Another plate of (virtual) cookies coming for the fantastic A for Antechinus, Sez01, iheartsergeantsmith and Scription Addict for taking time to review the last chapter, my muse thoroughly enjoyed your juice and responded with a creative spurt! Thank you lovely people, hope this one is up to standard for you.
Same disclaimers as always apply. Unfortunately, I still don't own the show or its characters :(
"Ah Sam, excellent, I was hoping you'd stop by this morning. Come in, I want you to meet Angie before I introduce her to the rest of the team. DC Angela Walker, this is DI Samantha Nixon. She'll be your immediate boss during your secondment here." Sam shook the proffered hand briefly, casting a critical gaze over the athletic woman as though sizing her up. She took in the startling orange hair (obviously not natural), the milky-coffee coloured skin betraying a mixed parentage somewhere in the family line, the wary brown eyes examining her with equal intent and distrust. DCI Meadows watched the two women sizing up their opponent like boxers about to go into a title deciding fight. "Angie is with us on secondment from Leeds for six months to cover Jo's absence. If Jo feels up to coming back to work before then, it will only be short days and paperwork so you're going to need some cover for her." Sam didn't like being ambushed, even though she understood the reasoning for a temporary replacement for Jo was necessary. It still would have been nice to have a head's up before being confronted with that replacement though, a thought which she would make sure she shared with Jack before she left for the day.
"What brings you to London, Angie? Besides the secondment I mean." Given recent discoveries about her colleagues, Sam was in no mood to blindly trust a stranger foisted on her team and she doubted the woman would get too easy a ride from the others either.
"A change of scenery and an opportunity to get some experience somewhere beyond the Dales. My husband has been awarded a temporary contract in Dubai for six months and I didn't fancy coming home to our place without him so I was looking for something to distract me while he's gone." Angie's accent was broad, her tone open, inviting trust and friendship but Sam was not to be taken in so easily, not again.
She responded with a nod before asking, "so when are you officially joining us?" Sam's sweeping gaze clearly indicated her reference to the other woman's casual attire.
"Day after next. DCI Meadows informs me that shift starts at seven a.m." Angie hadn't been under a rock during the previous few days, she had seen and heard on the news about the arrests of officers from this very station and had expected a somewhat cautious response to her presence. So far, DI Nixon was not disappointing on that front; her stare was an icy blue, her shoulders set and squared. Despite her diminutive stature, Angie got the distinct impression that the older woman could be a firecracker, one to try and stay on the right side of. She only hoped that the team she was joining would look beyond any initial distrust and allow her work ethic to speak for itself. Otherwise, this would be a very long six months indeed.
"Would you like me to show you round so you're a little familiar with where you'll be working before then?" Sam made the offer to be polite…and because she was determined to keep a close eye on the woman. She surmised that she might very well be genuine, just a victim of unfortunate timing, but part of Sam could not shake the feeling that her team was being infiltrated once again, either by a spy for the IPCC to gather intelligence on any other rogue officers or by a plant from the highly organised and well connected child porn ring they had had a hand in exposing. Either way, the timing of this new officer's arrival did not sit well with her at all. Jack's raised eyebrows gave away his surprise but his expression suggested it was a pleasant surprise to see his DI taking an active role in getting the new recruit settled in. He had obviously expected greater rancour – Sam would make sure not to disappoint him later but now was not the time to voice her suspicions or her distaste. That would wait until they had less of an audience.
"Sure, that'd be great, thank you." Angie gathered her belongings, throwing her denim blazer over her arm, and following her new boss out of the office, missing the look Sam tossed Jack's way to let him know he was by no means off the hook.
"Sam, what are you still doing here? You're not even supposed to be working today. Don't you have better things to do?" DI Manson commented as he walked back into the office they shared a little after 2pm.
"I've been going over the information we know about Stuart's movements; all his registered informants, the places he tends to favour for meeting them. I can't help but feel like we're missing something. What would make you get involved in something like this? He has no family, except for an elderly aunt in Somerset, so it can't be a threat against someone he cares about. I'm assuming that someone must have had some kind of hold over him that drove him to start acting as an informant and running interference in investigations for Heaton." Sam gazed over the paperwork spread across her desk once more searching for that missing piece of the puzzle, as though expecting it to leap out at her and do a dance.
"It could be anything; drugs, prostitution, he could have been using an off the books informant who threatened to make his superiors aware unless he started giving something back. Without Heaton or Stuart to ask, we might never know and making yourself cross-eyed staring at those reports isn't going to help. We've got a couple of uniformed officers showing his photograph around the area he was last seen and I have it on good authority that other agencies are actively looking for him too. I've no doubt that the ports and airports have been made aware and will be looking out for him in case he tries to leave the country but having seen his current bank balance, I don't think we need worry about that too much. He doesn't have too much in the way of disposable income so, sooner or later, either we or whoever else is investigating will find some trace of him." Neil sat at his own desk, reaching for another active case needing his attention. "Stuart stopped being a police officer the moment he chose to assist in those activities. That means he doesn't get our protection. Whoever finds him, us, MI5, whoever, will need to follow procedure and leave any personal baggage at the door."
"You think I want to find him to protect him?" Sam's voice turned hard, her steely gaze pinning Neil into his seat.
"You have history with Stuart which might cloud your judgement if it comes to making difficult decisions." Neil refused to waiver or back down. He and Sam had mostly always had a volatile relationship and each was currently uncertain of whom they could truly trust.
"For your information, DI Manson, my personal feelings towards Stuart Turner will in no way affect my professional actions in this matter. I have seen firsthand what the people he protected are capable of, I have had to endure him making false allegations and insinuations against me and my colleagues in order to undermine us. He has interfered with investigations and wasted precious time which could have spared a young boy and who knows how many others from additional trauma and abuse. So don't you dare sit there and imply that I would in any way shield him from the consequences of his actions. If you really think that I would then it just proves how little you know me." Sam gathered the paperwork together, pushing it back into the filing cabinet and closing it with a loud slam. She stalked from the office, needing to get some air and to get away from the stiflingly oppressive atmosphere which seemed to be a constant backdrop. She leant against the wall in the yard, tucking herself into a discrete corner from where she could observe much of the to-ings and fro-ings without being blatantly obvious or visible. She spent long moments there, simply watching and focusing on slowing her breathing down, releasing the tension in her coiled muscles and allowing her anger to subside.
"Times like this I bet you wish you smoked," a gravelly voice mentioned to her right. Spinning her head, her gaze settled on Inspector Gina Gold, unlit cigar dangling from between her fingers, lighter poised in her other hand.
"No bet, you'd win," Sam replied releasing a cleansing breath and trying to let go of the lingering agitation she carried.
"So who rattled your cage this time?" Gina's tone was teasing with just a hint of concern. She was known for her brash approach to man management but underneath, she really did care about the officers she worked with. She just didn't like anyone to realise it lest it undermine her authority and reputation.
"DI Manson. He actually had the audacity to suggest I would let my personal history with DS Turner interfere with bringing him to justice! Not just hint at it, but say it outright, to my face!" Sam's voice rose indicating her incredulity.
"And I've no doubt you set him straight about that. At least it's out in the open now and no one can say it further down the line without you knowing Neil will back you. It's a difficult time for us all, Sam. I think we're all second guessing ourselves and our judgements of our colleagues. After all, I'm sure none of us are naive enough to think that those arrested so far in that kiddie porn business are the only ones involved. Something like that has to take a whole lot of manpower to keep under wraps, to prevent anyone from asking awkward questions. I'm sure Neil was incorrect in his assumptions but perhaps he was testing the waters to make sure he wasn't wrong about what he really thinks of you. If he's to work with you, he has to know he can trust both you and his instincts about you, just as you do with him. Same goes for any of us." Gina's wisdom was sage, delivered in usual unflinching style, cutting through the BS to the heart of the matter.
"Why did we ever have to uncover this?" Sam's question was rhetorical, they both knew, but Gina answered anyway.
"Because it's what we do and better that we go through some tough times now but come out of it with a cleaner house than turn a blind eye and let that kind of abuse continue."
"Hey baby, time to wake up." Lucy gently shook her lover, placing a tender kiss to her lips as the older woman began to stir.
"What time is it?" Jo murmured sleepily, her voice thick and languid as she struggled to rouse herself.
"A little after four. Gives you plenty of time to get washed up and then you can come help me set the table before Sam gets here." The raven-haired woman watched as Jo drowsily hoisted herself into a sitting position on the edge of the bed, hair tousled, eyes still at half-mast. The sight was utterly adorable and made Lucy's heart clench as she realised that she could do this every day for as long as Jo was willing to share a home with her. Just thinking about it made her heart race with joy and she couldn't resist leaning down to place a passionate kiss against the surprised older woman's lips.
"Mmmm, not that I'm complaining but what was that in aid of?" Jo asked, slightly more awake in the wake of the oral assault.
"Because I love you and I love that you want me to move in with you and because I'll get to see you like this every day," Lucy informed her gleefully.
"Well if this is all it takes to get you going, you're going to be one hell of a cheap date!" Jo quipped with a wink, revelling in the throaty laughter her lover unleashed.
"The cheek of it!" Lucy cried in mock indignation as they smiled brightly at one another.
Sobering a little, Jo asked, "would you feel awkward moving in here? Would you rather we get a new place together, somewhere that's equally ours right from the start?"
"Does it bother you, thinking of me invading somewhere that's up until now been yours and yours alone?" Lucy questioned in return, giving nothing away of her own thoughts on the matter.
"Not for a moment," Jo replied without hesitation.
"Then I think you should know that I already consider this our home. It just feels right, feels like it's where we should be. My place hasn't felt like I belong there since I first stayed over here. So if you're sure it's ok with you, I'd be more than happy moving in here." Lucy crouched down so that she could easily look Jo in the eyes as she spoke, allowing her to see how true it was through her expression.
"Wherever you are, that's where my home is. I'd be overjoyed and honoured if you'd live with me here," Jo informed her lover, equally as honestly and sincerely, stroking a hand down her cheek, her face a mask of total adoration.
"That's settled then. I'll make arrangements for my place, maybe rent it out rather than sell it then we don't have the hassle of trying to sell the furniture and everything. Plus it'll cover the mortgage payments then. I'll talk to a letting agent, see what I can arrange." Lucy leaned into the continuing caress of her cheek, placing her own palm softly over the back of her lover's hand. Steadying herself with her other hand on Jo's strong thigh, Lucy leaned in close and placed a tender, loving kiss against her full lips. "Now, get thee into the bathroom and make yourself look presentable for our guest."
"Come on in, Sam." Lucy greeted the older woman with a warm hug and a kiss to her cheek. "Jo's through in the lounge, why don't you go join her and I'll bring you a drink through in a minute?" The short blonde requested a coffee to ward off the chill she had carried in from the late autumn evening before entering the spacious yet cosy lounge. Jo was reclining on the sofa, looking infinitely more relaxed than the last time Sam had been there for dinner, the night she had met Lucy when Jo had been like a cat on a hot tin roof.
"Hi stranger," Sam murmured softly, sending a gentle, happy smile towards her best friend.
Jo hauled herself to her feet, ignoring Sam's protests, and wrapped the other woman up in a loose embrace. "Hi yourself, how have you been? You look worn out. Might not just be me struggling to stay awake this evening then hey?" Jo snarked with a teasing grin.
"I'm hoping the coffee your very kind girlfriend is making me might just keep me awake long enough to outlast you!" Sam rejoined, settling herself into the cushions of the sofa beside Jo. "How are you feeling? Glad to be home and in your own bed?"
"Very glad. Hospital beds are not the most comfortable in the world and I keep smelling that hospital smell, no matter how many times I shower. But I'm sure it'll fade in time, until I have to go back in again. I'm ok though, tired and still have days when I lose more of my meals than I keep down but it's manageable. And I do have incredible friends around me supporting me through it, not to mention the most amazing and gorgeous partner I could ever hope for. I realise that I'm fortunate in so many ways." Jo's eyes softened noticeably as Lucy walked into the lounge carrying two steaming mugs of coffee, depositing them on the coffee table in front of the two women. The older brunette reached out a hand, capturing on of Lucy's own and squeezing it affectionately. Turning back to Sam, she beamed, "Lucy's agreed to live with me."
Sam took a moment to observe them both, watching the easy way with which they moved within one another's space. "That's wonderful, for both of you."
"Thanks Sam, your support means the world to us both." Lucy threw an intense look the blonde's way, conveying that she meant so much more than just her congratulations. Glancing back at her lover, she continued, "I'm going to go attend to dinner for a while, give you ladies chance to catch up properly. It'll be ready in about 20 minutes or so."
"Thanks babe," Jo called softly as Lucy left them once again. Making herself comfortable, Jo fixed Sam with an inquisitive look before asking, "so what's new with you? How's things at work? I've read some of the stuff in the papers but my brain must be a bit screwy, it didn't make much sense. Has Heaton really been arrested?"
"These last 3 weeks have seemed like the longest of my life," Sam admitted before filling Jo in on the details she felt she could share with her friend, including how it linked to Dawid's disappearance.
"Geez Sam, no wonder you're tired. Have you been dealing with it by yourself all through?" Jo reached over and took one of Sam's hands in her own, conveying her own support for the brave blonde.
"Not altogether no. Lorna… Lorna Hart, the CSE… she's the one who made the initial discovery about Heaton's involvement and the one who made the link between the fire and Dawid's case. We've been spending quite a bit of time together, discussing it all outside of work." Sam fidgeted nervously, knowing she had hinted at being interested in a woman before Jo went in to hospital but unsure if she was ready to share how interested she was, even with her best friend.
"Lorna's a lovely lady and a good friend to have," Jo replied recalling the woman's offer of a shoulder and an ear when it had become known that Jo was ill.
"She is…" Sam began, trailing off and looking down at her hands resting in her lap.
"Is she the one you told me about before I went into hospital? The woman you think you have feelings for?" Jo shuffled closer, sensing her friend's discomfort. As Sam nodded, still refusing to meet the auburn-haired detective's gaze, Jo pressed, "want to talk about it?"
"We… she… I… I know what I feel for her is more than simple friendship but I don't know if it's enough to go further than we have." Sam struggled to put into words what it was that was holding her back from committing to any kind of relationship with Lorna.
"How far have you taken it? Have you kissed her?" Again Sam nodded without offering further elaboration. "Do you like how she makes you feel when you kiss her?"
"Yes," the blonde woman admitted quietly, skin growing warm as she recalled just how much she did enjoy kissing Lorna.
"And when she kisses you, do you want to take it further? Do you want to make love to her?"
With a soft groan of approval, Sam acknowledged, "very much so, but the thought of that scares me. I mean, I've never touched another woman that way, how am I supposed to know what to do? How do I make her feel good when I'm completely clueless?"
"We'll come to that in a minute but Sam, I need you to think about something for me. When you spend time with Lorna, is getting her into bed the only thing you want to do with her?" Jo studied the woman beside her closely, watching with keen eyes for Sam's instinctive reaction.
"No! God no. Spending time with her, just being together; making breakfast, sharing dinner, watching a movie, going out for coffee, it all feels so… so right." Jo took a moment to consider the words, one eyebrow raised quizzically.
"Breakfast?"
"We've spent the night at one another's houses, on more than one occasion, and we have shared a bed but I've never been able to let myself go completely and touch her or let her touch me beyond a few casual caresses." Sam sighed and ran a hand through her hair, resting her elbow on top of the cushion behind her and leaning her head against a balled up fist as she turned to face her friend more fully. "What if I can't do it? What if I can never bring myself to be with a woman that way?"
"What is it that's holding you back? Do you find the idea of touching her unappealing? Be honest, I promise not to take it the wrong way or get offended. Does the thought of two women together sexually disturb you?"
"No, it's not that. Jo, you know I've never had a problem with your sexuality and there was a brief time, when you came back from Nottingham, where I thought you and I might develop something. I guess it's just so far out of my comfort zone, so different from what I'm used to in the bedroom that I… I guess you could call it performance anxiety. How do I know what to do? Where she likes to be touched? How she likes to be touched?" Sam's expression bordered on the desperate but Jo couldn't help but want to ease some of the tension.
"That's what you have a mouth for," she stated, pausing for effect before adding, "you ask her, you talk to her, encourage her to let you know what she's feeling, what she likes, what feels good for her." The last was said through a laugh which the brunette could no longer contain. Sam's face had morphed from desperate to incredulous in the blink of an eye at Jo's original statement. Taking pity on the almost frantic DI, Jo told her, "let yourself stay in the moment, switch off your higher brain functions, stop over-thinking it and just do whatever feels natural. You'll soon learn to understand her body's language and let that guide you. Trust her and trust yourself to know what it is you both want and need, I promise you it is nothing to be anxious about at all. You know what feels good yourself, you know what works for your body, chances are good that the same things will feel good to her too. She has got the same equipment after all. Are you worried that she won't be able to do it for you? That without having a man thrusting away inside you, you won't orgasm?" There were times when Sam appreciated Jo's unflinchingly direct nature. This however, she was not convinced was one of those times.
"I've never… not with anyone else there," she admitted ashamedly. Jo was flabbergasted by what she thought Sam was trying to tell her.
"Sam, does that mean you've never been with anyone who's made you cum? No one? At all? Ever?" Sam simply shook her head, reaching for her coffee and hiding her blush behind the mug. Her level of anxiety was starting to make much more sense to Jo all of a sudden. "You've given yourself orgasms though, haven't you?"
Sam shrugged and mumbled, "I guess," feeling increasingly uncomfortable with the direction of the conversation but knowing she needed to have it if she were to stand any chance of satisfying Lorna.
Unable to stand her friend's discomfort any longer, Jo swept her into a strong embrace, cradling Sam against her side and rubbing soothing patterns across her back. "I'm so sorry you've never had a lover considerate enough to make sure your needs were attended to before, that is so wrong. Any time you have doubts or questions, you can ask me anything. I promise not to judge you or ridicule you or think that you're being silly, ok? I'll gladly use my experience to help you in any way I can. But trust me when I say that the best thing you can do is to talk to Lorna. She might very well be worrying about some of the same things you are. Talk to one another, be honest with her and just take your time exploring one another's bodies. I highly doubt you'll end up being sorry you took that leap into a physically intimate relationship with a woman for whom you obviously care deeply." The two of them sat within the circle of each other's arms silently sipping their drinks for a few long moments, each mulling over the enormity of their conversation.
"Thank you." Two simple words were all Sam could offer. Two tiny words that sounded so glib when uttered carelessly but, in that moment, to Jo's ears conveyed every ounce of gratitude Sam offered.