"Well, what's it going to be, Freak?" Ali impatiently tapped her foot and uncrossed her arms from her chest to put on her hips.
"I…I…uh," Spencer stumbled over her words. All she could think about was that sandy-haired athlete and his calloused fingers brushing against various pockets of her bare skin. The magnetics in their lips. "I need some time…to decide. If I need to find a new tutor, it could take a bit. You know?" Spencer shook in her boots. She hoped that Ali would buy that. She just needed time.
"Fine, you have a week. But I want my history paper on Wednesday instead of Friday."
"Deal." Spencer shook her head rapidly, like a bobblehead doll. She exhaled loudly once Ali had walked away, feeling relieved that she had bought some time. She felt relief as she walked through the hallways; this was probably one of the first times she felt so safe and sure in this building. That is, until she reached her locker to see Aria and Toby both waiting for her.
"Why haven't we hung out in forever?!" The petite brunette flung her arms around Spencer. "Please say you'll come to the mall tonight with me to pick out something to wear for Holden's mom's wedding? Puh-leeeeese?"
"Uhm, yeah, sounds like fun." Spencer dropped her bag between her feet to free her hands as she unlocked her locker. She sounded like she was somewhere else. Spencer, you are so greedy. Toby has been nothing but amazing to you and has taught you so much. He's put up with so much. It's the absolute least you can do to protect him from Ali's blackmail. Yes, it's nice to have friends, but it's nicer to protect the people you care about. You knew this had to end sometime. Man up, Hastings. The angry voice in her head sounded a bit too much like her father, she thought.
"Uhm, wait – Spencer, isn't tonight that dinner we have to go to? The one at the club with your sister and parents?"
"Oh, shit." She mumbled as she dropped a folder on the floor, papers flying everywhere. Aria and Toby both bent to help her pick them all up.
"Thanks," she blushed and took the sheets of paper from her friends. "You're right, I forgot… well, if we go after school fast, I can help you if you help me find an outfit to wear to this thing with my family – but I can only go for an hour. Maybe an hour anf a half, tops."
"Sounds good! I'll meet you here after last period," Aria smiled. The bell rang and she ran off, catching Hanna and Emily on the way to their first class. Toby stuck behind with Spencer.
"You're going to be late to class," Spencer said, shutting her locker and trying to organize the stack in her arms.
Toby took her books and straightened them out for her. She sighed. "Thank you," she mumbled.
"I just want to make sure you're okay. You seemed frazzled."
"I'm fine. I'd be better if you weren't missing Chemistry for me… I don't have time to tutor you in that too." She stuck out her tongue.
"Pick something sexy for tonight," he raised his eyebrows and stuck his tongue out back as he jogged down the hallway to his class.
I'm so going to miss this. Spencer sighed before moping off to AP French.
xx
Spencer and Aria were schlepping through racks upon racks of sale dresses at Nordstrom. Spencer had taken out a navy blue dress with a white collar and thin white stripes, gradually getting thicker around the hem. She held it out in front of her to inspect it, imagining herself in it – or rather, what her mother would find wrong with it.
"So give me all the dirty details about you and Toby." Aria gushed, pulling the dress from Spencer slightly so Aria could see her face. "Also, you should go for something a little less preppy. I like your edge; you should show it off." Aria smiled.
"My parents don't appreciate my edge; they call it an attitude." Spencer laughed, putting the dress back on the rack.
"Toby," Aria said again. "Are you guys in loOooOooOve?" Aria sang.
Spencer just laughed. "We're just friends, Aria. I tutor him. That's all."
"Oh come on, don't be shy! I saw you two kissing in the library last week," Aria smiled devilishly. "Besides, you're literally all he talks about. He was so worried about you when you were out sick. Even Hanna was nearly gagging, and she's the Queen of relationship talk."
Spencer blushed, giving Aria all the confirmation she needed.
"Oh, how cute. Toby totally needed someone down-to-Earth after Ali. He's been such a bad boy and totally serial-dated half our class since Grade 8. This is good for him. Eeeeek, graduation is coming up. Please tell me you're staying together!"
"Aria." Spencer stopped her. "We're just friends. Really. We kissed, but… it was just a… a game." Spencer tried to figure out how to explain it without sounding super pathetic.
"Oooooh, so like you guys are just doing it?" Aria's eyes widened and her lips curled into a smile. "Spencer, I never pegged you for being so wild! I love it!" She hit Spencer's shoulder before immediately pushing past her to pick up a pale peachy-pink colored dress with a gold metal belt attached at the waist. It was a slim fit, up until it slightly billowed out after the waist in a flowy, Grecian goddess, airy kind of way. She held it up in front of Spencer. "This is it." Aria nodded.
"We're not… doing it. He's my friend, Aria. My best friend." Her lips couldn't help but form a smile when she said that. She'd never been able to say that about anybody before. She could almost taste the smile in her mouth, as if that was really even a thing. "Take it for what it is." She finished, and then took the hanger from Aria to inspect the dress. "Besides, you're the one hooking up with Noel when you and Holden totally belong together."
Aria blushed. "Well I guess we both have the same problem,"
"What's that?" Spencer cocked her head.
"We both can't admit to ourselves how hard we've fallen for our best friends." Aria shrugged and moved to another rack across the way. Spencer just shook her head, and again inspected the dress Aria had handed her. Maybe she was right – about more than one thing.
xx
Spencer was supposed to meet her family at the Country Club since her parents would both be coming straight from work. Toby was sitting on her bed watching her obsess over the way the fabric rested across her stomach and the way the cuffs in her cardigan sleeves lined up against one another. "This dress is too short, I look ridiculous." She went in her closet to change, but he went in after her.
"You look fine. Besides, it's just dinner with your family. Come on; let's get going. It'll be worse if we're late."
She sighed. He was always right. She hated that. "Fine. But I'll bet you anything my mother will hate the way I look."
"It won't change the fact that your legs are crazy in that dress," she just made a face at him. Her long legs seemed not to end under the hem of her dress, and the pale pink only made her olive complexion look tanner.
They arrived at just about the same time as Wren and Melissa. "We would have been here sooner, but the ceiling is leaking in our house now. I swear, we fix one thing, two more break. It's the freakin' money pit."
"It's nothing that can't be fixed. Come and stay by us tonight, instead of going all the way back to Philly just to deal with a mess," Peter offered.
"Thanks, Daddy." Melissa smiled. "We'll decide later on."
Spencer and Toby just settled in, Spencer was clearly halfway holding her breath. Toby just ran his thumb over her knee, trying to calm her down.
Their drink orders arrived at the table, her entire family drinking alcohol except her. This never ended well. "So, how about a game of high-low?" Peter smirked.
"Dad, do we have to?" Spencer never complained or talked back, but with Toby here she was embarrassed.
"Spencer, don't get upset already – it's all just good fun." Veronica raised an eyebrow.
"What's high-low?" Toby whispered in her ear.
"You'll see," Spencer exhaled, leaning a bit into Toby for comfort as he put his arm around her chair.
The Hastings' went around talking about won court cases, of course against all odds, Wren talked about saving patients, again against all odds. They were all so gleeful in each others' achievements.
And then it was Spencer's turn. "Well, I've started to get some college letters back. I've got a scholarship to Fordham in New York… they've got a wonderful law school, right in Lincoln Center." Her eyes were actually excited.
"Melissa was offered a full-ride there, wasn't she?" Peter looked at his other daughter.
"Yeah, it just wasn't ranked high enough. Only 50 in the nation." Melissa rolled her eyes, darting them at Spencer.
"Have you got anything else, Spencer?" Veronica raised an eyebrow.
"Well, at the studio," she started nervously, knowing her parents didn't really like her dancing – it wasn't academic or competitive in their sense of the word – so didn't being upward mobility, and therefore was useless. "it's my senior year, and I've dedicated a lot of time there, so I'm getting to choreograph an entire showcase, actually. It'll go up in June. I'll have a solo, too."
"Honey, we're talking about real achievements, not some silly song and dance." Peter turned his attention back to Melissa.
"Perhaps you have more news about colleges?" Wren offered. She smiled a bit. She liked him; he was much nicer than her sister.
" Well…I'm still waiting, but I've got a good feeling about UPenn." UPenn was where her sister and her parents had all gone.
"But she was waitlisted at Cornell and at Yale," Veronica interjected. "So I wouldn't be so sure. Besides, I'm starting to think you might want to set your sights on something less vigorous, Spencer. You're weaker in your abilities than your sister."
Spencer felt like her heart could fall through her stomach. She didn't even respond.
"What about you, boy?" Peter nodded towards Toby.
"I'll probably end up at Dartmouth, or USC. Both colleges were scouting me during the season. I'm looking to play college ball…but, if you—" he wanted to stop them from making fun of Spencer. She was the smartest person he knew. Moreover, her achievements shouldn't be subject to laughter or negative commentary. She tried so hard.
"Excellent schools," Veronica commented.
"You're a football player? Like, a good one? And you're dating my sister?" Melissa laughed. "When I was at Rosewood High, the football players only dated the pretty girls. I guess a lot has changed,"
Toby waited for one of her parents to reprimand Melissa for her childish behavior, but Veronica actually laughed alongside Melissa. He felt Spencer sulk in her seat.
"Where did you get that dress, Spencer? That color is awful. You'd be so much prettier if you dressed more like Melissa."
"I think Spencer looks beautiful tonight," Toby squeezed her shoulder, looking her family in the eyes.
Veronica made a look of disgust. Once their food came, the chatter didn't get much better. When they weren't ignoring Spencer, they were commenting on her hair, her grades, and her, according to them, non-existent future.
"Excuse me a minute?" Spencer said, pushing out her chair and walking to the restrooms. When she was gone for more than a few minutes, Toby took it upon himself to check on her, although her family didn't seem to notice her absence.
"Spencer," he knocked on the door. "Come on out, please" He could hear her sobbing.
She was silent for a while, but came out finally, her cheeks and eyes red, her lip still threatening to tremble.
"Come here," he pulled her into a hug, his large form enveloping her thin one almost completely as he bent around her to comfort all of her.
"I'm sorry I brought you to this awful dinner." She started to sob into his shirt.
"Spencer – the way your family is acting is…completely unacceptable. Do you hear me? You are so smart and so pretty and it doesn't matter what anyone in there thinks. Promise me that you're hearing me…that you know that."
"I hear you," she pulled away, wiping her face. "I just wish they cared, just a little more about me, and a little less about her."
"Me too." You have no idea. He thought. After his last encounter with Veronica, he wanted nothing more than to kidnap Spencer away from that nightmare.
"Go to the car," he said, giving her his keys. "I'll be there soon."
"But-"
"We're leaving. You hear?" He said it firmly.
She nodded and left, and he turned to the table. "Spencer actually isn't feeling well, I'm going to take her home. Thank you for dinner." Toby tried to be polite through his teeth.
"Of course she's not. Okay, we'll see you at home." Veronica sat back, wiping her face with the napkin.
Toby took all his energy into not screaming. "You know, she might be doing a little better if you treated her like she was part of this family."
"I think you'd better go, Toby." Veronica shot back, coldly.
Toby decided to be the bigger person and leave. He met Spencer in his car, enveloping her once more. "You are so beautiful," he mumbled again. "You are so smart and so kind and I'm not sure how you're related to them at all."
"Thank you," was all she could bare to mutter. Because if she tried to say more, she might spill her guts. She wanted him more than anything else she'd ever wanted in the whole world. She stopped caring about being popular, or having friends, and after tonight – she cared so much less about performing for her parents. She only wanted him.
xx
They got home, and Spencer made them tea and sat in the kitchen with him.
"Why didn't you tell me about your scholarship? That's so great. Fordham Law is a great school, don't listen to your sister."
"I don't really want to go there, anyway," she stirred her tea, looking down.
"Where do you want to go?"
"I don't know, honestly. My mom and dad policed me into looking at schools with good pre-law programs or law schools affiliated. But that isn't want I want."
"You have to do what you want, Spencer."
"I want to open my own dance studio." She said it softly. It was the first time she'd allowed herself to say it, or even fully imagine it.
"I knew you went to ballet class sometimes, but I never knew you were…good. Or so dedicated. That's awesome, Spence."
"My mom put me in when I was three, because soccer was reallyyyy not my thing," she laughed. "I was supposed to outgrow it for a sport or something competitive – something I could win at. Hastings love to be the best. But I never got athletic. I just loved to dance. Not just ballet – all of it. Tap is my favorite, actually." She found herself talking fast, she was excited. She never got to share what was going on at dance, since her parents hated it so much.
"I'd love to come to your showcase," he put his hand on her leg.
"It's not for a while…" We won't be together anymore by then. You'll have forgotten about me by then. I don't want that to happen. I need to figure out how to keep you.
"Well give me a reminder closer to it." He smiled. She's always surprising me. And impressing me. She's so strong, to deal with this at home. She's so brave. I hope she gets everything that makes her happy when she finally leaves this dump.
She leaned in and kissed him once, without even thinking about it. She then felt her shoulders cave in a little, retreating back inside herself. Why did you do that? How did you even have the courage to do that? You've never initiated that...well, not sober. He's done it once or twice before...that makes it okay, right? Ugh, stupid. He just makes me feel... like a light. Like when we kiss, there's only light and no dark. Hmmmmmm.
"What was that for?" he laughed.
She just shrugged, trying not to show the panic in her mind. She was saved from answering by the noise of keys in the door and she rushed him upstairs, not wanting to deal with her parents. They snuggled in bed, and he fell asleep quickly. She however stayed up doing homework – Ali's. She'd fallen behind on her own.
She heard Wren and Melissa come in for coffee with her parents, and they were staying over after all. Spencer snuck into the guest room once more to steal Wren's prescription pad, or just a few pills – whatever she could find first. She knew she had to be smarter about it this time, but this might be the only way she could be with Toby.
"What are you doing?" Wren came towards her. Melissa was in the shower down the hall. Spencer had assumed they were both in the bathroom.
"I just…"
"Your mum and Melissa told me about your little problem. You stole pills from me, didn't you?"
"I'm sorry, Wren… See, I have a problem focusing – like you. But my parents are too big on being perfectionists to let me have my own prescription." She lied.
"Well, maybe we could work something out." Wren smiled.
"Yeah, anything."
"Fuck me." Wren said sternly. Spencer was sure she didn't hear it right. Wren was a good guy, too good for her sister. Her eyes widened when he came closer and put his hands on her hips, thumbing at the bare skin between her pajama bottoms and her tank top.
"Wren," she pulled away. "You're engaged to my sister! Not to mention you're nearly a decade older than me. I'm 17."
"I know you've got that boyfriend of yours in your room – I saw his car parked down the street when we pulled in. You're not fooling anyone, I know you're really a little slut."
She grimaced. She did not want to do it with Wren. She was scared. "Come on, at least give me oral," he said, readjusting himself in his boxers, as if he might whip it out.
"Wren, I really didn't come in here for this," She mumbled. Wren pulled her in by her hips again, grossly pressing himself against her thigh while he went in for a gross, sloppy, wet kiss.
"Spencer!" Melissa walked in. "What the fuck are you doing in here with my fiancé?! I leave the room for fifteen minutes and you think you're going to steal Wren? Who DOES that?"
Spencer started to stammer over her words, but soon her parents had joined them in the bedroom, too. She was lectured and yelled at and called names. She was told she was taught better, and her whole family ganged up on her, essentially calling her a slut. Melissa even implied that that might be why she was with a popular guy – that she puts out.
"I don't do that!" Spencer yelped.
"Just go to bed," Peter grumbled.
Spencer slowly went to her room, looking over her shoulder to see Wren winking at her. She made a face and shut her door, climbing back into bed.
"Is everything okay? I heard voices…" Toby's eyes fluttered halfway open.
"Fine…" she trailed off, finally having reached conclusions on two things.
Well, Wren is a creep, and a conniving one at that, so it makes sense he's with Melissa – they're perfect for one another. I also can't do Ali's work any faster without Wren's pills – which I am so obviously not getting now – so…I guess this is it for Toby and I.
"Needed – Calculus I TUTOR – text me your availabilities – Seniors only." Spencer posted in her GroupMe with the Tutoring Center.
She snuggled in to him as close as she could, trying to savor one last night of happiness, wishing for morning to never come.