Just in Time
A/N: I re-watched "For Their Sins" recently. I've always thought the Michael/Jackie scenes in this episode were interesting, especially as this is the episode before Brian is introduced.
Disclaimer: I own nothing
Michael went back into his car as a regret from long ago slipped away. Robert Kinsella would almost certainly be spending a long time behind bars because of his drug dealing.
Of course, that incident from when he was still in uniform wasn't the only mistake he had made in his life. Some were work-related, others were personal and there were even a few overlaps in between.
Michael sighed; he made no move to drive away.
He couldn't help but think of Jackie and when they'd first started working together all those years ago. Jim Taggart's warning also flashed through his mind, following it was definitely a regret.
By the time the warning was no longer an issue, they had become such close friends that the idea of being more, terrified him.
It still did.
On an average day, he was faced with several examples of how love could go wrong. Taking the plunge with Jackie would surely risk their friendship, and he couldn't face losing her.
Not to mention, the presence of Robbie Ross complicated things.
He knew she'd been lying the time she found him on the roof. It didn't take a DCI to figure out who she was really going to see that night. What surprised him was when she returned to the roof later. Obviously, something had gone wrong, but he pretended to believe her excuse about the dinner being cancelled.
It had been a wake-up call that he might miss his chance one day. But Michael wasn't sure that she'd pick him over Robbie, so, he stayed silent.
Still, he had a feeling that the time to make a move was running out. After almost a decade, he didn't exactly have a right to complain about that.
He thought back to a conversation from days ago. Jackie had told him that she'd been thinking about having children. At the time, he hadn't given it much thought. But looking back at the conversation filled him with horror.
Michael had pretty much brushed her off. His only excuse was that he was so caught up in the case and he was in the wrong mindset.
It wasn't as if he didn't like the idea of children. It didn't happen often, but there were occasions where he did ponder the possibility. But every time he thought about children, Jackie was always involved. And the children he imagined usually resembled her in some way.
He should talk to her. At the very least, she could do with a friend. But that would wait a little later.
Michael started the engine, as he made his way home.
Right now, he had a lot of thinking to do.
Later that night, Jackie was at home drinking some wine. She'd been surprised when Robbie had invited her to his son's holy communion but was happy to accept.
The event gave her another example of how love could go wrong. Judging by the little interactions they had, Jackie guessed that the co-parenting relationship Robbie had with his ex-wife was not an easy one.
But, despite all the examples she had seen over the years, she still believed that love didn't always have to fail.
So, she was spending the night alone contemplating her future.
Their most recent case had resulted in her thinking about a lot of things, children being one of them. Michael's reaction to that had not been encouraging.
It had been disappointing when he later commented on kids. It would seem that the two of them wanted different things in life.
She had no right to be disappointed in that, Michael was entitled to not want children.
Jackie sighed, the failed dinner with Robbie had helped her realise that she was just trying to move on from the man she really wanted and would probably never have.
It would be a lie if she said she didn't enjoy the attention from Robbie. But at the end of the day, it was a distraction from her feelings for Michael.
Jackie knew however, that she had to make more of an effort to move on from Michael. She'd waited long enough; she couldn't wait for him any longer.
She had just finished taking a sip of her wine when the doorbell rang. She opened the door to reveal Michael, casually dressed. Jackie blinked in surprise.
"Is this a bad time?" Michael asked.
Jackie shook her head before she let him in. "Is everything okay?" she asked.
"Yeah," he answered before he removed his jacket and hanged it. They entered the living room before Michael spoke again, "I'm actually here to see how you are."
"Me?" she asked with a puzzled look on her face.
"You were great at getting me to open up about what was bothering me."
"What are friends for?" she smiled.
"Exactly," he said, as he returned the smile. "And I realised that I hadn't done the same for you. You talked about kids, and I basically brushed you off. I'm sorry about that. I guess I was too caught up in my personal feelings about the case. But I'm here now if you want to talk about it."
That had been the last thing she'd expected Michael to say. Jackie couldn't decide if his timing was good or bad.
"Erm… okay," she said finally before they both took a seat on the couch.
Another moment passed as she tried to put her thoughts into words. "I guess I'm just at a point in my life where I've been thinking about what I want outside of my career. I'm in the second half of my thirties, I don't exactly have a lot of time left to start a family."
She paused for a brief moment before Michael encouraged her to continue.
"I'm not saying I want a child right this minute. Having kids isn't something I want to jump into. But I think I'd be disappointed if it doesn't happen for me."
"I'm sure it will," he smiled. "You'd make a wonderful mother," he added without thinking.
"You think so?" Jackie drank some of her wine to hide her smile as Michael's cheeks slightly reddened.
Michael nodded, "Any kid would be lucky to have you as its mum."
"Thanks," she said, not quite meeting his eyes as a big smile formed her lips. She sobered after a moment, as she decided to voice something she was almost afraid to ask him. "I take it you don't want kids?"
A thoughtful look crossed his face as he tried to put his feelings into words. "I'll admit that the thought terrifies me. There are so many things that could go wrong. But… I think, were I ever to become a father… I'd be thrilled," he admitted.
He felt hope swell within him as a hopeful look crossed Jackie's face.
"Really?" she asked.
The hopeful look on her face remained, and on reflection, it probably explained Michael's next comment.
Michael nodded, "Though I think it would depend on who with. I mean, I think having a kid with you would be wonderful."
The shocked look on Jackie's face made him regret his words.
"What?" she asked after a moment, still in shock. Michael was about to clarify his comment when she spoke again, "Are you saying you want us to have a baby together?"
"I'm not suggesting we do the thing where a couple of friends decide to have a baby and co-parent. I'm talking about having a relationship with you," he said in a rush.
Jackie was at a loss for words.
Michael took a deep breath before he continued, "I've been doing some thinking too. I've made a lot of mistakes, and one of them is not telling you how I really feel about you. I've loved you for a long time now. I understand if you don't feel the same way. I just hope we can still be friends."
"You have a great sense of timing," she said after a moment.
A puzzled look crossed Michael's face, "How so?"
"Well, before you showed up, I was thinking about how I was going to have to move on from you. Oh, Michael, I've waited nine years for you to say that."
"I'm sorry," he said before he took her hand, "I was scared."
Jackie squeezed his hand, "Me too, but I think the good outweighs any risks."
"I think so too," he smiled.
"One is that we'll get to see more of each other."
Michael smirked, "Well, we already spend a lot of time together. Sure you won't get sick of me?"
"That's probably not the best thing to say to someone you've just entered a relationship with," she smirked back.
Michael chuckled, "Maybe not, but perhaps we could try one or two perks?" he suggested with a look of mischief in his eye.
Jackie regarded Michael for a moment. They had just decided to be together. And maybe, he would eventually become her husband and the father of her children
"I think I'd like that," she smiled.
Michael let go of her hand before he leaned in to kiss her softly. They broke apart, but only for a moment, as Michael kissed her more firmly on the mouth.
As the kiss became more passionate, Jackie decided that this was a very good perk of being with Michael.
A/N: It's my headcanon that after Jackie left Robbie at the end of "Fearful Lightning", she went back to Michael on the rooftop.