Chapter 41
"True love doesn't happen right away; it develops after you've through many ups and downs, when you've suffered together, cried together, laughed together." - Ricardo Montalban.
Oliver's swallow test was good and earlier this afternoon Dr. Bouchon removed his tube. He also gave his permission for Oliver to leave the same day, so at 4 pm Oliver was released from the hospital. It was a big relief for both Alex and Oliver and the hospital staff. They were glad not to have to deal with the stubborn Detective overnights. Oliver was happy that he could go home with Alex and not having to stay in the hospital.
Oliver is laying on the couch with his head on Alex's lap. The blonde attorney stroking his head where his hair was starting to grow back, he had about 1 inch of hair now, while waiting for Dr. Olsen to arrive. Both were thinking back at yesterday. Despite what happened it was a good day after all. Casey and Amanda had stayed shortly just for a cup of coffee. The whole day had worn out the Detective and they all decided that it would be better for them to come and visit them another time and stay longer then since Oliver would have a tiring day the next day. And all the women knew that Oliver would push his boundaries if they stayed longer. Oliver didn't agree with them but for once they were able to convince him pretty fast. Oliver was enjoying the calming effect Alex had over him and enjoyed the blonde's slim fingers going over his head and softly touching the hair that Oliver has on his head now, when he got an idea. Two ideas to be exact.
"Hey Lex, now that I'm allowed to have normal stuff again, well baby food but that's not the point, how about you go get us some nice ice cream from that Italian place? And maybe get some coffee too. I would kill for a cup of their delicious coffee. You could go when Dr. Olsen is here. We have a short session about half an hour to start with today. You always can get yourself something to eat for dinner there too. What do you think about it?" Oliver asks, giving Alex his best puppy eye look.
"Oliver Benson, you are cheating! You know very well what that look does to me. Fine have it your way Detective. I'll go and get some ice cream and I'll even bring you a cup of coffee. But you have to promise me that you do what Dr. Olsen asks from you this session. See it as a treat you'll get when you are on your best behavior with the good Doctor. I won't get something for dinner there. I want to get something there when you're allowed to eat normal again. I'll go to the grocery store and get something there for dinner. Deal, Detective?" Alex asks, smiling at Oliver.
"Hell yeah, you have a deal, Counselor." Oliver beams.
Alex laughs at Oliver for his reaction. Coffee and cops, as long as you promise them the best coffee there is, you can get them to do a lot.
"Hey Lex, there is something else I would like to do." Oliver says softly.
"Yes?" Alex asks raising one eyebrow.
"I would like to cuddle with you. I mean, laying down on the couch against you while you lean with your back against the arm of the couch. And just lay with you. With your arms around me, being surrounded by you. Making me feel safe." Oliver answers softly.
"Are you sure? Don't get me wrong, there's nothing I'd like to do more then that at this moment. I just want to be sure you're certain about it. That's all." Alex asks gently.
"Yes I'm sure, of course I would like for you lying in my arms but that's not gonna work for now. So this is the best we can do. And to be honest I would like to lay down against you even if I could hold you in my arms. I'm nervous about my session with Dr. Olsen. And laying against you, I think it might calm me down. Feeling loved, like nothing else matters but you and me." Oliver answers.
"Then that's what we're going to do. And you are loved, Liv. I love you so much that words cannot describe what it is that I feel for you." Alex says softly.
"I love you too, Alexandra Cabot, soon to be Benson." Oliver says softly, smiling at his fiancé.
Alex stands up and helps Oliver move forward a bit so she can climb behind the Detective. When she is done she leans back at the arm of the couch and softly pulls the Detective against her body. When Oliver is comfortably leaning against Alex he pulls the blonde's arms around him and laces their fingers together. Both the Detective and ADA sigh contently. Happy to be in each others arms and just laying on the couch together. They stay like this, enjoying each others company until the doorbell rings. Alex carefully gets from behind Oliver and walks to open the door. The blonde had called downstairs to the reception desk to tell them they would expect a visitor and to send her upstairs when she would arrive. Checking the spy hole and seeing it's Dr. Olsen, Alex opens the door.
"Good afternoon, Dr. Olsen. Please come inside." Alex says , stepping aside.
"Good afternoon, Ms. Cabot. Thank you." Dr. Olsen says.
Dr. Olsen walks past Alex into the hallway and takes off her coat. Alex points to the coat rack on their left and the Dr. hangs up her coat. They walk inside the living room.
"Good afternoon Detective. How are you doing?" Dr. Olsen asks.
"Good afternoon Dr. Olsen. Well I'm home so that's a good thing." Oliver answers, smiling at Alex.
"I see. I'm happy for you. For the both of you. I have good news for both of you." Dr. Olsen says with a smile.
"Why don't you take a seat first Dr. Olsen?" Alex asks.
"Thank you, Ms. Cabot. And please call me Kim." Kim answers as she sits down in the chair at other side of the coffee table, across the couch.
"Alright Kim it is. But you have to call me Alex then." Alex says as she sits down on the couch and takes Oliver's feet in her lap.
"Well I suppose that you call me Oliver then or Detective. What's the most comfortable for you." Oliver says.
"Well I don't know about you, but my wife likes it when she is called Officer so I think Detective it'll be." Kim says.
"I think Liv is the same as your wife. He always walks with an extra swagger when he's called Detective. Unless I'm angry with him of course. Although he still does it then, if only to piss me off more." Alex jokes.
"Aren't they all the same. I totally agree with you, Alex. Lisa, my wife, is the same." Kim smiles.
"What? You're just as bad when it comes to this, Counselor. If not worse. You strutted into the squad room like you owned it, my squad room that is, the very first time you walked into it and started to bossing us around. Not to mention the way you walk when you're in the courtroom. Not that I have any complaints about the way you walk in there. But that's not the point we're making here." Oliver counters.
Alex and Kim look at each other and laugh out loud.
"Yep, they all are the same." Kim laughs.
"Told you so." Alex laughs.
"Well laugh about it and joke about it all you want. Just do it in your own time and not in mine. I believe you had some news to share with us. Doctor." Oliver pouts.
"I believe that's our cue to drop the subject. Unless you want a pissed off Detective as your patient for your first session. And that's something I won't recommend to you." Alex says.
"Not really. Alright, I talked with Dr. Emily Young, Gynecologist and head of the Gender team, and she had an appointment canceled. So you have an appointment with her tomorrow morning at 11 am. She already looked at your blood levels, Detective, as you agreed to send the test results to her, and everything was alright." Kim says.
"Wait. What? I can see her, we can see her tomorrow already? Really?" Oliver asks surprised.
"Yes really. So what do you say say, Detective?" Kim asks with a smile.
"Well hell yes of course. But what does it mean? What's going to happen tomorrow? I'm sorry, Lex. Do you want to go tomorrow?" Oliver asks.
Alex smiles at Oliver. She's just as happy and surprised as her Detective is.
"Of course I want to go, Liv. This is great news." Alex answers.
"Great. But back to my questions. Can you answer them, Kim?" Oliver asks, smiling widely at Alex before he looks back at the Doctor.
"Yes I can. Things will go differently than normal. But in a good way. Since your name is already legally changed and you've had your hysterectomy, the procedure will be going faster. Tomorrow you will have a conversation with Dr. Young to be sure this is what you want. Not that I have any doubts about it, but it's something that needs to be done, officially. Normally you would need to prove for a period of 12 months that you can live and act like a man, however, since you have testicles and gave me the impression that you know what you want, Dr. Young agreed with me that if she's convinced tomorrow, you don't have to need to do that step in your process. And since you don't exactly dress feminine, I don't think she needs more proof than that. So long story short, I think you will start with the hormonal treatment not too long from today. She will talk you through every step of the process, about the surgeries you need and when they'll be done, in a time line that is." Kim answers.
It's silent for a few moments before Oliver pumps his fist and screams excitedly before he seems to think of something and glares at Kim.
"You're not joking here or fooling around with me are you?" Oliver asks sternly.
Both Alex and Kim shake their heads, leave it to Oliver to be happy one second and suspicious the next.
"No Detective, I'm not joking. I wouldn't do that to you or any other person in your position. I know how important this is. I was part of the gender team and I've been going trough the process myself with my wife. I promise you, this is real." Kim answers.
"Sorry Doc, just checking. I'm so happy, I can't believe this. I'm gonna need to shave myself every day, Lex." Oliver says excitingly.
"You better be. I want a perfectly shaved handsome Detective kissing me every day." Alex smiles widely.
"So I guess a beard and mustache is out of the question huh?" Oliver jokes.
Alex wrinkles her nose at the thought of Oliver with a beard and a mustache.
"I take that as a yes. Don't worry, Counselor. I promise you I won't get a beard and a mustache. Well not a beard on my whole face. But let's go for facial hair growing nicely on my face first shall we? I so need to go and buy razors." Olivers smiles.
"I'm so happy for you Liv. I can't wait myself for the moment you need to shave yourself for the first time." Alex answers.
Kim let them enjoy the good news for a few minutes before she's going to be a party pooper. After all she's here for Oliver's first session with her.
"I'm sorry, but we should start with our first session soon, Detective. The sooner we start the sooner we're done and you and Alex can go back dreaming and talking about your appointment with Dr. Young tomorrow. And if you would like it, I could go trough the procedure with the both of you after we're done." Kim says.
"I think I would like that, going through the procedure with us I mean, not the session of course. Alex, what do you want, wait till tomorrow or get some information from Kim today?" Oliver asks.
"I think it would be nice to have something to look forward to for you, for after your session. And I would like to know more too today. That way we are fully prepared for your appointment with Dr. Young tomorrow. And we can make a list with questions you or I would like to ask her tomorrow." Alex answers.
"Sounds like a good idea to me. Alright, session first and then talking about the procedure. That doesn't mean I don't want to have my ice cream and coffee. I can do both at the same time." Oliver smiles.
"Sure you can. Fine, I'll go to Giorgio's and the grocery store now so you can have your session with Kim. I'll be back in about 40 minutes. Alright?" Alex asks as she gets off the couch.
"Fine by me. How about you, Kim? Do want coffee or ice cream too? It's really good." Oliver asks.
"Looks like a deal to me. Well if it's as good as you say it is, I'd like to join the two of you in your celebration. Ice cream is always good, so you choose, Alex. As for coffee, I'd like to have a cappuccino with extra cream, please." Kim answers.
"Alright. Have a good session and behave yourself, Liv. I promise I'll be back in 40." Alex says.
"I'll do the best I can. I love you, Alex." Oliver says.
"I love you too, Oliver." Alex answers.
Alex kisses Oliver forehead before she walks to the hallway, she puts her coat on and picks up her purse before she leaves.
Inside the living room Oliver slowly moves up to lean against the arm of the couch. Kim waits for Oliver to get comfortable and then they start with their first session.
"Since this is our first session, you may choose what we are talking about this time. Is there anything you'd like to start with?" Kim asks.
"Well actually there is. I'm suffering from nightmares and flashbacks. The flashbacks are about what happened in Rikers, mostly. That's something I need to talk about with my trauma therapist Ms. Miles. So that leaves us with the nightmares." Oliver answers.
"Alright. How often do you have the nightmares? And how bad are they?" Kim asks.
"Almost every night. When I'm lucky, when Alex and I are lucky, one nightmare, but most of the time I have more of them in one night. And they are really bad. Sometimes I wake up screaming and drenched in my own sweat. Other times Alex needs to wake me up. There are nights I don't want to go back to sleep because I don't want to have another one. Some nights I can't fall asleep because I'm afraid of getting a nightmare. We found out that it helps if Alex is sleeping next to me or holds me when I have one but sometimes that doesn't work and I have them just as bad as when she wasn't sleeping next to me." Oliver answers.
"You know it's normal to have nightmares about you getting shot,Detective. Yes you are a Detective, but you're also human. Being a Detective makes you deal with better when you're awake. But that doesn't mean that it can't haunt you in your sleep. Now you said that Alex and you found out that it helps when Alex sleeps next to you, are there other things that help you?" Kim asks.
"I know it's normal to have nightmares about getting shot myself. But this is different, Kim. The nightmares are about a shooting but it's not me who is getting shot." Oliver answers.
"The nightmares aren't about you getting shot?"Kim asks a bit surprised.
"No they are not." Oliver answers.
"Then what are the nightmares about? Let me rephrase that. Who's getting shot in your nightmares?" Kim asks carefully.
"Alex. The nightmares goes about Alex being shot." Oliver says softly, almost whispers.