needs right know, that's how she can help him.

"I know what happened when Amanda said what she said. I know it triggered you. I've been there myself, Oli. I've also been where you are now, mentally. Doing what you were doing when I walked inside." Jane says softly.

Oliver lifts his head and looks in Jane's eyes. Seeing that the brunette spoke the truth Oliver starts to talk.

" It did. He said the same thing Amanda said just before.. you know what. I thought is this gonna happen every time someone says something he said, am I always going to be thinking about what happened or relive it? I don't want it to happen every time anyone says something. It was too much, I couldn't handle it. I have nightmares and flashbacks sometimes so many times that I'm too scared to go sleeping at night even when Alex is with me. But I couldn't do it, Jane. No matter how much pain I'm in right now. No matter how much it hurts, when I looked down at this picture I just couldn't. Couldn't do that to her and didn't want to do it anymore. Because I love her and more importantly, she loves me. Not that I get it or think I'm worth it, but that's not the point here I guess. Knowing she loves me like I love her helped me, stopped me. I'd rather live in pain, hurting mentally than do that to her and her losing me. It has been a very long time since I had these thoughts. In fact I haven't had them anymore, let alone wanting to do it or try to do it after I woke up in the hospital all those years ago. And it scares me that it came as far as it did a minute ago. How do did you do it? How did you manage to get past all of this and got back in control, Jane?" Oliver asks softly.

"I went into therapy, it took a while before it started to help, but it helped. When it was too much to handle, when I got to the point I couldn't deal with it anymore and was sitting exactly like you just were, I didn't have a fiancé as wonderful as you have in Alex or a partner. So when that happened and all those times I didn't know how to move forward anymore, I did the next best thing. I called the one person in the world that would understand me, truly understand me, I called the person that knew what it is I went through and the one person I trusted with this. You. I called you, Oli. It was you who helped me through those time. It was you who taught me that it is possible to make something of your life after these kind of things happened and it was you who made me take control back over my own life. When it felt like therapy wasn't enough a couple of times or when I shut down during my sessions and stopped my own progression during them because I refused to cooperate, I called you. After I managed to get the courage to call. The first time, the first couple of times it was hard to do it. But I felt better after I talked with you, saw some light in the darkness. And it wasn't so hard to pick up the phone anymore, to talk with you when we all got together here in New York or in Boston. You're the strongest person I know, Oli. You will get through this. I know you will, I know you won't give up. And I know you want to fight to get yourself where you want to be in the future, with Alex." Jane answers.

Oliver thought for a couple of minutes about everything Jane just said. He didn't know that he had been such a big part in Jane's recovery. That he had been that important to the Italian Detective at the time. It made him feel a bit better that Jane had shared this with him. He thought about the context of the words she had spoken. Jane waited patiently for Oliver to be ready to react or to continue their conversation. She knew he needed time to think about what she'd said.

"So basically you tell me to get into therapy, which I'm already are going to do, and to call you when things are getting to hard to deal with myself." Oliver says, half jokingly at Jane.

"Very funny, Benson. Seriously, I'm not saying I'm not here for you because you know I am, but you have Alex at your side. She knows more about this then most people do, she knows you and you trust her and equally important, she loves more than life itself as you do the same with her." Jane says.

"I know I'm the luckiest person in the world for having her as my fiancé, soon to be wife. Promise me you won't tell her what just happened, please? I don't want her to worry more about me than she already does." Oliver asks.

"I promise I won't tell her it, for now, if you promise me to talk with her about what's going on in your head and try not to shut her out. And promise me that you'll talk to someone when you have those thoughts again. I know you won't want to talk about it with a therapist, I didn't want to neither and we're pretty similar with talking about what we think or feel, but talk with someone that you trust. I hope it will be Alex but I understand if you can't. Just talk with someone. That's all I ask for." Jane answers.

"I promise I will talk with Alex soon. I already told her that I would try not to shut her out or shut down. And I promise you that I'll talk with someone, probably you or maybe Abs, when that happens. I'll talk about it with Alex eventually, because I don't want to have secrets for her. Just not now or at that moment if should it happen again." Oliver says.

"Deal. Now how about we go back to the living room? Abs was making coffee when I came to see you and I'm sure she has a cup of coffee with our name on it." Jane asks.

"Good idea. I hear those cups calling." Oliver says smiling.

"I know right." Jane smiles.

Jane gets off the bed and takes Oliver back to couch in the living room. Jane and Alex are helping the Detective on it. Jane walks to the chair next to Abby and sits down next to her. Alex wants to go and sit down at the other end of the couch with Oliver's feet in her lap but is stopped by her fiancé. The Detective tugs at her shirt and the blonde ADA kneels down so she's at eye level with Oliver.

"I'm alright now. Talking with Jane helped. We'll talk when it's just the two of us again alright?" Oliver whispers.

"Take your time, Liv. I know you'll talk to me when you're ready. I'm just glad that talking with Jane helped." Alex whispers back.

"I love you Alexandra Cabot, so much. You know that right?" Oliver asks softly.

"I know. I love you too Oliver Benson. I can't wait to marry you and be Mrs. Benson, just so know Detective." Alex answers softly.

Oliver looks for a few moments into the cerulean eyes he loves.

"If I could lean forward I would kiss you right now Lex." Oliver whispers.

Alex leans forward, close enough for Oliver to be able to kiss her. Oliver smiles at Alex before he captures the blonde's lips with his own. None of the others teases them, they just keep talking. They all know how important and special this is for Alex and Oliver.