AN: Just something lighthearted for the weekend. :) I took some liberties in filling in some more detail about Merlin and Gwen's friendship, but I think I managed to stay in character. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin.

"Come on, Sir Leon," Gwaine heckled, and several calls from around the table echoed him. "You have to tell."

"I'm not sure it's respectful," Leon protested, his face turning red, possibly from embarrassment and possibly from the wine. Merlin hid his laughter as he stepped forward to fill Leon's empty goblet. The knight wasn't a heavy drinker in general, but everyone was indulging a little bit for the Yule feast.

"Come now," Arthur said. "We're not asking for anything intimate or scandalous – there's a lady present, after all. Just the basics of the story. Who was she? What were the circumstances?"

Leon relented. "Her name was Mary. We were fourteen. She was the daughter of a trader who was passing through Camelot. We had become…friendly while they were here. I kissed her goodbye the night before they left."

"Aww!" Gwen exclaimed delightedly. "Leon, that's sweet! Did you ever see her again?"

The knight laughed. "Years later her father came through again, and I learned that she was married and expecting her second child. All right, Merlin, I think you're the only one left. Who was your first kiss?" he asked, clearly desperate to shift the attention to someone else.

"Oh no," Merlin argued. "I am but a lowly servant, only here to pour drinks and serve food."

There was not a chance in the world he was going to tell them about Freya. The memory of his first real kiss was not bittersweetly nostalgic, but gut-wrenchingly painful.

"Oh, come on, Merlin," Arthur argued. "Since when do you humbly defer to propriety?"

"Since when do you use multisyllabic words? And after so much wine!"

"I haven't had that much wine! Merlin…" Arthur looked at him shrewdly. "You have kissed a girl before, haven't you?"

Merlin glared at him. "Yes, Arthur, I have kissed a girl before."

"Are you sure?"

"What do you mean, 'Am I sure'? How could one be unsure about that? I'm just not going to share the details with everyone, because it's not anyone's business!"

"Actually," Elyan broke in, giving Merlin a reprieve, "Merlin isn't the only one left." He grinned wickedly. "My little sister hasn't shared yet."

Arthur scoffed. "I already know who her first kiss was," he joked, winking at his wife. Then his eyes went wide with horror as Gwen glared at her brother before looking down at her plate in embarrassment. "Guinevere?" he asked, perplexed.

Some of the knights tried harder than others to stifle their laughter, but the more confused Arthur looked, the funnier it became. Merlin tried and failed to keep a straight face as he watched Arthur realize with shock that he had not been his wife's first kiss.

And then Merlin caught the furtive look Gwen gave him.

Oh. He and Gwen had technically kissed, hadn't they? A couple of times, actually. There was that time he almost died, and then one time when Gwen had found a rare herb he and Gaius had desperately needed for a potion to save Camelot from a magical threat. She'd held it up and said, "Is this what you're looking for?" and Merlin had kissed her right on the lips before running away with it. But those weren't romantic kisses. Merlin hadn't even considered them when thinking about his first kiss.

But Gwen clearly thought they counted. Which meant Merlin was in just as much trouble as she was right then.

He went from trying to contain his laughter to trying to force it. He hurried over to the side of the room on the pretense of refilling the carafe of wine, turning his back to the party.

"I kissed a friend," Gwen admitted, flustered. "But he was just a friend!"

"What friend?" Arthur demanded indignantly.

"Come now, Arthur," Gwaine said casually. "You just admitted your first kiss was some nobleman's daughter. You can't be upset with Gwen for having kissed someone else."

Arthur scowled at the knight, but he reined himself back in. "You're right. Gwen was perfectly free to kiss whomever she liked before we were together." The king took a deep breath and said with forced cheerfulness, "All right then. Let's have it. Who was it?"

"Arthur, please," Gwen begged. "It was just a friend. It doesn't matter who it was."

"If it doesn't matter, why won't you say?" Arthur asked, and Merlin felt dread rise up in his stomach as he recognized the suspicious tone in Arthur's voice.

"Yes, Gwen, if it doesn't matter, why won't you say?" Elyan echoed, clearly enjoying himself. Merlin glanced over at the table long enough to see Gwen give her brother a glare Merlin had never seen before. He did not envy Elyan when she got her hands on him later.

"I have a question," Gwaine interrupted, mischief and delight in his voice. "If this is Gwen's embarrassing story, why are Merlin's ears bright red?"

He was going to kill his friend. Kill him. Slowly and painfully.

"Oh, you must be kidding me."

Merlin turned around to see Gwen with her face buried in her hands, her blush still visible on her forehead and neck. It was as good as a confession.

And Arthur was staring back and forth between her and Merlin in complete disbelief.

"Merlin? Your first kiss was Merlin?"

The knights gave up even pretending to try to control their laughter.

"Just as friends!" Merlin hurried to say. "There's never been anything more between us!"

"I can honestly say I've never kissed any of my friends," Arthur said flatly.

"I thought he'd died!" Gwen tried to explain. "And then when he wasn't dead, I was just so surprised and happy, I kissed him! I didn't even think about it!"

"You mean you kissed him? He didn't kiss you?"

Gwen didn't answer, and Arthur leaned forward, propping his elbow on the table and covering his eyes. "I can't believe this is happening."

"This is the best Yule present I've ever received." Gwaine wiped his eyes, his face red from laughing.

"Fine," Arthur said, sitting up again. "We'll say that one doesn't count. What was your second kiss?"

Oh no. This was even worse.

Gwen stared guiltily down at her plate, and Merlin quickly took a great interest in the design of the carafe in his hands.

"Come on, Guinevere. Tell me. It can't be any worse than Merlin."

Merlin glanced up to see Arthur staring at her, then turn suspiciously and look at him again.

"No. Please no."

"It was just a thank you, really!" he tried to explain. "She found something I had been looking for, and I got excited—"

"Not helping, Merlin!"

"No," Merlin backtracked frantically, "not like that! I mean, I was just happy she found it! So I gave her a quick kiss! Very quick. I'm not sure it even counted. I think I might have missed, actually."

Oh gods. Arthur was going to kill him. Merlin really should not have served him so much wine.

"Did he miss?" he asked icily, turning back to Gwen.

"I…don't remember?" she said meekly. "It wasn't a memorable kiss!"

Leon choked on the sip of wine he had just taken while the others roared with laughter yet again.

"Ouch, Merlin," Gwaine said sympathetically. "Better hope that doesn't get around."

Arthur sighed. "Okay. Fine. Any other kisses between the two of you that I should know about?"

"No," Merlin assured him, relieved. "That's it."

"Merlin…" Gwen cut in. She still had her head buried in her hands. "The Yule party?"

"Oh!" Merlin realized. "I had forgotten about that one!"

"I guess there are too many kisses to remember them all," Arthur snapped. "What Yule party?"

Merlin cleared his throat uncomfortably. "It was a few years ago. A bunch of the servants went to the tavern together to celebrate the day before Yule, and there was a man there who kept giving Gwen…unwanted attention. So we pretended we were engaged. To be perfectly honest, I had a lot of ale and I don't remember it all very clearly. But yes, I do think we kissed at one point to send the clear message that she was unavailable."

"Three times," Arthur said wearily. "You kissed Merlin three times?"

"As friends!" Merlin and Gwen said in unison, prompting a laugh from both of them.

"No," Arthur insisted. "No laughing. No shared moments between you two. No…no interacting ever again."

"Come on, Arthur," Percival said with a grin. "It was years ago. And she's your queen now. Let it go."

Gwen finally dropped her hands and rested one on Arthur's arm. "We've only ever been friends, Arthur. I promise."

Arthur sighed. "I can't believe you kissed Merlin. Three times." He turned to glare at his servant. "You're fired. And then you're spending a week in the stocks. And then I'm going to find all of the worst possible chores a servant can be given, and make you do all of them. For a month."

"I thought I was fired?"

"Well, I'll rehire you for the horrible tasks."

"Arthur," Gwen broke in, nudging him lightly. "Leave him alone. He didn't do anything wrong."

"Hmph."

The dinner wound up shortly after that, with Gwaine loudly declaring it to be the best Yule feast he'd ever attended due to the superb entertainment, and Arthur muttering that between this feast and the story of Gwen and Merlin's fake betrothal, he was never celebrating Yule again.

Merlin trailed Arthur back to his quarters with more than a little bit of apprehension. Gwen wasn't with them, which Merlin assumed meant she'd be staying in her own chambers that night. And unfortunately that meant he was going to be alone with Arthur as he prepared for bed.

Merlin worked in a strained silence as he did some final tidying up and turned down the bed. Arthur dressed himself for bed, much to his relief – he wasn't sure he wanted to be within hitting proximity of him at the moment. But as Arthur climbed into bed, he finally broke the silence.

"I cannot believe you kissed my wife, Merlin! And never told me about it!"

Merlin shrugged. "It's not like she was your wife at the time. I never thought it was anything worth telling."

"I should punish you, no matter what Guinevere says," Arthur muttered to himself. "You deserve a little torture for a secret like that."

"I wouldn't do that sire." Merlin said the words without thinking them through first. And once he thought them through, he knew he really shouldn't say what he was going to say. But he just couldn't resist.

"And why's that?" Arthur demanded, just as Merlin knew he would.

"Because I could torture you right back."

Arthur eyed him suspiciously. "How?"

"I could tell you more about the kisses. I could describe in detail exactly what it was like for me to kiss Gwen."

He saw Arthur's eyes grow wide with outrage, and he quickly blew out the candle before Arthur could throw anything at him.

As he raced out the doors to safety, he heard Arthur yell behind him.

"Merlin!"