FIVE
ooooo
Joe woke to the touch of a hand on his forehead. For a moment he thought it was his mother, but then he woke enough to realize he had left his childhood and that beloved figure behind long ago.
"How are you feeling, Mister Cartwright?" a light voice asked.
He felt fine – until he moved his left shoulder in an attempt to sit up and pain exploded through it.
"What hit me?" he groaned.
"A bullet. Don't you remember me?"
Joe thought a moment. That's right. He was outside of Lone Pines and someone had tried to kill him.
Again.
"I hope I did everything right," Julia said. "You've got a fever."
Her frightened tone made him look at her. She'd grown so competent since the last time they'd met that he forgot she wasn't even twenty; that she was, in fact, a child.
"You look tired," he said.
She rolled her eyes. "Don't you know you're not supposed to tell a woman that?"
He thought a moment. "No. No, I don't."
"Oh, come on now," she laughed. "I'm sure you've known a lot of women."
"More than a lot," he chuckled, "but I've only lived with one, and she died when I was five."
"Was that your ma?"
He nodded.
"What happened to her? If you don't mind my asking."
"It was an accident. Her horse fell on her." He paused as he fought the images that sprang to mind. He doubted he really remembered anything, but he'd heard the story so many times it was as if he did.
"How come your Pa never remarried?"
He looked at her. "Probably for the same reason your Ma keeps turning Ed Flanders away from the door."
Julia dropped her head. "I miss my pa."
Joe hesitated, and then reached out to take her hand. "He was a good man. You were lucky to have him."
A tear escaped her eye to land on the exposed flesh above her bodice. "That's what Ma says. The Good Lord giveth and the Good Lord taketh away." She sucked in air. "Ma's so strong. I'm…not."
"Yes, you are," he countered. "You're very strong." Joe paused. "I mean, you survived seeing 'almost' everything I got."
That made her laugh, which was his intention.
He leaned back to ease his shoulder and looked around. "Who were the Russells?"
"A young couple Pa gave some land to so they could get a start," Julia answered. "She was really pretty."
That would be a woman's first thought.
"She?"
"Maggie Russell. They came over for supper every month or so. Her husband wanted to raise cattle and Pa was teaching him how." Julia laughed. "Bill was from the city. The first time a steer bellowed, he ran like a scared rabbit!"
Joe shifted and then had to ask. "Help me sit up?"
"Are you sure you should?" Her hand returned to his head. "Like I said, you've got a fever coming on."
"It's a low one. I'll be fine," he replied and then favored her with the smile Hoss called 'angelic'. The one brother Adam said belonged to the Devil. "Please?"
"Okay."
He was lying on a low bed in the corner of the room that he supposed had been the Russells. It looked hand-hewed just like the house. There were a few other pieces of furniture in the room, including a cradle. Once Julia had him settled with his back against the headboard, he asked, "Did they have children?"
She rose and went over to the cradle. Placing a hand on it, she rocked it gently. "Maggie died before the baby was born. That's why Bill left."
"Before the baby was born? So it wasn't in childbirth?"
"No. Maggie was sick. They didn't know it when they married. Bill just up and walked away. He said he couldn't stand to be in this place, not without her and without their baby." Julia returned to his side. She looked down at him with concern. "Joe? Are you all right?"
He'd paled, he knew it. A sweat had broken out on his skin. He felt chilled to the bone and suddenly very, very old.
"I'm tired, that's all." He gave her a weak smile. "Maybe I should try to get some sleep."
She was still studying him. "Are you sure that's all it is?"
"Sure, I'm sure," he lied.
Julia bent down to tuck the covers up around his chin. "Is it warm enough in here?" she asked.
He nodded. She'd started a small fire in the hearth and it felt good. "You wake me if you hear or see anything."
"I will. I'm going to make us something to eat. Bill left the larder full. There's plenty of things canned. Are you hungry?"
"As a grizzly bear," he replied as he turned his face into the covers.
Julia hesitated. Then she leaned over again and planted a kiss on his hair. "Sleep well," she whispered.
Joe listened to the swish of her skirts as she left the room. That was one of the memories he had of his mama, but it wasn't his mama he was thinking of. It was of a beautiful and innocent young woman just like Julia, so full of life and love, whom he had brought to a cabin much like this. A lovely young woman he'd planned to love and cherish forever. The young woman his brothers had thought so much of that they had carved a cradle to hold her first child.
His child.
That never was.
Joe fell asleep and in that sleep he murmured a name.
Laura.
ooooo
"Jamie wasn't too happy to be left behind," Adam remarked as his pa sat down beside him. They'd decided to follow Joe and had made camp a while back. Neither of them had been able to sleep, so the fire they'd kindled for warmth was now brewing coffee.
"He's a good boy, but that's just it – Jamie is a boy. Besides, he has school."
His father was preoccupied. He'd been too polite to ask him what about so far. He knew it had something to do with Joe and what had happened a couple of years back at a homestead outside of Lone Pines. Pa said Joe had almost died.
Jamie told him Joe was shot in the back.
"Pa?"
His father started. "Eh? Oh…. I'm sorry, son. Here, you've just returned and I've asked you nothing about yourself or your work. How have you been?"
"I'm fine, Pa. Busy and happy being busy." Adam shifted and reached for the pot. "Look, we'll have plenty of time to talk about me and what I am doing once we get back home. If I need to, I can stretch my stay to three weeks or so."
"That's wonderful, son. I apologize for the fact that I've got you on the road again so quickly. Your brother – "
"Is Joe in trouble?"
Pa accepted the cup of coffee he handed him. He breathed in its scent and took a sip before speaking. "I don't know. It may be nothing. I wasn't comfortable with Joe going to Lone Pines in the first place. Not after…."
Adam wondered what the end of that sentence was – not after what happened the last time, or not after what happened to Hoss.
He took a sip of his own coffee and leaned back. "Why don't you tell me about it?"
"Not quite two years ago, your brother went to Lone Pines to close a deal. I had other work to do and Hoss…." Pa drew in a breath. "Hoss had a commitment in town that kept him from going with Joe. I assumed everything was all right until one of the hands rode in with a message from a rancher named Griswold. I'll never forget it. It said Joseph had been shot and suggested I ride fast and hard."
"Jamie said he was shot in the back."
"And the leg. You're brother was bushwhacked, Adam, and left to die. Tom Griswold was preparing for a drive. He, along with one of his hands, was out looking for strays where he rarely went when he discovered your brother." His father paused. "Joseph had nearly bled out by the time they found him."
"I assume Hoss went with you."
Pa looked at him. He smiled. "Nothing could have kept him away. In the end, Hoss saved your brother's life."
Adam placed his cup on the ground. "What was it all about?"
"Joe caught two men switching brands on Tom and Pat Griswold's cattle. They thought they'd silenced him, but your baby brother is tough and he survived. Once I got there and began to investigate what had happened, they tried it again. Hoss was with Joe at the house when one of the men broke in and tried to smother him."
He felt as sick as his father looked. "Good Lord!"
"Yes, the Lord was good. He saw your brother through a dangerous surgery and protected him from Jim Fenton and Orv Pettis' evil." His father looked away toward the horizon. "There was one point where I was sure I was going to lose him. Joe's fever was so high and it seemed he'd given up."
They sat in silence for a moment.
"Pa?"
His father looked at him. "Yes?"
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"I thought about it, but what could you have done? By the time the letter reached you, Joseph would either have been recovered or…gone. It would only have made you worry. Your brother is fine now."
"Is he?" Adam hesitated. "Are you?"
"I've…come to peace with what happened. Hoss died as he lived, giving and seeking nothing in return."
"I understand he saved Joe's life?"
"Which has been hard for your brother. Joseph feels it should have been him who died."
The man in black smiled. "We both know what Hoss would have had to say about that."
"Hoss told me once that he'd seen Joseph into the world and he refused to see him out." His father puffed out a breath. "Do you know what Hoss told me?"
He shook his head.
"He said he'd made a pact with God that he would be first."
"First?"
"Of the three of you. The first to die."
Adam swallowed over the lump in his throat. "It's not fair, Pa. Hoss was so young. He had so many years ahead of him."
"I had hoped your brother would marry and have children. He would have made an excellent father."
The man in black reached for the pot to refresh his cup. "It's funny how it was always Joe who was about to get married. I never could figure it. The first time he proposed he wasn't even nineteen."
"Yes. Laura. What a sweet girl, and what a sad ending."
"Does Joe ever talk about her?"
"No, but he still goes up to the old cabin. The men have seen him there."
"Is it still standing?"
"He's repaired it. I'm not sure what he's waiting on, but it's in good shape."
Adam's smile was rueful. "Maybe he's waiting on another Laura."
"Maybe." Pa rose and stretched. "I think it's time you and I try to get some sleep, young man."
He laughed. "Young? Pa, I'm over forty."
"That's still young to me. You know, Adam, there's a pretty young woman at the Griswolds. Maybe we'll get there and find there's nothing more to your brother's extended visit than the fact that Julia has grown up and turned his head."
"How young?" he asked as he too rose.
Pa lifted a brow. "About the same age Laura was when your brother fell in love with her."
"Pa, Joe's not nineteen any more. He's over thirty."
"I know," his father replied as he clapped a hand on his shoulder. "It's old fools who fall the hardest."
ooooo
Julia was sitting at the Russell's table. She'd fixed some food and gotten Joe to eat a few bites, but all too quickly he'd pushed the plate away and gone back to sleep. She really needed to check his wound again. His fever was still relatively low, but it was higher than before. She was afraid she'd missed something when she'd cleaned it out. Her ma had taught her all about wounds. Most often, the injury itself was of the least concern. It was infectivity that killed and the last time she'd seen Joe's wound, it had looked angry and red. Ma should have let him stay put at the house. They could have kept him safe there. They had the time before.
Or no, they hadn't. Jim Fenton would have killed him if not for Hoss running into the house while they battled the shed fire.
She supposed it was different now too since they were just two women. Men like Joe felt responsible for women. Her pa had been the same way. He'd treated her like she was made out of china and she'd grown up thinking she was – that she was fragile and would break. What she went through with Joe Cartwright nearly two years before had taught her she was more like her ma than she thought. Ma was strong.
She was…getting there.
A sound made her look up and toward the room where Joe lay. She listened and realized he was talking. Puzzled, the young woman got to her feet and headed for the bedroom. Outside the new day was dawning. The pale light that intruded through the worn muslin curtains lit the floor and her way. Dust danced in it. The Russells had been gone about two years now. She supposed no one had been in the cabin since then, unless it had been her pa to check on it and make sure no one had broken in and destroyed anything. As she entered the room, she passed the empty cradle and a sadness overwhelmed her. Sometimes it seemed there was more loss than gain in the world.
Sometimes it seemed hearts were meant to be broken.
Joe was tossing in his sleep, muttering words she couldn't understand. Julia sat down beside him. She watched him a moment and then reached out to touch one of the ringlets that covered his head. He was young to have gray hair, but is suited him somehow, though 'gray' was a poor word to describe it. Joe's hair was a chaos of curls that reminded her of a summer storm. Their color ran the gamut from steel-gray to a lightning flash of silver. As she sat there, staring at him, she remembered the day he'd arrived. He'd felt…empty somehow. She knew now that it had to do in part with the loss of his brother, but there was something more – something deeper. She'd felt something like that herself. Her pa had died and yet she found herself thinking, not about him but about an earlier loss.
About Joe Cartwright and what might have been.
"Hey," a familiar voice said.
She smiled when she saw his eyes were open. "Hey."
Joe's fevered gaze rolled over to the window. "Is it morning?"
"Just about. Are you hungry? I found some eggs. The Russells chickens are still running around."
He looked at her and smiled. It was a lazy kind of smile, like a little boy waking from a wonderful dream. "You are taking mighty fine care of me, Miss Julia," he said. "I don't know what I'd do without you."
His words took her off-guard. Quickly, to conceal the tidal wave of emotion that welled up within her, Julia reached out and placed a hand on his forehead. The fever was still there but it hadn't risen during the night.
"How do you feel?" she asked as she leaned back. "Do you want me to fix those eggs?"
He shook his head and then, without warning, tossed the coverlet back and started to stand up!
"What do you think you're doing?!"
Joe looked at her like she'd sprung a second head. "Getting out of bed."
"But you're sick!"
He glanced at his shoulder. "No, I'm not. I'm shot. I've been shot before."
"But you've got a fever."
He shrugged. "I've had those before too."
Julia's hands went to her hips. "Well, if you're not going to eat breakfast, what exactly is it you think you are going to do?"
Joe pursed his lips and thought a moment. One eyebrow cocked. "Take care of business."
"You're not going out there looking for those robbers in your condition!" she countered. "Why, if that fever was to take hold, you'd be flat on your face in no –"
His hand was on her shoulder. Joe waited to speak until she met his more than slightly amused stare. "Julia, I have to use the privy."
If she'd blushed before when he told her he couldn't do without her, she turned red as a beet now. "Oh gosh! I'm sorry. I didn't mean to…."
Joe lifted a hand and placed it alongside her face. "Julia. Listen to me. It's okay. This is new for both of us. Maybe your ma and Ed Flanders will show up today and then your life can get back to normal. I really appreciate all you've done for me." He paused and then asked, "Hey, what's wrong?"
She couldn't help it. There were tears in her eyes. She didn't want life to get back to normal. She didn't want to leave this place. She wanted to stay here with Joe – just the two of them – for the rest of her life.
Since she couldn't tell him any of that, she shook her head and dropped her eyes.
Joe must have thought she was upset about her ma and Ed, or maybe about her pa dying, because he drew her into his arms and held her. They were so close, she could feel the beat of his heart. She could also feel the heat radiating off of him. He wasn't being honest with her. He was sicker than he let on. Her pa had always been like that. He wouldn't admit to any weakness. He had to be strong for them.
She wanted Joe to be strong for her.
"You know, Julia," Joe said softly, "moving on doesn't mean we forget about people, it just means we have to decide not to stay where we are. Life is like a raging, rolling river. We don't have any control over it. It takes us where it wants. My pa sees God's hand in that, and most of the time I do too."
"Most of the time?" she asked.
His muscles tensed, as if readying for battle. "Yes."
"Are you mad at God because your brother died?"
"Yes." There was a pause. "And for Laura."
She'd heard him mention that name in his sleep. "Who was she?"
Joe shook his head. "I hadn't thought of her in years. I guess it's this place. Laura was a woman I loved a long time ago. We were to be married. She…died."
She moved back so she could see him. "Oh, Joe! I'm sorry."
He released her and crossed over to the cradle. "My brothers made one like this for us. For our first child."
"How did she…die?"
He looked at her. "She was sick. She'd been sick the whole time she and her father stayed with us. He kept trying to keep us apart, but never said anything." Joe's fingers fisted in anger. "She died in my arms."
Tears were streaming down her face. She didn't know what to say. This man's grief put her own to shame. The loss of a parent was to be expected. The loss of a love – so fresh, with so much promise – was just…unthinkable.
Joe smiled at her. "It's okay. It was a long time ago. I don't know why I keep thinking about her. Like I said, I think it's this place. It's very much like the cabin my pa gave us."
Julia approached him. She'd taken her shoes off and Joe had his on, so she had to look up a little at him. Since she'd 'seen just about everything he had' the barriers were down between them. It felt natural to reach out and take his hand.
"I'm so sorry, Joe. I don't know what to say."
His fingers closed over hers and his other hand went to her hair. He stroked it a moment and then gave her that smile, the one that looked like a wink.
"Then don't say anything," he responded.
And kissed her.
ooooo
To be continued
ooooo