A/N I'm happy to be able to post this chapter. I know that y'all want chapters more frequently but I still am dealing with a writer's block. Therefore, it takes more time than I like to post new chapters. So for now I'm still happy to be able to post a chapter at all.

Also, I'm going on a vacation today (Saturday) so it will take a long before I'll be posting a new chapter for obvious reasons besides my writer's block.

I'd like to thank y'all for sticking with me and my story for so long and for keep doing it. It means a lot me and words can not express my gratitude for that. Thank you so much.

Let's go back to the story quickly. Enjoy reading this chapter everyone.

Chapter 55

"Cuz every time we touch I get this feeling and every time we kiss I swear I could fly." - Cascade

~~~ O O O ~~~

Oliver closed the door of their hotel room behind him and took Alex in his arms.

"Have I told you today already how much I love you, Mrs. Benson?" Oliver asked softly,

while he peppered Alex's face with tiny loving kisses.

"mmmm," Alex moaned, "Yes you did, but I'll never get tired of hearing you telling me that you love me," Alex answered.

"I love you Alexandra Benson, I love you so much," Oliver whispered in his wife's ear.

"I love you, too, so much, Oliver Benson," Alex said,

before she turned her face slightly and kissed her Detective on his lips.

Oliver deepened their kiss, entering the ADA's mouth with his tongue while his hands were roaming over the blonde's back. Alex shivered at the feeling of Oliver's finger tips on her bare skin. Everywhere the Detective's fingers touched her skin, Alex felt like she was on fire.

Oliver had looked so sexy in his dress uniform and the suit he currently was wearing made him look equally handsome and sexy. Alex knew or at least didn't expect for them to make love tonight, maybe making out, but God help her as she was already incredibly turned on. Feeling Oliver touching her like he did, certainly didn't do anything good, quite the opposite, her body was on fire. And, for the first time since they got together the younger blonde seriously doubted if she could survive this night without getting some sort of relieve, as she knew that a cold shower wouldn't do the job this evening. Little did she know that Oliver had secretly being working his ass off in therapy because he wanted to give Alex the wedding night she deserved, to the best of his abilities.

Oliver felt Alex shivering in his arms and he knew how his wife felt. Especially when the blonde pressed her body against his own body. At that moment the Detective knew that he was ready, ready to make love to his wife. He didn't feel any anxiety at all and sincerely doubted that he wouldn't be able to make love to this beautiful angel in his arms. He was really happy that he had been working so hard in the extra sessions with Kim because at this exact moment he just knew that he was really ready to take the next step in their relationship, having his first surgery the next week was a bonus and helped him to be more confident generally, but certainly at this moment. Oliver took a deep breath to release the small amount of stress he still felt, before he would speak up and change their relationship forever.

~~~ A/O A/O A/O ~~~

Oliver looked Alex deeply in her eyes, "Lex, honey, let's take this to the bedroom," Oliver said.

As Alex looked into Oliver's eyes, she instinctively knew what her Detective didn't say but really wanted to do.

"Liv, are you sure, because we don't have to do this? Yes it is our wedding night, but nothing has to happen. Just a couple of weeks ago we started with touching a bit more intimate in our exercises. We don't have to do what usually happens during a wedding night, only because it's sort of traditional or expected. You have been trough a lot, we have been trough a lot and while you are doing really great and make progress very well, it's perfectly fine to wait with this step. Our marriage will not be less worthy when we don't consume it sexually," Alex asked, while she explained her point.

Oliver nodded at the blonde attorney.

"Yes, I'm sure. What you don't know, because I didn't tell you it, is that as a surprise for you on our wedding night, I have been working my ass off with Kim in extra sessions, secretly. I didn't tell you not because I don't trust you, you know I do, I didn't tell you this because I wanted to surprise you with being able to make love to you on our wedding night. And while I have been working on it, I made an agreement with Kim that if I didn't feel ready when the time would be there, I wouldn't do it. But if I had told you it and I wouldn't be ready to take the next step, I would disappoint you, fail towards you and that is something I don't want to do. But I promise you that, for now, I am ready and that should I feel like changing my mind, or for some reason, won't be ready to continue I will tell you it," Oliver answered.

Alex looked at Oliver with tears in her now stormy blue eyes, completely overwhelmed by her emotions for what her husband had been doing for her.

"You did that for me? You have been doing extra sessions for the past couple of weeks, for me?" Alex almost whispered, due to the emotions she felt.

"Yes and no. Yes I did extra sessions for you, but I also did it for myself. I wanted to be able to give you the wedding night you deserve, Alex. I wanted be able to take the next step in our relationship, on this day, the day we married. And, like I said, I wanted to surprise you with it. So, when you had left to buy your wedding dresses, I called Kim and asked her to come over. After telling her what my motivations were and that I didn't want to do this for you only, she agreed with me and said that she thought that it could be possible for me to take the next step, today, with extra sessions and exercises. So, that's what we did.

You are worthy of so much more than I can give you right now, you are the most important person in my life, you deserve this, and, what I learned in the time behind us, is that I deserve this as much as you do. Let me make love to you, Lex, please," Oliver pleaded.

Alex took Oliver's hands in her own and took a deep breath, while in her heart she wanted nothing more than for Oliver to make love to her, her mind wouldn't let go of the thought of making love when they both were ready for that. She knew her body wouldn't be pleased by the decision her head made, but like Oliver, Alex was as selfless as Oliver, especially when it was about her Detective.

"Oliver, I don't want you to take this the wrong way, even though I would love for you to make love to me, I really do, I still want to wait for the both of us being ready to make love together. For you to be ready to receive, and let me make love to you. Like I said before, our marriage won't be less worthy when we don't consume our wedding with a traditional wedding night. I really am touched by the effort you made with doing extra sessions and I'm not able to put it in words how much this means to me, but I love you too much let it be one-sided as in you only making love to me and for me not to return the great gift of being your lover physically. I love you so much, and that's why I still want to wait," Alex answered.

Oliver's face fell and the Detective muttered something under his breath and this time Alex wasn't able to actually hear it. She knew with one look at her husband that their conversation took a different turn and judging by the look on Oliver's face, it wasn't for the better.

" Liv, what did you say, I didn't hear it?" Alex asked.

~~~ O O O ~~~

Oliver shook his head, took a deep breath himself this time, and looked up and into Alex's cerulean eyes, as he knew that the next words would turn around their conversation completely. But the strong brunette knew he had to come clean and tell his wife the truth, the blonde deserved it, even when it wasn't wedding night material.

" I said, that you probably can wait a lifetime before that will happen," Oliver softly said, with an emotional tone in his voice.

After finishing his sentence the Detective let his head hung downwards, not being able to look at his wife and see whatever it would be that was shown on her face. Of course Alex wouldn't have it that way and, like she always did, putted her finger under Oliver's chin and lifted it up and only when Oliver looked at her, she started to talk.

"Liv, I know it will take time, but look how far you have, we have, come already. Our make out sessions are going so well, you are making so much progress and I'm convinced that we will get there when the time is right, I truly believe that day will come. I know a lot has happened but I'm sure that you will be able to receive again, some day you will be ready again. So what makes you say that I could wait a lifetime before that will happen?," Alex asked with a gentle voice.

Closing his eyes for a few seconds before he opened them and looked back at the blonde ADA, Oliver tried to read his wife. And he saw that Alex was telling the truth, that she was honest and really thought he would be ready someday in the future. And he decided there and then that his wife deserved to know the truth. That if he valued his marriage, he needed to tell his wife the truth. And because he did value his marriage and more importantly, loved his wife and trusted her completely, he wanted to open up towards her and have some other part of his past shared with the beautiful blonde.

"Alex, there is something you need to know," Oliver said, taking a deep breath before he continued, " I never have been at the receiving end before. Yes, I have had sex in my life before, but there has never been anyone making love to me. And there's a reason as for why. So even if it will happen, it won't be receiving again. It would be receiving for the first time in my life," Oliver said, almost whispered the last part.

Of course Alex was shocked to hear her husband's answer, but years of courtroom experience helped her to hide that, also sensing that the Detective wasn't finished and just was taking a couple of second to gather his thoughts before he would continue. So Alex did the only right thing to do, she squeezed Oliver's hand and encouraged her Detective with her look at him.

"Why I never received is because I have been harassed, sexually, long before I became a cop. I was in highs school when it happened. I was only thirteen. There was...I have... one of my teachers touched me inappropriately back then. It's because of that and about what happened after that, that made me freeze whenever someone would touch my intimate parts. Every feeling of arousal I would feel, went right out of the window the moment someone touched me there, if I would allow it in the first place. Most of the times I was able to avoid it by satisfying my partner and had them fall asleep so they would never be able to try to satisfy me. So yes, I have made progress with making out with you, I really don't know if I ever will be ready for you to make love to me. So, now that you know that we might never make love and therefor, possibly, never have children the way it normally goes, do you still want to be married with me?" Olive asked.

This time Alex wasn't able to hide her shock. Not because of what she just heard, but because of the question Oliver asked her. She realized, in a split second, that her beloved husband still didn't think that he was worthy to her, deep down inside of him. That was what really shocked the younger blonde. She knew that she had to make it very clear to the Detective that to her, he never would be unworthy of frankly anything at all.

"Oliver Alexander Benson, did you really just ask me if I still wanted to be married to you? Don't answer that question, I know you did ask me it. I just can't believe you did. Let me make something very clear to you, forever. I will never not want to be married to you, ever. I don't care if we won't get children 'the normal way' as you put it, I honestly don't care and I certainly do not want to divorce you, at any moment, now or in the future. Even if we never make love, something that I'm absolutely sure of that it will happen, but if and I do mean IF, we never make love, I still want to be married with you. I love you Oliver, I will never stop loving you, and if making out is the only thing we will be doing, it will be enough for me. It's you who will be touching me, it's you who will be making out with me, and it's you and only you that I want to touch me and do that with me. I just know that it will happen some day in the future, making love together I mean. But I can wait until that day comes. I know that with help and therapy we will get there. And even if that won't be happening, again something I know will happen, I still don't want anyone else. You're the only one I want and you ruined me for anyone else, already. So, yes, Oliver Alexander Benson, I still want to be married to you. Now and forever I will be your wife, YOUR wife, Liv!" Alex answered passionately.

All Oliver could do was looking at his wife for seconds, stunned with what the blonde next to him had said.

~~~ A/O A/O A/O ~~~

After Alex's love declaration, Oliver had almost dragged the blonde ADA to their bedroom. Slowly they had taken off each others clothes until Alex was only wearing her underwear and Oliver wearing his transformer- vest and boxer short. They had been kissing while undressing each other. But now being in their underwear, the conversation Oliver had interrupted by dragging Alex to their bedroom, came back into the blonde attorney's mind and while Alex thought about it, suddenly, she wasn't sure about what Oliver had felt or was feeling when she touched him. Normally she wasn't insecure about sexual activities or whether or not she could turn on her partner. She never had doubted her abilities before, but now, after the conversation she'd had with Oliver, she started to slightly doubt about how Oliver really felt when she was touching him. Did he really enjoyed making out with her, or did he made her believe he did? Rationally she knew that Oliver would never pretend he liked it. That he would never do as if he liked it while in reality he didn't like it and only pretend he liked it for her sake. But emotionally, she suddenly wasn't so sure anymore. So when they stood in front of each other, Alex took a small step back. As she took a step back, Oliver looked into Alex's eyes and he could see what was going on in her mind.

"Do you like it, do you enjoy it when we make out?" Alex asked softly.

As Oliver looked into those blue eyes he loved so much, he answered, " Alex, I never have let anyone see myself, emotionally, while being intimate. I never let them see it when I was vulnerable. They never saw me as you see me. You are the first person that makes me feel the things I feel when we make out. You are the first person I enjoy it with when I'm being touched." Oliver said.

The Detective took a moment to breath in deeply before he continued, " Lex, you're the first person that really turns me on, you make me feel things I never knew existed. So don't doubt about anything you do when we make out, about what you make me feel. Don't doubt about if you're doing the right things or not. I know you haven't doubt about your abilities in the bedroom before and now is certainly not the time to start doubting them. You, Alexandra Benson, have nothing to be uncertain or worried about, and certainly not about knowing what to do to turn on someone, more specifically me," Oliver finished.

Alex took a step forward as she answered to what Oliver had sad.

" You just gave me the best wedding gift I could get, Liv," Alex said, before she kissed Oliver.

Before their kiss deepened, it was Oliver who took a step back. He took a deep breath while taking off his transformer- vest. And then he did something he had never done before, not with anyone else nor with Alex while they were making out previously.

Oliver took Alex's hands and covered them with his own hands while he putted Alex's hands on his breasts.

"Touch me, Lex, please, touch me," Oliver said.