A/N I know, I'm surprised myself for having another chapter finished, but I couldn't get this chapter out of my mind. It's short, however, in my opinion it's worth it and needed. Chapter edited.

Enjoy reading it.

And a not so subtle hint, I just love your reviews it's what feeds my mind...

Chapter 46

"Immature love says: 'I love you because I need you.' Mature love says: 'I need you because I love you.'" - Erich Fromm.

"Why is it that I always must have done something?" Oliver asked, slightly offended by the blonde's question.

"Because most of the time you have done something. Now quit stalling and answer the questions. Is she even coming back tomorrow?" Alex asked.

"Yes she is coming back tomorrow. I didn't order her to leave if that's what you think. She asked how the appointment with Dr. Young went and I answered that question but I didn't tell her what it was that you'd asked or how my reaction to it was. She wanted to know it and I didn't feel like talking about it again so I didn't answer her questions. She can't make me talk about things if I don't want to talk about them," Oliver answered, as he raised his eyebrow daring the blonde to react to him.

It had been a while since Oliver had been at the receiving end of Alex's death glare but the Detective most certainly was at the end of it now.

"You do realize that she is coming here in her spare time to help you recover, don't you, Detective?!" Alex asked with her courtroom voice, letting the Detective know that he was is in trouble once again.

"I know that. But that doesn't mean when she says jump, I jump or ask how high. It's not like I didn't talk about it at all today. And she kept asking so I kept my mouth shut. After 5 minutes of silence, or something like that, she gave me an assignment to do and I did what she asked for. After that she told me what tomorrow's session will be about and then she left. For the record, out of her own free will, I didn't force her to leave," Oliver answered, irritated.

"Well, you do jump and ask her how high when it's only your second session with her. And this is important, very important. It's about our future, Oliver. I don't care if you talked about it with Abby or myself. I don't care how many other people you talk about it that are not your therapist, when she wants to talk about it with you, you will talk about it. She's the one that can and will help you recover and deal with important issues. Do I make myself clear, Detective?!" Alex asked.

"Oh, so now you're gonna tell me to jump and how high? What makes you think you have the right to do that?" Oliver growled.

"First, because I want you to recover well and I have the best intentions for you. Second, because I'm your fiancee and it's our future we're talking about," Alex answered.

"Yeah, well I'm not a monkey at the circus you can dress and let perform some tricks," Oliver countered.

"No, you most certainly are not. However, you are my fiancee who I happen to love very much. And who I hate to see in pain, whether it be physical or emotional. I know that I can't imagine how hard this all must be for you, but I do know a few things about being in pain physically and emotionally, as I've been there myself. Since you don't want to talk about it with Kim, at some point you will talk to her about it, we are going to talk about what happened today at the office of Dr. Young. As for now, I'm going to the game room, so when you're ready to talk, you know where to find me. I'll leave the door open so call me when you are ready, because we will talk about it today, Detective. I can guarantee you that much," Alex said sternly.

After Alex finished, the blonde left the living room and walked into the game room, like she said she would do. Knowing that it would take a while before Oliver would call her, the attorney picked up a book from one of the bookshelves and went to the sofa, sat down and started to read.

It was an hour later when Alex heard Oliver calling.

"Alex, could you come into the living room?" Oliver called out.

"I'll be there in second," Alex answered.

The blonde attorney placed the book mark on the page she was reading and closed the book. Leaving the book on the sofa, Alex walked back in to the living and towards the sofa where she sat down at the end and pulled the Detective's feet into her lap.

Oliver took a deep breath before he started talking.

"It wasn't that I don't want children with you Alex, because I do. It was hearing that it was possible to get you pregnant that got the best of me. My insecurity got the best of me and I panicked. Now let me finish what I want to say before you give your reaction, please.

I don't have exactly the best genes to pass on. Over the years you have convinced me that it isn't my genes that made me who I am, and I believe that you're right. Let me rephrase that...I know you're right.

But once in a while I forget it and that little voice in the back of my mind speaks up and tells me that I shouldn't have a biological child of my own. That because half of my genes are from an alcoholic and the other half are from a rapist it is the worst thing I could do and that the child I would bring into this world could be an evil person.

That voice tells me I would be a bad parent because of my genes. And more importantly for us, that I could turn into my father and, when having sex, I wouldn't stop when you ask me to, and I end up raping you. And the last thing I want to do is hurt you mentally or, God help me, physically. I know that I'm not ready for making love but that doesn't mean that I'm not still scared I will force myself on you and won't stop when you don't want to make love or ask me to stop. I couldn't live with the fact that our child didin't come into this world by making love but because I raped you. I couldn't live with that. It would not only damage you but it also would destroy me, knowing that I hurt the woman I love more than life itself and did to her what happened to my mother, what happened to me. That's what I'm scared of and that's why I freaked out and panicked a bit. And I'm not ready to talk with Kim about that, because it means I have to share my past with her, how I came into this world and how my life was until my mother passed away. I'm not ready for that. That's why I didn't want to talk about what happened today with Kim," Oliver finished.

Even though Alex knew this, has always known this, it has still touched the younger blonde. It touched her that Oliver is so concerned about her well being. She had no doubts that Oliver would never force himself on her nor that he would never stop should she asked for it. However, Alex knew that her Detective wasn't convinced himself and that it was her task, her duty to show Oliver, make it clear that she never feared for that, nor will she ever fear for it in the future.

"Liv, I've never, ever, been afraid or scared for that to happen. I'll never be afraid that when we are ready to make love, you'll force yourself on me or that you won't stop should I ask you to. There's not a bad bone in your entire body. And it's alright for you to get insecure every once in a while. Is it necessary? No, it isn't. Because I know for sure that it will never happen, quite the opposite to be honest.

You have proven more than once you'll protect me at all costs, you'll defend me and my honor at all costs and will never hurt me. How do I know that, you'd ask? Well, I have proof that it won't never happen. Remember the time you lost it with that dickhead Mallory? Everyone told me not to go into the interrogation room, told me not to try to stop you because you would hurt me. Before anyone else could burst into the room I went into that room myself. You were ready to attack who ever it was that tried to pull you off him. That was until you saw it was me, pulling you off and stop you. The moment you saw it was me, that same moment you calmed down and let me guide you out of the interrogation room. That's when, and why, I know you will never hurt me or force yourself on me. You didn't attack me then and you would never do it in the future.

No matter what happens. No matter what state you're in because your profession calls for you to be in certain situations, I'll never have to be afraid that you will turn against me. I will never be afraid for my own safety with you. Like my father said, I'm more afraid of what will happen to the person that's dumb enough to try to attack me, whether it be verbally or physically. Because I know there is no way you would let them get away with it or let them get to me. I can't be safer or more cherished than with you Oliver Alexander Benson. And that will never change," Alex finished, with what looked like one of her closing statements.

The blonde ADA took Oliver's hands into her own before she added something to the quite impressive speech she already had given to the Detective.

"Nobody is going to force you to talk with Kim about your past or about what happened today until you are ready for it, Liv. And I certainly won't force you. Now when Kim asks you again about it, you can tell her that you're not ready to talk about with her, that you're not ready to talk about your past with her because it's necessary to understand where your fear comes from. And if she tries to make you talk about it when you're not ready or won't take no for an answer, all you have to do is call for me. And I will stop her from trying to get you to talk before you are ready. I will make her understand that you won't talk about this until you are ready for it and not a moment sooner. So don't worry about that, alright?" Alex asked softly.

Oliver just nodded while he tried to get the lump out of his throat that had devleloped during the touching and wonderful statement his beautiful, intelligent fiancee had just made. From the promise Alex had made to him, when he could finally manage it, he spoke softly, "What did I do to get a woman as wonderful and as caring as you are? What have I done to get you and for you to be my fiancee?" Oliver asked softly, almost whispering.

"The only thing you needed to do or are doing... you love me...you love me. That's all I ever need, your love," Alex answered softly, emotion filling her voice.