Happy reading everyone! Can't make everyone happpy, but hopefully this chapter wont piss too many people off.
I looked up at Diesel, "We didn't…I mean were not…right?"
Diesel's eyes were wide, "I don't think so. I mean we'd remember that right?"
"Fuck." I picked up my phone and dialed Ranger.
"Yo."
"Please tell me I'm not married." There was silence on the other end of the line. "Ranger? What did they see? 'cuz I just realized I'm wearing a good sized diamond and now I can't breathe."
"Babe. You didn't know?"
"I don't remember anything after dessert and Diesel's memory cuts out after his 6th little bottle of tequila," I said. Cripes. We weren't married. We couldn't be married. I liked Diesel, hell I might love Diesel, but I didn't want to be married. Not right now. I was just getting used to the idea of friends with benefits. My brain wasn't fitting around married.
"Babe, the guys saw you coming out of a wedding chapel, looking like you were having a hell of a time. You need to call Las Vegas city hall and see if you have a marriage license on file. Call me when you have it figured out." The line went dead.
I looked at Diesel and sighed. I dialed zero to get an operator and got patched through to city hall.
"Hi, I uh need to see if I got married yesterday?"
"Names?"
"Stephanie Plum and Diesel…uh crap hold on." I looked at Diesel who grinned.
"Akeman."
"Is that German?" Diesel nodded.
"My dad is going to kill me. I married a Nazi." I shook my head and went back to the phone, "Diesel Akeman."
"Ok give me a minute and I'll look." A few minutes later she came back on the line, "I don't have anything on file. You're not married." Thank god.
"Thank you so much." I hung up and looked at Diesel.
"Am I that bad?" He asked with a grin.
"No, but my last husband screwed Joyce Barnhardt on my dining room table. Once bitten, twice shy."
"Ouch. You better call Ranger back."
"I suppose so. Hey, I wonder where we got the ring from?"
"I dunno but I bet my credit card company does." I sighed and started to take the ring off. "I doubt the store will take it back and I sure as hell don't have any use for it Steph. Plus if you keep it on we can go freak out your parents."
I laughed and dialed Ranger.
"Yo."
"Not married. Now you wanna tell me why you were being such an asshole?"
"Sorry Babe. I might've overreacted."
"Dunno why, you're love comes with a condom not a ring right?"
"Babe."
"Talk to you later Ranger." I hung up and waited for the phone to ring again. It did. I didn't answer it. Ranger hated when I hung up on him.
Diesel was looking at me with a raised eyebrow, "I thought you didn't want a ring?"
"I don't, but if I did I wouldn't want Ranger to get all pissy that I married someone else."
"Ah. So I have a question."
"I have an answer."
"I'm looking at condos today, you want to come?"
"Sure. I have some skips I need to pick up, you want to help?"
"Always."
We looked at several condos that I would've given (most) anything to be able to afford. Diesel picked my favorite, a 1500 square foot condo that had two master bedroom suites and an extra half bath. I didn't know why he needed all that space but it wasn't my money so I kept my mouth shut and watched as he signed the lease which was three times what I paid.
Diesel was in a cheerful mood as we hopped into my jeep to catch my first skip.
"Okay, we have Lenny Gerbowitz. Cripes. He's was booked for raping a woman and then beating her senseless with a gun. Ranger must have passed on this. Odd, he usually tries to take the maniacs from me."
"Maybe I should get him for you?" Diesel asked.
"Nope, but back up would be awesome."
Lenny lived in a rundown section of Trenton a few streets over from Stark. His house was painted a vivid flamingo pink. Yikes. We got out and I knocked on Lenny's door while Diesel headed around the back. Lenny opened the door and looked out me without saying anything.
"Hi, I'm Stephanie Plum, I'm here to escort you to make a new court date because you missed your first one." I said with a smile.
"Hows about you come in and play a game of hide the salami with me before we go." Lenny suggested. Ew. Ew. Ew.
"You know, I just don't have time for that now," I said and tried to slap the cuffs on his arm. Lenny picked up a huge ass knife off the counter and I started walking backwards, silently shouting for Diesel.
"Come on baby, play a little game with me." Lenny lunged at me with the knife and Diesel tackled him from the side. Diesel should have been a linebacker or something because Lenny and Diesel went down hard. Unfortunately Diesel went down hard on the 10 inch knife. I heard him grunt and then I was screaming. I had my stun gun out now and I juiced Lenny until his only movements were twitches and rolled Diesel over. I dug my phone out of my bag.
"Christ. Don't call 911."
"What?"
"Pull the knife out Steph."
"Oh no, uh huh, you'll die. The knife is holding in all your blood."
"Oh fuck." And then I watched Diesel pull all ten inches of the serrated knife from his abdomen. Diesel ripped open his shirt and pressed a hand to the cut while I stared in shock. Suddenly the gushing blood slowed and then stopped. Diesel used part of his shirt to wipe away the blood and winced. The cut was raw and seeping a little blood but that was it.
"What the…"
"I can heal Steph. It'll be fine by tonight, tender but fine. Let's get this jack ass to the station."
"You can heal?" I asked slowly.
"My being able to pop across the world doesn't bug you but that fact this won't kill me is wigging you out?"
"No, I'm very glad. It's just…wow…" Diesel grinned and took my cuffs from me and put them on Lenny. I gave Lenny an extra zap just because and Diesel helped me haul him to the jeep. "Are you sure you're okay?"
"Yeah, I could use some sleep though. Healing takes a lot of energy."
"Okay, let's drop him off and go home." We made it to the police station without any trouble; we were on the way home when my phone rang. I looked at the screen and sighed, it was Dylan, the manager for my building.
"Hello?"
"Hey Steph, it Dylan, we uh have a problem here. Mr. Markowitz is complaining that his ceiling is leaking." I lived right above Mr. Markowitz.
"Oh shit. Hey I'm pulling into the lot, I'll be up in ten seconds." I pulled to a stop and sprinted up the stairs, not wanting to wait for the elevator. Diesel was close behind me.
I got upstairs, Dylan and Mr. Markowitz were staring at the water that was trickling from under the door. Shit shit shit. I opened the door quickly and a wall of water washed over our feet. My apartment had been completely trashed. Everything was floating around in the 14 inches of water that was slowly trickling out of the door. Diesel went to turn off the bathtub and sink and the bathroom and I slogged into the kitchen. I screamed. Rex's cage was floating around, no Rex in sight.
"Diesel! Rex is missing! HELP!" I was worried, I was pretty sure hamsters couldn't swim. I looked around the kitchen frantically while the others looked in the living room and bedroom.
Diesel shouted from the bedroom, "I got him! He's fine!" I ran to the bedroom, Diesel was holding a wet Rex who looked scared. "He was floating in his food bowl." I grabbed Rex and stroked him, trying to find something warm to wrap him in, but everything was soaked. Who ever had done this had even taken my mattress off my bed frame so it would get wet.
I settled for wrapping Rex in the hem of my shirt. My cell phone rang and Diesel grabbed it and flipped it open.
"Hey. Oh, I didn't even notice it. Did it just go off? 'Cas we just got here but someone broke in, Steph's apartment was flooded, everything is ruined, even Rex's cage was flipped over. Yeah he's fine. See you soon." Diesel closed the phone and look at me, "Ranger. He wanted to know why the alarm was going off when his GPS showed you in the apartment. He figured you'd forgotten about it. Which apparently you did. He's on his way over. Did you know he has GPS on you?"
"Yeah, I did. It seemed prudent to just to go with it after the last kidnapping. How the fuck did this happen? Hector just installed a state of the art security system two weeks ago. Everything but cameras. No one should have been able to get in, and if they did they should have set off the motion or heat sensors and the system would have called RangeMan. The only person who can turn the system off completely without alerting RangeMan is Ranger. He has a remote. It even goes off when I put in the code. Then the control center looks to see if my GPS is here and turns it off."
"Wow. Why can Ranger turn it off?"
"He sneaks in a lot," I said and Diesel gave me a funny look. I looked around, as a loss as to what to do about the water. Dylan was on his cell phone, I was guessing to get someone over here to clean up. I started picking things up and realized that whoever had done this had not only made sure everything got wet, but had taken a knife to everything too. There was nothing that was useable.
Diesel took a step towards me and floor gave way, we fell through and landed in Mr. Markowitz living room.
"Shit, Steph you okay?"
I thought I was, a little dazed but fine. And completely wet now. I looked up as I heard Ranger's voice. His head suddenly appeared in the hole. "Babe? You guys okay?"
"Uh…I think so." Diesel helped me up and we went back upstairs. Hector was checking out the security system, Dylan was in the hall talking to the building owner and Ranger was looking around the apartment, stepping very carefully.
Ranger came up to me and motioned for me to follow him into the hall. I handed Rex to Diesel. We went down towards the stairs and Ranger stopped and checked me over carefully.
"Anything hurt?" I shook my head no and he stepped closer, "We need to talk babe."
"I don't see why," I said and started to walk away. Ranger grabbed my arm and pressed me against the wall with his body. He held my arms over my head and pressed his lips against mine hard. His tongue worked its way into my mouth. He didn't stop kissing me until I was breathing hard and I could feel him pressed firmly into my stomach.
"That's why," he said huskily into my ear. He straitened himself and took a step back. "You need a place to stay tonight?"
"No, we'll stay at a hotel." I didn't realize how it would sound until I said it and saw Ranger's eyes darken. He nodded and started to walk away. "Wait." I grabbed his arm and he turned back towards me. "Ranger…I…yeah we need to talk sometime soon."
I was completely conflicted. Diesel was great, he was fun and cute and the sex was awesome. But Ranger…god I'd loved Ranger for so long. But the love with a condom instead of a ring just didn't work for me when it came to Ranger. Probably because I loved him and the idea of a ring from him didn't completely freak me out.
Ranger nodded again and this time we both walked towards my apartment. Ranger and Diesel locked eyes and stared at each other.
"I'll save you the trouble of taking off your pants, you're both huge," I said.
Handled well? This was originally supposed to be Tart but I love me some Babe, so cast you're vote please.