A/N: Thank you so so much to everyone keeping up with this story and reviewing and messaging me about it. I am so overwhelmed with how much you all like this story. Please keep reviewing so I can update again!

She shut the door behind them, stumbling to find the light switch. Toby had his hands on either side of her hips, not touching her, but following them so if she started to trip he could catch her before she fell. She finally got the lamp on, casting a small light in the room and leaving her shadow on his wall.

"What are we doing in here?" Toby questioned.

"I want to change everything," she repeated, slurring a bit; her breathe was a mix of beer with a faint trace of the vodka she'd drank first and strawberry from her chapstick, which she always re-applied too many times when she was nervous. She was closer to his face than she'd realized she was, and although he was buzzed, he was very aware that she was way drunker than he was.

"Spencer, I don't know what that means. If you want to leave, I can get someone to drive you home. I can't, I've been drinking…"

"I don't want to go home," he felt her thumbs hook into the belt loops of his jeans, the tips of her fingers grazing the top hem of his pants. She pulled him closer to her that way and left a sloppy kiss on his lips.

"Spencer," he pulled away. "This isn't why I invited you here. You don't have to do this tonight."

"You talk too much." She narrowed her eyes and started to kiss him again, pushing him against the bed and putting her knees on either side of him as they laid down. She kissed him more intensely than they'd ever kissed before. Not particularly because she was meaning to, but simply because all of her inhibitions had gone and she wasn't as hesitant or careful as she usually was.

On one hand, Toby was excited to have a pretty girl straddling him. If this were any other girl on any other day under any other circumstance, he would probably already have her panties off and be groaning inside of her.

But this was Spencer Hastings. He didn't mean that in the sense that she was a freak and he wouldn't want to have sex with her. He meant that as in she's too innocent for this and isn't the type of girl you just fuck and never speak to again. He never asked her anything about her past, as to not embarrass her or bring to light anything that might upset her, but he was positive that she was a virgin. He wasn't going to take that away from her while she was drunk, at a party she didn't even want to be at. That was just cruel.

He continued to kiss her for a while, unable to send the messages of hesitance and respectability rushing through his brain to his lips. He pulled her by the hips and flipped them over, so he was on top of her. He kissed her neck for a little while, causing her to moan softly and buck her hips up towards his.

And then he felt that feeling in his jeans. He knew that if he went on any further, his little friend wouldn't have him stop. He was on the edge of starting something he knew he couldn't finish. He pushed her hips down and pulled his lips away from her.

"Spencer, you and I both know that we can't do anything." He said, retreating from the position he was in over her.

She looked at him blankly. At first, he wasn't sure if she had heard him. Maybe she felt sick? After all, she never, ever drank before this.

"Did you mean it?" She finally let out, sitting up on his bed; the place had become familiar over the past few weeks and she would be lying if said this wasn't one of her safe places. She felt safer here than her own bedroom, filled with memories of tears and fights and screams with her parents, and less than half the achievements on the walls that Melissa had decorating her own walls.

"What? That I wanted to stop…yes. Spencer, you're drunk."

She felt less drunk now, although she knew she still was. She was feeling more vulnerable than anything else.

"Did you mean it, when you picked me up and you said I was hot." Her voice cracked, she seemed like she was laughing at something. It was the thought of her body being anything complimentary.

"I didn't say that to get you in here," he started again, completely convinced that they only reason Spencer would have dragged him into his bedroom and furiously kiss him the way she had was because she felt a sense of obligation, whether it be like when they kissed when they studied, or because she was trying to climb the social ladder at his party and wanted to make a statement to everyone in the other room, even though they honestly probably didn't notice Toby go in there with her. Or maybe she thought that this had been his intention all along.

"Nooooo," she howled, drunkenly frustrated that he wasn't giving her the answers she wanted.

He chucked a little. She was clearly having a hard time, but she was typically so eloquent and well-versed, and right now she seemed like an overgrown toddler.

But her eyes still searched all of him for an answer. They darted all over the room, all over him, with a serious look in them.

"I want to know if you think…if I'm pretty tonight." She stammered.

"Spencer…I'm not trying to offend to by not fucking you. I promise you'll thank me in the morn–"

"It has nothing to do with the kissing." She interrupted him. Her cheeks felt red and hot after he said the word "fucking." She never thought of her body and that action in the same contexts. "I just want to know the truth. You don't have to lie if you don't think I'll like the answer," she said, putting her hand on his chest, her finger drawing a line down the center, her eyes finding his again. She never made eye contact when she spoke unless it was serious. "I just want to know if you really thought that."

"Spencer, you're very attractive. Even Noel was talking about you. I told him to keep away, though. He's got a good reputation for not calling girls after a few dates." He said, trying to sound protective.

His eyes darted back to her to make contact once more, but her head was down towards her chest. He didn't think it was anything until he heard her sniffle, and he lifted her chin to see her face. She pushed him away and looked down again. She was crying.

"Spencer, I can tell Noel to talk to you if you like him…I didn't think you were interested…I'm sorry." He got up.

"I'm not," she sniffled.

"So why are you crying?"

"Sometimes, I thought I might be. Just some good days," she started, but he was lost once again. It didn't help she was mostly mumbling. She actually did that a lot. She was afraid to let her words out all the way, and a mumble made it easier to try and take them back. He didn't interrupt her, though. He wanted to let her get it out and he would try to follow.

"I always felt really guilty when I thought it, because I didn't deserve it. But I thought it anyway, probably once every few months. I felt it more often recently. I actually felt it earlier today..." She continued.

"I'm sorry that you're upset, Spencer," he sat down next to her. "But I think you're drunk and maybe are a little confused… maybe don't know what you're saying." He put his hand on her leg.

"I do know," she snapped a little.

"What did you feel earlier today?" He asked, exhaling loudly. He was trying to understand her point but it was convoluted. It didn't help he was also drunk.

"I felt like I might be pretty." She said, very quietly, as if it were a secret. "But everybody knows that I'm not. I never was, not even when I was a little girl. So I knew that I was wrong when I thought it. But now you said I am, today anyway… and that made me happy because I was right about it today. Maybe I was right about it another time, too." She spoke slowly, but he guessed that it wasn't the alcohol. She was embarrassed and maybe even a little scared of the words she was saying. She normally would have spoken with more grace, maybe phrased her thoughts more carefully and would have made more sense, but it all came together now.

"Wait…who told you that you aren't pretty?"

"Melissa… Ian, my parents… all of your friends… freaks aren't pretty." She spoke matter of factly. Normally, being called unpretty would make a girl cry, and being called pretty would make her happy. But Spencer spoke calmly as she explained all of the ways in which she was inferior. And cried when Toby told her otherwise.

"Spencer… you had to know that that wasn't true. You're so pretty. You have pretty long curls, you've got big brown puppy dog eyes, you've got big, full lips, you're tall…" She has got to be kidding, I cant believe I have to tell her that she isn't a troll. Her parents…? Why would any parent say that to a child? Toby grimaced at his thoughts and pulled himself back into the moment with her when he heard the heavy breathing again. The kind that came with tears.

"Stop," she said, silent tears staining her cheeks. "I just wanted to know. I don't want to talk about it anymore." She was embarrassed now. She wasn't supposed to cry in front of people like this. She wiped her face quickly with the heel of her hand.

Toby kissed her head. "Come on, let's go back out there." He offered his hand.

"I'm sorry, Toby." She said, taking it. "For bringing you in here. All of your friends are going to think you and I were together,"

"I'm sure no one noticed." He smiled, thinking that she was afraid of people thinking she was a slut. She was actually more afraid that if people knew he kissed her and touched her the way he did, that he joked about them fucking and told her she was so attractive and pretty, that they might judge him. She kept those thoughts to herself.

They went back out to the party, and sure enough, it was like they had never left.

Spencer switched to water for most of the rest of the night, with few exceptions. She became friendly with Aria and her oldest friend, Holden, who she snuggled up with a lot, much to the dismay of her current hook up, Noel. Toby let her be, happy to see her socializing.

xx

The next morning, Spencer woke up feeling as if she had gotten slapped upside the head. "Good morning, Sunshine," Toby laughed as she shoved a pillow over her head.

He insisted she sleep over, as she was drunk and he didn't want to have to send her home with someone she didn't know. He slept upstairs in the guest bedroom to give her privacy.

All she responded with was a grunt.

"Aw, baby's first hangover," he teased. "Come on, Spence. Get up. I've got ibuprofen and Gatorade waiting for you." He said, shaking the ibuprofen bottle in her ear.

"You're the worst," she sat up, snatching the pill bottle from his hands and fighting to open it since her eyes were only half open. He took it back and opened it for her, putting two pills into her hand.

"That isn't what you were saying last night," he smiled.

She put her hand to her face in embarrassment, remembering how she'd been so brazen and pulled him in to his room and attacked him. And then she remembered the second part of what had happened in this room. Did I dream that he called me… pretty? That even Noel thinks I'm attractive? She blushed at the thought, trying to push them out of her head.

"Can we not… I'm an idiot." She exhaled loudly and swallowed the two pills. "Everyone must think I'm a joke."

"You're not. It was…fun." He smirked. "I certainly can't complain. And I really don't think anyone else noticed."

"If my dad knows you didn't bring me home last night he is not going to like you anymore," she teased.

"What do you mean if?"

"It would not surprise me even a little bit if they had no idea I wasn't home." She swung her legs over the side of his bed, raking her hair out of her face and into a bun atop her head. She remembered all the times she "ran away" when she was a kid, only to be overrun with worry that she would get in trouble for not being in her room. When she'd arrive home, it was always as if no one had even known she left. This happened on at least three different occasions. If her parents didn't get worried when the eight year old left, she was pretty sure the 17 year old wouldn't be of concern, either.

"How would they forget their kid?" Toby squinted at her.

"Nevermind." She brushed it off. For now, he let her.

"Do you want breakfast?" He offered.

"No, thank you." She took a deep breath before standing from his bed.

"Hey, Toby… thank you for last night…" she paused for a moment with her eyes flickered down, and a smile sweeping across her face.

"What?" he smiled; she looked goofy.

"I think I made some friends last night," she said softly, like if she said it too loudly she would be letting the Heavens know that they'd accidentally caused a disruption in the Universe and she didn't want it to be taken away quite yet. But there was also a sense of melancholia in her voice, as if she was waiting for the carpet to be pulled out from under her.

"You, Aria and Holden were getting along really well." Toby re-affirmed.

"Thank you for kidnapping me last night. I might even let you do it again, some time." She laughed. "I'm going to go home. Call me if you need to study before Tuesday." She said, grabbing her jacket from the hook on his wall and heading upstairs, trying to bite her lip to hide her smile.

xx

Tuesday soon came, and they were together in his bedroom once more. They had just finished studying, and were going to make-out for a bit. "I'll set the alarm," she started, but he put his hand over her phone.

"Let's talk a little," he smiled. "You've been all business today. You usually let me distract you at least twice." He joked.

Truth was, she had been stressing out about how she was going to tutor Toby while juggling her own work and all of Ali's projects for the rest of the year. She wouldn't care if Ali hadn't brought Toby into this. Ali already had made Spencer's life Hell. Spencer wasn't afraid of being tortured. She tortured herself enough for everybody else. Nothing they could tell her would be anything she didn't already reprimand herself for. But Toby didn't deserve to suffer just because he had tried to help her. He has a beautiful soul for what he's tried to do for me, she thought, smiling to herself at the word beautiful, remembering that once, he told her she was pretty. And for a night, she even believed him.

"Sorry, I'm just focused, I guess."

"Well why don't you tell me about your day." He prodded.

"I was just at school before I came home with you. That's it."

"I saw you with Alison at lunch." Toby had wanted to ask her all day. "I saw you with her yesterday, too."

"So?"

"Just seemed weird." He shrugged. He didn't trust Alison would come around to Spencer so quickly.

"She's making an effort, since Aria and I have become friends." The lie came quick and easy; she was good at lying from years of trying to convince her parents she was worth something.

"If she gives you a problem…tell me." Toby still wasn't sure what Ali had up her sleeve.

"Relax, Toby." She appreciated that she felt like he wanted to protect her. "Eleven minutes, right?" she asked, glancing over at the paper in his hands.

"Eleven minutes," he said, tickling her sides and pulling her up to him and meeting her lips with a smile.

xx

Spencer woke up in a contorted, fallen over pretzel position on her floor. She was surrounded by papers, including one that was stuck to her cheek. She peeled it off her skin and rubbed her eyes. She looked up at the clock on her wall. 4:24. Great. I fell asleep for at least four hours. Now I have to be up in two hours to get ready for school and I've gotten nowhere on Ali's paper, and mine is only ¾ of the way done. You're in deep shit, Spencer. She groaned at the thoughts rushing through her head.

It had been just over month and three parties since she'd struck up a deal with the devil herself, Alison DiLaurentis. And three more parties where she schmoozed, made friends, learned her alcohol tolerance, and did all she could not to kiss Toby again out of context. And for those five weeks, she woke up many nights in this same manner, surrounded by homework that wasn't her own, covered in sweat and overwhelmed with worry. She was busier than ever, with Toby's frequent tutoring sessions, her newfound friendships and social life, and everything else that came along with senior year.

She went down to her kitchen to made a cup of coffee and nearly jumped out of her skin when she saw a tall, muscular figure standing in her way.

"I'm sorry, did I give you a fright?" Wren, her sister's fiancée, turned with a mug full of tea. They had arrived the night before and were staying for the week since they were doing construction in their new home, and it had no heat at the moment. Spencer had been so busy that she had forgotten.

"I just need coffee." She pushed past him.

"You look exhausted. Why are you up this early looking for caffeine? It's practically the middle of the night." Wren commented.

"Tea has caffeine too." She critiqued.

"It's herbal tea. It's meant to help me sleep. I took my pills too late this evening while I was trying to get some work done, and I'm having trouble sleeping.

"Pills? Are you alright?" She said taking out her favorite mug and the milk from the refrigerator. She actually liked Wren, once she had gotten to know him. She didn't know how her ended up with someone as cold as her sister. Melissa really hated that Wren and Spencer got along, which probably made Spencer like talking to Wren even more.

"Oh yeah, I'm fine. I just have a touch of an attention problem. I just need a low dose of something to help me focus. Been on it since before you were born, even, I'd be willing to bet." He sipped, casually.

"Oh," Spencer said, preparing her coffee. "I'm going to…just go upstairs. Goodnight." She ran upstairs, trying not to spill her coffee everywhere. She sat on her floor once more, pushing aside her papers and typing furiously on her laptop. She hit "enter" and brought her steaming mug up to her lips to take a long sip, although she was already more awake.

Spencer scrolled through pages and pages of Internet junk before Dr. Google gave her what she was looking for. "Adderall…" she mumbled, smiling to herself for figuring out what was keeping Wren up at night.

And she finally knew how to fix her problem.