Sincere apologies for this having taken so many months to update. Real life is a killer for time and muses! However, the realisation that in just 2 short weeks The Bill will be disappearing from our screens for good spurred me on to keep it alive, even if it is just through fanfic!
As always, I do not claim to own any characters from The Bill, that privilege belongs to Freemantle Media and Talkback Thames. If I owned them, I'd be making full use of it now being a post-watershed programme ;o) Lol.
If anyone remembers this story and you'd care to leave a review, I'd love to hear from you, no matter what you have to say about the writing, the content or the amount of time it's taken to update. (I will endeavour to update as soon as I am able to and have a few more chapters already prepared in the hope that I can keep updating and finally finish this beast. Once that's done, I'll crack on with Honeymoon in Vegas as well.)
"Sam? Sam, come on, wake up honey. It's ok, it's just a dream." Lorna soothed the platinum blonde hair away from the fretful woman lying in her daughter's bed. The murmurs had woken Lorna a few moments earlier, gradually increasing in volume and anxiety as whatever demons haunted Sam gripped her more forcefully. As Lorna continued to coo softly words of comfort and reassurance, she continued to stroke her hand across the alabaster skin of Sam's face, marvelling at the softness of its contours. Wakefulness crept into Sam's demeanour, muscles subtly tensing as she prepared herself to face whatever had woken her. "It's ok Sam, it's just me." Lorna again reassured the woman, removing her hand but remaining perched on the edge of the bed, far enough away to allow Sam room but close enough should she wish to reach out to her.
"Lorna?" Sam queried, recognising the voice. "Lorna, what if Jo doesn't make it through her surgery? What if it's more advanced than they think and there's nothing they can do for her?" The fears which had been haunting her slumber spilled out of the diminutive blonde before she could censor herself.
"Oh Sam," Lorna opened her arms, inviting the smaller woman into a warm hug, wrapping her up and wishing she could shelter her from any harm or hurt. "I'm sure Jo will be ok, she's a very strong woman and she has the support of Lucy and you and all her friends and colleagues. And if it is worse news than we could hope for, then we will help Jo to cross that bridge when we come to it, in anyway we can. I know it's pointless telling you to not worry but all we can do now is trust in the doctors to do their job and trust that Jo knows how much she has to live for to fight her way through this." All the while that she spoke, Lorna gently rocked Sam back and forth feeling her sobs gradually subsiding into the occasional sniffle. Both women were reluctant to withdraw from the embrace, content to remain in the circle of each other's arms. Finally, Lorna glanced at the clock and realised that she would need to make a move or run the risk of being late for work and whilst she would have loved to have spent the day with Sam, supporting her and trying to take her mind off Jo, they both knew it was impossible. "Shall I make us a cup of something hot? Which do you prefer to kick start your morning, tea or coffee?"
Sam reluctantly lifted her head from it's resting place against Lorna's shoulder, sitting back on the bed and instantly feeling bereft. Her mind was in turmoil as she mulled over her body's response to the embrace; the tiny thrills that had run up and down her spine as she realised Lorna was not about to instantly release her once her tears subsided, the tumbling and churning of butterflies in her stomach and the distinct clenching of muscles lower down in her abdomen, the miniscule increase in her heart rate as she nestled close to the other woman, inhaling her scent and letting it overwhelm her sadness.
"Sam? You ok?" Lorna shuffled closer, peering into Sam's vacant blue eyes and trying to coax her back into the here and now.
"Hmm sorry, just thinking." Sam admitted, ducking her head as she thought about where her mind had been leading her and hoping the crime scene technician would not press for more information. A blush crept across her cheeks as she processed her reactions and she fought to remain focussed on Lorna's current question. "Black coffee would be good, thanks. Hopefully some caffeine might wake my brain up a bit."
"Sugar?" Lorna enquired rising from the bed and stretching out the kinks in her muscles, allowing Sam a tantalising glimpse of the smooth pale flesh of her stomach as the top of her pyjamas rose up and separated from the trousers.
"Ummm just a little dash please. Only first thing in the morning but I just need it to ease my taste buds in gradually to the day." Sam ran a dry tongue over parched lips, eyes occasionally flicking to the area where Lorna's pyjamas had separated hoping for another sneak view of the flesh beneath them.
"Coming right up. Do you want it up here or are you joining me downstairs?" Lorna asked, noticing Sam still seemed distracted and wondered if she might prefer some time to herself.
"No, I'll join you downstairs if that's ok?" Sam responded, watching with fascinated eyes as Lorna's own crinkled in warm affection as she nodded that it was ok. Sam sat for a few moments, listening to Lorna moving around the house, mulling over her own reactions to the physical and emotional closeness she felt towards the red-haired woman. "Oh Jo, please get through this, I could really use your experience right now," the blonde muttered under her breath as she rose and headed to the bathroom to freshen up before dressing and descending the stairs in search of her host.
Lorna heard Sam enter the bathroom, leaning heavily against the worktop and blowing a shaky breath out from between pursed lips. It had felt so good to hold Sam in her arms, too good. Lorna had no problem with anyone developing feelings for whomever they felt drawn to – as long as it was within the law – but she had never so much as looked twice at another woman. All of a sudden, Lorna was not sure that pursuing a close friendship was a wise thing to do. She feared that it would not be enough and that scared her. The thought of needing someone - anyone - that much again petrified her. The idea of that someone being a woman, well Lorna's mind stalled when even trying to decide how that made her feel. It was too much, especially on top of everything else. But there was no denying that she had liked holding Sam, that having her wrapped up in her arms, having the gentle tickle of her breath against Lorna's neck and the weight of her arms around her waist had re-awakened many long-dormant stirrings within her. Mentally, she vowed to herself that she would try to retain some distance between them, not wishing to make Sam uncomfortable while she worked out what these confusing new feelings meant, if indeed they meant anything at all. A stupid passing crush was not worth ruining a perfectly good friendship or working relationship for.
Lucy swiped angrily at a lone tear trickling across her cheek. Tears were not welcome, they served no purpose and achieved nothing. She needed to harden her resolve, to be fully prepared for the battle ahead. No one had ever made her feel the way Jo made her feel. She had had lovers previously but none who looked at her as though she were the only person on earth worth looking at, no one who gave the impression that they breathed only for her. But that was how she felt with Jo, as though the older woman could never quite believe her luck whenever she saw her in their bed or in her arms, as though constantly mentally pinching herself to persuade her it wasn't just a fantasy. She only hoped that she made Jo feel as special and loved and wanted as the brunette always made Lucy feel and part of her knew that despite the graveness of their current situation, it would also give her a chance to prove the depth and breadth of her love through her actions. Butterflies danced in her stomach as she wished to every immortal being that she could do what was necessary to support her lover through the coming weeks, months and years until such a time as Jo was given the all clear. Deciding that she needed some fresh air, Lucy made her way into the hospital grounds, dodging the lurking smokers huddled together in the designated areas and heading instead for a more isolated bench. She retrieved her mobile phone from the pocket of her baggy jeans and turned it on, checking to see if anyone had left any messages for her. It wasn't that she was expecting anything important, more that her mind needed some kind of distraction from the images flashing through it of her lover's body being sliced open and mutilated. Shortly after the tiny phone had completed booting up, it's shrill ringtone sounded indicating an incoming text message.
"Hi Lucy, wish I could be with you in person to keep you occupied while Jo's in surgery. Am thinking of you both and wishing for the best. Call if you need anything, anything at all. Love Sam xx"
Reading and re-reading the message warmed Lucy's heart. When she and Jo had first become involved with each other, Lucy's jealousy had been sparked by the effusive and plentiful way in which Jo spoke about her Detective Inspector. Lucy had been convinced that there was a hankering for more than friendship on both women's behalves even if they did not act on it. It had taken meeting Sam and seeing their casual affection with her own eyes to convince her once and for all that they shared an incredibly strong bond of friendship but that there was nothing to fear from that. In spite of her reservations, Lucy found herself liking Sam's company and the fire she managed to bring out in Jo. She only hoped that it was a quality Sam could coax out even at the brunette's lowest ebb, suspecting that it might be called upon before she was given the all clear. Lucy checked her watch, wondering how Sam's day was going, opting to call rather than reply with another text message.
"DI Nixon," Sam answered automatically, so caught up in the paperwork in front of her that she neglected to check the caller-ID display.
"Hi Sam, it's Lucy." Now that she had the other woman on the phone, Lucy found herself at a loss as to what she wanted to say to her.
"Hiya love, how are you holding up?" Sam instinctively moved into motherly mode, her protective, nurturing instincts roaring to the fore.
"I'm ok, Jo's still in the operating theatre. I just feel so useless." Lucy admitted, her throat beginning to close up and tears pricking at her eyes as she addressed her fears out loud.
"You're not useless. You have been an immense source of strength and support for Jo. She told me that she had no idea why you were standing so firmly beside her but that it was making all the difference to her that you were so don't ever doubt that you help. Just by being there for her, loving her and showing her she's not alone, you are giving her the strength to fight and belief that she will come through this." Sam implored the younger woman to take heed of her words.
"I just wish today was over. I hate the thought of her being cut open; I hate that she has to spend tonight in a hospital bed instead of lying in my arms; I hate that she will bear the scars from this for the rest of her life. How can something like this happen to Jo? She's always so healthy and fit and strong. Why her? Why not me? I could handle being ill myself better than I can deal with watching her go through this. I'm not convinced I'll be strong enough to be there for her, to guarantee giving her all the support she needs every single day for the foreseeable future until she gets the all-clear. What if I fail her? What if I let her down because I can't handle it? What if my not being strong enough makes her give up? Sam, what if I can't save her?" Words spilled from Lucy's mouth unchecked, almost as though a valve in her had blown and nothing could censor her thoughts before they were verbalised.
"It's perfectly normal and natural to feel that way, Lucy. Don't be so hard on yourself. No one expects you to be there for Jo alone. You have me and there are a lot of Jo's friends and colleagues who will gladly help you share the load, with visiting, taking care of Jo, taking her to appointments, running errands, picking up shopping, anything at all. So please, don't feel like you're on your own. And don't stress yourself out so much worrying about your own expectations of yourself that you run yourself into the ground. Nobody expects you to save Jo, only medical science and her own willpower can do that. What you can do is be yourself, be the woman she loves and who loves her in return. Be a shoulder to lean on, arms to comfort her, someone to talk to and a friend and companion to distract her from her pain, her discomfort and her fears. And through all that, you can pick up the phone anytime, day or night, and I will be there for you both. You're very important to Jo and Jo is important to me therefore so are you, ok? We will all pull together to get her through this." Sam reassured, hearing the fear and confusion in the passionate woman's voice.
"I'm so glad Jo has friends like you – I doubt any of mine or my colleagues would rally round if it were me," Lucy stated sincerely.
"Then your friends are not true friends and don't deserve you. I can't imagine not caring enough about any of the people I call friends to not want to help them in any way I could given this kind of situation. Lucy, you're a good person and I can tell that you adore Jo. I have every faith you will find the strength within yourself and from the support around you to be whatever Jo needs you to be to help her." They chatted for a short while longer, Sam happy to be able to keep the younger woman company and distracted. Eventually, duty called as a soft knock on her door signalled that Sam was required to focus back on work. The two women said their brief goodbyes, promising to speak again later.
"Ms Sorella?" Lucy's bowed head snapped up at the sound of her name being called. She rose on shaky legs from the uncomfortable plastic chair to greet the young swarthy skinned man in surgical scrubs, an expectant expression on her face. "Ms Masters has been taken through to the recovery suite now and will be being moved to a bed in the intensive care unit shortly." Lucy's face fell, immediately concerned that there had been complications. The doctor correctly interpreted her expression and hastened to reassure her, "it's just a precaution until we can be sure there will be no residual reactions to the procedure or the sedation given to her during surgery. The operation went well, there's good cause to be optimistic."