Back again, with another chapter. Huge thanks to Sez01, iheartsergeantsmith, A for Antechinus and Scription Addict for your lovely reviews on the last chapter - a big plate of cookies is coming to each of you for your kindness :) I hope you enjoy this chapter too, it's very Sam/Lorna centric I discovered! Lol.
Disclaimers are the same as always. We all know I don't own The Bill or its characters or anything else to do with it really. No profit or indeed money of any kind is being made from this, just hopefully a few warm hearts and a couple of smiles, so no suing me because that's just not nice!
On with the show and enough of my drivel. If you do feel so inclined, I'd love for you to drop me a review and let me know what you think (and it is only encouraged, not compulsory, I won't confiscate cookies if you don't!). 'Til next chapter then.
"Sam, hi, are you ok? Where are you? Are you only just getting home from work?" Lorna fired off a quick succession of questions as soon as the DI's voice sounded through the phone.
"Hi Lorna, thanks for calling me back so soon. I hope I didn't disturb you or interrupt anything?" Sam replied, deftly sidestepping answering any of the enquiries sent her way.
"No, not at all, I was just in the shower. So are you going to answer me or do I have to come over there and coerce a confession?" Lorna chortled as she heard Sam bark out a laugh. The blonde realised that the other woman knew her well already and understood that she was often reluctant to accept any concern for her own wellbeing, displacing it by reflecting it back on the other person.
"As much as I'd love to investigate your interrogation methods, I've no doubt Katie might object to being hauled across town at this time of night," Sam admitted somewhat reluctantly.
"Sam…" Lorna's voice held a warning tone as her questions still remained unanswered. "Talk to me honey. Would you like me to come over? Katie's at a friend's house so you don't have to worry about disturbing her. Or you can come over here if you'd like? Or we can just chat on the phone, whatever you prefer." Her voice was inviting, coaxing the diminutive blonde into letting her guard down enough to open up about what was on her mind.
Sam was torn between wanting to be near to the intoxicating redhead and not wishing to appear too needy and clingy. Her silence lingered between them, the line humming slightly as reception fluctuated. Just as Lorna feared she had lost the connection, Sam ground out, "can you come over, please?"
"I'll be there as soon as I can," Lorna assured on a breath, worried at the broken, desperate edge she had heard. Worries and fears nibbled at the edges of her mind; was Jo alright? Had Stuart made some sort of threat, veiled or blatant, before his disappearance? Was there something else about the case that Sam hadn't mentioned over the phone which was troubling her? Or was she just exhausted from running herself ragged trying to balance the case, supporting Jo and Lucy and finding time to explore whatever was developing between herself and Lorna? Had Sam agreed to see her to ask her face to face to back off and give her some space to concentrate on being there for Jo? The shadows chased her from her home and into her car, spurring her on as though she was being chased by the Devil himself. In what seemed no time at all, Lorna pulled up outside the now familiar residence and climbed from the car, bracing herself both against the keen wind and against what may face her once she crossed the threshold into Sam's domain. Taking a final deep breath, Lorna raised a hand and knocked on the door.
"Hi, come on in," Sam murmured shyly as soon as she answered the door, seemingly bashful about having made the request for Lorna to come out so late. Lorna stepped inside, through the gap Sam had created for her, into the welcoming warm home, offering her friend what she hoped was a reassuring smile as she brushed passed her. Sam didn't let her get very far before capturing her wrist, turning the taller woman to face her. Ever since she had ended the call to Lorna, Sam had been second-guessing herself, wondering what it was exactly about the redhead that made her need her so much when she was feeling even in the slightest bit vulnerable. Reaching out, the petite DI unsnapped the buttons holding the other woman's coat closed, pulling it open and sliding her arms around the slender waist of the woman beneath it. Lorna's arms naturally folded around the smaller frame molding itself to her curves, creating a cosy cocoon for the blonde. She stroked a hand over Sam's back soothingly as she felt the coiled tension within her ease slightly at the contact. "I'm sorry for dragging you out." Sam's voice was muffled but there was no mistaking the contrition in her tone.
"If I minded, I wouldn't have come love," Lorna replied, dropping a tender kiss on the crown of the head tucked beneath her chin. "And this greeting is definitely making it worthwhile," she quipped, glad to hear it earn a small chuckle from her limpet.
Reluctantly raising her head, Sam sighed, giving Lorna a glimpse of just how fatigued she was. "Can I interest you in a warm drink? I can do us hot chocolate or a cup of tea if you like? I don't know if coffee would be a great idea at this time, I don't have any decaf and I know I've already had more than is advisable today."
"Why don't you go and sit down and I'll make those drinks? You're almost out on your feet." Lorna ignored Sam's half-hearted protests about her being the hostess, that she should be waiting on Lorna and not the other way around. Instead, the redhead steered the other woman into the lounge and down onto the sofa they had shared numerous times before. "You take the weight off your feet and I'll be back in a few minutes." With a gentle kiss to her cheek and a squeeze of her shoulder, Lorna encouraged Sam to stay where she was before heading into the kitchen, shedding her coat and draping it over the back of one of the kitchen chairs as she went. She pottered about, warming milk in the microwave, boiling the kettle, adding hot chocolate powder to the hot milk and stirring it vigorously before topping each off with the boiling water. As she walked back through to the lounge with her offerings, she half-expected Sam to already be asleep such was her seeming level of fatigue. Apparently, the other woman was stubbornly determined to stay awake.
"Thanks," Sam acknowledged gratefully as Lorna set the two steaming mugs on the coffee table before sinking into the couch beside her. The two women automatically gravitated towards physical contact, curling into each other and wrapping their arms around one another.
"Want to talk about it?" Lorna offered quietly, fingers caressing Sam's upper arm gently. Sam semi-shrugged in the embrace, feeling her brain finally letting go of some of her angst in the face of Lorna's obvious care and concern. "What time did you get in from work?
Sam glanced at the clock before answering. "About an hour ago. I stayed on to help Neil co-ordinate the search for Stuart," she admitted with a sigh, frustrated at the lack of progress they had made.
"I take it you're still no closer to finding where he is?" Lorna felt Sam shake her head. "Are you concerned about what he might be planning to do? Or are you more concerned about his welfare?" Lorna tested the waters, wondering if there were any vague feelings for Stuart still lingering within Sam somewhere.
"I couldn't care less if someone gives him his comeuppance but I'd rather it happened through a court so that we could get some answers about why he got involved with the whole thing in the first place. I guess I want to know if he was already involved when we were sleeping together too. The thought that I could have allowed myself to be involved with someone willing to turn a blind eye to such abuse, if not actively facilitating it… it turns my stomach. I let him into my affections, I let him into my bed." Sam shuddered, physically and emotionally reviled.
"You can't do that to yourself, Sam. You can't torture yourself with what if's and if only's. Was there ever any point during your relationship with Stuart where you had any inkling he was involved in anything illegal at all? Not just this but anything at all? Did you ever suspect that he was capable of being corrupt to such an extent?" Lorna was pleased to see Sam seriously consider her questions, rather than just offering a knee-jerk reaction.
"No, never. He was immature and controlling, he could be jealous and possessive and dismissive of my feelings but I never felt uncomfortable with him from a moral point of view. I never felt like I was shielding someone, turning a blind eye to illicit activities just because I was in a relationship with him. I wouldn't do that, I couldn't, I love my career too much." Another thought struck Sam, her stomach roiling as a wave of nausea hit, "oh God."
"What is it Sam? What's the matter?" Lorna feared her probing may have unleashed some previously unacknowledged realisation.
"I almost had his child," the sickened blonde whispered. Lorna opted to squeeze Sam closer in a non-verbal gesture of support and encouragement to explain further. Sam took a few moments to regain some semblance of control over her voice before continuing, "I was pregnant with Stuart's child shortly before our relationship ended. I think it may have been the final nail in the coffin of it really, things were already strained because he couldn't handle me still being friends with Phil and when he found out about the baby, he withdrew even more. He said he wasn't ready to be a father, didn't want children, wasn't any good with them. I'd been there before, Abi's father wasn't around and I raised her by myself, I knew that if I had to, I could do it again. Jo and I weren't close like we are now so I didn't have her friendship to rely on. Phil offered to be there for me but I could tell he was just doing it out of duty – you know what he's like, he's just a big kid himself. And eventually, the fact that it was Stuart's child, not his, would have destroyed everything we had too. My body made the decision for me in the end anyway, I miscarried. I'm surprised you didn't hear about it on the grapevine – I was everyone's favourite gossip topic for quite a while, two guys jostling for my attentions and me leading both of them on."
"I don't pay attention to idle chatter, especially not about people I respect. As a result, most of my colleagues know not to let me catch them or risk me tearing a strip off them. The only thing that matters is that you know the truth about what happened during that period of your life; you know how you handled knowing both Stuart and Phil had feelings for you. We all have regrets for things we've done or not done but we live with them and we learn from them. I regret that I wasn't there for you as a friend then, so that you had someone who had your best interests at heart and yours alone. No one should have to go through that alone, I can't imagine how hard that must have been for you, but you did get through it. You survived it and came out the other side still a strong, beautiful, caring woman, with so much compassion and kindness." Lorna snuggled closer to the woman beside her once again, conveying all her empathy through her gentle touches. "Whilst I'm sorry you had that traumatic experience, I'm not altogether sorry now that you don't have Stuart's child as a constant reminder of him."
"Me either," Sam agreed instantly and vehemently, "for my sake and the child's."
"So you're worried about what he might do? What he might be up to?" Lorna returned their attention to the here and now.
"I don't know, I just can't help shake the feeling that he's not simply gone to ground like the snivelling cowardly weasel he is. We don't know that he was only supplying information to Heaton, we have no concrete proof of what the extent of his involvement is. We're thinking we might have to ask for a warrant to look at his financial records tomorrow, see if we can't find some more answers there both about what he's been up to and where he is." Sam lapsed into silence, her mind mulling over the conversation and Lorna's reaction to her admission surrounding the miscarriage. It was water under the bridge to her now and for the most part, she had made her peace with it, but still it warmed her to hear Lorna state she would have had her unwavering support had she known, even though they were little more than colleagues back then. "Thank you," she whispered reverently.
"What for?" Lorna queried equally as quietly.
"This…your support…everything…" Sam tried to explain, one hand tenderly cupping the taller woman's face, stroking along her cheekbone with her thumb.
"You'll always have that, for as long as you want it. You don't need ask for it or thank me, it's yours and the very least I can do." Lorna carded her fingers through the silky blonde tresses framing Sam's face. "Now what say we drink these hot chocolates and relax a while before bed in the hope you might actually get some decent sleep and wake up feeling more rested?"
"That sounds good to me. Would you stay tonight? I don't really feel like being alone," Sam admitted, eyes downcast as Lorna handed off a mug to her.
"I'd like nothing more than to stay tonight and keep you company," the Scot assured her with a loving smile. The two women sat in contented silence for a while, sipping their drinks and musing on inner thoughts of how comfortable and right it felt sharing one another's company. Even when the subject matter for discussion was dark, there was a closeness, an intimacy which drew them towards each other.
"There are two good things that happened today," Sam mentioned into the quiet, earning her a quizzical glance from her companion. "Well for one, I've been reminded of just how lucky I am to have you in my life, of how rich I am for you being here with me, caring about me." Sam smiled warmly as Lorna squeezed her hand and pressed a kiss to her temple in response to that statement, murmuring her agreement regarding her own luck too. "And secondly, I spoke to Jo earlier this evening. She's settling in at home and asked me to join her and Lucy for dinner tomorrow evening." Sam knew she would have to work at least part of the day tomorrow, prior to heading to Jo's house, but was grateful that it would give her a definite deadline by which she had to leave.
"Sam, that's excellent news. I know how much you've missed being able to chat with Jo. It'll be wonderful for you both and give you some very much needed and deserved downtime," Lorna enthused, feeling a tiny pang of regret that she would not see Sam the following evening but extinguishing it, knowing it was what Sam needed to do.
"We're eating early, Jo gets tired quickly so I won't be staying late. Care to join me here afterwards? Say around 9ish? Katie's more than welcome too if she's home tomorrow. I thought maybe we could watch a movie, share a bottle of wine." The hope in Sam's voice melted Lorna's heart, her chest swelling with adoration for the woman beside her.
"I'd like that very much and I'm sure Katie would too. Would you like me to pick up a movie on our way over?" Lorna brushed a strand of hair back from Sam's face, tucking it delicately behind an ear, fingers teasing the edge of her neck causing Sam's blue eyes to flutter shut.
"Mmmm, that'd be good," Sam mumbled distractedly, attention diverted by the sensations Lorna's fingers were creating. Lorna leant forward, deftly removing Sam's now empty cup from her hands and returning it to the coffee table as her lips caressed the blonde woman's own. They mutually deepened the kiss spontaneously, reading the other's intentions and responding instantly. Hands wandered to caress shoulders, cheeks, necks, arms and the outer limits of legs.
"Let me take you to bed," Lorna hummed against Sam's lips, her voice raspy and huskier than Sam had ever heard it before. A flood of molten desire surged through her core at the sound and the words. Rising on trembling legs, Sam simply held out a hand to her partner and once the other woman had taken it, led her towards the stairs.
Lucy gently stroked Jo's hair back from her flushed, fevered face, fearful that another infection was taking hold of her lover. "Sweetheart, wake up for me." The older woman suddenly started awake, sweat beading on her brow and rolling into her hair.
"You're here, thank God you're here," Jo panted, clinging to Lucy as though she was her only lifeline.
"I am baby, I'm here, I'm not going anywhere." Relief set in when the young brunette realised that Jo's state was down to a nightmare alone and not another setback on her road to recovery.
"I dreamt I woke up and you'd gone, I couldn't find you anywhere and you wouldn't return my calls…" Jo broke off on a sob, burying her head further into her lover's chest, allowing the woman to soothe her imagined fears.
"I wouldn't do that to you sweetheart, not unless I had no choice. I know you're scared and I know you worry I'll tire of this, of us, but I will tell you as many times as it takes for you to believe me heart and soul that I want to wake up beside you every day for the rest of my life. I want to take holidays with you, experience everything you experience, I want you to show me the world through your eyes and show it to you through mine as well. I want to hold you when you need a hug, to dry your tears when you cry, to share your laughter and joy and to walk beside you through every part of life's journey. I love you so very much that I feel as though it's going to burst out of me sometimes unless I tell you or show you or shout it from the rooftops." Lucy kept her voice light, continued to stroke her hand in circular motion over her distraught lover's back, rocking her slightly in an effort to lull her back into a more restful slumber.
"I want that too," Jo mumbled sleepily, feeling slumber coming to reclaim her once again and powerless to resist.
"Then that's what you shall have darling, always and forever," Lucy assured her as she lay Jo back down and returned to her previous resting place against her shoulder, glad to feel her relaxing. She tucked the covers back in around them, making a snug cocoon for them to rest in.
"Always and forever," Jo whispered before surrendering to sleep completely. Lucy followed soon after, a smile gracing her lips in response to the quiet promise.
Lorna tentatively reached for the hem of Sam's pink jersey top, giving the other woman ample opportunity to back out, but the tiny blonde simply raised her arms signalling her acquiescence and permission. In return, Sam unbuttoned Lorna's plain turquoise cotton blouse, sliding it off her shoulders in reverent silence, marvelling at the soft, pale, freckled skin she uncovered. Dipping her head down, she kissed across from one exposed shoulder to the other, following the path of her collarbone with her lips, earning a quiet whimper of approval from above her. Lorna allowed her hands to trail up Sam's sides, worshipping her silky smooth skin with feather-light touches which left goosebumps in their wake. Her journey led her to the clasp on Sam's white cotton bra and with minimal fumbling, she had it undone allowing the material to tumble to the floor at their feet. The detective broke off from her oral exploration to return the favour for the taller woman, blindly tracing the edge of the lacy baby blue bra until she found the join, hugging the Scot in order to wrap both arms around her to aid the removal of the offending barrier. When finally she managed to unclasp it, the closeness of their bodies prevented it from falling away. Reluctantly, Lorna backed up a step, only separating for the microseconds it took to remove the article, fearing a longer parting would snap Sam out of wanting to explore this physicality with her. As their torsos touched for the first time with nothing to separate them, each woman sucked in a deep, appreciative breath, relishing the feel of skin on warm, pliant skin. For long moments, they were lost in the sensation, sharing their pleasure through a passionate kiss. Their height difference meant that Sam's modest breasts fitted neatly beneath Lorna's slightly more developed own, denying them the enjoyment of nipples coming together and stimulating one another through their friction. Sam's hands wandered from the naked planes of her lover's back to the smooth, rounded mounds of her buttocks, caressing and squeezing them through the thin fabric of her cream, cotton trousers. Lorna's hips canted against her own at the contact, hands sliding to the fastener on Sam's own black slacks and making quick work of undoing them. They fell away, pooling at the shorter woman's feet leaving her clad only in her skimpy cotton briefs. The inflamed redhead allowed her hands to explore the newly uncovered territory as much as their position would allow, backing her quarry towards the bed and lowering her onto it. She removed her own trousers, evening up their states of near nakedness before climbing into bed beside the woman who had ignited her passion.
"Lorna… I…" Further words were lost to Sam as Lorna pressed her body against her own frame. So much skin on skin teasing and tantalising her senses, bringing them to the brink of overload.
"Ssshh, it's ok Sam, we don't have to do anything more than this if you're not ready to," Lorna reassured her.
"I want to, God I want to so much, I just… I don't… what if…" Again words failed her, the combination of fatigue and arousal making her head spin. The intent of Lorna's caresses clearly shifted to ones designed to soothe the fire which had been ignited rather than further add fuel to its flames. She pulled Sam close and tucked her head into the crook of her neck, content with the progress they had made towards a physical expression of their feelings and knowing it would be counterproductive to try to push Sam into anything further that night.
"No ifs, no buts, when the time's right, we'll figure it out together, ok? For now, is it ok if I hold you like this tonight? You won't get cold or uncomfortable?"
"Right now, this feels more perfect than I can describe," Sam assured her, lifting her head briefly to offer her a tired but genuine smile. "You are amazing." With one last semi-chaste kiss, Sam settled her head back against Lorna's shoulder and allowed sleep to claim her.