Thanks again to A for Antechinus, iheartsergeantsmith and Sez01 for your reviews, plenty of cyber-chip cookies coming your way :) I'm posting this tonight in celebration of finally finishing a 21 day working week (worked the last 3 weekends and every week day in between too without break, ten plus hours a day oftentimes!) So yeah, cracking open the vino and letting the muse run riot (there may or may not be a villain in the future of this story who could vaguely resemble someone I work with! Lol) Fortunately, I'd already stacked up a few chapters in advance so there'll still be regular weekly updates.
So, what is Stuart up to? And what lies ahead for Sam, Lorna, Jo and Lucy? Read on good people and find out. BTW, I still own bobbins-all so no point in suing me whatsoever. I don't claim any part of The Bill and I make no profit from this, just a little fun and mischief to stop those Sun Hill inhabitants from getting bored in their storage containers.
"So did you talk to Lorna last night then?" Jo asked as Sam settled herself onto the sofa beside her.
"Umm well there was talking involved, a little," the blonde's pale skin became infused with a raging red tint, her gaze resolutely fixed on the remaining contents of her mug.
"Way to go stud!" Jo laughed heartily, reaching over and squeezing her friend's shoulder in a gesture of support, watching merrily as the blush deepened even further. "How was it?"
"Incredible. The best sex of my life. What does that say about me Jo? Have I really been that clueless for so much of my life that I've been attracted to women all along and too blind to see it?" Sam questioned following her heartfelt admission.
"All it might mean is that up until now, you've had partners who were more interested in satisfying their own needs than attending to yours. Have you ever seriously thought about sleeping with another woman before Lorna? Or wondered what it would be like to kiss one? Seen a woman and instantly wanted to hold her in your arms?" Sam thought back through the years but couldn't honestly say that she had ever considered any other woman, besides Jo, in a sexual context – a fact she glossed over when answering her friend. "But you have found yourself drawn to men in that way? You've wanted to share a bed with a guy? You've instantly found him attractive and wanted to act on that attraction?"
"Obviously, otherwise I wouldn't have slept with them," Sam responded, her tone frustrated.
"Then I think it's safe to say you haven't been a closet-case for years, even subconsciously. It's just that in recent times, you've found yourself open to considering other ways to fulfil that basic human need for companionship. Lorna appeals to what it is that your heart and soul need at this point in your life. It doesn't mean that from now on, you'll only want to be in a relationship with a woman or that you're suddenly a lesbian. If it doesn't work out with Lorna long-term, you might well revert to being attracted to men or you might find it's another woman who draws your affections. With women, more so than men, sexuality is difficult to quantify as one particular thing for your whole life. It's not usually as clear cut as that. Personally, I don't think I'd ever be attracted to any man but I can't say for definite it wouldn't ever happen and I'm sure if it did, I'd be every bit as confused and unsure as you are." Jo kept her hand on Sam's shoulder as she spoke, figuring the woman could use the contact as an anchor for her troubled mind.
"I just feel so completely out of my depth. I mean, don't get me wrong, last night was amazing and it felt… right, even if it was fumbled and clumsy on my part." Sam sunk further into the sofa's plush cushions, resting her head gently on the outstretched arm of her friend.
"You can't expect to excel first time at something you've never tried before, Sam. It takes time and practice and dialogue between yourself and your partner to perfect it and to find all the ways in which you can make her body sing for you. There are books and DVD's you can buy to help you go beyond the customary basics, if you choose to explore the physicality more thoroughly but if you've found something that works for you both then for the time being at least, why not just stick with that? What do you have to lose?" Jo pressed, knowing that Sam was exhibiting a lot of trust in her with the open, delicate nature of their discussion and acknowledging it as a testament to how close their friendship was.
"Did you have to read books to know what to do? Will it be enough just repeating what we did last night or will it soon become too bland, like always using the same position can with a guy? Will it soon not be enough to give her that same pleasure?" Sam felt a growing sense of unease rising within her as she thought about how much was unknown to her regarding the physical aspect of romancing Lorna or any woman. She hated being in the dark about anything, hated not having the answers at her fingertips.
"You can't know if it will or won't but either way, you'll overcome any issues like that together by being honest and talking to one another. It was a little different for me. I'd known from an early age that I had an appreciation for the female form and my first sexual encounter with another woman was with someone who was already very experienced. She guided me and taught me a good few things about how to love a woman. I'm presuming that Lorna has as much experience as you do, which means that you'll learn together, you'll grow together as lovers and you'll have the excitement of discovering how amazing you can make one another feel together. It's a complication but not an insurmountable one. It's only like two virgins getting it on, really. It might take a while but sooner or later, you're going to hit your stride and grow into your role." Jo tenderly massaged the tense muscles of her friend's neck and shoulder, wishing she would quit expecting to run before she had learned to walk but knowing it was against Sam's very nature to do so. She was a perfectionist in everything she did, striving to excel in every aspect of her life. The unknown unnerved her greatly. "I'm going to stick the kettle on again, fancy another cuppa?" Jo thought of the books and DVD buried upstairs in the back of the wardrobe and hoped Sam would not think she was overstepping the mark if she suggested lending it to her.
Katie watched the streets streaking by as the car she was travelling in sped along busy roads. DS Turner hadn't given her any more information regarding the incident which had led to her being removed from school. Her mind conjured up all manner of disasters that could have befallen her mother but she had given up attempting to coax answers from the silent man in the driver's seat. It seemed like they had been driving a long time but since the teenager was unfamiliar with where her mother's job was based or where the police station was in relation to her school, she had no way of telling how long it might take to get there. Only when populated areas gave way to semi-deserted storage facilities did she start to think that something was not quite right. As she went to turn to the detective beside her, she felt a sharp pain in her neck follow swiftly by a descending darkness. Losing her vain battle for consciousness, Katie slumped against the passenger side window.
Jo returned to the lounge to find Sam gazing out of the window, lost in thought. She approached the smaller woman quietly, placing the mugs and other things she'd collected on the coffee table as she passed. "You ok?" she asked softly, not wanting to startle her friend out of her musing.
"Hmm? Oh yeah, you just gave me a fair bit to think about is all." The brunette nodded her understanding, realising that Sam's mind must be awhirl given her propensity to consider things from all angles until she was sure she was fully prepared to deal with whatever might be thrown at her.
"I umm… I brought some things down that I've found useful in my time, I thought maybe you might like to borrow them. I mean, you don't have to or anything, I just thought it would save you having to go out and look for something, especially if you're not comfortable with other people knowing yet that you're in a relationship with a woman." Sam's raised eyebrow ceased Jo's rambling and the older woman watched a blush that could rival her own from earlier spread across the brunette's pale cheeks. "It's nothing kinky, I'm not giving you sex toys or anything!"
"That implies you have such things in your possession to lend, DC Masters," Sam teased mercilessly.
"Trust me, love, I have no need for a phallic object, synthetic or otherwise. I get along just fine with the equipment I was born with!" Jo retorted, chest pushed out with simulated pride, as she winked at her friend saucily. Sam collapsed into gales of laughter, loving how the other woman could diffuse any situation with her humour.
"Is that so?" the blonde asked when she had recovered sufficiently.
"Uh-huh, in fact I'm so skilled, I could give master classes in the art of lady lovin'" Jo drawled with shockingly bad pseudo-American accent, eliciting another round of uncontrollable laughter from her companion at the pun as much as the inference.
"In that case, oh genius one, teach me your ways and make me your apprentice!" Sam bent over at the waist, bowing low in mock deference to Jo's ego, still chuckling intermittently at their playful banter. Jo stepped over to the coffee table, sweeping one of the books off it before brandishing it with a flourish. Taking the proffered book, Sam read aloud, "The Complete Guide to Lesbian Sex? This is like a how to book for dummies?" Despite her obvious scepticism, the blonde did flick through the pages. "What? No diagrams with labels like press here, rub this?"
"Keep it up, I can easily leave you fumbling about in the dark you know?" Jo was amused by the blonde's reaction to her trying to take the book away, despite her sarcasm as the older woman hugged it to her chest with both arms crossed protectively over its cover.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I appreciate it really I do." Sam regarded the book more seriously, "there's a lot of reading here – care to give me any hints on which parts I need to gen up on as a matter of priority?"
"Sam, don't worry about it so much. Honestly, it can't be that much different from being with a man. Do you seriously want me to talk you through some of it? I mean, I brought a DVD down as well for you to borrow or we can put it on if you don't think it'd be too weird…" Jo trails off, realising that she's rambling once again and chews on her bottom lip nervously, not really believing what she's offering to do.
"Umm if we're going to do that I might need to sit down again," Sam swallowed, equally as nervously.
"That's ok, I'll let you," Jo murmured quietly, guiding the older woman down into the luxurious cushions and then swiping up the DVD and slipping it into the player quickly before she lost her nerve. When she turned around, Sam was toying with the mug of coffee she had picked up, running her finger in circles around the rim in a manner which Jo found unintentionally sensual. Quelling the automatic physiological response to the images it conjured in her mind, she strode the short distance back to the couch and plopped down beside her friend, remote in hand. "It's not pornographic or anything, more of a visual version of what the book says, but if it makes you feel uncomfortable we can turn it off, any time."
"We don't have to do this if you're not okay with it, Jo. I don't want to make things awkward between us, I just don't know…" Sam struggled for how to phrase it.
"…any other lesbians you can get an anatomy lesson from?" Jo joked before becoming serious again. "We won't let it be a problem between us, you mean too much to me for that. And I'm touched that you feel comfortable enough with me to ask me these things. There's no substitute for practice and talking to the woman you're actual in a physical relationship with but if I can put your mind at ease about anything, any aspect of it, then it's worth doing."
"Oh my… I'm not sure I can…" If Sam's expression hadn't been so disturbed, Jo would have found her highly amusing, head tilted to one side as she observed the images on the screen before them, angled to get a better view of what the blonde woman was doing to her rather stereotypically butch-looking companion. "Do all…? Do you…?"
"Do I go down on a woman when I'm making love to her?" Sam nodded, swallowing thickly. "I do, personally I enjoy the intimacy of it but I've also been with lovers who haven't liked making love that way and it was never the reason we broke up. Sam, just because you see it on here or in a book or hell even in a movie, doesn't mean to say you have to do it yourself. Did you ever give any of your male partners a blowjob?" Jo asked, wondering if there had been any aspect of sex that Sam had truly found pleasurable before. It was funny, the preconceptions you had about people and how they rarely proved to be accurate. Never in a million years would Jo have taken Sam for a prude so the blonde's reticence to consider anything beyond complete vanilla seemed out of character in Jo's mind.
"Only when they made it clear it was what they expected me to do, never voluntarily. I've just never seen the attraction of putting something like that in my mouth," Sam responded honestly with a shudder.
With a wry smile, suggesting Jo felt the same way about male appendages, the brunette asked, "Ok, well have any of your previous partners ever attempted to bring you release orally?"
"It's not really a guy thing I don't think. None of them really ever showed any interest in anything other than getting inside me as soon as possible," Sam supplied with a tiny shrug.
"I'll take that as a no then. It's not for everyone, giving or receiving, but done right, it can be very pleasurable for both parties whether it's between a homosexual or a heterosexual couple." Jo turned towards Sam with a frown on her face. "Sam, any kind of intimacy between any couple should be an expression of their affection for one another. It's about strengthening the emotional connection through physical caresses, tender words and the want to give one another that pleasurable elation that comes from the endorphin rush. It shouldn't be something that causes you stress or makes you fret so much that it puts you off doing it at all."
"It won't… it doesn't, I just… it's a lot to think about. I mean, I wouldn't even know where to start with something like that," Sam sighed in frustration as she vaguely indicated the DVD still playing in the background, all but forgotten.
"It'd come to you, if the mood took you in that direction. Use your imagination for a sec, close your eyes and think about Lorna kissing you and then imagine that feeling down there. Soft, gentle kisses; lips caressing you; a tongue stroking you." Jo watched another shudder run through Sam's slender body but this time accompanied by a gasp. Sam was shocked as her body responded strongly to the imagery Jo was conjuring with her words. "Trust me Sam, let me borrow your hand for a minute." Blue eyes shot open, wondering what on earth Jo was proposing to do but still tentatively unfurled one hand and extended it towards her friend. "Close your eyes again," Jo instructed as she moulded Sam's hand into a loose fist. "I'm just going to demonstrate something to you but if you want to stop, I won't force you to carry on. Any time you want me to stop, I'll stop, ok?" Sam nodded slowly, warily, swallowing thickly once again as her eyes fluttered shut. Her body jerked, tensing automatically, as she felt incredibly soft lips begin to trace patterns around the edge of her forefinger and thumb where her fist lay cradled in Jo's palm. Teeth gently grazed the area too before a hot tongue soothed the places the teeth had nipped. And then that tongue wriggled its way into the tiny gap between her curled forefinger and the palm of her hand, insinuating itself into the tight cocoon, licking suggestively.
Sam tried but failed to bite back the moan of appreciation, the flood of arousal riding high in her and making her dizzy. "Ohhhhh," she hissed as Jo's lips pursed against the tip of her fist and simulated a gentle sucking which the heady blonde needed no diagram to understand would be wrapped around her sensitive clit.
Breaking off from her task, hoping that she hadn't gone too far, Jo murmured, "that's really all there is to it." Raising her head, she grinned at Sam impishly before adding, "only with a little more lubrication!" A fiery blue gaze met Jo's own and the two women seemed to realise just how close their faces were. Sam drew in a shaky breath, leaning forward a little more, drawn towards her companion like metal towards a magnet. Jo's eyes flickered to the plush, pale lips so close to her own, parted invitingly. "Sam," she breathed as they edged closer, impossibly closer, until there was only a hair's breadth between them.
The ringing of a mobile phone interrupted the moment milliseconds before their lips met, shocking them both into springing apart as though they had just been caught by their other halves in bed together. Jo snatched her phone up off the chair arm, leaning into the far side of the sofa while Sam bolted to her feet and retreated into the kitchen, wishing she could simply run from the house but knowing she would have to return to the lounge to retrieve her bag and car keys before she could leave. She settled instead for pacing the length and breadth of the kitchen, threatening to wear holes in the flooring as she completed circuit after circuit, her mind in turmoil. She had just come within millimetres of kissing her best friend, her best friend who just happened to be a) in a relationship with a wonderful woman who was ideally suited to her and b) currently battling cancer and already had enough on her plate. Not to mention Lorna. Over and over, she mentally chastised herself for allowing things to go too far, for getting so swept up in the moment, for letting her libido overrule her morality. On one circuit, who knew how many minutes had passed, Sam spied a contrite looking Jo hovering in the doorway, watching her concernedly.
"Sam, I am so sorry. I shouldn't have let it get that far. I never meant for it to degenerate into anything like that, honestly. I wouldn't intentionally do anything to jeopardise our friendship, please believe that," Jo pleaded, keeping her distance but maintaining eye contact with the shorter woman.
"No, Jo, it's my fault. I shouldn't have put you in that position. You were only trying to help me, you were doing everything I asked of you. I shouldn't have let myself get carried away by my body's reaction to what you were demonstrating. I'm sorry." Sam ceased her pacing long enough to apologise to her friend, hoping that the awkward tension between them would just disappear.
"Hey, Sam, please, stop, you're making me nauseous with all this motion." Jo reached out as Sam whisked past, catching her arm and pulling her to a standstill, forcing inertia but still feeling the tremors of energy rippling through the muscles beneath her hand. "I meant what I said earlier, I don't want this to come between us. You do mean too much to me to lose you. Please, look at me?" Reluctantly, the blonde head rose until Sam's watery blue gaze was held by Jo's gentle own. "I love you in the same way that I would love a sister. You're my best friend. But you're also a beautiful woman and I can't deny that I recognise that. We both got carried away but it doesn't have to change anything. Nothing happened, not really. You love Lorna and I adore what I have with Lucy. We're both where we need to be and with who we need to be with. And I promise that you can still talk to me any time, about anything, and I mean anything, I'll just maybe rein in the practical demonstrations in future, for both our sakes!" To illustrate there was no residual shyness on her part, Jo pulled Sam into a loose embrace, making sure the older woman had room to escape should she choose to. When she simply snuggled into Jo's body more tightly, resting her head against the taller woman's shoulder, Jo felt safe enough to drop a tender kiss against her crown. "Fancy another drink?" And just like that, the two women got their wish as any lingering tension vanished only to be replaced by a feeling of awe at the strength of their friendship.
"Lorna, it's Moira. It's almost five pm. Could you give me a call as soon as you get this message, please? I'm sure it's nothing to worry about and there's a reasonable explanation for it but Katie's not back from school yet. Did she have an afterschool club this evening or some sporting event you forgot to mention? If you could let me know so I know what's happening with her tonight. Ok, speak to you soon I hope." Lorna listened to the message from her sister, looking at her watch with a frown, noticing that it had been left over 30minutes previously. The next message began playing back, "Lorna, please please call me. I'm getting really worried now. It's gone 5.15 and there's still no sign of Katie. She's not answering her mobile and I can't get hold of anyone at the school to check if there's anything going on there. I'm going to keep trying her phone but please call me as soon as you pick this up." Hanging up without waiting to hear the final message she had been left, figuring it too would be from her frantic sister. She flicked through her contacts list until she came to her sister's number, hitting the call button and listening to the mechanical dialling tone as she waited for the call to connect.
"Moira, it's me. Is she there yet?"
"Lorna, thank God you've called. No, still no sign of her. I take it she should be? That there was no reason for her to be staying behind at school or anything?" Moira's accent was broader than Lorna's, having stayed in Scotland for longer than her younger sibling, even more so when she was distressed.
"Not that I know of and she didn't mention that she was going to anyone's house after school. She knows better than to just go off somewhere without calling me to check first. Let me call Sam and make sure she's not with her and I'll call you back in a few minutes." Lorna advised, her mind running at a million miles per hour with possibilities of where her daughter could be.
"Who's Sam? A friend from school?" Moira asked hopefully.
"No, she's… a close friend of mine from work, we've been spending quite a bit of time together, the three of us recently. Katie gets on well with her. We hadn't made any firm arrangements for this evening but Katie knew Sam wasn't working today so it's a possibility she headed there after school and they lost track of time. I'll call Sam and check, I promise I'll call you straight back." The two sister's disconnected the call, each with their own worries about the teenager's whereabouts. As soon as the line was clear, Lorna redialled, calling her lover and hoping with all she had that her errant daughter was with the detective.
"Hi you, how was work?" Sam's smile came through the phone line as she answered, her warm tone washing over Lorna and instilling a tiny flicker of calm amidst the maelstrom.
"Sam, honey is Katie with you?" Lorna asked breathlessly, heart pounding as she awaited the answer.
"No, I've not seen her since this morning. Lorna, what's going on?" Sam's voice had hardened, concern colouring her tone.
"She's not come home from school. She's missing. Sam, what if they've got my little girl?" Lorna finally broke down, anxiety crashing through her flimsily erected barriers and unleashing wracking sobs.