~ DIMITRI POV ~
The next morning, I woke up early intending to find Tasha and tell her my response to her offer. Rose's early morning training sessions had been put on hold over the holidays, but we agreed to continue training at night, allowing her to sleep in a little later than normal but still keep on top of her training. She was now way ahead of all her peers and had quickly become the best novice at the academy, so the extra training wasn't really necessary anymore, but we continued our sessions, nevertheless. Because one, with my help she would only get better and two, it was a good reason for us to see and spend some time together every day.
I set out across the academy grounds in search of Tasha. I didn't have to go very far as she seemed to be ready waiting for me outside the cabin as I approached. She smiled when she saw me, and I swallowed my impending feelings of guilt as I knew what I was about to tell her would break her heart. I had made up my mind. It didn't matter the pros or the cons to a possible relationship with Tasha or my relationship with Roza. Tasha wasn't the one for me. Roza is, and always will be. Tasha would only ever be a friend and she needed to know that. I just had to be careful with what I said, or I could end up breaking more hearts than one.
"Dimka!" she called excitedly as I came closer. I tried to reciprocate her energy, but I couldn't. She threw her arms around me, locking me in a surprisingly tight embrace.
"Hello, Tasha," I said, trying to keep my tone light. She released me and I stood back to put distance between us, preparing to reject her.
"I was just about to come looking for you to see if you wanted to get breakfast together." I scratched the back of my neck considering the best way to have this conversation.
"That would be nice," I said at last. Tasha beamed a bright smile that made my heart sink slightly with guilt. I had to do it now before she mistook breakfast to mean something else. She grabbed my hand and started to pull me towards the cabin, but I stayed grounded.
"Tasha…there is something I need to tell you first."
"Wait," she cut in. "There's something I have to show you," she said excitedly. I felt the urgent need to hear the truth, but I could also sense her excitement and decided to put the rejection on hold until she had shown me whatever it was.
I gave her a half-smile and followed her inside the cabin. It seemed that Tasha was preparing to leave. Suitcases were packed and the Christmas decorations from yesterday had disappeared. The cabin was bare of her belongings, but her touch would remain engraved in the modifications she had made in her short time here. I have to admit, unlike most of the other royal Moroi, Tasha didn't mind getting her hands dirty. She did a good job restringing the once rundown cabin into a modern comfortable lodge.
She moved inside and sat on the small lounge before the roaring fire. She smiled at me and patted the seat cushion beside her, beckoning me to join her. I was reluctant but took a deep breath and moved to sit beside her, making sure there was a reasonable sized gap between us that would signal my intentions.
Once I was seated, Tasha smiled shyly before handing me a box wrapped in brightly coloured paper with Christmas patterns prettily decorating it and a golden ribbon tied at the centre of the gift in a neat bow. I shot Tasha a questioning glance before taking the gift from her.
"I gave Vasilisa a bag of presents to give to everyone on Christmas, but I wanted to give you this myself. I wanted to see you open it and this is as good a time as any." I was hesitant to accept a gift from her, but Tasha giggled lightly and urged me to open her present. I pulled at the ribbon, releasing the silk knot, allowing it to fall off the box. I carefully tore at the folds in the paper, opening the end, letting the box to slip free of the wrapping and fall into my waiting hand. The box looked fancy, with an expensive label stamped on the front. There was no way I could accept this. I wanted to give it back to Tasha but before I could, she put her hand over mine on the box, preventing me from passing it back.
"Open it, Dimka," she whispered. I did as I was instructed, gently lifting the lid to reveal a very expensive looking gold watch with rubies and emeralds carefully decorating the clockface. I was about to close the lid and walk away but Tasha jumped in. "It was Ivan's," she said. "I found it recently when I was cleaning out an old box I found. He had given it to me a few weeks before the attack. I couldn't bear to look at it and so I hid it away. Ivan's last treasure remained hidden away, lost, until now."
"Tasha…I…I…" I stuttered, at a loss for words. "I cannot accept this. Ivan gave this to you," I said trying to hand it back to her, but she simply pushed it back to me.
"It's yours, Dimka. I want you to have it. And I think Ivan would have wanted you to have it too." My eyes began to sting, and I held back the tears that threatened to fall. It had been years since I had cried. The last time had been after Ivan had died. I would not let them fall again. I nodded and closed the box.
"Thank you, Tasha." She smiled brightly.
"So, how about breakfast?" she asked. She began to rise but I reached out and touched her hand to stop her.
"Actually, Tasha, there is something I need to talk to you about."
"It's about my offer, isn't it?" she asked slowly lowering back onto the cushion.
"Yes," I replied. I willed my guardian mask firm in place, as I prepared to tell her my response. I couldn't let her see past the lies I was about to tell her and find out the truth behind my rejection.
"What is it, Dimka?" she asked placing a gentle hand on my knee. I sighed knowing I couldn't put this off any longer.
"I have to tell you something." Tasha moved in closer to me, her ice-blue eyes shining with hope.
"Then tell me something," she whispered leaning in, so her face was mere inches from mine. When I didn't say anything, she closed her eyes and tilted her head slightly to the side in anticipation for our lips to meet. But they never did.
"No," I whispered. In a flash, Tasha's eyes opened, and she jerked back slightly.
"No?" she asked.
"No," I repeated, stronger this time. "That is my response," I said. Tasha shot to her feet and stood in front of me.
"Dimka, think about what you're doing. What you're giving up. It is a once in a lifetime opportunity for you. For us. My offer is one you may never get again."
"Tasha, I am grateful for your offer and thankful to have you choose me…But my answer is no. I cannot accept your offer." Tasha ran a hand through her hair as she paced across the room. She stopped suddenly, looking out through the small window. In the reflection of the window, I could see the single tear roll down the scared side of her face as she played mindlessly with the single small silver pendant that dangled off her necklace. She wiped her cheek once, quickly removing the salty droplet from her flesh. I pretended not to notice.
"Why?" she asked quietly still facing the window with her arms wrapped tightly around her. She spun on her heel to face me and repeated the one-word question with a stronger and more demanding tone. "Why?"
"I have a duty-," I started but Tasha cut in.
"Duty," She laughed at the word. "You would still have a duty. I would never take your guardianship away from you. The only difference is that your duty would be to me."
"My duty as a guardian is not the only thing that is important to me. I have a duty to Princess Vasilisa, to keep her safe. I have a duty to the Moroi and our society to keep the last Dragomir alive and protected. I have a duty to the academy to look after the students here and I have a duty to Rose, to train her to be the best guardian possible and help her guard and protect her best friend and our charge." I knew Tasha would fight every reason I had to not take her offer and I knew I had to be careful now. I couldn't let anything slip out that could hurt Rose or our relationship.
"Vasilisa can have any guardian she wants. She doesn't need you. I know you are the best and that you believe that she is your responsibility, but she isn't, and you need to accept that Rose still might not end up as one of her guardians. Even if she is the best and even with all your help, she might not get Lissa. Her record speaks for itself. I'm afraid no matter how much time you put into training her; she might end up somewhere that is not with Lissa."
Tasha had a point, but Rose and I already knew that. That was why we had come up with our plan for after graduation. It didn't matter what Tasha said or how reasonable her words were. I would say no. Because I couldn't love her as more than a friend. I couldn't love her the way I love my Roza.
"It doesn't matter, Tasha. I will train Rose to be the best she can be so she can protect whoever she ends up guarding even if it's not Vasilisa."
"Doesn't matter? Don't you see what you're doing? You're choosing now and you're choosing wrong. It does matter, Dimitri. What you do in the next few seconds determines the life you are going to live. Think about it. Really think and don't make any impulsive decisions." I was beginning to lose my calm and control. I wanted to keep a friendship with her and do this the right way, but Tasha wasn't taking no for an answer. I clenched my fist to keep myself from losing control. I had given Rose several lectures about the importance of control, but the truth was I was not as in control as I seemed. At this moment I wanted nothing more than to let loose. And if Tasha was not careful, I would not be able to hold myself back from her the same way I did with Rose last night.
"I have thought about it, Tasha. It was all I could think about and I was tempted by the future your proposal offered for me. But I have made my choice and my response is no. I am needed here and no matter what you say, I will not change my mind. I'm sorry if this hurts you. I want to be your friend, I do. But I don't see a future for us as anything more. I'm sorry, Tasha." I placed the gift on the cushion beside me and stood readying myself to leave, hoping I had made myself perfectly clear. I couldn't take that watch from her. Not after what had just happened. I gave her a curt nod and moved to leave but Tasha wasn't going to let me go so quickly.
"You're unbelievable. You're actually choosing to live a life in solitude. Without love or passion." With my back turned from her I allowed my lifts to raise slightly into a smirk. 'If only she knew,' I thought thinking about what had happened between Roza and me last night. Last night, our actions were fuelled with nothing but love and passion. I wasn't choosing to be Vasilisa's guardian over being Tasha's guardian. I was choosing Roza over Tasha. That was what Tasha didn't understand. But I couldn't tell her that. "You're letting him down." She called as I was about to reach the door. I froze with my hand on the doorknob. "Ivan," she clarified, even though I already knew who she was referring. I didn't turn to look at her, but I didn't make a move to leave either.
"Tasha…Don't," I said, silently begging her to keep quiet and let me go before this went too far.
"I've heard the stories about Rose Hathaway and her reputation. Do you think she will make it to become a guardian? Ivan would be so disappointed if he knew that you're letting the chance of a real-life slip through your fingers like sand, instead choosing to stay here and train some reckless and irresponsible novice." Something in me snapped and I couldn't hold back the words that rose in my throat. Anger infected me, overpowering my control. I slammed my hand against the wall.
"You don't know Roza! She is more dedicated than any guardian I have ever met, including myself. She knows her duty to the Moroi," I growled through clenched teeth.
"Roza?" She asked. I hadn't noticed my slip until Tasha echoed it back. Her questioning expression faded as her eyes widened with realisation.
"Tasha, I" I started trying to come up with a quick and believable reason for the slip. It was too late. Tasha knew the truth. I could see it in her eyes. Anything I said or did from this point onwards would only make it worse.
Her eyes narrowed. "Get out," she said quietly. I took a step towards her and she stepped back wrapping her arms tightly around herself. "Get out!" She yelled. This time I obeyed. I shut the door as gently as I could behind me and crossed the frosty lawn to the building, I had left only hours ago. Rose was probably still asleep, but I needed to see her as soon as possible. I had to tell Rose everything that had happened. She had to know that Tasha knew of our relationship and what Tasha did with that information, could destroy the beautiful future we had planned together.
I'm back. Sorry for the wait. Life has been hectic recently but the good news is exams are over and I am back to Writing and hopefully updating frequently. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Please let me know your thoughts and suggestions on where to go from here as I am not fully back in the writing zone yet and would really appreciate hearing your ideas. Thanks for waiting! I'll be back ASAP!