A/N: Hey guys! I'm so so sorry about not updating before the holidays! I had a family emergency right before finals, and then it was testing and then the holidays snuck up on me. My laptop crapped out and I finally got a new one last night. I have missed updating so much! I hope everyone is still interested and can forgive me for leaving them hanging! I will be updating more quickly from here on out. I hope you all enjoy and that this chapter makes up for the time lost!

Toby was worried about Spencer. The phone call from the night before was still lingering in the back of his mind. She'd sounded so desperate, and just hung up on him. Of course the rest of the night went well, so he was probably overthinking it all. He found his lips curling up into a smirk when he remembered how Spencer had looked with her hair matted with flour and brownie batter, and how hard they'd laughed. Maybe everything was alright.

This isn't going to be the same, he kept telling himself, pushing aside his fears. She's not like that. She's better now. She knows you'll keep saving her. She's not going to push this as far. It's not going to be like that again. He breathed deeply, bringing himself back into the moment. He kept equating her to the horrible things he'd seen in the past. He found himself worrying about her the way he'd had to worry about if his mom would come home that night. But he realized that a silly voice-cracking on the phone shouldn't alarm him this much. She was right here with him. She was right there with him.

And there she was. He looked over at Spencer, who was rhythmically bouncing her knees up and down nervously, creating a loud tapping against the cold, tiled floor. Toby couldn't take it anymore. He reached over and pushed his hand down into her knees to force her feet flat on the floor.

"Sorry," she blushed, sitting on her hands and scooting to the edge of the chair.

"You need to relax, babe." It had been her idea that they come here, but he pushed her to go sooner rather than later. Clearly, she was nervous. He understood that he really couldn't ever know what she was thinking or nervous about, but he still wished she would calm down. This wasn't supposed to be a big deal.

"I just don't like waiting rooms." She sighed, and he slipped her hand into his and squeezed, trying to comfort her.

"Spencer Hastings?" A nurse came out and called.

"Do you want me to come in with you?" Toby kinda felt awkward to come in, but he was there to be supportive.

She shook her head and went into the room. He kept Snapchatting her funny faces while she was in there, hoping that if she had to wait for the doctor to come in after she spoke to the nurse, she would look at her phone and feel better that he was trying to make her laugh.

Spencer was nervous, but she sat tight. She told the doctor about how she wanted birth control, and that Toby was the only person she'd ever been with, and they'd always been safe. She felt uncomfortable during the exam, but she knew that it would be good for her. For her and Toby. She was taking care of what she needed to.

When she came out of the room with a little bag and prescription slip in her hand, Toby stood up immediately to gather his girlfriend into his arms. "You were in there a long time," he ruffled his eyebrows.

"And you're a doofus," she said bumping into him playfully and going to the desk to pay her co-pay.

"I guess you got the pictures," he kissed her head.

"I couldn't stop laughing to myself while the doctor was trying to examine my cervix. She probably thought I was a damn moron." She said climbing into his truck.

"Did it…hurt?" He made a face.

"No…it was just weird. But we're all set." She said and they shortly pulled up at the pharmacy for her to drop off her prescription. When she hopped out of the car she playfully threw the paper bag she'd been carrying at him and condoms spilled out all over his lap. She just laughed and came back in a bit with her pills.

"Does this mean we can celebrate?" He said, holding up the condoms from all over his lap.

She slapped his arm playfully. "Stop it… let's just go to your house. I'm getting hungry." He had promised to make dinner.

He dramatically exhaled jokingly. "If you say so," He said as he started to drive to his house.

Spencer leaned forward to turn on the radio and then leaned closer to him after a minute. "But maybe," she said, responding very much delayed to his suggestions to put her new equipment to good use.

His cheeks turned hot. "You can't do that to me, Spence…" he kissed her when they stopped at a red light.

"Goooo," she giggled. "It's green!" A bunch of car horns echoed from behind him. He shrugged and kissed her again as a few cars went around him and she laughed the rest of the way home.

xx

She felt him press his body against her from behind as she reached up into the cabinets.

"You know, it's already hard enough to try to figure out what to eat for dinner when all you have is a can of tuna fish and Chef Boyardee." She said shutting the cabinets.

"Well you teased me in the car…so it's my turn to do it to you…" He said as she turned to face him, still wedged between him and the counter. He lifted her up onto the counter and stood between her legs, his lips only about an inch from her lips. She leaned in to kiss him but he tilted his head up and just locked eye contact with her, smiling as he squeezed her legs.

"Kiss?" She pouted, putting her hands on either side of his face.

"Here?" He asked, kissing her hand. She shook her head no. "How about here?" He said, kissing in the crease between her forearm and upper arm.

"Nooooo," She whined, trying to bring his lips up to hers.

He continued this game of kissing random bits of exposed skin, none of which were even remotely near where she wanted him. She was wiggling under his grip, trying to fight her way to his lips, but he held her back and kissed her arms, ears, nose, and fingers.

He pushed back a little and started to lift her shirt. "Tobyyyyy," she welped. "I just want a kiss. Just one." She pleaded.

"I've given you near a hundred by now," he smirked, kissing a trail from her belly button up to the bony midsection just beneath her bra, and back down again, past her belly button and lingering near the waist of her jeans.

"Toby!" She screamed, pushing herself back on the counter and hitting her head of the cabinet. "Ow," she said, holding her head and laughing. He tried to hold back his laugh but he couldn't help it. She shoved him back as he laughed.

"Aw, come here." He kissed the top of her head, and went to pull her face towards him to kiss her lips, finally, but she pulled away and smirked. They were both all hot and bothered at this point, but it was getting fun teasing, and being teased, even.

She kissed his hears and nibbled at his earlobes, breathing hot and heavy breathes into his ear. She knew he always went crazy when she did that. She stopped nibbling and whispered. "We need to go buy groceries," she said, managing to even make the A&P sound sexy.

"We could do something else first," he said, his fingers dancing up her shirt and across her sides. She put her hands on his forearms to stop him, leaning up to kiss his chin dimple, just barely missing his mouth.

"Dinner." She insisted, grabbing his keys and turning to watch him watch her walk away in awe before joining her. She just laughed.

xx

"How much did your dad leave you for the week?" Spencer asked, trying to sum up the few things they already had in the cart: trail mix, pasta, and a few apples. His dad said he was gone on business for the next week and a half or so, but really this was the anniversary of his mother's death, and his father did this every year. He just couldn't handle being home. Toby used to wish he'd take him along, but grieving separately was much better for the both of them.

"He just left the credit card," Toby said, shoving his hands in his pockets. It was taking a lot of energy not to just push Spencer into the frozen section and attack her right here. "Can't we just go homeee? There's food in the cart!"

"I don't know what dinner you think we can make with apples and linguini, but I'm not sure I want to ask."

"Well if we have to stay can't we at least pick food that isn't so…healthy." He made a face.

"It wouldn't hurt to eat something other than a tuna melt and Taco Bell," she said, playfully hitting his stomach. He lifted his shirt to expose his muscular physique.

"I'm fine," he said, teasing her.

"Put your clothes on," she smiled and rolled her eyes, walking down the aisle and putting a few more items into the cart as they weaved in and out of aisles.

He didn't argue much the rest of the trip, he just followed closely behind her, touching her in all the ways he could get away with in public, earning him glaring looks form Spencer as she bit her lip, trying her hardest to seem stern rather than amused and turned on by him.

They reached one of the last aisles and there was a mother with a small toddler boy in the front of the shopping cart, and an older, preschool aged little girl climbing on the end of the cart, riding it while her mom pushed it. They were very talkative, even if most of it was nonsense and babytalk.

"THAT GIRL HAS A BRAID LIKE ELSA MOMMY! Do you think her name is Elsa? Mommy? Mom?"

"Elsaaaaa" the little boy echoed.

"I'm sorry," the mother turned to Spencer, who now had Toby's hands in her pockets from behind her as she perused the shelves for the spices she wanted.

"It's fine," she laughed and crouched down to the little girl that was now off her mother's shopping cart and was much closer to Spencer.

"My name is Spencer, but I really like Elsa. But Olaf was my favorite," she raised her eyebrows.

"How did you do your braid like Elsa? I want an Elsa braid!" She jumped up and down, her straight blonde bouncing up and down and getting in her face. "Can you help me?" The little girl put her hands together enthusiastically.

"Come on, Clarissa, we have to go." The mom put out her hand for the girl to join her. "Don't bother the nice lady."

"I can braid your hair if you promise to be good for your mommy," She said smiling up at the mom. The little girl hugged Spencer around the neck. "Mommy mommy i'm gonna look like Elsa!" She exclaimed, and Spencer laughed and combed the girls hair in her fingers and quickly gave her a loose side braid that matched her own.

"THANK YOU SPENCER" The little girl jumped up and down and skipped down the aisle, flipping her braid over her shoulder.

"Thank you…can I give you something?" The mother fished in her purse.

"Don't worry about it." Spencer smiled and adjusted her shirt. "She's adorable."

"You just made her day." The woman smiled. "Do you have children or siblings? You were so good with her."

"I'm the youngest, and I'm still only in high school." Toby loosened his hold on her hips, realizing they looked like a married couple. "But I do teach dance classes, the big center going north on Oak Street."

"I just assumed you were newlyweds." The woman smiled. "Have a good one," she said as she started to catch up with the little girl, calling after her to wait up.

Spencer smiled. "That was cute." She said, resuming her search for garlic salt.

"If we had a baby, what do you think it would look like," he said, holding her from behind, this time more innocently than he had been, wrapping his arms around her stomach.

"Wasn't the whole point of what we did today to prevent that from happening? We have our whole lives in front of us…"

"I know…but, just, what do you think? I think our babies would be a force to be reckoned with… your brain and my athleticism… and let's face it, we're both pretty attractive," he smirked and she pushed him a little, laughing.

"Well now I'm just picturing a newborn with a six pack and nerd glasses," she laughed.

"We'll see, eventually." He smiled, kissing her neck and letting his hands meet over her tummy, where a baby might live one day. He hoped it would be his.

"Stop that," she slapped her hands away. "Don't joke about that, not yet."

"Fine…all I'm saying is when I put a little baby in there it's going to be perfect. You know, when we're married and stuff." He said with a smirk, kissing her head and walking down the grocery aisle before she could argue with him about her twisted notions and fears about love and the future and how she was convinced he'd move on. Because his twisted fear was only of losing her somewhere along the way.

This boy is going to be the end of me. She shook her head, but couldn't help but smile, meeting him at the end of the grocery aisle and at the back of her mind imagining meeting him at the end of the aisle in a church. She shook the idea he had planted from her mind quickly, telling him to help her put their food up on the checkout belt.

xx

"I thought I was supposed to be cooking for you tonight," He said, watching her stir around shrimp in garlic and oil in a pan on his stovetop.

"If it were up to you we would be eating charred grilled cheese and Campbell's soup."

"What's wrong with that? It's like comfort food." He shrugged. "the point was, I wanted you to relax. You're always so worried…about college, and the stupid doctor's appointment, and your parents, and, well, everything."

"Well I think it'd be nice to have a nice, more healthy meal. That's all." She shrugged. "And, you know, I'm not that stressed. I'm, uh…I'm not going to New York anymore, and everything is going much better."

"Woah woah woah, you're not going to New York anymore? Where are you going?"

"Do you want to help me cook or not?" She said dropping the pasta into the boiling water.

"Spencer…what happened?"

"I got off the wait list at UPenn and they offered me a spot…so I'll be going there."

"Isn't that exactly what you didn't want? Ugh, Spence, you're supposed to do what you want an do, not what your mom and dad want to do."

"To be fair, i didn't really want to go to Fordham, either. It was another law program. I wanted to dance. But I actually think that if I can stay close by and work at the studio still, if I'm still dancing while I go to school, then I'll be happy. I can do what I love while still doing something…practical."

"That sounds like your father talking, not you." Toby groaned.

"Toby, stop it. Okay? Stop it. Let's just enjoy dinner together. We've had a wonderful day.

"You're right… I just want you to be happy for you."

"Well doing what you think I should be doing isn't really any different or any better than listening to my parents, now is it?" She looked him right in the eye, crossing her arms over her chest. She made a good point.

"It doesn't matter. Not right now. I'm sorry."

She just shrugged. She usually avoided confrontation.

"Hey…look at me…" he said, turning her around from the stove.

She looked in his eyes but didn't say anything. "Please? I'm proud of you, okay?"

Her eyes finally softened. "I never got that kiss." She eased up a bit.

He willingly obliged and softy pecked at her lips. He deepened the kiss, but she swatted him away. "I'm going to burn dinner if you don't cool it, Toby." She said, moving the shrimp around in the pan and stirring the pasta. She soon drained the pasta and plated their meals.

"This literally looks like it came from a restaurant."

"I took a cooking class a few years ago," she shrugged.

"Is there anything you don't know how to do?" He joked.

"Uhm… actually, no." She joked back, and kissed him.

He studied her for a few moments as they broke apart and started to eat. He may have apologized for jumping on her for doing what her parents wanted, but he still didn't agree with it. His own mother had been trapped in a world she didn't mesh with, a life she never wanted. And that's what broke her. She spiraled slowly, and then rapidly at the end. And eventually she died in a messy end of her own reflexive battle against herself and the world that bound her. He refused to see that happen to Spencer. He'd seen it before in her: sadness plastered behind an artfully crafted, near perfect fake smile; the deadness in her eyes when she was upset enough to cry, but couldn't find the will; the desperation for something that he couldn't figure out, but it had something to do with her parents, which confirmed to him that she might not ever get what she was looking for. And although she was a smart girl, quite possibly the smartest person he'd ever known, he wasn't sure that she really knew what he did.

He watched her, as if a sign would just flash above her head telling him how she was, what she was feeling, and what he needed to do to knock her back on track. If she even needed it. He was aware he was being dramatic and hypersensitive, but he was afraid to brush it off as an extension of the feelings manifested around the anniversary of the death of his mother, when it could be real. It might not be a manifestation at all. Now his head was spinning with the paranoia.

"Hey…Toby? Tooooobyyyy?" She waved her hand in front of his face. "Why aren't you eating? You were majorly spacing."

"Oh, uh, yeah. I just need a smoke." He said, standing up to go to the back porch.

"Why don't you eat first, at least?" She didn't like that he smoked, but she didn't fight him on it ever. He knew how she felt, that it was bad for him. But out of all the vices there were, this was considerably less harmful.

"You know what, you're right." He smiled and sat back down, digging into his meal. She watched him eat.

"Is it good?"

"Amazing," he kissed her with his mouth still half-full, and she laughed, wiping her mouth.

After dinner, he helped her clean up and did the dishes with her. Water splashed up onto them from dishes falling into the sink too hair, and bubbles overflowed onto the counter when he added too much soap to the sponge.

She threw some bubbles his way. "How is it we always make a mess in this kitchen?"

"Who cares? It's fun." He said, putting bubbles on her chin like a beard.

She laughed and kissed him, wiping her face on his shirt.

"Oh, nice…" he said sarcastically and laughed, wiping the bubbles off with a dishtowel.

"I can't stay tonight… I have to work early, but maybe we can rent a movie?"

"Or maybe I can kick your ass at Scrabble again."

"To be fair, we never finished that game, so you really didn't win…''

He laughed at her competitiveness. "Whatever you say."

"And even if you count that as a win, it wasn't a complete ass-kicking."

"Fine, fine, fine." He laughed. "I'll be right back." He kissed her nose and went outside. She figured he'd be back in right after his cigarette, but after fifteen minutes she got nervous and opened the back door slowly, poking her head out.

"Tobes?"

He popped out from the other side and scared her, causing her to slam the door and yell.

He laughed hysterically before re-opening the door and scooping her up.

"I'm sorry babe, I couldn't resist."

"You're a jerk." She tried to pout, but couldn't stop laughing after the fact.

"Come on…" he grabbed her hand and pulled her outside.

"What?" She narrowed her eyes. His breath smelled like smoke so she knew he'd already had his cigarette.

"You'll see." He said, and she saw a blanket laid out beside the hammock, and he'd lit up his fire pit.

"Smores and stargazing until you have to leave?" He offered.

"You're so gross and mushy and i hate how much I love it, Toby Cavanaugh," She said pushing him into the blanket.

"I have to go inside and get the marshmallows," he said laughing as she straddled his waist.

"I think we can wait a little while, I've got something better." She said kissing him up and down, teasing and kissing and teasing and kissing as far as they could go without actually doing anything, just like their old study sessions.

They rolled around on the blankets until the stars turned blue and the fire burned out.

"So much for getting sleep before I have to go to work," she laughed as they saw the sun start to rise.

"Sleep is overrated," he shrugged, standing up and coming back with a big thermos full of coffee. "If we're up, we might as well watch the sun rise." He smiled, handing her the thermos before sitting.

"Wait wait wait," she said louder than she wanted to, causing a bunch of birds to start chirping. "Go get the marshmallows…now is better."

He shook his head laughing but obliged. He came back and re-lit the fire, and then sat behind her to envelope her in his arms. They shared the coffee, burned marshmallows, and traded sticky kisses until the sun was officially bright enough to wake up the rest of the neighborhood.

She kissed him goodbye as he dropped her off in her driveway to get into her own car.

Goodbyes were always the hardest part.

To the Guest who said that I deserve all of the reviews I get and whatnot, and felt bad about not reviewing more, I wish you'd sign in so I can properly thank you!

Thank you to you and to everyone who has been patient and kept up their hopes for my stories while I was on an accidental hiatus! I know I promised an update before the new year but it's been crazy over here. I am so grateful people kept my stories in mind when I wasn't updating.

I hope you all enjoy this. I love you all. Happy new year!