A/N I wrote this chapter whilst on a small vacation therefore no quote this chapter. Next chapter there will be one again, I promise.

I hope to write a new chapter soon again, but I can't promise it to y'all.

As always, R+R please, it are the reviews of all of ya that makes it possible for me to write at the moment.

Chapter 50

Just like with Alex, Jane had stayed with Kim and Oliver for coffee and then the lanky Detective had left and pulled back into the game room. Reluctantly she had given in to her friend and promised the strong Detective to keep the current session with Kim a secret. But she did make Oliver promise that he would tell Alex about it somewhere in the near future. Oliver assured the Italian that around two weeks from now, when they would be married, he would tell Alex about this session and talk about with the blonde ADA. Jane was less worried about this 'emergency' session after Oliver reassured her. So now the curly brunette was in the game room and Oliver and Kim were in their usual spots in the living room.

"Alright Detective, now that we are alone, what is it that you want to talk about?" Kim asked.

Oliver shifted a bit on his seat before he took a deep breath and focused on the blonde Doctor across from him.

"As you know Alex and I are gonna get married in two weeks and I want it to be perfect for her, well as perfect as it can be right now. Anyway, I want her to have the wedding and wedding night she deserves to have. And I think with some help from you now, and the two upcoming weeks, I might be ready to make love to Alex on our wedding night. That's what I wanted to talk about with you, without Alex knowing it, so it's a surprise, a gift from me to her. God knows she deserves it," Oliver answered.

"I see. You made an enormous amount of progress so far, more than any other patient I have had actually. However, in order to get you where you want to be I have one question to ask. Frankly, it will determinate whether or not it's possible to get you there in the next two weeks. I want an honest answer Oliver, I don't say you haven't been honest with me before, because you have, but if you wouldn't be honest it will bite you in the ass when you really don't want it to happen and neither do I. That's why I ask it, not to offend you.

Do you want to be ready specifically for Alex or do you want to be ready for yourself, to be able to make love to Alex as your own goal?" Kim asked.

With the explanation Kim gave before asking her question, Oliver understood why the blonde Doctor asked him this. Oliver nodded at her and thought about the question for a minute.

"I won't deny that I want to be ready for Alex, like I said before, she deserves the best she can get especially that night, but I want it mainly for myself. I want to be ready to make love to her myself. To worship her on a level that words cannot describe, that only can be done physically. Actions speak louder than words. So shortly, I do want it for Alex, but for the biggest part I want it for myself," Oliver answered.

"Well that's as honest as it can be. I do think that given the person you are, you always want for Alex to be happy, no matter what the consequences will be. That being said, I think that we should be able to get you where you want to be within the time frame we have. What I don't want is for you to force yourself to go faster than you can handle. If, and I do mean IF, we won't get you there before you get married, that's how it will be, you can't force yourself to go faster. Do you understand what I'm saying, Detective?" Kim asked, soft but sternly.

Oliver nodded slowly at Kim.

"Yes I do. I came so far and I won't jeopardize it by forcing myself, not now, not with this. This is too important, and while I'll hate it when I won't be ready on our wedding night, I won't force myself to go faster. It's not just our wedding night on the line here, it's our future love life completely we're talking about here. Not that I think I will ever be ready to receive it back," Oliver answered.

Oliver clasped his hands in front of his mouth after he barely finished that last sentence. The Detective looked at Kim with an almost 'deer looking into the headlights' kind of look in his eyes. The strong Detective knew that there was no way that Kim would let this go. And most certainly not now that they were talking about being ready to make love in the first place.

Kim raised an eyebrow at the Detective's behavior and his last spoken words. She knew there was more to it than Oliver said. Or given his behavior, what he didn't say.

"You're an intelligent man, Detective, so I know that you know yourself I won't let this pass as if nothing happened. You didn't say this out of the blue, something tells me there's more to this, so I want you to tell me what it is. More specifically, why you think you'll never be ready for Alex to make love to you. You can take your time to tell me it, within this session that is," Kim said.

"I really need to learn to keep my big mouth shut," Oliver mumbled, more to himself than to Kim.

For the second time in this session, Oliver took a deep breath and prepared himself the best he could at the moment. He knew he had to share another piece of his life with Kim and although he didn't look forward to it, the Detective knew he had to do this. Kim saw the struggling that was going on inside Oliver.

"Would it be easier if Jane was here to support you?" Kim asked gently.

"No, she's not going to know it before Alex knows it, if she's going to know it at all. I have to do this on my own. Thanks for asking it though," Oliver answered.

Kim nodded at Oliver.

"You're welcome. And I understand why you say this. Just start talking when you are ready, or as ready as you can be," Kim answered.

Oliver gave Kim a small smile. As Oliver looked around he spotted a photo from Alex and himself on the bookshelf.

Could you pick up that photo and give it to me, please?" Oliver asked, pointing at said photo.

Kim stood up and walked towards the bookshelves and picked up the photo, then she walked to Oliver and handed the photo to the Detective. After that she walked back to her chair and took a seat again and waited for Oliver to speak up.

Oliver looked at the photo, more specifically, he looked at Alex. Even though it was a photo, Oliver got the strength he needed from Alex, be it indirectly this time. When Oliver was ready he looked back up to Kim as he hold the photo in his hands.

"I've never been on the receiving end before, ever I mean. I've had sex before, made love before, but somehow I always managed not to be the one receiving it. The very few times I did let it happen it didn't work. I would freeze completely even when I was you know...aroused... the moment they touched my intimate parts, I froze and the feelings I had until that moment, were gone. So without what happened in Rikers... Alex would be the first person making love to me. Now with what happened in Rikers, I doubt I'll ever be ready. Maybe it has to do with being sexual assaulted as a teenager, I don't know. It wasn't as bad as being...raped. I think the baddest part was not being believed when it just had happened and I came forward with it. I was 13 years old when it happened. I will tell you what happened but I don't want to talk about it now. This session is about getting reading to make love to Alex, not about my screwed up self, as far as it is about making love.

It happened at school, one of my male teachers suddenly made me sit at the table next to his desk during IT classes and in front of the classroom during Maths. After that he couldn't keep his hands to himself and touched me inappropriately. Like I said, the worst part actually was not being believed at that time. Yes, the next year people believed me after more female students reported it and people apologized but for me it was too late, the damage was done already. Anyway, it wasn't as bad as what I'm in therapy for now, but maybe, I don't know, maybe it could have to do something with not being on the receiving end. Or now that the cat is out of the bag, never... you know what, I mean not with other persons," Oliver finished, as he blushed like a tomato.

Kim was surprised and sad for what happened to Oliver as a teenager, but she made sure she remained professional. She was sure that what happened to him was the reason for Oliver's sexual problems. Even though the strong Detective brushed it away as that what had happened, wasn't that bad. And true, in his case, comparing to being raped in Rikers, it possibly was less worse, but none the less it effected his life in a bad way.

"I respect your wish, and we won't be talking about this for now, in this session. But Oliver, it was bad what happened. And I'm sure that this what caused the problems you have and had. It effected and it effects your sexual life and therefore it's just as bad as being raped in Rikers. Don't brush it away. As promised we won't talk about it now, but I wanted for this to be said. Lastly, I do think that things can get better, that you can get to the point that Alex will be able to make love to you in the future. Look at where you are right now, after the sessions we had. I truly believe that if you get therapy for this, you will surprise yourself and get where you want to be with this too," Kim said.

Oliver looked up at Kim, surprised at the words she had spoken.

"You really think that it can change, that I can be intimate with Alex, like normal couples can?" Oliver asked.

"Yes, I do. You're a very strong person, Detective. You have a strength not many people have. In fact I never have come so far with a patient in the same circumstances, as I have with you," Kim answered.

"Wow," Oliver whispered.

After thinking for a minute or two; renewed confidence, and believing more in himself, Oliver looked up again.

"Alright Doc, let's kick some asses and make a plan to get me ready for making love to my beautiful wife on our wedding night!" Oliver said firmly, with a smile on his face.

A/N2 This chapter was about Oliver and Kim for a reason. I wanted to give y'all a close look inside their sessions and for Oliver to be vulnerable again and to share another part of his life. It also made this chapter a short chapter for the same reason.

Next chapter will be about Alex and Oliver again as usual, and of course my other favorite couple in this story, Abby and Jane, will be present again.

I promise that it won't be long, story wise, until the wedding. I'm looking forward to it and I hope y'all are looking forward to it too...