A/N: I'm a bit disappointed with the lack of reviews for the past two chapters, but as promised, I've been contacted five times so here is a new chapter. I'd appreciate chapter reviews – positive or negative – if you're reading! I like to know what you're thinking. As always, thank you to my few readers who consistently review every chapter. J It makes my day to hear from all of you. Anyways, THIS IS MY FAVORITE CHAPTER SO FAR AND IM SO EXCITED TO FINALLY SHARE IT WITH YOU ALL.

A few weeks passed, and Spencer was finally starting to be comfortable with her relationship with Toby. She trusted him and spent almost every day with him.

Despite trusting Toby and slowly opening herself up to him and letting him consume all of her, Spencer was still hesitant about being close with him at school. She often was avoiding his kisses and handholding in the very public hallways where Ali had eyes everywhere, and all of them were judgmental. She was finally accepting that Toby wanted to be with her, but she was still filled with fear. She was afraid he would change his mind, and ever more afraid that he would be taken away from her.

Toby noticed how she would pull away, but chalked it up to stress. She'd mentioned it a few times, and he was oblivious enough to believe her – completely unaware of the whole story of what Ali had done to Spencer, and the lingering threats between his wicked ex-girlfriend and his more helpless, innocent new girlfriend.

But it wasn't all lies. Spencer was feeling extremely pressured to do well. Part of her truly thought that if it went well enough, her parents might see that her time dancing wasn't wasted. She might be able to give them something to be proud of. As Spencer's showcase for dance got closer and closer, she was spending more and more of her time at the dance studio. Toby would often stop by, knowing she had long rehearsals, and often stayed even later than she needed to because she wanted this to be perfect. Sometimes he just wanted to surprise her, or bring her dinner, or just sit with her late nights and control the stereo for her. He was more impressed with her every day, and loved to just watch her in her element. He especially loved to watch her when she didn't know he was there, because it was so rare that he could see her completely let go. Even in their rawest moments, she rarely let go. He was constantly reminding her when they were alone or being intimate that she could let go.

Toby stood in the observation window, watching her teaching the other dancers in her showcase perfect the choreography. When he saw the other dancers head out for the night, he ran downstairs to meet her inside. He had come to bring her dinner and hopefully bring her home before 11pm.

"Toby," her face lit up, her arms quickly latching around his neck. She acted surprised and thankful and like it was the first time every time he came. It made him feel special and made him like coming even more.

"Please take a break, I brought you the soup and panini you like from the Grille."

"I guess I could take a little break," she squeezed his shoulders and leaned upwards to kiss him. He smiled into the kiss and pulled on her hand. "Come on, it's going to get cold." He pulled her into the reception area and sat with her on the floor, pushing her sandwich and soup towards her, and taking out a tuna melt and fries for himself.

"You've been here since school ended, you're here every day. Please let me take you home early tonight? I need to see you out of this studio and out of dancewear," he smirked, his hand on her knee.

She blushed. "We were together two nights ago," she reminded him, smiling when she thought of his hands on all the parts of her she kept hidden, making them all feel different and pretty. Her cheeks were flushed. They hadn't slept together more than a handful of times, but it made her feel a weird kind of importance when they did.

"You still need a break." He said, taking a big bite of his sandwich.

"I'll rest when the showcase is over." She sighed. "Only a few more days."

"When is this thing again?" He mumbled with his mouth full. She laughed and pushed a napkin towards him.

"Friday." She said, blowing on her soup to cool it before taking a spoonful.

"This Friday? Like in three days?"

"Mhmm," she nodded. "Then I'll have a little more time for you," she smiled. She was much more talkative and nearly fearless with him now. There was something about the way he grabbed her, and kissed her, and was gentle and encouraging, and the way he remembered the things she spoke about that made her know that she was safe with him. Above all, the way he wanted to be so public with her, unaware of all of the possible negative consequences, showed her just how much she might mean to him, and definitely made him mean even more to her. He was her sun, moon and stars. He wouldn't hurt her intentionally.

"Good," he leaned forward to kiss her. "So, do I need like, a ticket for this or anything?"

"You want to come?" She looked up at him, actually surprised.

"Are you kidding?" He laughed a little bit. "I've sat and watched you almost every day. Of course I'm going to come to see how it turns out."

"You really don't have to…" she argued. "It'll be like, two hours long…"

"Spencer, I'm coming even if it's 22 hours long. It's important to you, so it's important to me. Because you're important to me."

She blushed. "I really appreciate that. I wasn't expecting any guests." Her eyes flickered down, but she quickly looked back up at him leaned forward to reach his hands. "It starts at 6:30."

"Your parents aren't coming? Or Melissa and Wren?" He asked quickly, as if he'd forgotten how little her parents actually cared. He knew more than she did how quick they were to be so hateful towards their youngest daughter.

"No," she shook her head. "I didn't tell them about it yet. I don't think they're interested."

"But it's your senior year… your last big show."

"It's more than enough that you're coming." She smiled, but he could tell that the smile was empty and she was lying. She so desperately craved even an ounce of pride from her parents. She wanted them to see how hard she'd been working.

"You should invite them," he squeezed her hands. "If they know it's important to you, they'll come."

She ignored him, afraid to find out that that wasn't true. "You can buy tickets at the door. They're $10, but I'll pay for your ticket if you come early."

"I'll buy my ticket…stop worrying. Can you buy them in advance?"

"When the receptionist is here, yeah." She nodded towards the desk where the receptionist sat during regular business hours.

"Is there anywhere special you want to go for dinner after your show? I'll make reservations."

"You don't have to make this a big deal," she repeated, feeling embarrassed but also really wonderful about how he cared so much about something, simply because she cared.

"Spencer, I want to take you out to celebrate. You've been busting your ass."

"Well then just surprise me." She smiled. "But nothing too fancy." She quickly added in.

He rubbed her shoulders. "You need to relax, it's going to go great. You're so tense."

"I just…it's my last chance to prove that this is what I want to be doing."

"It's going to be fine." He got up to throw away the garbage from his dinner and the empty container from her soup. She hadn't finished her sandwich. When he returned she was starting to get up.

"Hey hey hey, not yet." He pushed her back down and sat behind her. "You need rest." He started to massage her shoulders and neck, feeling how tight her muscles were. She let out a soft groan.

"Let me help you relax," he said softly in her ear as he dug his thumbs into her back and spine, which soon turning into kissing up and down her back.

"Toby…" she moaned, half laughing. "We can't."

"No one's here…" he smiled, kissing the back of her shoulder.

"Toby…" She whined, "Come on, I have to practice. Just a few more times."

"Shhhh…just trust me." He smiled and continued to kiss her shoulder while massaging her. She leaned into it, realizing she really did need to loosen up her muscles. He crawled around to her front side and touched her shoulders again, and her arms, and then her calves, which were especially sore. He massaged her feet, tickling her and causing her to erupt into laughter. But then he worked out her calves once more, and her thighs.

"Thank you," she moaned a little. "But now I have to work. Really."

"I'm not done," he smiled.

She narrowed her eyes at him, but let him continue to massage her thighs. Her legs were very sore. He crept up to the tops of her thighs, and grazed over the fabric between her legs, causing her to jump back a bit.

"Trust me, I'm going to help you." He smiled and leaned forward to kiss her lips.

"I trust you," Spencer said breathily. She figured she would stop him before it got too far, because it would be totally wrong to have sex in the middle of her dance studio.

xx

He kept alternating between her legs and the spot between. He pulled aside the fabric of her leotard and her underwear and leaned in towards her center. She got nervous and went to pull back, but he beat her to it and let his tongue find her warm, moist center. He teased at her center and held her at her hips as she moaned and writhed against his lips. He looked up at her only slightly to see her back arched and her head back, her hands grabbing at the carpet; he was fully enjoying this view. She was letting him into noises he'd never before heard from her, feeling her shake and loosen before him like she'd never been able to do before.

He kissed her and explored this area of her for the first time until he was sure she'd definitely relaxed, and loudly be might add, before very carefully and gently fixing her leotard and pulling her towards him into a hug, kissing her forehead. He laughed a little as she continued to shudder just a bit, and she thanked him with a big kiss on the lips. He'd never done that before and she'd never known that realm of pleasure before.

xx

"We can't do this here," she whispered in a raspy, weak growl in his ear. "I promise when we leave, I'll…" she started, imaging how she'd have to repay him.

"I'm done," he said simply. "I just wanted you to relax." He grinned.

She was amazed that he did that to her without expecting anything else back. "Are you sure?" She continued to lean into him, feeling warm in his embrace.

"Are you relaxed?" He pushed back to look into her eyes.

"Well, yes," she giggled and bit her lip shyly, recounting how she'd caught him watching her while she unraveled. "but I—"

He cut her off "Well then my job is done," he rubbed her arms and stood up, pulling her up with him. "Now go practice, but I'm taking you home at 10, 10:30 the latest." It was 9:15 then.

"Thank you for always taking care of me," she slung her arms around him, speaking dreamily.

"Don't mention it, just go! You're wasting time!" He laughed and directed her towards the room. She just laughed and ran her dance a few more times before finally letting them leave.

xx

The next day, Toby came back before school and purchased seven tickets to her showcase – one for himself, two for Aria and Holden, and four for Veronica, Peter, Wren and Melissa.

In school, as usual, he barely saw her. She ran from class to class, and only caught up with him at the end of the day when the hallways had mostly cleared.

After school, he rushed away from her, telling her to go to practice and that he'd see her later on. She was happy to hear that she'd see him again, and ran off to the studio to run rehearsal with the other dancers.

Instead of going home or hanging out with friends, Toby went straight to the Hastings house. He waited outside until Veronica pulled up and came up the walkway.

"Toby," she greeted him. "Are you waiting for Spencer?" She unlocked the door.

"I was actually hoping to talk to you or Mr. Hastings." He stuttered a bit. "Nothing's wrong and no one's pregnant or in crisis." He added quickly, unable to think about stomaching any more negative assumptions about his Spencer.

"Well I've only got a few minutes," she said walking into the house, and motioning for him to follow.

He held out an envelope containing the four tickets towards her. "Spencer's showcase…the one she told you about at the dinner at the club… it's this Friday night. She didn't want to bother you, but I know it would mean the world to her if you and Peter and Melissa and Wren, or any combination of you all could be there. She's been working so, so hard. Please don't disappoint her. Please make her happy, just this one time," he begged. "She needs to know you and your family care about her."

"That's very short notice," Veronica said, taking the envelope. "I'll see what I can do." She put the envelope on the table near the door. "Is that all?"

"Mrs. Hastings, please. It's only an hour or two. She needs you."

"I'll try," she said, unconvincingly. "If it means enough to her she'd send you here…"

"She didn't. I came on my own. Because I want you to surprise her – just once. She expects you to disregard this. She thought if she asked, she'd just get hurt. Please don't hurt her."

"Alright, Toby. Enough."

"I'll see you Friday," he said sternly before leaving and shutting the door behind him. But when he left, he ran into Spencer on her porch.

"Spence…" he laughed nervously.

"What were you doing in my house?"

"I forgot you told me you wouldn't be home…but now you are?" He said inquisitively.

"I forgot my choreography notebook," she said, fighting in her head between staying and finding out why he was really there and getting her book so she wouldn't have to postpone rehearsal any longer.

He made the decision easier for her by walking towards his car. "I'll meet you again for dinner. Text me if you have any requests," he said jogging towards his car and speeding off, nervous she would be mad at him for talking to her parents.

xx

Like clockwork, he came at the same time that night. "I brought milkshakes so you have to come soon unless you want strawberry soup," he laughed.

She joined him on the floor again and took the shake from him and took a sip. "Thank you," she said softly.

"How was rehearsal with the other girls? They're usually still here when I get here."

"It was really good. I let them go early so they can rest tomorrow and be ready for Friday."

"Good. You need a break, too."

"Toby, why were you in my house today? I saw you when I pulled up coming outside. And I didn't see you pull up before me which means you were inside for a while."

"I was, uhm, looking for you—"

"Toby, please don't lie to me," she frowned.

"Don't be mad," he started. "I brought tickets to your parents for them and your sister and Wren. I wanted them to be there for you because it's important. They should be proud of all the hard work you've put in for this."

Her eyes welled up a little bit, embarrassed that he'd surely heard the way her parents were the complete opposite of proud of her. She still didn't know that he'd spoken to her mother after the Adderall situation, and to her father more recently, and both times they assumed the worst in her. She'd be more than embarrassed if she knew what he'd heard, and so even though he was so angry, he kept it to himself.

"Thank you for trying…they're not coming, are they?" She wiped her eyes before the tears could fully fall. "It's okay, they're busy. I knew they wouldn't. It doesn't mean they don't care," she knew she was lying, but she hoped that he wouldn't know that.

"I think they are," he said, lifting her chin, meeting her gaze with a smile. "I think they know how important this is to you. I told them how hard you've been working. Your mom seemed on board," he seemed hopeful.

She smiled big. "You're a miracle worker," she kissed his forehead and hopping up, taking another sip of her shake and putting it aside. "I need to practice. If they come it needs to be perfect," she smiled. His heart broke a little bit at how happy the small gesture meant to her. How evident it was that after everything she'd been through, years and years of torture he hadn't been around for and this past year where he'd seen and heard the awfulness first-hand, that all she wanted deep down, still, was the approval of her family. It didn't matter how much he tried to love her for them, she would always feel a void where their approval might fit.

He watched her longingly, in awe of her as always.

xx

The next day he convinced her to only practice for an hour. He took her to a movie and had her home early so she could rest.

He barely saw her in school on Friday, even less than normal. She raced home on Friday without waiting for him, and went straight to the venue for the showcase to get all of her girls set up in costumes, the music and sound correct, and to get herself ready as well.

Toby stopped by the Hastings' house once more, and reminded Veronica to come support her daughter. She promised she would be there, and quickly rushed Toby out.

xx

Toby stopped before the showcase to buy Spencer flowers, and when he left, there was a huge accident on the highway and traffic was backed up so badly it wasn't even moving. He slammed on his steering wheel in frustration, wanting so badly to have been there early and now he was already ten minutes late. He called Aria and Holden, desperate to have them tell Spencer he was late, because her phone was just going to voicemail, but they confessed they were also caught in traffic, as they were coming straight from the self-defense classes they'd enrolled in together.

Across town, Spencer stood outside of the auditorium greeting the patrons arriving and handing them programs. She found herself watching dancers greet their excited families before heading backstage. She waited patiently to see her family, friends, or her loving boyfriend. Or really anybody besides dancers and dance teachers and loved ones of her dance colleagues. She wanted just one face there for her. She's gotten her hopes up so high, and she was crushed to stand there without a single person passing through the door who was there for her.

He tried, really hard. He just forgot. It's okay. You didn't expect any of them to come anyway. He still cares about you. He's just a big goof. Maybe Mom and Dad are just running late. She thought, trying to suppress her feelings being hurt. This is what happens when you get hopeful. Don't expect anything and you won't get hurt. You know this, Spencer. She reprimanded herself.

She got backstage and organized her dancers, said a few words thanking the audience and introducing her showcase and the themes consistent throughout the pieces, and introducing herself. She did so quickly, and joined her dancers on-stage.

There were eight pieces total, with an intermission in the middle, and a review session with her dance teachers and other dance professionals after the audience was dismissed.

Toby didn't arrive until the middle of the third dance, and Aria and Holden arrived shortly after him. He videotaped everything he was there for, so proud of his girlfriend and how she shined on stage.

Aria and Holden had to leave right after, but told Toby to tell Spencer how wonderful she was, and that they'd all catch up tomorrow. Toby waited in the hallway for Spencer to come out long after the audience had emptied, and after forty-five long minutes, he saw her leaving from the opposite sides' exit and into the parking lot, carrying garment bags and her duffle bag out into the rainstorm.

He jogged towards her and took the bags.

"Toby!" She smiled huge when she saw him. "You were here?"

"I was late," he admitted. She unlocked her car and helped him empty his hands before practically jumping onto him, not caring about the rain.

"I thought you all forgot to come," she admitted into his neck.

He put her down and encouraged her to get into the car before getting in beside her and out of the rain.

"There was a huge accident on 24, I was stuck for a while. I went to the florist and ended up late." He said, reaching into is backpack and pulling out a bouquet of peach roses, her favorite flower. She'd said it once in passing the florist, and he'd remembered.

Her lip started to quiver, and she took the flowers towards her face and smelled them. "They're my favorite," she kissed him. "Thank you, Toby. I'm so glad that if anyone was able to, you came."

"Wait…your family didn't come?" He narrowed his eyes.

She shook her head no. "I knew they wouldn't, it's okay." She saw him look angry.

"But they should have been here to support you."

She started to look like she might cry again. "Can we drop it?"

"No – Spencer, I told them if they cared about you they should be there to show you because it would hurt you otherwise. They still didn't?!"

"They don't care if they hurt me," she sniffled, tears rolling down her cheeks. He just pulled her into him, rubbing his back.

"You did such a good job and I am so proud of you, you looked so beautiful. I'm so sorry I missed the beginning."

"Why can't they be proud, too?" She looked at him with the most innocent, full, hurt eyes. He pulled her in all over again and shhhh'd her, rubbing her back.

"Come on, let's go celebrate." He took her keys from her.

"Can we just maybe get ice cream and go home and snuggle? I'm kind of tired." She wiped her face.

"Anything you want," he kissed her head and drove to the DIY froyo place and encouraged her to get the big cup and filled them with multiple flavors and candies and took them with covers to take them to go.

xx

He pulled up in front of her house and went with her inside, helping her carry her things upstairs. When they opened the front door, her parents were both in the kitchen, talking casually. Spencer just said a quick hello, and Toby glared at them.

"I'm going to go to the bathroom," he announced, and went downstairs. He confronted her parents.

"You were home this whole time when you could have been at Spencer's show?! Why wouldn't you at least make an appearance?! You broke her heart!"

"Toby, I think you'd better cool off and either go upstairs or go home." Peter said, standing.

"She worked so hard and she should be so proud of herself, and the first thing she did after the show was cry because she thinks you two aren't proud of her. God, would it kill you to at least pretend?!"

"Proud of what? Wiggling around in spandex? " Peter shot back.

"She's really talented. And beautiful on that stage. That's what she loves to do, and if you loved her you would want to see her doing what she loves and what makes her happy. That poor girl wants nothing more than to make you two proud and will go to the ends of the Earth to even have a chance at making you pay attention. How can you not see that? I've been around for less than a year and I see how broken that girl is every time you ignore her. She's a mess and it's your fault!"

"If she's a mess, maybe it's something her boyfriend should be working on," Veronica suggested. "She needs her own life. She needs to be independent from us.

"How do you live with yourself, hurting your own flesh and blood like this?! She thinks you don't love about her! How are you okay with that?!"

"Don't raise your voice at us. If you can't calm down I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

"Then apologize to your daughter and tell her you love her and you're proud of her so she can stop breaking her back for you." Toby got in Peter's face.

Peter pushed Toby back a bit. "She needs to keep working harder and work on the right things. Not that that is any of your business." Peter grunted.

It is my business, because you're hurting someone I care very much about." He pushed Peter back, harder than he'd been pushed himself, causing Peter to stumble backward.

"That's it, get out of this house. NOW." Veronica yelled.

Spencer had heard the yelling and was sitting in the staircase, listening and watching through the spaces between the railings. If they could say they cared, even if it were to Toby and not to her directly, it would be enough. But they didn't.

When she saw the pushing, she came downstairs and stood in front of them, although no one seemed to notice. Her cheeks were tear-stained.

"I got offered a scholarship tonight," she said softly, trying to break the tension. "And to bring my choreography to a dance convention this fall."

"Baby," Toby stopped caring about the Hastings' yelling in his face and glued himself to Spencer's side. "I'm so proud of you, why didn't you tell me that part?" He kissed her, his thumb wiping her cheeks.

"Toby, you were asked to LEAVE." Veronica repeated.

"Didn't you hear what she just said?" Toby questioned. "She's good. Tell her you're proud."

"That's nice and all, honey, but it doesn't mean a thing for your future. I'm sorry. I'm glad you've had fun tonight and gotten it out of your system, but I really do think it's time you focus on your future and doing more of the right things. Like your sister."

"Are you fucking kidding me?!" Toby yelled, and Spencer cowered into his chest.

"THAT'S IT. IF YOU DON'T LEAVE IN THE NEXT MINUTE I'M CALLING THE COPS." Peter yelled. "I will not have that language or the encouragement of Spencer's antics in my house. She won't ever learn that way."

"Fine," he shrugged, running upstairs to grab his backpack and the ice cream on her carpet. Spencer closely followed him, clinging to him as he walked out.

"Spencer don't you dare leave. Get back in the house RIGHT NOW." Peter yelled as Spencer ran out.

But Spencer didn't look back, she just ran into her car with Toby and let him drive. She jumped as her father banged on the window and yelled for her to get in the house, but she didn't care about pleasing them for once. She had learned that she would only be enough if she somehow woke up in her sister's body.

xx

They drove to pick up Toby's car at the auditorium, and rode separately back to Toby's house. It wasn't without a hug and kiss that he let them separate, driving slowly behind one another to his house.

As soon as they got inside, Toby helped Spencer into one of his shirts and dried her off, and peeled off his wet clothes as well.

He put their ice cream in the freezer and then pulled her into him once they'd settled.

"I'm sorry," he kissed her hair. "I'm sorry they don't see the girl you really are." He rubbed her back.

She collapsed into his arms and sobbed the hardest he'd seen her cry without having a panic attack into his chest. She made ugly noises and sniffled and gasped into his chest. He let her, just rubbing her back in support.

"Shhh…Do you want your ice cream? Or maybe some tea?" He offered.

"Coffee?" She asked meekly, pulling apart from him.

"You got it," he chuckled, going upstairs to make her a cup. When he returned they sat up against his headboard, his arm enveloping her into him.

"They're just asses, you can't let them dictate the way you act or feel anymore," he said, seeing her still recounting the moments that took place at her house that evening.

She started to cry again, cowering into him, and he let her, understanding full well that telling her to stop crying wouldn't help anything.

"Why don't they love me?" She murmured into his neck, completely innocently and painstakingly. The words came out before she could think about them.

"I don't know," he answered honestly. "But…I do know that I love you." He rubbed her back.

She was quiet for a minute. She didn't say a word, but she'd also slowed down on crying.

"Spencer?" he pulled her chin up to see her eyes. He opened his mouth to say the words again, but instead her fingers hooked over his mouth and between his teeth.

"Don't you dare, Toby Cavanaugh." She said sternly, making eye contact with him. He can't love me. No one has ever loved me. Not my parents or my sister or even a friend. He can't love me. He doesn't know what he's talking about and if he says it you'll believe him and everything will be a mess.

"I love you," he mumbled through her fingers, pulling her hand from his mouth. "Spencer, listen to me. I love you, I really do. And I really am so proud of you." He searched her eyes for answers.

"No," her crying started up again, but this time she didn't bury herself in his chest, she pulled away from him further instead. "Take it back," she mumbled.

"Spencer," he was shocked, this wasn't your typical reaction to a declaration of love.

"Take it back!" She said louder this time. "You can't."

"Why not?" He nibbled at her ear.

"Because no one's ever said that before!" She didn't mean to yell, but she did.

"No one…not even—"

"No one." She repeated. "You don't love me," she said matter-of-factly. "You can't."

"Spencer…" he pulled her close. "You deserve to know that you're lovable." His heart broke, realizing she felt she couldn't be loved not just by him, but by anybody. Her doubts were with herself, not in him. "And I love you."

She fought him for a bit. "Let me love you." He said, pulling her close to him.

She let the silence envelope them, afraid to say anything else. He started to kiss her again, kissing every part of skin he could reach with his lips.

"Will you still love me in the morning?" She said softly, her voice shaky. She didn't need him to tell her he loved her for her to want to be physical with him, and she saw it going there. But she did feel like she needed to know if that was the reason he was saying those words.

"Every morning," he corrected her.

"I'm scared," she said even softer and shakier after a long silence.

"Me too," he gulped, never having really been in love before.

She let them settle in eye contact for a while, talking in paragraphs with jus their eyes. She finally kissed him back.

She never told him she loved him back, but love was still made that night.

Over, and over, and over. Endless love.