Why am I actually so dumb?

I thought I was soooooo smart, being like a calm adult trying to find employment so I could support myself in this weird situation where I'm all alone and who knows how far from home. Apparently, the stress and lack of sleep had affected my brain's functioning so much that I failed to note its deficiencies.

I literally didn't even try to find a way home. Like an idiot.

Breakfast with Malru was a bit awkward this morning as I was stewing over my own idiocy that had come to me like a vision as I woke. Perhaps it's because I'd managed to get proper sleep, my stress levels had reduced and my flu had almost disappeared, so my head was cleared and able to properly think for the first time in a few days.

A call from Malru brought me out of my head and back into the real world.

"I'll be heading out to work now, okay sweetie?" she said, her head poking around the archway into the dining area. "Feel free to eat whatever you'd like while we're gone. I should be back a bit after 4."

"Wait, Malru!"

She stopped her journey towards the door and now fully entered the dining area, her ever kind smile on her face.

"I, uh, I don't want to delay you from your work, but would I really quickly be able to ask you a question?"

"Don't worry about that. Fern can handle me being a couple of minutes later than expected," she said with the old couple's shared cheeky smirk.

"No no, I'll try to be quick." I really didn't want to make her late for her work, but I had to ask this now so that I could start moving forward.

"Where in the world are we?"

Okay, perhaps that was too direct, because now Malru's face was twisting into an expression of deep concern. I tried to rephrase.

"Like, what is the name of the town or suburb we're in? Oh, perhaps the name of the country as well?"

Her eyes bored into me as she opened her mouth, stopped, and then spoke as she approached the chair where I sat. "Dear, are you alright? Should I take you to the doctor's? That flu seems to have taxed you more than I realised."

I brought my hands up in a sort of defence as I shook my head no.

"That's not it, Malru. I'd say this is probably the most together and coherent I've been out of all the days you've known me."

She halted her advances, but her expression continued to twist further into worry.

"I guess I haven't really explained myself well, and I should provide you with a little bit of an explanation. I don't want to take up too much time, so I'll try to be succinct. Do you remember how the first time we met, I was lying in the centre of the street?"

Malru's expression was now more confused than worried as she gave a short nod.

"Well, see the reason I'm currently homeless and jobless and all that is because I actually just woke up there, in the middle of the road. I was just shopping in my hometown when I suddenly fainted and then woke up here."

The emotion in her eyes and face deepened with each word I spoke, but I couldn't let her interrupt now.

"And I'll be honest, I have no idea where this is. I also have no idea how I got here. So, would you be able to tell me, where are we?"

"Oh, dear," Malru cooed, closing the distance between us as she placed a gentle hand on my cheek. "I'm so glad I decided to pick you up when I saw you again."

And suddenly there was indignant anger on her face as she gripped my face with both her hands.

"Why didn't you go and ask anyone for help? Why did you try to refuse my help both times we met?!" she nearly yelled in my face, but she managed to restrain herself at least somewhat.

I tried to cringe away from her hold and avoid eye contact, but she held firm, directing me to look up into her eyes.

Reluctantly, I relented to the insistent questions held in her eyes. "Uh, I mean… Well, that first time we met, I didn't even realise I was lost just yet. I just sorta thought I might have been moved outside by someone for some reason, so I saw no reason to bother you with my problems."

A little of the heat receded from her eyes as she leaned closer. "Well there's no need to worry about bothering me with anything now. Feel free to bother me all you want."

I've said it before, and I'll say it a thousand times more: this old lady is just too nice.

"Now, what about the second time? By then, you'd have to have known something was wrong, yet you still tried to brush me off."

I tried to look at her hair so I didn't have to look at all that love and compassion she held in her eyes as I mumbled my next words. "Well, you were sorta, no, you were definitely, a stranger to me then. No point telling my sob story trying to gain sympathy and help from some random person on the street… I'd just be pestering them for no reason." In an even smaller voice, I quietly muttered, "It's not like they'd help me, anyway…"

Malru sighed, removing her hands from my face and taking a small step back. "It's not that I don't get what you're saying, dear. But you should really ask for help when you're having a rough time." With a considering look, she continued, "Why didn't you at least go to the police to ask for help? Tell them that you're lost and a possible missing person."

I looked down at my hands as I gave some nervous laughter. "Ah, see, the thing is… I sorta, didn't think about that?"

I glanced up through my lashes at Malru's face to see her reaction. While there was some tired endearment and sadness there, all my brain processed in that moment was disappointment. Disappointment in me for being too dumb.

Immediately I tried to justify myself, desperate to mitigate some of that disappointment she now felt. "I think I was just really stressed and so I hadn't properly thought out the situation," I blurted out. My mouth just kept running, trying to come up with an excuse that would erase that look on her face. "I would have definitely eventually gone to the police and asked them for help no doubt if it'd been maybe one more day I definitely would have gone absolutely to ask for help and say I'm lost so they could help me I definitely would ha-"

Malru cut me off with a shake of her head and a smile. "Dear, I'm not blaming you. I completely understand that you were stressed at the time. I'm more just sad that you had to be put in that situation in the first place."

She reached down and squeezed my hands to comfort me, to show me her sincerity.

"Anyway, it's not like you can go back and change what you did now. So, it's time to look forward and think about what you can do going forward," she soothed, pulling back and placing her hands on her hips.

I felt my body relax into the chair a bit as she accepted that yeah, it was a bit stupid of me, but she didn't blame me for that.

"Yeah, thank you." I cleared my throat a little, internalising that feeling of acknowledgement without blame or guilt, as I proceeded on my initial tack. "So now that you have the context behind the question, would you be able to fill me in on the specifics of our location? If you have a map as well, that would be greatly appreciated."

"Oh, of course." Malru began to turn this way and that as if looking for something, then paused with a hand on her chin. "I don't think I have a map, unfortunately, but perhaps this afternoon we could go looking for one if we need to. This port town we're in is called Dolle Harbour, on the southern coast of the Kukan'yu Kingdom. Does any of that sound familiar to you?" she asked

I frowned. I wouldn't claim to know all the countries in the world, not even close, but I had never heard of the 'Kukan'yu Kingdom.' And yet…

"Dolle Harbour sounds very vaguely familiar."

I couldn't place why it felt familiar or where in the world it would be, but the name was ringing some sort of bell deep in my mind.

Malru's face brightened, happy to hear I didn't seem to be hopelessly lost. "That's great!" she exclaimed. "Perhaps you're closer to home than you realise."

Something was wrong here. I could feel it in my gut. How could I know the name of a random port town in a country I'd never heard of?

Perhaps more distressing though, was that I was no longer in Australia. Which would require some sort of long-distance transportation. Australia is an island nation so the only way to get to another country is by boat or plane. So, either this was some sort of prank on the level of The Truman Show or I had been drugged and trafficked to a different fucking country. And then outright dumped and bloody forgotten!

No, no time for mental breakdowns right now.

I can't help what has already happened. I'll wait until this afternoon when we go to the police station so that I can locate exactly where I am. What's more important than figuring out how I got here is figuring out how I'll get back home.

"Perhaps," I said diplomatically, unsure whether to let Malru in on how wrong that likely was. After a short internal debate, I decided I should probably tell her. "You wouldn't happen to know of a country called Australia, would you?"

Her face didn't light up with recognition, so I knew her answer before she even opened her mouth.

"No, I don't. Is that perhaps where you're from?"

"Yeah, it is. Considering you don't know it, I don't think I'm as close to home as I would like to be," I relented with a sigh.

Unwilling to let the mood dip, Malru puffed her chest out and shone a beaming smile my way. "Well, until we can manage to find you a way home, you will be staying in this house."

I'm so glad that the person who happened to approach me that first moment here was Malru. Which reminds me…

I looked up and caught her eye, drawing her attention to me. She just calmly waited, giving me the time I needed to form my words. "I'm not trying to be rude in saying this, Malru, I'm asking out of genuine curiosity." I fiddled with my fingers as I powered through. "Why are you so invested in helping me? I was a complete stranger to you, yet you practically carried me into your home and basically waited on me, hand and foot."

Back was her cheeky smirk, mixed with a bit of a caring smile. "Sometimes you just meet someone and immediately love them. No particular rhyme or reason behind it, you just see them and know that they'll be wonderful, and you want the absolute best for them."

I absolutely knew that feeling. It was the exact way I felt about Malru. But her saying she felt that way about me made my heart melt a little.

"I, uh, I don't know if this is weird to say," I started, a little embarrassed to say this but unable to stop the feeling from manifesting as words. "I really love you, Malru. Really. I know I've barely known you for a week, if that, but you're honestly so sweet and just a lovely soul and I had to let you know."

All I could hear after that was her cooing as she wrapped me up in hugs, squishing my face with her hands while covering it in feather light pecks. Her overt affection just filled my body with warmth. She would have probably continued for a while yet if a loud banging hadn't come from below and made me nearly jump out of my skin.

She sighed heavily as she pulled me into a big hug, stomping her foot aggressively a couple of times.

"I get it, I get it. Calm down, I'm coming, okay?" she said with an annoyed yet crestfallen look. I think that was almost a pout now. "I've got to go, Fern is calling."

Oh, that was Fern? Apparently, they work in the shop downstairs. That's convenient for them.

"Like I said before, feel free to eat what you want. There's some books and a TV in the lounge if you get bored, which'll be the first door on your left. If you need me for anything, just go down the stairs and into the shop immediately on the right, underneath this house. It's the bakery that me and Fern run." With a peck on my cheek, Malru exited the dining area.

"I'll join you to the police station this afternoon, okay?" she called as I heard the click of the front door unlocking.

"Okay Malru, I'll see you then," I called back with a smile.

"I love you, Erin. Have a nice day!"

And with that final sneak attack, she was gone.

The trip to the police station had resulted in me filing my own missing persons report. I don't know if that's a standard occurrence or whether it's generally the family submitting the report instead, but it felt distinctly odd to declare myself as missing, despite being knowledgeable of my own presence and location (to a degree). Either way, with that filed I had one lead to potentially get back home.

On our way home, Malru brought me to a clothing store to pick out some clothes for myself as a surprise. Until that point, I'd been wearing her and Fern's clothes. I tried to refuse but Malru can be very insistent. I think she may have done it to try and improve my mood after having been to the police. In the end, I came out of the store with 3 new shirts and pants and a promise that I would pay her back. She refused that promise, but I can be stubborn when I want to be. Once I earn some money, she'll be finding it in her wallet one way or another.

Finishing off our little trip, we found a small store that was stocking maps. The store clerk looked a little annoyed when we asked if we could unroll one right there, but they allowed us to borrow the front desk to look at it. I think they instinctively knew not to question Malru, even if right now she looked like a simple harmless old lady.

My first thoughts upon seeing the map: do I have geographical dyslexia or something?

Based on this map, it'd either have to be that or I'm in a coma. Or this is some backwoods country that is basically cut off from the rest of the world AND isn't very good at geography. Because it was there. I could see Australia on the map. But it was upside down. And had the name 'Begerosse Union' printed over it.

The more I looked at the map, the more confused I got. Because there was Africa, and I think South America. There was no mistaking those shapes. But they were also oddly placed and tilted. And there's New Zealand. Good for them. Even if the placement is wrong, at least they're actually on the map.

It truly was odd. The strangest thing was, just like earlier when Malru mentioned Dolle Harbour, this map was very vaguely familiar. That shouldn't be able to be the case. This was just a messed up, bastardised version of the actual world map. This was basically a joke map. Yet Malru proceeded to point to a location on the map like it wasn't.

"This is where we currently are, Erin. Good old Dolle Harbour." Her extended finger was indicating a point on the inverted South America. "Can you see your home country?"

With a degree of hesitance to the movement, I lifted my hand and indicated to the Australia-shaped country. Malru didn't show any excitement at this. She also knew something was wrong.

"This should be where I'm from. It should be… It looks the same as my home country. But it's not 'Australia'. And it's upside down. And none of the rest of this map is right. These should be over here and this over there," I said as my hands indicated the moving of continents. "This, it isn't the same map as what I'm used to. It's like someone took the world map and shook well. It's not right. None of this is right. But it's familiar? Not even just the shapes, but this configuration. It's familiar."

Malru placed her hands over mine and gently pried them from either side of my head. I was breathing heavily as I squatted down, attempting to curl in on myself. My eyes were spinning.

"Just breathe, dear. Deep breaths. Iiiiiiin…" I breathed in. "And slowly out." My breath shook, practically vibrated as it left my body. I breathed a few more times to calm my spiralling madness.

In a small shaky voice, my heart's cries were uttered. "How will I be able to find a way home if I can't even find home?"

Malru didn't say anything, just patted what was intended to be a comforting hand on my back.

My head snapped up as I got a bright spark moment. "The internet."

I stood up all at once and spun to look down at Malru where she was still squatting. "I need a computer. One with an internet connection. Do you know where I might be able to access one? Like maybe a library?"

She stood to her full height, her face not betraying any of her thoughts as she spoke. "The library should have one, yes. We may have to hurry if you want to look at it now-"

"Yes please."

The worry was bleeding into her expression now.

"I have to do it now, Malru. I have to, or I won't be able to sleep."

As quickly as it had appeared, the worry on her face disappeared to be replaced by what could only be a fake bravado. "Well, I guess we better get a move on then," she said with cheer, her smile shining dimmer than before.

The quick visit to the library revealed no helpful information. A search for the country Australia produced no relevant results. Even an attempt to access familiar websites like Google or YouTube bore no good news. And once again, it was all in this language I had never seen before (or had I seen it before?) yet implicitly understood.

It wasn't as if I was catatonic following this disheartening development, but I was definitely deflated and unresponsive. Dinner flew by in an uncomfortable silence-filled whirl. Fern tried to start a conversation a few times but Malru just cut him off with a wave of her hand as I despondently shovelled food into my mouth before excusing myself.

As I was lying in bed that night, attempting and failing to fall asleep, I could very faintly hear a conversation through the walls of the room. As I tended to do, I eavesdropped on the conversation, trying to use it to cease the racing thoughts and draining emotions so I could fall asleep.

"I don't know what she's going to do... She said none of it was right." Malru sounded distressed, her voice pitching higher than usual.

"Perhaps she hit her head and it scrambled her memory."

"Fern!" There was no anger in her voice, but the warning was clear.

There was silence for a moment before he spoke again, uttering quiet words that I couldn't manage to hear. Their conversation continued, but the distress Malru exhibited earlier no longer distorted her voice, so the conversation returned to muffled murmurs.

Seeing as I couldn't hear what they were saying again, I actively tuned out, humming a small song to myself.

I wonder if I could brainwash myself into being okay if I hummed Happy by Pharrell Williams enough times.

"Please hire me."

Malru stood shocked in the kitchen, spoon halting in its stirring motion within the pot she was tending.

Spending a good portion of the night being unable to fall asleep, I ran through various scenarios in my head, trying to come up with a plan. And the first step of my current plan of attack was basically the same as my original one. Get a job.

If I truly was awake and not in a coma, I'm probably just in some small country that had their own ideas about how the world looked. Like flat-earthers. So their search engines will only show results that align with their world views, thus why there were no results for Australia. And perhaps the reason I can't access familiar websites is that this country has some policies like China, blocking Google and YouTube.

Please be the case.

…

(…and yet, I can understand their language…)

So. If I get enough money, I can travel out of the country, perhaps to what they have marked as Begerosse Union, and see for myself whether it's home or not, using the internet there to do a proper search.

This is basically my last option. I don't know any other way.

And if that doesn't work… I don't know. What else could I do? If my home doesn't exist, how can I find a way to go home?

"You want to work, dear?"

I nodded my head very enthusiastically. "I need something to do. I can't just sit around doing nothing and let you take care of me."

"You really don't need to worry about such things. We're happy to care for you, Erin," Malru started, but I cut her off with a shake of my head.

"I appreciate that, I truly do. But I need money. It could be my way home."

The shock on her face was palpable.

"Wait, you managed to find a way to get home?" she exclaimed.

With a shrug of my shoulders, I replied, "Maybe. It's not for certain. It's not even necessarily a possibility, but it's the only thing I could think of."

"Well," she began, hands propped on hips, "let's go consult the co-owner, shall we?"

As I was about to respond, she continued. "After breakfast."

I may have burned my mouth on the porridge as I scarfed it down my throat, but I was too anxious to know the answer. I had to start working to get money to get a plane ticket to go home.

"No."

Excuse me?

I don't know, maybe I'm just a spoiled, entitled child, but I was sure he'd say yes.

"Fern! Why are you saying no?" Malru looked especially peeved by his response. "We were discussing just a few weeks ago that we may need to hire some younger bodies to do some of the harder work for us, and now one comes knocking."

It felt nice having Malru advocating for me, but I really didn't want to cause an incident between the couple because of me.

"Malru, it's alright. You're already providing so much for me. I can try asking around the town again. Now that I have a place where I'm living, they may be more willing to hire me." I tried to placate Malru, grabbing her hand and rubbing circles on the back of it. "It'll be fine. I'll manage to find something."

"She's only just gotten better."

I turned to Fern, mildly surprised. I mean, it's not like I thought he was heartless, but it still came as a surprise.

"You saw how bad she was when she was sick." He turned to me now. "You felt how bad you were when you were sick. Doing the kind of work that's involved with our job now would just put you back to that state."

Okay, very valid.

"We have to consider the welfare of our staff. And we can't just hire anyone who asks." Fern approached me and placed a hand on my shoulder. "You seem like a lovely young lady, but that doesn't necessarily mean you'd be capable of working as a baker."

Also very valid. Damn.

"If you really would like to work for us, though, we could try a trial period."

The hope that sparkled in my eyes then must have been blinding as I held eye contact with Fern.

"If you would be willing to offer me a trial period, then I shall gladly accept," I replied with a shaky exhale.

"Geez, you old rascal," Malru laughed, stepping around me to give Fern a hip check. "I thought I was going to have to divorce you for a second there, ahaha." Fern just raised an eyebrow to the claim. I personally thought that statement deserved a little more than a single raised brow, but I guess these two knew each other too well to take such a statement seriously.

With an exasperated but loving sigh, Fern returned his attention to me. "You still need to rest for a few more days, so I guess we can start the trial on Monday."

Internally I was doing a couple of fist pumps. This meant I'd be one step closer to home.

"Well, I'd best get to work now. Go back upstairs and get some good rest, Erin. You want to be at your best for the trial period, right?" Malru said with a wink.

Fern wasn't wrong in giving me a trial period. Waking up at 4 or so and starting work around 5 did not agree with my body. Even without doing any work, that alone was draining me. And then the work was only cleaning, some manual labour, and menial tasks, yet I was exhausted by the end of the days I worked. Fortunately, the trial schedule of 3 days a week Fern had decided spaced my working so I had at least one rest day after each working day.

I refused to give up and let the fatigue take over.

Mind over matter wasn't entirely working for me, though. The fatigue was gradually accumulating and by the middle of the third week, it became noticeable in my work as well. And today was the day where it came to a head.

When there was a lull in customers after the breakfast rush, Malru approached me and asked me to buy groceries before taking the rest of the day off. I could tell that she wanted to just get me to go straight to bed, but she knew that I would fight that. Giving me a task to go and complete before resting would make me more inclined to concede.

I had gone with Malru a few times to the greengrocers and butchers so I knew the way through the town now, walking on somewhat autopilot. It was a good thing too because my brain was not working at full capacity. Getting lost now wouldn't have been good.

Hands full of groceries, I made to start going back home when my vision briefly fazed out. That didn't seem like a good sign. I looked around the cobblestone streets for a place I could comfortably rest. The food could wait a little longer before getting in the fridge. Myself on the other hand, I don't know if I could wait for a rest.

Across the street, I spotted a bench seat situated outside some sort of eatery that was currently closed. Excellent.

I flopped down on the chair, placing the grocery bags gently on the bench either side of my body. A deep breath in and I relaxed back into the seat. The gentle cool breeze blew over my body, cooling my body that was warmed by the walk to and around the stores. Owning a jacket really was the difference between a breeze and a freezing gust.

I stared unfocussed into space, tilting my head to see above the rooftops of the buildings. Some distance away I could see a mountain, topped by what looked like a little party hat with my blurred vision. Focussing my eyes let me see what instead had to be a monstrously large pine tree. It was a semi-decent view to sit back and relax to while appreciating the morning breeze.

My eyes focussed in and out as I stared at the tree standing out from all the rest. Simply enjoying the moment, my thoughts wandered…

"Oh."

I stood up so fast I almost jumped and overextended my knees in the process. My feet sped through the streets, fatigue gone and knees still feeling the dull throb of the impact they endured moments earlier. My palms stung with the pressure of my nails digging into them, yet my fingers still gripped tighter around the bags they were holding. Even while my mind was a mess, I was not going to let my perfectly good groceries go to waste. Muscles strained and screamed from the unusual tension they were forced under.

They were not accustomed to this.

Eyes spinning but focused, I knew where I was going like it was my one mission in life. My body knew where to go. Where to walk. Where to run. Onlookers probably just assumed I was late to something. How I wish.

The breeze was gone. I could no longer feel that calming coolness of earlier. The wind was there, but it was no longer the same. It was too cold. I was too hot. While I was sweating furiously, the air flowing past my face didn't relieve me of this heat as it should. The intense emotions and reactions I was experiencing were so new.

I wasn't accustomed to this.

The running had long since killed my legs. Burning, melting, crumbling. I wanted to stop or slow down, but I couldn't. I had to get home… I had to get back. I needed that door, those walls, that well-used pillow. I needed to smoother it. The feelings, the screams.

Each breath was an inhale of fire and knives. No moisture, shredding my throat to pieces. The air in my lungs combusting and heating my body more and more. The knives reached further, past my throat to my lungs. Compounding centrally, they punctured my insides, twisting and stabbing and twisting and stabbing and STABBING AND HURTING AND DYING.

My lungs weren't accustomed to this.

But I couldn't stop.

The coughing added fuel to the fire, knives to my throat, stops to my breathing. I felt like I might pass out—I would almost celebrate the occasion—though, as luck would have it, the stairway came in sight. Skipping steps and almost tripping many times, I climbed to the second storey and slammed into the door, furiously fumbling with the knob and my key.

"OPEN, GODDAMNIT!" I yelled at the door in rage. My newly shredded throat was suffering and made its cries heard when I spoke. "Please, just open!"

I bent over in a coughing fit induced by the combination of my yelling and butchered throat. Tears moistened my eyes and my throat constricted, the coughs now coming out in choked guttural heaves.

I needed to be inside, NOW.

Reaching back up to the doorknob, I tried the lock again with hands steadied by the resolve to avoid making a scene, avoid the embarrassment of having a breakdown in a public area.

The click of the lock caused a sharp intake of breath from my body that I held and did not let go. I removed the key and opened the door, stumbling in and collapsing. I reached for the door with my foot and pushed, still holding my breath, waiting for that thud of the door against the door frame.

When it came, rather than an exhale of breath, a wail escaped my lips. Heaving and sobbing, my chest still in pain, my emotions were laid bare on the floor of the entryway.

A/N: Okay, um keep this a secret, but I'm a little bit stupid. Was that first bit of this chapter basically just me commenting on my own dumb brain instead of Erin's? Yes. Cos as much as I have thought this story out and planned various plot points, I literally forgot to make her properly attempt to find a way home. Like an idiot. I decided to not go back and edit it into like the first chapter when she arrived here, though, cos I could conceivably see this happening for her. Like because she thought she was being so smart by coming up with this plan and trying to find work, she completely failed to consider the most basic solution to the problem of her being lost. So yeah, I'm a dumb, but so is Erin so it's fine, right? …right?

And I just have to quickly say, I love Malru. So much. I know I literally made her, but she is her own monster now. Every time she appears in the story, she just takes over and ends up having like 4 times as much time dedicated to her as was originally intended. That first part was intended to be maybe like 500 words. Ended up being about 2000 words. Whoops. But I don't regret. I'm writing those scenes filled with Malru's love for myself as much as for Erin. (Also, why am I literally both Malru and Erin? My OCs really are just chunks of me personified.)

Also yes, I know I said I wouldn't have author's notes because I didn't want the flow of the story to be interrupted by my rambling, but I'm a needy egotistical bitch who wants people to listen to her when she rants so I'm going back on my word and will include author's notes (when I want to. Which'll probs be every chapter lol) from now on. Cos let's be real, nobody is gonna go to my profile just to read my rambling, but if it's at the end of a story you might just do it cos heck it, you know?

Tl;dr

Me at me: what are you?

Me, with two slices of bread either side of my head: a needy idiot sandwich

Stay safe y'all!

P.S. I know this is a really long Author's Note, but I had to add this. A few weeks ago, I had a dream, and it was one of my yearly weird dreams. And Leorio was in it. What was he doing, you ask? Going on an adventure with me? Nope. He was holding a mug with powdered mashed potatoes in it to sprinkle into the ocean so I could get footholds to go through a door. And that's all. Have fun with that image in your heads now.