Thank you all so much for all the support! hope you are keeping safe!
Enjoy!
Previously: Tony had been overly secretive of the destination of their "road trip" only for Ed to find out…
They were at Peggy Carter's doorstep.
Peggy Carter…
I just… stared. Stared at the same brown eyes that I knew so well. The same face. Her hair was completely grey now, hitting me all too hard once more on how much time had passed.
On how much I had missed…
"Well, you haven't aged a day," remarked Peggy with a soft smile, brushing a hand on my cheek softly.
It took everything I had to not break down right there and then as I clenched my fist and jaw tightly, my gaze unwavering from Peggy's face. Even with the wrinkles, that was still Peggy; I still knew her face all too well.
Sixty years…
Over sixty years…
But, she still remembered me.
"You've done it, you've rendered Short Stuff speechless," said Tony with a hint of amusement, pulling me away from my thoughts.
Peggy sent him a look, attempting to hide her smile. "How you get away with mentioning his height like that is beyond me."
And she remembered me being sensitive about that too…?
Peggy finally lowered her hand from my face as she moved towards Tony, placing her hand on his shoulder and I noticed her grip tightening slightly, a slight shake to it. Tony smiled at her… softly…? Was that even possible…? And then he placed a hand on hers, giving it a squeeze. I began getting a sense that I may have been missing something…
"Shall we?" asked Tony, motioning towards the house with a tilt of his head. "And should I get some tea started?"
Peggy chuckled lightly as she nodded, reaching out her other hand in my direction. I took her hand and the three of us entered the house, Tony seeming quite familiar with the layout as he went directly to the kitchen and I let myself get dragged along.
Even with everything that was happening, I kept getting pulled back to the same thought: I still couldn't fully grasp that we were visiting PEGGY CARTER.
It almost felt like a dream at this point.
I now understood why Tony had refused to mention where we were going. Knowing my sometimes drastic reactions, I would probably have hidden in the house until he had given up on the idea.
So… His secrecy worked in this situation. But, SOME warning would have been appreciated! I had NOT been expecting this visit and even less expecting TONY of all people to be the one to bring me here.
As we entered the kitchen, Tony waved Peggy off from helping him as he got the kettle set up. She shook her head but let him be as she took a seat at the kitchen table, motioning for me to join her.
"Did you want any tea, Edward?" she asked softly, smiling in my direction.
I slowly sat down, shaking my head. Even though my initial shock was wearing off… I didn't think I was going to be able to stomach anything at the moment. One of the things I would have wanted to discuss with Peggy… It was something I still had difficulty digesting, something that created nightmares all too often.
What had happened on that airplane…
What had happened to Steve…
And not knowing how Peggy felt about what had happened.
Would telling her make her hate me…? Would she be disappointed that I hadn't been able to do more?
Or maybe the fact that I hadn't tried to contact her since arriving in 2009?
"Same tea as usual?" asked Tony pulling me back to the present as he went straight to a specific cupboard, opening it and scanning what lay inside.
"The same," replied Peggy as we watched him pull out three cups and setting them on the counter.
The way he moved around the kitchen and the way he talked to Peggy, I was beginning to get the feeling that Tony and Peggy knew each other well…
And I almost face palmed physically at that thought. Of course. Howard would have kept in contact with Peggy and, by association, Tony would have grown up knowing her.
Grown up knowing her…
Then how did it all fit in with Tony disliking Steve and myself? Had he refused at some point to believe what Peggy would have said? Or even refused to hear anything about the two of us because of what Howard had told him? Had Peggy not talked about us for Tony's sake? She must have been a presence in his life the way they interacted and the way Tony knew his way around her home.
This was all too confusing on top of being an emotional roller coaster since arriving here…
Peggy and Tony made small talk as the kettle boiled and I listened in silence, trying to sort everything out in my mind.
So far, my mind wasn't willing to cooperate much…
As I tried to get a grip on my thoughts, I realized that at some point, Tony had pulled out his cellphone and was frowning slightly at whatever was on it.
"Company matters?" wondered Peggy with a tilt of her head.
He frowned for a moment more before shaking his head, putting the cellphone away. "Nah, don't worry about it."
The look Peggy gave him at that made him… fidget? Wow… I guess even after all these years, she still had it in her to be intimidating. I had seen that look many times – and had been on the receiving end more than once – and I knew how effective it was.
And it seemed it worked on Tony as well as he didn't put up a fuss about telling the truth this time around.
"JARVIS sent a message about a security alert at the mansion. They didn't get past the gate though," he answered and my eyes widened at the news. Someone had tried to get in? Why? What was so special about Tony's nearly empty mansion? Did people think it was full of valuables? Was that why they tried to break in?
And… had they known we had left? That the mansion was empty? How would they know though…?
"A good thing you have JARVIS around," remarked Peggy with a hum. "Your house is well protected."
"Wouldn't have it any other way," replied Tony, getting the whistling kettle off the stove.
We waited in silence as he poured out the water and prepared the tea. All the while, I could feel Peggy's gaze pass from me to Tony and back several times but I tried to ignore it.
I still didn't know where to begin with… any of this.
However, Tony seemed to have made the decision for me.
And it wasn't what I had hoped for.
What I had hoped Tony and Peggy could talk first and I could sort through what I would tell her and possibly even mentally prepare myself for the disappointment that could follow.
"I'll let you two gossip," stated Tony instead as he set one cup of tea in front of Peggy before grabbing the other two, "while I go find that husband of yours."
My eyes widened in surprise as I stiffened, watching Tony walk out of the room.
Husband…?
Of – of course Peggy would have moved on. It was only normal.
Steve… He was gone.
She couldn't grieve forever.
But now… I was alone with Peggy.
And I didn't know what to say to her…
No matter how many times I had gone over what this conversation would be like in my mind, I was still not ready for it.
"Has the cat got your tongue?" whispered Peggy, placing a gentle hand over mine and squeezing. "You haven't said a word since arriving."
I guess… I guess I hadn't…
But… the only thing I could think of telling her was…
"I'm – I'm sorry," I choked out, unable to meet her surprised gaze at those words.
I heard her sigh as her grip on my hand increased. "And for what, pray tell, are you apologizing for?" she asked softly. "For being alive? For flying across the country, even though you are terrified of getting on an airplane? For coming to see an old friend?"
All those things… No… I was apologizing for…
"For letting Steve crash that airplane into the ocean," I breathed out shakily.
Peggy leaned closer, bringing her other hand to my head and brushing my hair aside, caressing my head gently. "Darling, you act as if any of us could ever have changed Steve's mind once it was made up. You cannot take the blame for his decision."
Oh… But I could. I had. During all those weeks at Tony's…
"If my arm hadn't been broken, I would have done it, I would have crashed that airplane" I explained softly, voicing what had passed through my mind over and over again. I had tried to ignore it on good days. On… less good… Ton never asked when I holed myself up in my room and I was glad he didn't. "And he could have survived," I mumbled
"But you wouldn't have."
No but…
"I don't belong here."
"Now don't –"
"Did Tony tell you how I showed up?" I blurted out.
She needed to know… I hadn't thought I would… would…
But she needed to know.
Peggy paused before slowing nodding. "Yes, he had even sent me the video."
"Then you saw the Gate that had dropped me there?" She nodded again and I knew I couldn't stop now. "That – that same Gate had dropped me in Dr. Erskine's basement a month before I had met you. I'm not supposed to be here. I should have been the one to crash that airplane because Steve should have survived! I've cheated death enough times. It should have been me…"
Peggy sighed, staring at the table top. I had never told anyone about the day I met Dr. Erskine. Nobody knew. But… Peggy deserved to know, to be told.
"Do you want any tea?" asked Peggy suddenly.
I paused, slightly confused before shaking my head.
Maybe she just needed to do something while this news sunk in.
"Suit yourself," she said, taking a deep breath and fixing me with an intense stare. "Now, listen to me carefully, actions from the past have been done, we cannot change that. It is a tough lesson to learn, I admit, but it needs to be understood. Even I had to remind myself that sometimes… You cannot continue your life blaming yourself for someone else's choice."
I felt a lump forming in my throat at her words, the guilt building up no matter how much Peggy was saying to let it go.
"Steve had made his choice; we all have made some," she continued. "They may be different, they may not have been the right ones but, one thing remains is that they are our own. Remember that." Our choices. Funny, that Gate hadn't given me many choices… "I do not and never will blame you for what had happened on the Valkyrie that day. You and Steve stopped the Red Skull and saved thousands of lives, you need to see that."
I swallowed hard at those words.
Oddly enough… I had not seen it that way since being dumped in Tony's basement. I felt the guilt, the confusion, the grief, the anger after everything that had happened but…
We had saved lives…
That hadn't even crossed my mind…
"I have lived a good life, Evelyn," she whispered, leaning close and caressing my cheek. "Now perhaps it is high time you do as well."
And I broke then.
I had managed to keep my composure since arriving, since realizing that we had travelled all the way here to see Peggy.
But I couldn't keep it together anymore. Without ever admitting it, I had… had been avoiding dealing with… ANY of this. I had focused on learning about 2009, about what I had missed so that I didn't think about what I was actually going to do.
Maybe because, as I had told Peggy, I should not be here. I don't belong here.
I don't deserve to be here.
But… Hearing PEGGY tell me that I do, that I needed to live a life, something I was denying myself…
I heard Peggy scoot her chair closer before she wrapped her arms around me tightly. I buried my face in the crook of her neck, holding on to her tightly as I felt tears stream down my face.
"Oh, Evelyn," she whispered, running her hand through my hair gently. "It'll be okay. You are strong and you don't have to go through all this alone."
Alone… I…
I wasn't… Even though it hadn't started that way, my gut didn't let me believe I was alone.
I hadn't been for several weeks… Not with Tony and Pepper. Heck, even JARVIS and the robots in the lab. And I hadn't even realized it…
And now, Peggy was back in my life.
I just held onto her tighter.
We stayed like that before I finally pulled away slowly, sniffling a bit as I rubbed my face with my sleeve, as if trying to erase all evidence of my very evident crying.
Peggy was watching me, smiling softly as we stared at each other for a moment before I managed to smile back and whisper, "Thank you."
Her smile grew as she patted my cheek. "You do not need to thank me, Evelyn. This is what old friends do." I choked back a laugh at those words, nodding. "Did you want any tea?"
Well, I guess at this point… "Sure, thank you."
She nodded, standing and heading towards the kettle. "So, as we wait, tell me then about where you come from. I'm guessing it isn't from that small village in Germany?"
I chuckled softly, shaking my head. "Small village, yes. Resembool it's called. It is known for it's sheep festival like Hartem was."
Peggy listened as I told her about Amestris, about my brother, Winry and Granny, how they had made my automail.
"And I'm guessing Tony is working on an upgrade?" asked Peggy, placing a cup of tea in front of me.
"Thanks, and yes, he is. One for my leg too."
She leaned back in her chair, tapping her cup. "Maybe that was the reason that gate dropped you there then."
I nodded, having thought the same thing.
"And there must have been a reason for dropping you in Dr. Erskine's basement," she continued. "Had your prosthetics been damaged then."
"No…," I began slowly, rubbing my abdomen. "I… I had been part of a coup d'état in my country. The higher ups that ruled had become corrupt and this leader wanted to… sacrifice thousands of lives for his gain. I dealt the final blow on… him. But he had hit me too…
"I was dying… Dr. Erskine saved me."
I didn't specific anything with alchemy because there was no way of proving any of that. And the serum… I didn't want to burden Peggy with that dangerous secret…
I had to see it in the way that I was telling her something more than I had ever told anyone else apart from Dr. Erskine.
Peggy breathed deeply, taking a sip of her tea as she seemed to digesting the story. I don't blame her: it was almost absurd in any normal setting.
Who knew how long she had known I had survived, that I had been living with Tony, before we had arrived today? How long had she had to process this situation?
"Well, from what I've gathered, that gate dropped you with people who could help you," began Peggy thoughtfully. "And, in turn, you ended up helping others. Perhaps that was the goal? So, there is a reason you are here, Evelyn. You are meant to be here. Therefore, no more of that nonsense from before, understood?"
None of that… Oh, of me saying I should have crashed the airplane… That I didn't belong here.
I nodded, finally drinking my tea. "Understood," I repeated.
We stared at each other for a moment, each of us smiling softly before I asked, "Can you tell me about that good life you're living?"
She chuckled, patting my hand. "I will but I have a godson I haven't seen in a few months I need to talk to first."
It took a moment but, once the words sunk in, I nearly choked in surprise. It was a good thing that, at some point during my research, the word 'godchild' had come up and I had to look up what that had meant or else I would not have understood the connection between Peggy and Tony.
I had not seen that coming…
"I had almost forgotten how expressive you are with your emotions," chuckled Peggy with a shake of her head. "Do not let Tony ever rope you into playing poker, you may lose quite badly."
I laughed at that warning, not even entertaining the idea. "The others… I mean, the Howling Commandos, had tried to teach me between missions but I had kept losing. That was enough for me," I explained, remembering how Dum-Dum had mentioned something along a 'horrible poker face'. That was probably what he had meant…
Peggy smiled, patting my hand once more before motioning in the direction of the back of the house. "Perhaps you could tell Tony to come see me? You can keep my husband company in the meantime."
I paused, eyeing that direction, unsure. "Does – does he know about me?" And, if he did, would he know me like Tony had or like Peggy? Or would he just be a neutral party?
"Your being here won't surprise him," she replied almost… cryptically. "They should be in the garden," she added as she smiled some more. I slowly stood, eyeing her for a moment as I grabbed my cup, and walked in the direction of that supposed garden.
She said he wouldn't be surprised so… Did he just think I was some random young adult that travelled here with Tony to see Peggy? That could be somewhat of a good excuse. I would just need to be vague on how I knew the two of them if ever he asked.
Maybe I should have clarified some details before going to see him…
I slowly opened the back door and stepped outside, taking in the flourishing yard that stretched out ahead of me. It was quite beautiful and peaceful looking, I had to admit.
I then heard some laughter further ahead, just on the other side of a large tree and slowly headed in that direction. For some reason, the idea of spending time with Peggy's husband, alone, was almost as daunting as spending time with Peggy herself. At least with her, I knew who I was talking too even though it had terrified me not knowing how she would react.
If she would hate me.
Thankfully she didn't.
But, with her husband, I didn't know… anything.
"Short Stuff!" called out Tony.
He was the first one I could see, the other man still partially hidden by the tree and by Tony.
"I guess it's time to switch?" laughed Peggy's husband. "She always was more popular than I was."
Tony chuckled as he stood and I stopped next to him, eyeing the older man still sitting. He –
"Have fun, I'm going to get another earful," muttered Tony as he walked towards the house.
Any other day, I may have been annoyed that he had left like that but my focus was still on the older man who was studying me just as carefully. He looked… familiar? But not too familiar either, it wasn't someone I had seen often.
Where…?
Suddenly, a sad smile broke across his face. "Did you get jealous?" he asked, making me frown in confusion.
"Jealous…?"
He motioned towards my right arm – my missing right arm – and my frown deepened even more. Seriously? The first thing this man notices was that? I guess that, yes, it was an eye sore but still! I –
He then knocked on his right, lower leg and a solid sound came from it.
It – it was a prosthetic?
Jealous?
Familiar…?
"HOLY FUCKING SHIT! YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS?!" I cried out in shock.
The man leaned back, laughing softly as he motioned for me to take Tony's vacated seat.
But… No way!
I nearly flung my arm, remembering at the last moment that I had a cup of tea, because it had never crossed my mind… I had never thought…
"What the fuck were the chances?" I blurted out, still reeling. "How?! The last time I had seen you, you… you were – "
"Bedridden with a recently amputated leg but enjoying a New Year's Eve with you and the rest of your team," he finished with a sad smile. It truly was…
"Daniel Sousa," I whispered, shaking my head as I finally flopped into the empty chair.
He was the man I had carried passed the Hydra blockade in Volgograd, the one that I had gone to find because I had heard they had amputated his right leg. And the one who sadly had Izumi's doppelganger as a nurse!
"Edward Elric," he replied, raising his tea cup in cheers. "You haven't aged."
I raised my own cup, taking a hesitant sip from it. "Yeah… Uh, long story… And, you and Peggy?"
He glanced back towards the house with a soft smile. "Long story," he echoed. "Heard you've been giving Tony a hard time?"
My eyes widened at that. "I think it's the reverse! He can be…" The rest of the sentence died in my throat as I remembered that, if Peggy was Tony's godmother, Sousa could very well be his godfather. And, even if he wasn't, he may not appreciate me badmouthing Tony seeing how long they have known each other.
Sousa and I had known each other less than a day!
"Yes, I know how Tony can be," chuckled Sousa. "And I wouldn't be surprised if the two of you clashed on more than one occasion."
I nodded, smirking at the memory of the other day in the lab, at that argument we had had, one of many. Hell, even getting me on the other side of the country!
"Had Peggy or Tony told you anything about…" I vaguely motioned to myself, hoping to get the point across.
Sousa shrugged. "I saw the video and got some type of explanation but, at my age, I don't question much anymore. I'm just glad to see Peggy happy with both of you being here. I don't particularly care on the 'how'."
My eyes widened at that reason. Well, I guess that would save me from telling the story again…
"Hey, don't be that shocked," he laughed. "Younger me would have been all over trying to explain your being here and everything. But now…" He just shrugged once more.
I chuckled, nodding. "Fine. So, how did younger you meet Peggy? Can't remember her being at the Hydra blockade when we had met."
"She wasn't. We met a year later," he said.
Then he began his story, about joining the S.S.R. once he could walk again, his work in New York, how people didn't take him seriously because of his prosthetic. That part had me frowning heavily and Sousa had noticed, reminding me it was in the past and there was nothing I could do about it now.
He was right but I still didn't like it. Would the others have reacted that way? Probably not since my automail was more advanced and offered almost as must movement as I real limb. I could still keep up with them.
And possibly kick their ass if they had done what they had done to Sousa…
He continued the story with Peggy joining that office and of her treatment.
"If any of them are alive, I will kick their ass," I grumbled harshly, "doesn't matter what Peggy says."
That just made Sousa chuckle some more.
And then he told me about her secret mission to exonerate Howard Stark who had somehow been accused of treason.
And how some jackass took the credit for completing the mission successfully.
I swear, I will kick someone's ass…
"I'll always remember what she had said that day," began Sousa with a heavy sigh. "Even though I had wanted to set the record straight, she didn't. She said, 'I know my value. Anyone else's opinion doesn't really matter.' It stuck with me 'til this day."
I leaned back in my chair, drinking the last of my tea as I pondered those words.
They truly did represent Peggy all too well. I felt myself smiling more brightly at that thought.
"I see the two of you have been catching up nicely."
I glanced back to see Peggy and Tony standing there, watching the two of us.
"I don't know what they're talking about," said Sousa, with a slight frown, glancing towards me.
I shook my head. "None. They must be imagining things."
"Must be."
Peggy laughed at our antics. "I figured the two of you would get along. Now, dinner time."
"Good idea, before a fight starts," added Tony with an eye roll.
"It'll be a fair fight if it did start!" remarked Sousa as he pushed himself up and grabbed his cane, pointing towards me with it in warning.
Even I laughed at that.
"Evelyn?" whispered Peggy, giving me a look.
Tony and Sousa had gone upstairs, retiring for the night, having left Peggy and I alone in the living room, sitting across from each other on the couch. I readjusted my position as I turned towards her, raising an eyebrow, waiting for her to continue.
"Evelyn," she tried again in a different tone.
"That's… still my name," I replied slowly.
Her look didn't change, if anything, it seemed to be more telling. "Then why do Tony and Pepper refer to you as Edward?"
Oh…
I slouched down on the couch, not thinking that that would have been the subject of this conversation.
"Will you tell them?" she continued. "Or will we start this ruse all over again?"
"Well…" I sighed heavily, slouching even more.
I heard Peggy breathe deeply as she scooted closer, leaning in to try to look me in the eye. "From someone with experience on knowing both Tony and Pepper for many years, I can assure you, you can trust them. They will not treat you any differently."
I finally glanced towards her, actually believing those words. "But, I do have a flair for the dramatic," I explained with a chuckle, rubbing my nose.
Peggy smiled and I think she almost rolled her eyes at that comment.
"But… I… I can't believe I'm saying this… I may actually tell them," I finally admitted. "I'm kinda tired of hiding."
And, it was true. I missed having the choice like I had in Amestris. Ever since crossing the Gate, I was imposed being seen as male almost constantly even though, there were times, I just wanted to be feminine. I usually didn't care which gender people saw me as but… I at least wanted to make the choice myself.
"Well, that is refreshing to hear," remarked Peggy, patting my thigh. "Hopefully you won't wait too long, though."
I shrugged. "Maybe not. I don't know… I need to figure out a good time to tell them. Mostly one that doesn't involve me just showing up in a dress one day."
Peggy laughed softly at that comment, shaking her head. "As you said, you have a flair for the dramatic. Let me know how they take it."
"Oh, I will."
Now, I know I may get some comments about Peggy and her Alzheimer that appeared in the Winter Soldier. But, remember, this is 2009, several years before that. So, for this story, I wanted to show just the very beginning of it (with her asking about Ed wanting tea on a few occasions). It may not be a lot but... It was kinda how my grandmother started off, so... Yeah.
Also, I decided to ignore whatever MCU canon/not canon there was about Daniel Sousa and if he ended up with Peggy or not. My fanfic, my rules and I thought they were absolutely adorable in the TV series. So, they're happily married! Yay! :D
(And the headcanon floating around that Peggy is Tony's godmother is as adorable!)
Let me know what you thought!