A/N: Thank you as usual for the reads and reviews! I'm a bit disappointed that the chapter before last got 20+ reviews and the last one only got about 5. I'm aiming for 7-10 for this chapter! This ones a bit slow/long in my opinion. I also didnt proof read it oops lol. Happy reading! Please review! Xox ~

Spencer couldn't sleep all night. She kept waking up and re-reading his name in her recent caller list. I can't believe this is real. I hope we can stay together for a while. I know that it isn't likely and it's even possible that this isn't even real, that maybe he has another agenda or just likes me because I put out or feels obligated and guilty…but even if that's true… it's still an opportunity I never expected to have and I don't deserve to be this happy. She looked like her smile was painted on, and she kept laughing to herself at her own giddiness. I just hope he realizes what being with me means. He won't be Mr. Popular anymore… maybe I'm being guilty. Maybe I should call the whole thing off. You were supposed to protect him but you just got so…greedy. You're never strong enough to do the right thing. I don't want him to be made fun of. I don't want him to hate me and I don't want him to be disappointed and embarrassed of me like everyone else. He's perfect. She sighed, sleepily. It was 5:56 a.m. and she had to be out of the house in four hours. She drifted off slowly, her hesitations melting into her pillow for the moment.

Across town, Toby was fast asleep by now. But he was dreaming of Spencer. The dream was a pretty accurate re-telling of the events that transpired the week prior when he'd taken her virginity. Only this time when it was over, she didn't leave. They started all over again…

xx

The next morning, Toby came over around noon to surprise Spencer and see if she'd want to go for a walk with him or into town for a while to walk around the promenade and get ice cream or coffee. He'd woken up super aroused and thinking about her, and it only made him feel guiltier about how he'd used her and ultimately took her innocence in the end without any real regard for her feelings. He loved her, but he hadn't told her yet. He cared for her even when the action was carried out, but she hadn't known it yet. He really thought she might have a clue, but she had the self-esteem comparable to the Hunchback of Notre Dame. She had no idea how nervous he got around her, and how uncharacteristic that was of him – she was just too perfect to him. It didn't matter that she wasn't popular, or that her hair was often a mess, or that she'd never quite grown out of the tall and lanky phase most people grew out of post-middle school. To him, she was a ball of butterflies in his stomach and that meant something.

To prove it, he woke up and decided that he wanted to go back in time. He wanted to pretend that their game had never happened, and that they could date for real for a while before jumping into it. She deserved to be courted. He never did much of the dating thing, but he knew girls liked to be taken out. He wanted to make sure she knew he was serious.

When the door finally swung open, Peter Hastings stood in front of Toby.

"The boyfriend," Peter grabbed Toby's shoulder in encouragement.

"Toby," he re-introduced himself to the man he'd met at least a handful of times.

"Toby," Peter repeated. "Here for Spencer I presume," he laughed, taking his watch from the table near the doorway and latching it around his wrist. "How's that going? I'm shocked after all the trouble Spencer's put everyone through this year you're still around. Actually, I'm not that surprised. Just be safe, I don't want another Hastings family crisis. That last one was close, I thought we were going to have to join a new country club. What a mess that drug thing could have been, right?" He joked, looking Toby in the eyes.

Toby's head was cocked at Peter. He was wondering if he was actually hearing the words that were coming out of his mouth correctly. His eyes widened when he realized Peter had implied that the only reason he might still be with Spencer was that Spencer was sleeping with him so he'd stay. The thought sent a sharp pain through his chest, feeling badly about his dream the night before, and even worse that her own father thought so little of her worth and her dignity. Does he know? Did she tell him? Or maybe she told her mom or Melissa to go on the pill or something? Or is he just assuming because he's cruel? Toby normally would have been worried about a girl's dad knowing what he'd done to their little girl… but this was different. He just felt an overwhelming sense that he needed to protect Peter's little girl from Peter.

"I'm not embarrassed of Spencer or anything that happened this year. It's really been no trouble, sir." Toby said sternly, almost aggressively, while still trying to kill Peter with kindness. "And for your information, Spencer and I are just fine and our being together has nothing to do with anything like that. Your wife actually implied the other day that she thought Spencer would get pregnant. If you two are so worried, maybe you should talk to her – like you actually care about her – rather than about her." Toby spat through his teeth. He was trying so hard to be respectful and not punch Mr. Hastings in the jugular.

"What are you trying to accomplish? Mr. Football, right? No way you're trying to get into law school, is there?"

"Do you think I'm using Spencer to network with you?" Toby's eyes narrowed; he felt his whole face heat up.

"My wife is one of the best criminal attorneys on the whole Eastern Seaboard, we're partners at the firm – both of us. I've got clients coming to me from across the country. You'd have to know that that would help you."

"I don't want to be a lawyer, Mr. Hastings. I'm not emotionless enough for that." He said more aggressively than before. "I'm with your daughter because I love her very much, and she deserves to have someone in her life who tells her just how much she means to this world, because she certainly doesn't get it anywhere else." He narrowed his eyes at Peter, making sure to make piercing eye contact as he did so. He hated her parents more and more each time he interacted with them. They legitimately never had one nice thing to say about Spencer. Why does she want their approval so much? She works so hard but they're such pricks. She shouldn't care.

Peter chuckled a bit to himself. Toby's jaw clenched, his hand in his pocket making a fist.

"Whatever you say, boy. Whatever you say. When you're ready to talk law schools you can make an appointment with my assistant." He gave Toby a business card from his suit pocket. Toby decided it wasn't worth engaging in this anymore and just took it to end the conversation.

"I came for Spencer… is she home?"

"She's upstairs, go ahead." He moved out of the way to let Toby up. Toby took the stairs two at a time, wanting to squeeze Spencer and to make her feel loved. After hearing all of the horrible things Peter said, he felt an overwhelming need to apologize to her. No one deserved be so disrespected by the very people that brought them into the world.

But when he reached Spencer's room, she wasn't there. He checked the hallway and saw her bathroom light was out and the door cracked open.

He sat on her bed, lying back for a moment to regain his energy from his interaction downstairs. He texted her a picture message of him laying on her bed.

"Here for you. Miss you, lady. ;)"

He exhaled loudly, trying to blow off the anger he had.

After a few moments he went downstairs again, sure that she wasn't anywhere on the Hastings' property.

"She's not home," he said to Peter on his way out. He found it despicable that her own father had no idea where she might even be, and from the looks of it, had little concern.

"Bye, then." Peter locked the door behind Toby.

Toby's phone buzzed when he got situated in his truck. "Spencer," he smiled.

"What are you doing? Are you in my room?"

He laughed. "I just left."

"Why were you in my room?"

"Your dad let me up. He thought you were home."

"Oh… well good. I didn't want them to know where I was anyway."

"Where are you? Is everything okay?" Toby's voice suddenly cracked with a bit of worry.

"I'm fine," she laughed. "I'm at dance. I'll be here most of the weekend preparing for the showcase."

"Where is that?"

"Not far. Ten minutes or so north on Oak Street. Get out of there and I'll meet you later, if you want." She smiled.

"No, uhm, that's okay. Do your thing," he said sounding distracted.

Spencer pouted, her face feeling her disappointment before her emotions could catch up. She wondered if she'd already somehow messed this up.

"I gotta go, Spencer. Bye." He hung up quickly before starting up his car again.

Spencer put her phone back in her bag and took a swig from her water bottle. I was expecting this. Just not so soon… She went back to her choreography, channeling her creativity to dance instead of sulking about how she'd messed something up.

xx

Spencer had her music on loud, the weather was beautiful and sun filled the entire dance studio from the big glass entrance, and she was finally alone and able to be herself. Not like at home or school. This was her safe place. Well, one of them. Toby's bedroom was up there, too. Or maybe just Toby, period. Toby. The boy she longed to see, the boy she was sure would find a reason not to be with her at any moment. She just sighed.

She was dancing passionately, moving across the spring-wood floors effortlessly, as if she'd become another entity three times the size of herself as she took up all of the space. The walls shook from the loudness of her music, her hair spilled out from her ponytail and stuck to her face and mixed with the sweat on her forehead. Her tights were ripped, and her chest was heaving as she tried to catch her breath and prepare to run through the vigorous routine one more time, leaning against the mirrored wall as she breathed. She was looking down, trying to read notes from her notepad on possible choreography as she caught her breath and sipped at her water when she suddenly heard some loud noises. She wasn't sure if her ears were ringing from the music and lack of oxygen able to get to all of her after the moving around she just did, or if something was actually there. She immediately turned toward the stereo system near the door, assuming some discs had fallen or maybe the remote for the system she'd balanced against the wall. But when she looked up, she was so shocked she dropped her water bottle.

He stopped clapping and knelt down and picked up the bottle as it rolled near his feet. "That was awesome," he smiled, kissing her cheek and extending his hand to give her back her bottle.

"Toby…" she mumbled. "Don't…" she twisted away from him, "I'm sweaty. Don't touch me it's gross," she mumbled.

"It's hot," he corrected "Literally." He laughed at his joke. "But really, I had no idea you could do that."

She just blushed. "What are you doing here?"

"You said it wasn't far, so I came. I wanted to see what you do when you're not studying or with me," he pulled her in close, his thumb finding the spot on her spine that made her hum when he thumbed at it through her leotard. It was like her on/off switch. She always had a knot in her back, really badly in that particular spot. Whenever he found it, she always hummed and her tension lessened by at least 15%.

And like clockwork, she let out a small hum and leaned into him, going up onto her tiptoes to kiss him. "I have to work on my solo for the show, and I have a couple pieces to finish choreographing for other dancers to by in my exhibit."

"I know, you told me." He smiled.

"I can't go out right now. Even though I really want to. I'm sorry."

"Would you stop being sorry?!" He pulled her in closer, pushing his lips against her forehead for a long moment. The kiss caused her to wiggle in his arms and twist free from his grip. "I said that's gross! I'm a sweaty mess stop!" She laughed and whined as she broke free momentarily from his grasp. But he was fast and snatched her back up within seconds, pulling her into him and tickling her sides, watching her flop around as she screamed and laughed before finally stopping and collapsing on the floor with her. They were facing the mirrored wall and had landed on her notebook. She wiggled once more to get the notebook out from under their legs. "I need these to not get destroyed," she laughed as she leaned against his back after throwing the book towards her bag in the corner. She was situated between his legs, her back leaning against his chest, her hands on her stomach. His hands wrapped around and met hers, and he lifted one to pull hair behind her ear, watching carefully in the mirror in front of them. He poked his head into the nook of her neck and kissed her hard, and squeezed her hands.

"Look at that perfect couple in the mirror," he whispered in her ear. "Don't they look good together?"

She blushed, looking down.

"Spence, don't look down. Look at us," he encouraged. She just laughed before shyly looking up at the way he held her. It almost shocked her, seeing him really behind her.

He took out his phone from his pocket and snapped a mirror selfie. "Hey!" She laughed, he had gotten another shot while they were laughing, and it was adorably candid. He put the screen in front of both of them.

"Wait…I really love this one," she took his phone from him and zoomed in on their laughing faces, their eyes locked on one anothers'.

"Me too." He kissed her neck again before taking his phone back and opening up Instagram.

"What are you doing?" She said in a louder, maybe slightly panicky voice.

"I'm gonna post it…it's a good one." He smiled.

"Can you maybe just send it to me instead? Come on I'm all sweaty and I'm in this weird leotard," she said, pulling at the spandex lying flat against her tummy, watching it snap back to her body immediately.

"But we're so cute," he made a puppy face.

"Please?" She made a better puppy face.

"Fine," he smiled and texted the photo to her. "But I'm making it my phone background."

"Okay." She leaned back and kissed his lips. The real reason she didn't want him to post the photo was that she had decided that keeping their relationship as low-key and as secretive as possible was the only was she could be with him without it running his reputation. She understood fully that she was not something he was embarrassed of. She was adamant that he was just unaware and ignorant to the fact that her reputation could destroy his. He didn't understand why he should be ashamed. But she was too happy to walk away. She decided that before she went to college, she deserved as much of this as she could get. College would be different, she hoped. But she also knew that there was a good chance she would be as big of a joke there as she was here. And so either way, she wanted to get in as much of the good stuff as possible. If this marked a change, she deserved to have some fun and prepare for college. If this was the best it was going to ever get for her, which was more likely in her mind, she wanted to make sure that she appreciate and basked in all of it. She wanted to make enough memories to last her long enough that she wouldn't have to feel depressed if she never made new ones. With him, she'd always have something to smile back on.

She didn't know it yet, but with him, she might always have something to smile about looking forward, too.

"I have to get back to work, really." She stood up, spinning around to pull him up.

"Can I stay and watch? I'll be quiet…"

"Uhmmm…" She was hesitant.

"I won't say a word." He smiled.

"Fine… but no laughing either."

"I wouldn't think of it," he kissed her head one last time, making a devilish look at her as he pulled away, knowing she would fight him. He sat in the corner near the stereo and pushed all the buttons and changed the discs for her the rest of the day.

She decided she liked having him there.

xx

The following Monday at school, Toby was waiting for her by her locker.

"I had a dream about you last night," he said pulling her to him as soon as she was within reach, connecting their lips.

Spencer pulled away quickly. "Can we not do that here?" She said as softly as she could.

Before Toby could protest, Aria and Holden came up to her locker. "AhhhhHhHhhH!" Aria screamed.

Holden just laughed. "Spencer, Tobe," he smiled at the couple and waved. "I have to get to the chem lab to get some extra help on my lab, I'll meet you after school at my car." He nodded towards Aria and left.

Aria started to scream again but Spencer play-punched her arm.

"Ow," Aria rubbed her shoulder. "You guys are FINALLY an item?! I was starting to think this big baby would never tell you about all his feelings." Aria teased, this time it was her turn to throw a play-punch at Toby.

"Shhhh," Spencer said softly.

"What's all the secrecy about? Also, if you're gonna keep it a secret, you probably shouldn't be tonguing in the hallway. Just saying. But also it was so cute and I'm SO HAPPY!" She bounced.

"She won't tell me," Toby narrowed his eyes.

"I just," she started, but the bell rung. "I have to go to class. Bye!" She said nervously chipper as she ran off towards her first class.

"She really is a weirdo," Toby joked, laughing as he walked with Aria to their first class, which they had together.

"But she's finally your weirdo," Aria joked back, smiling big, happy for her best friends.

"Damn right. " he grinned.

Aria just laughed at him as they slid into their seats.

xx

Aria caught up with Spencer after school at her locker before Toby could get there.

"Girls night – you promised and you never came. We are hanging out tonight!" She exclaimed. "I want to know EVERYTHING."

"Uhmm…"

"Please?!" Aria begged "I have to go soon because Holden's driving me home, but please tell me you'll come over tonight? Hanna will be there too, we're renting Magic Mike and The Vow and having a Channing Tatum marathon. I have Step Up, too.

"Where are you going?" Toby came up, wrapping his arm loosely around Spencer's waist, his thumb hooking at the hem of her jeans.

"I'm trying to get your girlfriend to come out for girls' night tonight – you'll let her out for one night won't you?"

"Go, it'll be fun."

"I don't know…"

"Hanna is nice, I promise. And she's a sucker for a good romance. Like worse than me. She's gonna turn into goop when you tell us everything about you and this guy!" She pinched Toby's shoulder. "He wouldn't tell me anything this morning."

"What time?" Spencer finally sighed.

"EEeeeeeeep," Aria yelped. "Five. Don't eat dinner beforehand we're going to order pizza. See you later!" She ran out to Holden's car.

"Can I steal you until then?" Toby pulled into her and rested her forehead against his. Spencer nervously scanned the near-empty halls, her body tense in his arms.

"Spencer, what's the matter?" He asked, feeling her tense up in his arms.

"I just… I. Actually, nothing." She kissed him quickly, afraid of who might turn the corner. "Let's go somewhere." She left, hoping he'd follow. He did.

He met her at her car. "Your house?" She said softly.

"Yeah, let me take my truck. I'll meet you." He smiled.

xx

They met and he brought her to his backyard. It was big and colorful, his father liked keeping up his mother's gardening after she'd passed away.

He plopped down on the hammock and pulled her down on top of him, emitting a small yelp from her lips. It was April and the weather was beautiful.

"Would you tell me what's been on your mind all day?" he rubbed her back.

"Nothing," she said simply.

"Spencer…you can tell me about anything, don't you know that?"

She looked uneasy for a long moment before snuggling into him. "I'm just nervous about the showcase."

"Honey…it looks great so far."

"If it doesn't go well… if I'm not good at this, I don't know what I'll want to do besides this."

She was only half serious. She was nervous about the showcase, but she knew deep down she'd never be a dancer anyway. She knew she'd never own her own studio or teach little girls and boys to use their bodies, and to love their bodies. She hated hers for too long. She still wished she could unzip the back of her skin and step out of what she was sure was a Hastings' costume. But it was her real life.

She was more nervous about being with Toby. Truth was, aside from kissing and foreplay and sex, she didn't know a thing about being with a man romantically. She was walking on eggshells; terrified of losing whatever it was they had. She was sure she was going to be the one to mess this up.

"You're going to be famous some day and I'll just be the boy you left behind in your shadow," he joked. She wanted to cry when he joked about being without her. They'd only been official for three days.

She didn't tell him her fears, though. She just leaned in and kissed him. And kissed him again. And kissed him until it was 5:05 and Aria was calling her phone inquiring why she wasn't already there. It was the only thing she knew she was good at.

"I have to go for real this time." She laid the last of several "last kisses" on his lips before running towards his car. He just smiled, totally oblivious to how scared and nervous his girlfriend was of losing him, or how sometimes the love he thrust upon her felt more like a burden weighing heavy on her shoulders because no one taught her how to carry it. No one taught her how to love.

xx

"Hanna, you know Spencer, right? Spencer, Hanna." Aria hummed as she plopped down on her bed next to her blonde bestie.

"You're the girl who was all over Toby at that party…poster girl." Hanna chomped on her gum.

Spencer immediately turned red, and Aria smacked Hanna.

"What?!" Hanna yelped. "It's true, isn't it?" She looked between both brunettes.

"It's okay," Spencer said softly. "That's me." She sounded almost apologetic.

Hanna nearly lunged towards her. "Okay, how is it really with Toby?! This one won't tell me. Some friend, right?" Hanna rolled her eyes. "His abs are SO yummy."

Spencer looked at Aria, but didn't say anything. She suddenly felt even more inadequate. The brunette pixie was so cute and bold looking. Spencer was just tall and awkward.

"It was only the one time," Spencer admitted sheepishly. "He was really sweet, though."

"Oh my gosh you gave Toby your v-card?! Do you love him?"

Yes, maybe…no. Yes. What? "We just…we were only friends but now…"

"She's being really weird about it for some reason! They're dating. Toby told me." Aria confirmed.

Spencer's face turned red.

"I think we need some storytime aide," Hanna laughed and hung over Aria's bed to pull out a bottle of wine from the cooler under her bed. She opened it and drank right from the bottle, and extended it to Spencer.

Spencer was hesitant, it was a school night and she wasn't the best at controlling herself when she was drunk. But, she wanted to loosen up. She took it and took a big sip. They passed around the bottle for a while as they watched Step Up.

"Toby told me Spencer can dance like that" Aria drunkenly giggled

"Wait…wait I wanna hear about Toby and how you two got together" Hanna smirked.

"Well I was tutoring him which turned into tutoring and making out," Spencer drunkenly smiled in the wide, goofy kind of way she only did when she was alone thinking about her favorite boy. "And I knew I wasn't going to be tutoring him anymore so on the last time he asked if I wanted to and I said yes…and then Ali made those pictures," Spencer frowned. "I was only mad because of him not because of me," she explained incoherently. "But he made me stop crying and took me to the beach in New Jersey. And he made us a picnic and told me that he liked me and now he's my boyfriend…for now." She blushed, throwing her face into a pillow as she spilled the beans.

"They're perfect for each other," Aria smiled goofily.

"But what is he like? He's always broing out with Caleb when I'm near him," Hanna made a fake puke face. "And he's popular and he dated Ali. I don't get him."

"He's a weirdo," Aria joked.

"He's too good for me," Spencer thought…and also said out loud. Although she hadn't meant to. "He tries to make me feel better than I am and I like it when he does that, but sometimes I think he believes it and I don't know what I'm going to tell him when he finds out I'm not …I'm just not." She said it effortlessly, almost laughing.

Hanna chuckled too, because she thought Spencer might be joking,. And she was drunk. And Spencer was drunk. So they just laughed.

But Aria heard every word. She liked Spencer a lot, and aside from Holden, Toby was her best friend. She knew what it was like to feel like you weren't good enough for someone who loved you. She loved Holden in a more-than-friends way, and Holden loved her in a best-friends way. She knew he thought the world of her, but also knew he'd never love her the way she loved him.

But it felt like Spencer's hesitations were different.

"He loves you," Aria blurted out. It froze Spencer up right away.

"Can we order pizza now," Drunk Hanna whined.

"Let's." Spencer agreed, refusing to acknowledge what Aria had said.

Don't you dare remember this tomorrow, Spencer Hastings. She reprimanded. She refused to hope for too much. It would only breed eternal misery.

xx

"What do you mean…of course I didn't tell her you and I…" Toby trailed off. He was agitated with Aria.

"Hanna drunkenly blurted it out," Aria apologized. "it was before you and her were really together," Aria justified. It had happened shortly after Spencer started tutoring Toby, just a few days after they'd made their deal. It was a party at Noel's and it just happened. But they were best friends and never revisited it again.

Spencer came to her locker and didn't say much to either of them. She felt hot inside out. She was awake half the night, long after she'd sobered up and gone home, about what Aria said. He loves you, the words rang in her ear. She prayed Aria was exaggerating.

"I'm glad you came last night," Aria tried, looking nervously at Toby.

"I had a lot of fun. I liked Hanna. She's funny. Maybe next time you can come over my place. We have a projector to watch movies outside…my sister and her boyfriend bought it for my dad for his birthday."

"Sounds fun!" Aria smiled. The bell rang and Aria ran off, and so did Spencer.

"Hey, wait." Toby pulled her in for a kiss. "I'll see you after school." She nodded at his words and walked away quickly.

xx

After school, Toby had her come over again. She requested they just watch a movie and not go out anywhere, and he agreed. She was quiet the whole time, silently snuggled in a ball half on top of him. He just rubbed her back.

"Aria told me about what Hanna said…about Aria and I."

"It's not a big deal," Spencer shook it off.

"I know you're upset."

"That's not what it is. I'm just nervous."

"I didn't know how much I liked you yet," he justified.

"Stop talking about this," she mumbled softly.

"I just want you to know that it was a one time thing,"

"It's okay, Toby."

"Spencer…talk to me."

"Why was it a one time thing?" She said softly. "She's beautiful and funny and you guys are really close."

"She's my friend,"

"That's what you used to call me…" she reminded him. "How do I know what the difference is between her and me? I mean…she's prettier and…"

He stopped her by putting his fingers to her lips. "Because, it just is. You mean everything to me and I wish you'd see that. Aria never meant more than a friend to me. You never meant just friends… ever since I got to know you…"

"Toby?" she whispered. "I need you to promise me something?"

"Anything," he nibbled at her ear, raspy whispers lingered in her ear.

"When this is all over, can we still be…friends? You were my first real friend and you're my best friend and you are Aria are still friends so that means you and I can be, right?"

"Spencer…I don't plan on ending this anytime soon." His voice softened and he stroked her hair.

"Just please…promise me I won't be alone…" she looked like she might cry.

"Never in a million years," he kissed the side of her head. "But Spencer, I want to be with you for a very long time," he looked her in the eyes.

"Can we just drop it?" She scooted up on the bed, wiping her face.

He was hesitant, but he thought that that was the only thing on her mind – the fear, he expected was from this being her first relationship and now she'd feel better.

But her real fear was what would happen when Ali realized it was all real. And what would happen when she stole Toby back from Spencer, as she'd promised to do.

But for now, her mind was at peace, because her body was wrapped up in her safe place.