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Chapter 5: The ups and downs with TV and Pudding

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Summary:

It is not to be advised to be excessive and thou shalt not steal, but otherwise have fun.

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Notes:

Chapter 2 has been slightly rewritten and replaced. Thank you for your comments and please review.

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"LUCIFER MORNINGSTAR!"

He couldn't remember a time when his own name ever installed this kind of fear in himself. He was currently in hiding; behind a curtain in the sitting room, of all things. And the only reason he wasn't found, yet was that Chloe was too angry to think straight, or simply put blind with rage. She had passed him twice so far without looking in his direction and he was hoping to make a dash for the door when she went back upstairs to search for him. All she would need was some time to calm down, relax and look at things a little more clearly. Then she would realise that whatever he did wasn't that bad at all and facing her would be a lot less scary. Maybe he could convince Dan to negotiate a non-spanking-pact.

"Lucifer! You get here this instant, or you get an upgrade to a spanking for just twenty smacks per month," she yelled up the stairs. His heart sunk. He had hoped the reason for her yelling was his secret stash of whisky he had squirrelled away and hidden with his cigarettes.

Not wanting to risk the promised spanking he stepped out from behind the curtain and cleared his throat behind her. She whirled around, index finger raised. That was never a good sign. She took a deep breath.

"Have you or have you not entered into a TV contract behind our back?" she scolded loudly and he took a step back as she advanced. He nodded, raising his hands placatingly as he retreated further until his legs hit the couch and he had nowhere else to go but down.

"And does this contract include the sports channel?" He nodded.

"The cinema channel?" Nod.

"Series, Kids, Music?" He nodded along.

"And does the package by chance include every... single one... of the porn channels?" she snapped coming to stand right in front of him with her index just centimetres away from his face and he gulped, looking at her with wide eyes.

"You will cancel it. All of it. Is that understood?" she fumed waving her finger under his nose, while he cowered beneath her.

"Yes Detective, I will. Right away," he managed to say somewhat articulately.

She towered over him for another second before she took a step back at his submission and he exhaled relieved.

"You are banned from the TV until this is fixed," she decreed and he flinched again at her tone nodding his understanding.

He ran up to his room as soon as Chloe unblocked his way and searched for the contact numbers.

Chloe snorted disgruntled and only slightly amused as she heard him on the phone, pacing nervously when put on hold once more.

"No, I don't want the two week free trial... Yes I already paid for the month but I need it gone. Now."

She shook her head, letting it sink into both hands. What the hell was he thinking?

Lucifer thought that it shouldn't be this difficult to cancel an order, that took less than ten minutes to book in the first place. They were connecting him from person to person and no one seemed competent enough to just delete it or whatever they did on the other side of the line. Everyone wanted to sell him some more, something else, it was more than frustrating. He began to really regret it that he couldn't look them in the eye through the phone. They would all be smitten and do his bidding in no time. At least he didn't receive a spanking, but that had been eerie five minutes. Chloe knew how she could install fear into the devil himself if she so choose to.

Finally, finally someone got him a manager on the line who could actually manage his problem. It would still take a day or two but there was nothing to be done about that.

He just needed a drink now. Luckily he still had his flask. Being caught sneaking to his stash on top of the TV package drama would probably lead to a smack or two. He wasn't banned from his whisky per se, but he knew that it was discouraged at home and especially at work. In return he was allowed to stock up on good wines for dinner and had taken it upon himself to pour some boxes of the cheap stuff into the sink appalled. Honestly, who put wine in a Tetra Pak? Crétins, ces gens, idiots, that's who.

Now in a better mood since things were going their way he skipped down the stairs and stopped as he found Chloe on the couch reading.

"All cancelled. Should only be a day or two," he reported cheerfully and she looked up from her book. She beckoned him over with wriggly fingers like one would try to animate a scared kitty to play and he came willingly enough, laying down on the couch next to her and putting his head in her lap asking to be petted. She obliged smiling softly and put her book aside to comb through his hair.

"You know I want you to show at least some kind of restraint," she scolded softly without stopping her caressing and he squirmed a bit on the couch.

"You don't need to have everything all at once and immediately."

"But why not?" he whined at being denied.

"Because then you will never be content. There are things you just don't need and sometimes it's nice to wait a bit."

"Like edging?" He looked at her wide eyed and then coiled up laughing as she went to tickle him mercilessly.

"Yes you perv." She released him from her hold and he snuggled right back into her lap.

He whined as she didn't immediately went back to petting him and she sighed.

"Your need for instant gratification is going to get you in trouble one day." she stated before restarting her combing.

"Ah, but you love me."

"Hmm, just a little bit more every day."

He preened content. Actually he was grinning giddy with pleasure.

"Are you coming to Lux tonight? You haven't had a girls night out in ages and Dan is on his stupid stake out for who knows how long." She pulled on his ear gently for calling the stake out stupid, but was actually quite in favour of the idea. She nodded and he jumped up happy.

"Oh goody. I'm calling Maze to hurry up. She's in San Diego hunting her bounty before he can cross the border to Mexico."

She got up as well to get to her phone.

"All right. I'll ask Linda and text Ella."

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Chloe, Linda and Ella were let in immediately to the annoyance of the waiting crowd outside and made a beeline for the bar already giggling. They ordered their drinks.

"Mr Morningstar has reserved the seating area over there for your party, ma'am," the bartender said over the noise of the music and crowd, pointing to said area as he put the drinks in front of them.

"Thank you, Patrick," Chloe yelled back and ushered her little group over to the round table between bar and dance floor.

"Where is Maze?" Linda asked looking back to the bar.

"She was in San Diego bounty hunting, she'll be here later if she caught him in time," Chloe explained. She got a slap on the ass and jumped surprised.

"Of course I caught him in time. Your colleagues took forever to book him in."

"Hi Maze," Ella grinned.

"It's easier if they have something to identify them by," Chloe said, not at all sorry for whomever Maze had brought in. She knew what she was doing. Hell's finest.

"So Lucifer was a good little devil, that he is allowed to party?" Maze asked later as Ella and Linda were on the dance floor.

Chloe slapped her shoulder laughing and Maze allowed it because she was drunk.

"He's no angel but I'll never keep him from Lux."

Chloe raised her glass across the room at Lucifer, grinning as she saw him leave for his lift with two girls in his arms. He winked at her, pulling them closer and they giggled at being manhandled.

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Jasmine and Heather were glued to his side when he woke up again, quite literally so. He still felt sticky from all the warm honey they had used to dribble all over each other to be licked of as his bee stinger had pollinated the flowers alternating until early morning. He got out of bed and checked his phone. No message of a new case so far, so it was a paperwork day. He didn't like those, no fun to be had filling out forms and filing stuff.

He sighed and went to take a shower. He was annoyingly reminded, that honey didn't wash off that easily as he scrubbed away under the hot water. It took even longer but was definitely more fun when the ladies woke up and decided to join him. He grinned as one after the other sled down her panties and stepped into his large shower area.

"Well, hello. Good morning. And good morning to you, too."

He turned on a second shower head coming from the side to keep everyone comfy under a warm spray.

"Can you help me wash my back?" Heather asked with a coy voice and a devilish smile while she pressed her naked behind to his front.

"And my boobies are all sticky," Jasmine added taking his hand to let him have a grope. Heather could already feel his agreement and Jasmine knew he very much approved when he leant down to lick her nipple and his eager tongue erased the last specks of honey. His other hand had found it's way between Heather's legs and was doing the most wonderful things to her. Both women moaned willingly as he mentally flipped a coin which one to pleasure first.

He was still grinning like the cat that got the cream when he entered the precinct shortly after lunch. Chloe wasn't at her desk but as he found her in the Lieutenant's office with a bunch of other people. She signed that he was to stay put as she spotted him through the glass door right before he could barge into the room and he frowned. He wandered over to Dan annoyed.

He should have just taken the day off and spend some quality time with himself in front the TV at his penthouse. Dan had told him to stop touching things on his desk twice so far and was over all just bothering him today.

"Would you mind getting some coffee?" Dan asked just to give Lucifer something to do and the devil stood up resigned. He walked over to the little kitchen area and sniffed at the half filled coffee pot. Great, that was apparently cooked by some tea drinker. He could see through to the bottom.

He started the machine anew putting in the proper amount of ground coffee and a tiny pinch of salt on top and leant back waiting.

"Lucifer, I'll be back in half an hour," Dan said pulling on his jacket, "You can have a look at these three files, but don't touch anything else." He grabbed his keys and left in a hurry.

Don't touch anything. Do this. Don't do that. And now he was gone as well. And he didn't even take his coffee.

Lucifer grumbled sullen, not at all interested in the three files he was allowed to look at. He stepped aside as an officer went for the fridge to get some milk for his coffee and spotted Dan's pudding filling the whole top shelf. He had just restocked his ever dwindling supply.

Lucifer took a cup clearly labelled 'Dan' and went back to his desk. He had a look at the first file, but it was, just as he thought, of no interest to him whatsoever. He went back to get a second cup to tide him over the next file. Honestly what was he supposed to do here? He hardly had any contact with LA's lowlife drug dealers or common scum. He deserved another two puddings just for reading those boring notes. And Dan was getting chubby anyway if he didn't stop eating these things. He hadn't been to the gym all week.

Lucifer was doing him a favour by reducing his stash to a healthier amount.

It was less than half an hour later when Dan came back and found only the files on his desk and no Lucifer near by. His first clue that something was amiss were about half a dozen empty pudding cups in the bin under his table. He frowned. Lucifer wouldn't, would he? He knew that Dan's pudding was sacred and mustn't be touched, let alone eaten. Dan walked over to the fridge and gasped devastated at the all-embracing emptiness of the top shelf.

"Hey, where's Lucifer?" Chloe asked behind him happy to be done with the meeting. She refilled her cup with the fresh coffee and turned to him to get some milk.

"Probably digging his own grave in the parking lot. He stole all my pudding," Dan whinged somewhere between displeased and furious.

Chloe laughed at him.

"That can't be. I just bought four packs yesterday."

He opened the fridge wide and she halted at the absence of any pudding in there.

"I was gone for half an hour. That's a pudding every other minute. Just why?"

Chloe snorted amused at Dan's misfortune and his endless fight for his pudding.

"Maybe he just hid it to nettle you. Or someone else took it?"

"There are at least six empty cups in my bin and I didn't even get to have any yet. And they were all labelled," he added disgruntled.

Chloe frowned. If that was just another demonstration of Lucifer's lack of self control she was going to be properly vexed.

But first they had to find the culprit, because maybe there was a reasonable explanation like a bunch of hungry school children or... she couldn't think of anything else.

They found him fast enough as Ella's lab as usual was their first place to go and he was standing right beside her.

"Detective," he said smiling brightly as she entered the lab, "Did you finish your meeting? Then let's go catch some murderers." He took his phone from Ella and pocketed it in his jacket, coming around the table.

"I'm working another case, now," she said and he halted surprised, "You wouldn't know anything about Dan's missing pudding, would you?" He froze for a second looking at both of them.

"Actually," Ella jumped forward noticing Lucifer's nervous stance, "I ate Dan's pudding. I was really hungry and I'm sorry. I will buy you a new one."

"One?" Dan asked, crossing his arms amused at Ella's feeble attempt."

"Two. I was really hungry." She looked at Dan's stern face. "Three?"

"Sixteen," Chloe supplied watching Lucifer shrink in on himself as Ella was lying for him.

"SixTEEN?" Ella repeated unbelieving her mouth hanging open.

"Dude!" She turned to Lucifer no longer pretending.

"Thank you for trying, Miss Lopez," he said apologetic. Dan cleared his throat.

"Come along, Ella," he said using his stern voice and opened the door for her, "We're going to have a talk about lying."

"But...," she looked from one to the other helplessly before she lowered her head ashamed and shuffled out.

"Estúpida chica, stupid girl" she cursed herself under her breath as Dan followed her and closed the door behind them.

He led her to one of the empty interrogation rooms and she took a seat on the suspect's side without prompting. Dan remained standing on the other side and just watched her as she talked herself down in Spanish.

He stayed quiet looking on slightly amused as Ella practically scolded herself, that her Abuelita would have washed out her mouth with soap, and that she should never lie to her friends, but that she was only lying for a friend. But who would have thought... sixteen... that was just not right. Lying was not right and she was really sorry and she would never do that again.

Dan still hadn't said a word she suddenly realised and looked up at him with big eyes preparing for his scolding.

Dan shook his head at her puppy eyes and leant against the far wall.

"I'm sorry Dan. I shouldn't have lied to you."

"No you shouldn't," he confirmed in a softer tone now, "But I know you did it for the right reason."

She looked down on the table ashamed.

"Will you need me to repeat everything you just told yourself or did you learn your lesson?"

"I won't do it again, I'm sorry." she said and he nodded.

"Well come on then," he prompted as she remained in her hunched over position and she looked up. He opened his arms and with a hopeful look she rushed into the hug. He held her close and she clung to him for a moment longer and he patted her head until she released him from her grip.

"I'm waiting, Lucifer," Chloe prompted when he remained standing on his side of the table. "Any reasonable explanation for your petty theft?"

He shook his head and shrugged.

"Then why did you do it?"

He huffed crossing his arms.

"You were busy, I was bored and he was annoying," Lucifer snarled but regretted that answer as soon as she locked the door in passing and snatched the ruler from Ella's desk. He stood unmoving, looking on with dread as she advanced and bent him over the table.

"No please, I'm sorry," he whispered urgently as he braced himself with the hands on the table. He was slightly worried that someone might hear but considerably more worried about his bum at the moment.

Chloe grabbed his belt holding his suit jacket up and delivered sixteen swift smacks to his bottom. Lucifer gasped and whimpered but remained mostly quiet throughout her quick onslaught.

He jumped away from the table rubbing his behind furiously as she stepped away from him to return the ruler to it's place.

"I'm very disappointed with you, Lucifer," she scolded and he lowered his eyes accordingly.

"If you wanted pudding, you could have asked nicely or go and buy some yourself. But you do not steal. Especially not just because you were annoyed nor to that excess."

He nodded obediently but Chloe wasn't done with him, yet.

"You're going to replace that pudding. And you're not getting any sweets or desserts for the whole next week."

"Yes Detective," he mumbled. He wanted his hug now and some cuddles, but she still looked cross with him.

"I'm serious. If I ever catch you stealing again..." she threatened, pointing her finger at him and leaving the end to his own imagination. He shuddered thinking about what she could do and shook his head. He wouldn't steal anything again. Not that obvious anyway and not where she could catch him.

"Off you go then," she said still in her stern voice and he hesitated before he slunk out. She didn't hug him. He felt miserable as he climbed the steps to the parking lot.

Chloe crossed her arms reassuringly. It felt wrong to send him off like this. She cursed herself but only hesitated for another second before following him upstairs. She caught up with him as he reached his car and he looked at her surprised as she called his name.

"Detective?" he asked inquisitively and she pulled him into a hug. He froze caught of guard before he lowered his head to her shoulder. She patted his neck.

"Don't steal," she emphasised by grabbing his neck a bit tighter before releasing him from the hug to look at him properly. He looked better, no longer crestfallen but standing tall again.

"That's somewhere written in stone." She patted his side to get him back moving to his car door.

"That story is highly exaggerated, I have you know. My Father would never deign to write something down. You could say paper work is the devil's making, but I equally abhor it."

She rolled her eyes at that and tapped the car door leaving him to his shopping.

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After that awful afternoon Lucifer hoped for a better evening as he returned to Lux again a couple hours later.

The bartender had two glasses of scotch ready for him before he even reached the bar, they were competent like that. He downed the first and took the second with a nod of thanks to mingle. A tall brunette in a lacy dress beckoned him over with a smile and a tilted head. Her name was Susan and he had her up against the wall of his lift before they even reached the penthouse. She left with a dopey grin but without her string half an hour later, while he quickly wiped down his bar top of any spilled fluids and disposed of the destroyed undergarment to go find the next lucky lady or gentleman. The night had started promising at least.

Maze stood outside the lift when he arrived downstairs and he grinned at her until she held up a blue file. He sighed his good mood vanishing again. Today was just a roller coaster of ups and downs.

"Don't tell me you can't handle a little stockpiling, Maze." She slapped the file against his chest annoyed.

"That's not my job. I had to buy tequila and champagne separately twice now because we were out of stock. Fix that before I tell Chloe to spank your ass for neglecting your job."

Something must have shown on his face because she started to laugh.

"Again? Really?"

"Shut up, Maze." He pushed past her, file still clutched in his hand but she followed.

"What did you do?"

"Shut up, Mazikeen." He walked faster easily sliding through the masses on his way to his office but she remained right behind him effortlessly.

"Did she finally use the leather tawse I gave her?" He growled at her whirling around and letting his eyes flash red. She didn't step back but at least she stopped.

"Fine, touchy. I'll go get a drink. You want one as well?" She raised an eyebrow at him and he calmed back down.

"Yes please," he said, eyes returning to his normal brown.

"Polite." She nodded and left him. He was taking care of business, she had what she wanted.

Lucifer spent nearly an hour going over his numbers, rearranging orders and having a quick look over his inventory. Maze had been right. Too much sparkling wine, not enough champagne. And since when were his guests ordering so much tequila? He would need to look into that at another time. He had done what Maze wanted for now, time to get back to the party before everyone was too drunk to consent.

The tall, burly gentleman at the bar caught his eye. That might be just what he was looking for tonight. If he played his cards right, and he would, he was in for another round of being manhandled, but this time of the fun kind.