The next several weeks went by without any significant problems at daycare. Kurt was learning to share his friends with other kids and trying not to get his feelings hurt too badly when Blaine wanted to play in the dirt with David and Jeff instead of on the swings with him. When Blaine didn't want to play with him, he would hang out with Brittany or Rachel, who was starting to grow on him a very little. She was still loud and liked to talk about herself whenever she was given a chance; but she could sing really pretty, and Kurt loved to sing whenever he could.
About two months after he started at daycare, Kurt asked his parents if he could have a playdate with Blaine. He wanted to show his friend his room and maybe watch a movie with him.
"I'll ask his mom sometime this week when we drop you off at daycare," Elizabeth said to her son. She had gotten the feeling from the meeting that Blaine's mom would be much more open to the arrangement than his dad would.
The next day at daycare, Elizabeth did not see Blaine's mom when they brought him in. She kissed Kurt, wished him a good day, and went to work. Kurt ran over to Blaine and told him the exciting news.
"Blainers," he said, using the unique name he had come up with. "My mommy is gonna axe your mommy if you c'n come over and watch a movie wif me. Won't dat be fun? I c'n show you alla my cool toys, too, an' maybe we c'n play tea party."
"Vat's awesome!" Blaine said excitedly. He really hoped his mommy and daddy would let him go over to Kurt's and play. Sometimes, his daddy got mad when Blaine talked about Kurt too much, and he didn't really understand why. Cooper talked about his friends all of the time, and his daddy never got mad at Cooper. Grown-ups just don't make sense sometimes, he thought as they were reading before the rest of their classmates got there to start their day.
When everyone arrived in the classroom, Mrs. Jones called them all over to the carpet. Kurt took his seat between Blaine and Brittany and listened to what Mrs. Jones had to say. The class did their morning routine, but Mrs. Jones stopped them before they went off to their center time. "I have a special announcement," she stated, grabbing everyone's attention. "Tomorrow, we're going to have our special tea party in the afternoon, right after our rest time."
The kids all cheered, Kurt, Jeff, and Mercedes the loudest. They were so excited about this and were all mentally planning what they wanted to wear for such a special occasion. Mrs. Jones knew she needed to rein her daughter in and guessed that at least a couple more would struggle to pay attention the rest of the day.
"I sent home permission slips earlier this week in your backpacks, and everyone's have come back," Mrs. Jones explained.
Kurt was thoroughly excited for the remainder of the day, and his friends were starting to get frustrated with hearing how excited he was. At recess, Kurt asked Blaine if he wanted to play by the slide, but he said he was going to go play with David, Finn, and Noah in the dirt instead. Kurt was disappointed, but it wasn't anything that hadn't happened before. So, he didn't really overthink it.
At lunch, when Blaine sat by the same boys he had played with earlier, Kurt started to sense something was wrong with his friend. When he tried to talk to him before it was rest time, Blaine simply ignored Kurt and turned over in his cot so he wouldn't have to speak or look at him. Kurt had no way of knowing that this was how frustration was handled in Blaine's home, that whenever Blaine's parents were upset or angry with each other, they just shut down and didn't talk to the other until the feelings had passed. Kurt fell asleep with tears in his eyes, figuring out how he would ever get through the rest of the day without talking to his friend.
For the remainder of the day, Kurt was quiet and only answered questions that were directly asked of him. He didn't interact with anybody at the beginning of their afternoon centers time, and nobody interacted with him. It was like they could sense his mood and didn't quite know what to do to make it better.
Blaine had an icky feeling in his tummy that he wasn't quite sure what to do with. When it was time to switch to their second center, Kurt asked Mrs. Jones if he could just sit in the reading nook instead of finishing out his center time with his group. She had noticed the change in his mood and allowed it to happen this one time. If it became a pattern, she would intervene, and she would definitely make sure that she talked with Burt or Elizabeth about it that afternoon when they picked him up.
Mrs. Jones had been watching Kurt read through book after book during the rest of the class' center time and, more than once, saw him wipe his eyes. She had gone over to him a couple of times to ask why he was feeling sad, but he had just told her he didn't know; she wasn't familiar enough with him in this state to be able to pull it out of him. However, an idea did spring into her mind, a way for not only Kurt but her other students as well to be able to better describe and explain their feelings.
"Okay, class," Mrs. Jones said 15 minutes before it was time to head outside for their end of the day playtime. We might be a little late to go outside, but this is important, she thought. "I want you to pick up what you're working on and have a seat at either the art center table or the table where we do puzzles and Legos, please. Quinn, could you make sure each table has a couple of buckets of crayons on them, please?"
"Sure, Mrs. Jones," Quinn replied and set off to do her task.
While Quinn was getting the crayons and Mrs. Jones was getting the worksheets and the storybook ready, the other kids took their seats. Noah, Finn, Quinn, Rachel, Mercedes, and David all quickly sat down at the art table since they had been near that center when they were finished cleaning up. Blaine, Brittany, Santana, Nick, and Jeff all sat down at the other table, leaving one chair open at the end by Brittany for Kurt, who took his seat quietly and hung his head so he didn't have to look at anyone.
"I know it's almost time to go outside," Mrs. Jones told her class. "And we will; we just might be a few minutes later than we usually are. I want to read an extra special book to you all today, and then, we're going to do a worksheet before we head outside. Miss Julie has said she will take those that get done outside if there are still people working, but that does not mean that you can rush through it just so you can go play outside," she said, giving Noah a stern look, knowing that was exactly what he was planning on doing.
"I wonder," Mrs. Jones continued, "if any of you ever have feelings inside of you that get all mixed up and you're not quite sure what they are or how to handle them. I am sure you all do, because I do, too. All people do, even when they say they don't. This story is called The Color Monster by Anna Llenas." She stood between the two tables so all of the kids could see the book as she read.
"'This is the Color Monster. Today he woke up feeling confused, and he doesn't know why. Are you all mixed up again, Color Monster? Your emotions don't work well when they're all jumbled up.' Can you see how his colors are all mixed up on his body?" Mrs. Jones asked, pointing to the illustration of the monster's mixed up colors.
All the kids nodded, and Noah said, "Yooks yike when 'm buildin' my tower an' Finn's actin' fingers come an' wreck it!"
"It does look like a mess, doesn't it?" Mrs. Jones said, smiling. "And, it's action figures, Noah."
"Action figures," the little boy nodded, looking back at the picture.
Mrs. Jones turned the page and continued with the story, "'You should try to separate them, and put each one in its own jar. If you'd like, I can help you. Let's try to make sense of how you feel. This is happiness. It shines yellow like the sun and twinkles like the stars.'"
"The sun's big!" David pointed out. He spread his arms really wide, demonstrating its size. "Like bigger, an' bigger, an' bigger!"
"Like me!" Rachel said. "My dads a'ways says 'm gonna be a big star. Maybe like da sun!" She smiled widely and gave herself a happy little hug.
"The sun is big," Mrs. Jones agreed. "Let's try to use our listening ears so our friends can hear the story, too, okay?" She waited until everyone was looking at her book again before she continued. "When you're happy, you laugh and jump and dance and play! You want to share your happiness with everyone. This is sadness. It is lonely and blue like a rainy day.'"
"I don' yike wain," Blaine said.
"I love rain!" Santana said, turning to give Blaine a strange look. "My momma dances wif me ou'side when it rains!"
"Listening ears, please," Mrs. Jones reminded. "'It washes over you like the sea. When you're sad, you hide and want to be alone. You don't want to do anything…except maybe cry. It's okay to cry, Color Monster!' Sometimes," Mrs. Jones added, "grown-ups and older kids will tell you not to cry. They're wrong. If you want to cry, you cry. It's your body's way of telling others that you're sad."
Mrs. Jones wanted to make sure that her students knew it was alright to have feelings and express them in healthy ways. "This is anger. It burns red like a fire and is hard to stamp out. When you're angry, life can feel unfair. Sometimes, you want to take out your anger on others.'"
"Don' hit," Noah said. "My Grammy says dat alla time."
"Your Grammy is a smart lady." Mrs. Jones cleared her throat and continued. "'But I'll be nice to you, Color Monster, and your anger will disappear. This is fear. It hides and runs away like a mouse in the night. When you're afraid, you feel tiny. You think you don't have the courage to face the gray shadows. But I can help you find your way.'"
"Mommy?" Mercedes asked, raising her hand in the air and waving it around frantically. "Mommy, is dere monsters inna dark?"
"No. There are no monsters in the dark."
"My mommy says monsters ain't real," Jeff chimed in.
"They aren't!" Quinn said confidently. "I know."
"We're almost finished, boys and girls," Mrs. Jones told them. "You only need to use your listening ears for a little longer." When everyone was looking at her again, she read, "'This is calm. It is quiet like the trees and as light as green leaves swaying in the wind. When you're calm, you breathe slowly and deeply. You feel at peace. Now you can rest, Color Monster! All your feelings are in the right place. See?'" She looked at the class. "Do you see how all the colors are in the right jars?" she asked.
"No more mess!" Noah pointed out.
"That's right. All of Color Monster's feelings are in their own jars." She pointed to Color Monster's face, finishing the story. "'Don't you feel much better? Uh-oh…I see you're feeling something new. You look different, Color Monster. Tell me…how do you feel now?'"
She surveyed her class when she was done reading and saw that they had all paid close attention and were ready for the next step. Mrs. Jones gave them each a paper with six jars on it and left a bunch of monsters for them to color in the center.
"You each need to get a yellow, green, red, blue, black, and pink crayon out of the bucket, and I will show you which color goes in which jar. Each jar is a feeling like in the book." She pointed out and had each child label their jar with a color before giving them their next instruction. "Now, you will color how much of that feeling you are feeling with the color. You can do this however you want. If you wish to color the jar, you can. If you'd like to draw shapes in it like in the book, you can. It's your jar to fill however you'd like. Next, you can each choose one monster from the middle of the table and either color it or take it home. These will be your own 'Color Monsters', and hopefully, they'll help you sort out your feelings when you need. If you need any help, raise your hand and me or Miss Julie will be around to help you."
Mrs. Jones put on some quiet music by The Piano Guys and let her kiddos work. Kurt indicated on his worksheet that he was feeling a lot of sadness and fear and only a little bit of the other feelings. When he was done, Kurt decided that he wanted a friendly and fun monster that maybe kind of looked like Quiget. When he found the perfect one, he put it in his backpack, wanting to color it at home. Kurt took his worksheet to Mrs. Jones, who asked him if he wanted to talk about his big feelings. He shook his head 'no' and asked if he could get his things and go outside to wait for his mommy and daddy. Mrs. Jones agreed to this, and Kurt went outside with Noah, Finn, and Mercedes as they were the only ones done with their worksheets and monsters. It looked like the other kids were coloring their monsters instead of taking them home.
When Kurt got outside, he didn't feel like playing, even though the other kids asked him if he would like to join them. Kurt sat on the picnic table with his backpack on and sang quietly to himself. He wasn't sure why this song was stuck in his head right now, but he sang it anyway. Maybe it's because they just read a book on colors?
"You think the only people who are people
Are the people who look and think like you
But if you walk the footsteps of a stranger
You'll learn things you never knew you never knew
Have you ever heard the wolf cry to the blue corn moon
Or asked the grinning bobcat why he grinned?
Can you sing with all the voices of the mountain?
Can you paint with all the colors of the wind?"
When Brittany and Santana came outside, followed closely by Blaine, they asked Kurt if he would like to play with them, to which he declined with a shake of his head. He all of a sudden felt like if he talked, he would start crying, and he didn't want his friends to think he was a baby like the meany heads at the park did.
Mr. Anderson came to pick Blaine up after he'd only been outside for 10 minutes. "Daddy," Blaine yelled and ran over to give his dad a hug. Mr. Anderson just patted his son on the back. He'd never been very good at showing affection. "Guess what, Daddy? We is havin' a tea party tomorrow, an' it's gonna be supa' cool!" Blaine told his dad.
"Isn't that kind of girly?" Carter asked his son.
"No, Daddy," Blaine said. "Mrs. Jones says vere is no 'girl' fings or 'boy' fings, just fings kids can enjoy and pway wif."
"We'll see about that, young man," Carter said and escorted his son to the car without a backward glance.
Kurt was close enough to hear the whole exchange. He felt a sort of hurting feeling in his heart, but he wasn't sure what it was exactly. Thankfully, Kurt's mommy and daddy came to pick him up just a few minutes later. He ran over to his dad and hugged him tightly.
"Hey there, kiddo," Burt said, sending a worried glance at his wife. "How was your day?"
"Wanna go home," Kurt mumbled into his dad's shoulder.
"Okay, buddy," Burt said and picked him up. He carried him to the truck while Elizabeth went and talked to Mrs. Jones quickly.
"What happened?" Elizabeth asked, concerned.
"I have no idea, to be honest," Jackie said. "After our rest time, he just sort of shut down and wouldn't talk to anyone unless they asked him a direct question, and even that was usually just a head nod or a one-word answer. He's feeling sad and scared about something, though. He just wouldn't tell me what. I read a book to the class before we came out to play about mixed up feelings and how to help sort them out. Then, they did a worksheet. That's the only reason I know that he's feeling sad and scared."
"Thank you, Jackie," Elizabeth said. "I'll see if he will tell us when we get home."
"Tomorrow's our tea party, so I hope he is in better spirits," Jackie said. "He was so excited when I told them earlier; it was all he could talk about until he shut down."
The Hummel's were relatively quiet on their drive home. Burt and Elizabeth knew that they needed to give Kurt a little bit of time to gather his thoughts and figure out how to talk to them. When they got home, they unpacked Kurt's backpack, just like they did every day, and sat down on the couch with a snack to talk about his day and what he'd learned.
"We readed a book 'bout feelin's," Kurt said as his mom asked about the worksheet with the jars on it. "Dats my feelin's."
"It looks like you've got a lot of sad and scared there, kiddo," Burt said. "Can you tell us why? Maybe we can help."
Kurt closed his eyes, feeling tears start to well up. "Blainers don't like me no more," he blurted and started crying, finally letting go of the pent-up feelings he had been working so hard to hold in most of the day even though Mrs. Jones and the story said it was okay to cry.
"Oh, Kurt," Elizabeth said and cuddled him tighter. "Why do you say that?"
"He stoppeded talkin' to me when I was e'cited 'bout da tea party," Kurt said. "He didn't wanna sit by me or anyfing. And den, when his daddy pickeded him up, he telled his daddy 'bout da tea party, and his daddy say'ded dat tea parties was 'girly.'" Kurt said "girly" in a mocking voice. "An', we's gots to do wha' our Mommy and Daddy says acuz they's always right. So now, he's not gonna wanna play wif me, an' I'll hafta lose my very bestest fwiend. Quiget was supa' happy for me dat I gots a new fwiend, and now, he's gonna be sad, too!"
Kurt broke down; there were too many big feelings floating around inside of him, and he just didn't know what else to do besides cry. Burt scooted over closer to Kurt and Elizabeth so that he could help comfort his distraught son.
When Kurt's tears had stopped and his breathing was back to normal, Elizabeth spoke. "Thank you for telling us all of that. I'm sure it was hard for you to keep all of those big feelings inside. Secondly, Mommy and Daddy make a lot of mistakes. All people do. None of us are perfect. We can believe different things, like how Blaine's daddy believes that tea parties are "girly" and we don't. That doesn't make one person wrong or right; it just means that we think different things. Some people are going to believe some things that don't make sense to you. You can ask questions to see if they can help you understand, and asking it doesn't mean that you will change your mind. You can agree to disagree and then move on. Sometimes, people can be really passionate, which means they care about it a lot, about what they believe, and they will hurt other people either on purpose or on accident. Hurting someone is never okay. If you do it on accident, you listen to them and apologize for doing so, making sure to never do it again. Hurting someone else on purpose, no matter what you believe, is not a good thing."
"So," Kurt asked, "maybe Blainers' daddy finks dat tea parties is 'girly,' but maybe Blainers don't?"
"Maybe," Burt answered. "That's something you'd have to ask Blaine."
"But den why he stoppeded talkin' to me today?" Kurt asked.
"I'm not sure, sweetie," Elizabeth said. "Sometimes, people get overwhelmed. Do you know what that means?"
Kurt shook his head. That was a huge word, and he had no clue what it meant.
"It means that sometimes," Burt explained, "there is a lot of stuff moving around or someone talking a lot or loud, and it's all going on at the same time. People start to feel too much all at once, and we just don't know what to do. So, we don't do anything, or we leave the place that's making us feel that way. Does that make sense?"
"I fink so," Kurt said. "So, maybe when I talkeded to Blainers 'bout how e'cited I was, it was over-over…botherin' him?"
"It's a possibility," Elizabeth said. "Maybe you can ask him tomorrow."
"Okay," Kurt said, thankful that he had a possible reason why his friend was acting so differently today. He became his bubbly self again for the rest of the night, excited to see his friend tomorrow and talk to him about what had happened that day. Kurt wanted to apologize for upsetting Blaine if he had and try his very best to not do it again.
Kurt woke up the next morning in happier spirits than when he fell asleep. He'd had dreams of him and his friends playing together and singing together, so he hoped that all of the icky feelings he had been feeling wouldn't stick around. Burt came in and helped Kurt get dressed in the nice outfit he had picked out for the tea party, and then, the two proceeded to the kitchen to have breakfast with Elizabeth.
Both of his parents were glad to see Kurt in a better mood than the previous day. Neither one of them liked to see their son's feelings hurt. They knew it was part of growing up, but it didn't mean they had to like it.
Kurt arrived at daycare with all of his 'happy' jar filled up. He sat on the carpet, reading books while the rest of his classmates came in. Kurt was content. That all changed when circle time started, and Blaine wasn't there.
A/N: The book used is The Color Monster by Anna Llenas and the song is "Colors of the Wind" from Pocahontas.