The next day at the Senior picnic, Spencer couldn't help but be distracted, butterflies in her stomach thinking about the parents' appreciation dinner. Remembering how prideful her father looked spinning Melissa around the living room in her flowy black dress and giving her an early graduation gift – a pair of beautiful, 1 carat diamond earrings, telling her something corny about how diamonds were forever, and so was her education, which was so valuable and was something that no one could ever take from her. And how she peeked down looking through the staircase because she was yelled at for being in the way, looking down and fiddling with her cheap Claire's earrings, wondering what it would be like to get a gift like that. She had gotten the idea in her head that she would re-create this moment one day, it would be her turn. And now, she'd caught the naivety of that night, awaiting her turn, forgetting that it wasn't about actually turns, but about their adoration of their first daughter, and their lack thereof for their second. She kept replaying the moment, as if she were trying to remember the choreography of the moment she should wouldn't even step out of place. She even picked a dress she thought looked like her sister's from that night so many years ago.

"Spencer, come on, we gotta get on line to get our yearbooks," Toby spoked at her.

"What?" she was grounded back in reality, looking at him now, making an effort to focus in on his eyes.

"Where were you just now?" he stroked her hair "What are you thinking about?"

"It's nothing, just still thinking about…" she smirked and raised an eyebrow. It wasn't completely untrue. She was still thinking about the intense intimacy they'd had two nights ago. She always thought guys saying it felt better without a condom was a lame excuse, but she felt like it was different, at least with him, not necessarily the sex itself, but how if she focused, she could feel the slight twitch and warmth of him finishing inside of her, and it made her feel really good, and then knowing there was nothing between them made her feel even better… the fact that he wanted to do that with her, the trust and love between them… it meant something to her and she'd had it on her mind since, hoping it wasn't just a teenage boy's wet dream she was living in, and that it, maybe, felt more than that, felt special, to him, too.

"Well let's hurry up and get our yearbooks then…" he smirked and grabbed her waist, pulling her into him to give her a kiss before taking her hand and running her over to the crowd to get her yearbook.

Once they'd gotten their books, there was a swarm of people around Toby. Everyone was going around signing each other's' yearbooks, writing little paragraphs and sharing inside jokes. Of course, that meant that Mr. Popular, Toby Cavanaugh, had half the school swarmed around him. She knew this about her boyfriend, and wanted him to do what he normally would have, so sat under the tree and flipped through the pages of the yearbook. Aside from her senior portrait, she wasn't in a single candid photo, and even for the clubs she was in, she was either in the back where you couldn't see her, or they took the photo when she wasn't there. She could easily pass for not even having gone to this school, meanwhile, Toby was plastered on nearly every page. She could feel everyone walking right by her. Do they ignore me on purpose, or do they really not even see me? She wondered to herself, for the first time in a long time remembering how it felt to live on the sidelines without any friends, without Toby. Before everyone thought of her as part of some sex scandal or tutor whore. Before everyone associated her with some sort of Alison catfight. When she really was invisible, except for the times she got in the way and people didn't like that – just like at home when she'd said too much or taken up too much space – she was shoved, left out, and laughed at. But mostly she was left alone, and sometimes, that was worse, because she'd find herself pinching herself to make sure she was still alive, still awake, not that anyone noticed or would care if it were otherwise.

But then she looked up and smiled, seeing Toby signing everyone's yearbook and remembering how much good was in him and how things had changed. Even though there were so many people, she could tell he was really taking the time to write something personal in each and every one. He was so thoughtful sometimes. Just one of the things she really liked about him. She realized it first when they first started hanging out, before they were even dating, and he bought a case of La Croix to have in his room for when she came over, specifically because he'd seen her drinking one at lunch once before. She pretended to really be examining each page of the book, trying not to draw attention to the fact that unlike her popular boyfriend, she didn't have anyone she wanted to ask to sign her yearbook, and no one really wanted her to sign theirs, either. She was okay with it, but she didn't want to draw attention to herself, and she didn't want Toby to see and feel badly. She felt overwhelming relief upon seeing Aria, Holden, Hanna and Caleb walking away from where Toby was.

"What are you doing down here?" Aria saw her and they stopped around her. She got up and dusted herself off.

"I was just letting Toby… be Toby." She shrugged and kind of laughed. She didn't know why she felt so nervous, she wanted to ask them to sign her yearbook. They were friends. But she still felt nervous, like they'd laugh, or reject her.

Hanna noticed Spencer's awkward holding of her book close to her chest, looking like she was begging to say something. "Let's sign books after graduation… I have no idea what I'm going to write in you guys'… besides its not like all of them," she referenced the crowd of kids behind them. "I know I'm going to see you all all summer."

Spencer nodded. "That makes sense… so are all of you coming to the dinner dance tonight?"

"Yeah, don't worry, my mom is on the planning committee, so I'll be there early to save us all seats near each other…" Hanna smiled.

Spencer smiled and saw Toby finally emerge, as half the seniors had moved to the parking lot and were leaving.

"Sorry Spence… guys…. You know how people get with yearbooks…"

She smiled a little bit, nodding and pretending, because she actually didn't know. Everyone else was chattering and agreeing. But she had a stack of yearbooks at home from elementary school and middle school, all completely barren of signatures and inside jokes, minus a few hurtful words she'd drawn over with Sharpie that told her not to come back to school the next year, or making fun of her picture.

Toby put his arm around Spencer. "We're going to go, we have some things to do before tonight."

"See you later," Aria and Holden smiled and waved as they ended up in a tickle fight, and Hanna and Caleb said goodbye as they walked the opposite way to their car.

xx

"I couldn't wait for that to be over," Toby said as they got into the car.

"Why's that?" she laughed.

"Because I was thinking of this the whole time," he said putting his hand to her cheek, and went in for a passionate kiss, and didn't stop for the next ten minutes. "Do you want to?" he said, breathing heavily to try and catch his breath from.

"We can't… we're… not home." She blushed.

"So? We don't need anything…" he reasoned.

She couldn't argue with the logic… and she really was thinking about it… especially the way he kept nibbling at her ear and kissing her neck while she pondered it.

"But what if someone sees us?"

"I don't care… plus, they won't… your windows are tinted… and no one's even here anymore."

She nodded and kissed him and let him pull her into the back seat, and suddenly she wasn't worrying about the dinner tonight, or letting herself feel lonely for having not one of her 400 classmates do anything except walk right past her instead of scribbling a generic "good luck" in her yearbook, mostly pretending that she didn't exist. She was reminded she was loved, and feeling all of him, she felt mature and important doing it this way, even though it was silly and she knew it.

She dropped him off and kissed him again before letting him leave. "You drive me crazy, Toby Cavanaugh." She was blushing. "A lot… " she smirked.

"You're amazing… you're so cute when you're all red…"

"Well it's just because of… you know." She got even redder.

"I know." He kissed her head. "Are you sure you don't want me and my dad to pick you up later?"

"We'll meet you there." She waved him off and got back into her car.

xx

When she got home, she laid on the bed and thought about her and Toby. How dirty and scandalous she felt, but all at once, how grown up and dare she say, how in love she felt. She loved the feeling of what they did, even though she knew it was wrong to do it in her car, she knew she'd be feeling quite happy every time she was in the car for a while now, remembering this afternoon.

She held the yearbook against her chest and looked over at her bookshelf, where all the others lived. This one will be different, and the rest won't matter. She told herself. Things are changing. Don't forget how much you've grown this year. You have friends and a boyfriend who care about you, Dad is so proud of you for going to his alma mater. This is the beginning of the rest of your life. She smiled and put the book to the side.

She showered, feeling a little weird about being with her dad after the afternoon she'd shared with Toby, though it wouldn't be the first time she was with her family right after engaging in such behavior, she'd put something so delicate and special around this night in her head, that everything had to be perfect. She only wished her mother would be coming, or be home to see it, and maybe she would ease up a little bit after seeing her husband do the same.

She had her hair pinned in curls, carefully gluing on eyelashes like Hanna had taught her and taking her time. She got dressed early and twirled around her room, pretending to be surprised when she got a gift from her father. She wondered if it would be earrings like Melissa's, or something else, a bracelet or necklace, maybe.

She sat on the edge of the bed, deeply breathing, calming herself down. You've done so many things wrong before… it's not like you can make it worse, she tried to reason to herself, on the other hand, her hands shaking, telling herself the contrary. But just be cool because if you make too big a deal, if you bother too much or do anything wrong, he will never do anything for you ever again. You have an opportunity here. She took a deep breath, slipped her phone into her purse, and slowly made her way downstairs.

"Dad…" she called, looking into the kitchen and popping her head into his office. She looked outside and saw his car, so figured everything was fine.

"Dad… I'm ready when you are." She smiled and went back upstairs, looking into his bedroom, again finding the room empty.

She pulled out her cell phone to see if he'd called or texted, but she didn't have any notifications. So she sat on the couch and waited. There has to be an explanation… how far could he have gotten without his car?

After 20 minutes, her knee was bouncing like crazy with anxiousness. She jumped up when she heard the back door. "Dad!" she sang happily and ran into the other room.

Melissa laughed. "Why are you so happy… and why are you dressed like that?" she looked her up and down.

Spencer shook it off. "Do you know where Dad is?"

"He went with mom on her business trip late last night… you didn't know? They decided to drive up together. I think he said he'd back late tonight or early tomorrow, not sure. But Mom has to stay a few more days."

"Oh… no… he told me he'd be home. Uhm, that's alright. I gotta go anyway." She ran out the door so her sister wouldn't see her crying. She sat in the car and suddenly it didn't feel happy anymore. She felt ashamed. What do I tell Toby? How do I explain this? Can I just not show up? No, he'll freak out. He'll be mad either way, at Dad and he'll be mad at me for letting this happen… he can't know I'm upset. She sighed. Melissa said he might be back tonight. Maybe he'll meet me there. He did say he might just come for a portion of it… it's not over yet… Spencer, the least optimistic person on the planet, talked herself into thinking there might still be even a bit of hope yet. She wasn't sure if the hope was more for herself, or to prove Toby wrong that her Dad might have meant it when he made the gesture that seemed like he cared.

xx

She sat in the parking lot for at least 15 minutes before she mustered up the courage to go inside alone. She watched all of the other families walk in together from her seat. She knew Toby was inside with his dad, he'd already texted her letting her know where they were sitting.

He was inside pacing near their table, compulsively checking his phone.

"Toby, sit down, she'll be here soon. No rush." His dad pat his arm.

He sighed and sat next to his dad. "I swear if her –"

"Toby, enough…" his dad said firmly, knowing where this is going.

I just know something is wrong, they should have been here by now. Toby thought.

Spencer quickly walked in and across the room, hoping not to be spotted walking in alone. She slipped into her chair on the other side of Toby and took a deep breath, thinking of what she'd rehearsed in the car. "My dad is stuck in traffic, he's going to meet us here." She said hopefully. Her eyes were begging him not to push back on her.

"That's alright… he'll get here when he gets here. Can I get you a drink?" Toby's dad offered as he stood to head to the bar.

"But he's coming?" Toby interjected.

"Uhm… as far as I know. And no thank you..., I'm okay with the water."

His dad nodded and walked over to the bar, not before giving Toby a look to settle down.

"Please don't say anything else." She said softly before taking a sip of water and trying to catch up in conversation with everyone else. There was something about being around everyone else's parents that made her feel nauseous. Like they all knew she'd done something bad, and knew the real reason her parents weren't there, and didn't love her, and because of that, they decidedly didn't like her either, even though they were all being perfectly nice. It was that they looked at her with pity for coming alone, wanted to know the gossip and story behind why, but were too polite to ask. Instead, she felt even more aware she was alone, and felt like she'd done something wrong.

Toby kept watching her. It was driving him nuts how the whole night, all she did was look at the clock, and keep her eyes fixated on the entrance half the time, and her phone the other half, waiting for some update or the surprise of him walking in to join. She didn't even touch her dinner. "Spence… we can leave." He leaned in and whispered to her. Dinner was over and they were about to do the group mother/son dance, followed by the father/daughter dance.

She shook her head. "No…Toby, please, I just don't want to talk about it. He could still… " she shook her head and covered her face for a second, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath. "I don't need to hear how you told me this would happen… and I set myself up for disappointment. I already know that, and I'm sure he had a good reason but right now I just don't want to do this."

He put his hands up. "Okay…okay" he surrendered. He didn't know what to do, especially with so many people around them.

She nervously went to play with her earrings, and felt her bare earlobe, and realized she didn't put earrings in, because she'd stupidly assumed a gift that didn't come. How greedy and stupid could she be?

"Besides.. I'm not the only one here without someone right now." She looked at Caleb, who was happily part of Hanna's clan, and down toward Toby, who she felt bad didn't have his mom right now, and knew he was probably really sad inside, though he hid his feelings about his mom, especially around his dad. "You know what… if you want to leave, we can leave." The mother/son dance was finishing up. She went to stand, and Toby's dad got up and grabbed her hand.

"Would you do me the honor?" he nodded toward the dance floor as the DJ announced the father/daughter dance.

"I couldn't…" she looked at Toby, who hadn't had anyone to dance with himself, and she felt selfish. "I'm really okay…"

"I know that." Toby's dad didn't argue with her, he wanted to build her up. "But you're here, and you're the girl my son loves, and you look really beautiful. Your dad is missing out on this one." He extended his hand again. "Come on," he nodded toward the dance floor.

Toby was shocked at his dad's gesture, and watched Spencer, who looked like she was going to cry. She accepted his offer and slow danced with him, laughing a little as he twirled her.

"I know Toby gives you a hard time sometimes about the hard stuff…family is hard stuff." He said looking down at her, she truly looked so innocent in a sweet way, the way she waited for her father. And how proud she was to have someone to dance with. "But sometimes he's out of line."

"No… Mr. Cavanaugh…he just cares about me…and he's right most of the time."

"I know that… but families are hard. You do what you have to do with your family. He may not understand, but he should support you. And he knows that. He just can't see past his own opinions or pride sometimes. But you're right, it's because he loves you. And it's not hard to see why." She blushed. She didn't know what to say. He kept saying how much Toby loved her. She wondered how much he said when she wasn't around. If he told anyone how she wouldn't let him say those words. But she didn't know what to say. It did feel good to hear those things, and she was so emotional right now, she truly didn't expect him to do this. He didn't have to. She saw so much of the things she fell for in Toby, in his father.

"Your dad might not know how lucky he is to have a daughter like you… and I know you'd rather be dancing with him –"

"I like dancing with you." She leaned into him a little bit, interrupting. he was always accepting but this was above and beyond. "Thank you for dancing with me." The song was ending.

"Anytime… you should know that."

She nodded and as the song finished, she surprised him and hugged him tight. "I'm almost glad my Dad didn't come, because Toby never lets us talk." She teased, her eyes welled up with tears. She couldn't verbalize what that had meant to her.

She sat back down and they served dessert, and she held Toby's hand under the table the whole time, caressing his thigh at points instead.

She kept smiling at his dad, and as the night wound down, they all stood to leave with their families and said their goodbyes. "I'm going to go with Spencer…" Toby told his dad and kept his hand on her lower back guiding her towards the exit. She moved from him and surprised him by giving his dad a big hug. "Thank you again… for helping in making this evening special… it means a lot to me"

Not being one to talk about feelings much, he just put his hands in his pocket and nodded, hugging her back.

"You kids have fun." He left, and Spencer finally felt like she could breathe again with everyone starting to leave.

xx

As soon as they got to the car, she crashed her lips into Toby's and told him to drive home, fast, and they barely made it into her front door, not even undressing before she begged him to push inside of her, pulling off her panties from under her dress. Of course, he obliged, shoving her against the wall and knocking books off the bookshelf as he held on for support, quickly slamming into her as she dug her nails into his shoulders and wrapped her legs tighter around she finished, and he quickly followed.

He gently put her down, but she didn't let go of her arms latched around his neck as she leaned forward to kiss him, still catching her breath.

"If possible… this has become even more amazing and even more fun." She bit her lip.

"I know…" he kissed her neck and adjusted himself back into his pants. "But are you sure you're okay?"

"Why wouldn't I be…I initiated…"

"No… I meant… about tonight."

"I told you I didn't want to talk about it." She crossed her arms over her chest. "Besides… I actually really… I was really touched by the fact your dad danced with me. He basically told me I'm part of your family, because of how you feel about me…"

"He did?" he was shocked, only because his dad was typically a man of few words.

"I can see exactly where you get your big heart from." She held her hand over his chest.

"Come on, let's go change… get comfortable… relax."

"Will you sign my yearbook?" She bit her lip and finally looked up.

He snickered. "Right now?" he looked around.

She nodded and smiled like a little kid.

"I want to write something special. Can I have some more time?"

She was a little disappointed. "Promise you will thought? I want a letter from you."

"As long as you don't mind if I take up a whole page." He smiled.

She just kissed him and pulled him upstairs. He sure knew how to turn her mood around. She was head over heels for him. If only she could say the words she was so close to saying.

xx

As they headed upstairs, Wren came out from the shadows of the kitchen, dunking his tea bag into his cup and taking a careful sip not to burn his tongue, his face twisted in delight at the show he'd just caught.