Thank you for the lovely reviews, you people really do brighten my days :) Work's starting to go a bit crazy again (financial year end approaching coupled with staff being laid off) but I've still a few chapters already written and almost ready to post so hopefully I'll be able to keep up the current trend of one chapter per week and keep on top of everything!
As always, I own nothing - less and less every day in fact so you can try and sue me all you like if you really do object to me borrowing your toys but unless you're willing to take payment in story ideas, I'm afraid you'll be sorely disappointed!
Anyway, on with the story...
"Sam phoned while you were in the bathroom," Lucy mentioned in faux-casual tone as Jo sat on the end of the bed drying her hair in her makeshift pyjamas of loose-fitting t-shirt and jogging trousers.
"Oh?" Jo worried what that cryptic statement meant, hoping that there hadn't been fireworks between the two women.
"Uh-huh, she knows I know about earlier, she figured you'd told me. She apologised, promised me neither of you meant it to happen…" Lucy fidgeted with the bedspread next to where she was sitting, close to the head of the bed.
"We didn't," Jo confirmed, determinedly. Pausing a moment while she ran the brush through her partially dry hair, before she asked, "so what was she phoning for?"
"Lorna's daughter, Katie, is missing. She was taken out of school earlier today. I got to know her while you were in hospital, when we were all round at Sam's. Sam wants me to let her know if I hear from Katie at all. We've been texting quite a bit over the last few weeks." A frown had settled deeply across the young brunette's forehead, illustrating her worry over the child's welfare.
"God babe, I'm sorry, that's awful. Lorna must be worried sick. I wonder if there's anything I can do, if the doctor would sign me off as fit to work a few hours a day so I can man a phone at the station or something until she's found." Jo's mind reeled with the possibilities of what might have befallen the CSE's daughter and the options she had available to her.
"Sweetheart, you're not strong enough to do that, not at the minute and you've got more treatments coming up. I appreciate you want to help but your priority has to be getting yourself better." Lucy implored her lover to be reasonable.
"How hard is it to answer a few phone calls? To look things up on a computer? I'm not saying I'd do full shifts, just a few hours here and there, anything I could to help out. It's not a good time to be shorthanded, not with them already losing Heaton and Turner. I'll call the doctor and Jack in the morning, see what I can sort out." Lucy knew there would be no arguing with the detective, not now that she had got the idea into her head. She would just have to hope that both the doctor and her boss would refuse to entertain the notion thereby ending such nonsensical notions.
"Sorry, that took longer than I anticipated, the queue in the chippy was horrendous. Seems everyone is feeling too lazy to cook their own meal this evening. I got us a couple of large portions of chips but they didn't have any fresh fish ready so I opted for two sausage and a meat and potato pie. Who wants what?" Moira bustled about in the kitchen, observed by her sister and the blonde detective. It had not escaped her attention that Lorna's eyes were distinctly redder and more puffy than when she had left and she could only hope that they had not received bad news in her absence.
"I'm not bothered, I'm not hungry anyway," Lorna murmured tiredly, turning away and making to leave the kitchen, stopping only when Sam circled her arms around her already skinny waist.
"You need to eat. Katie will need you to be strong and healthy when she gets home," Sam instructed, manoeuvring the Scot into a nearby chair and opting to remain standing behind her, hands gently resting on her shoulders.
"How about you Sam, what would you prefer?" Moira opted to feign ignorance to the casual physical intimacy she was witnessing, understanding that now was not the time to be grilling her sister about the perplexing nature of her relationship with their blonde visitor. Her earlier suspicions had quieted when the two women had arrived back at the house, acting cordially towards one another but not overly friendly. There seemed to have been a breach in the dam since her temporary departure however, with the two women now gravitating towards one another at every opportunity.
"I'm happy with sausage, thanks. Shall I stick the kettle on?" Sam replied, absentmindedly squeezing Lorna's shoulders as she spoke.
"I'll just have a glass of water with mine. What would you like to drink, Lorna?" Moira asked her silent sister, fixing her with a worried stare.
"I don't want food, I don't want a drink, I don't want anything except my daughter back." The redhead bolted from the kitchen fleeing up the stairs as her sister and lover watched her go, each of their faces telegraphing their deep concern. Moira went to go after her but was stopped by a soft plea from Sam to give her a little time to herself. Acknowledging that it probably was for the best, Moira turned her attention back to the food, helping herself to the other sausage figuring that the pie would be easier to reheat later if they could persuade Lorna to eat. They ate in silence, both picking at their food and ingesting very little but feeling the need to at least get something inside of themselves. There was an awkward tension in the air, neither knowing what to say to the other or how to make the situation any more bearable.
After they had finished with their food, it was Moira who opted to break the heavy silence. "My sister seems to think a lot of you," she began.
"I think a lot of her too, she's a remarkable woman and a wonderful mother," Sam replied steadily.
"She is. She's also been alone for a long, long time with just her daughter for company. She's never really sought anyone else's companionship since James was killed, preferred to keep herself to herself and concentrate on raising Katie the best she can." Moira rose from her seat, collecting the plates as she went and turning to the sink, running the water until it became warm enough. "There've been so many times I wished she would find someone again, that I prayed she would know that kind of love and happiness in her life again and then recently I noticed a change in her. She smiled more, there was a light-hearted, carefree air about her and she seemed to be enjoying living again rather than just existing day to day for her daughter's sake." Sam shifted a little uncomfortably, wondering where this was going, unable to get a clear reading from the younger version of Lorna who remained with her back to the detective. "I want her to be happy," Moira supplied, an unspoken 'but' in her voice.
"So do I," Sam assured her. "More than anything, I want her to be happy."
"But what you and she are doing cannot lead to happiness. Lorna isn't like that." Moira's tone at the end of her statement was laced with disgust.
"What exactly is it that you think we're doing?" Sam decided to play coy, to force the other woman to state outright her objections.
"Don't take me for a fool. A friend would not hold my sister the way you did when she tried to leave the kitchen. In fact, no friend of mine would drop everything and come running to my side if someone I cared for went missing," Moira retorted. "You seem like a nice person but my sister needs to find herself a new man to build a life with. She doesn't need you turning her head from the path of what is right and proper."
"Is that so? Well I'm sorry you feel that way about your own friends, perhaps that says more about your relationship with them than it says about whatever relationship there is between Lorna and myself. Your sister is a grown woman who is perfectly capable of making her own decisions about who she wishes to share her life with. I'm sorry if you don't agree with her choices but they are her choices to make." Sam's diplomacy was straining to breaking point, her rational mind reminding her that the woman before her was acting out of concern and was already stressed due to the abduction of her niece – not the ideal circumstances under which to realise her sister had begun a relationship with another woman. "I'm going to go and check on Lorna." Sam exited the kitchen before her resolve snapped, leaving Moira with no choice but to let her go. She climbed the stairs on stealthy feet, padding along the hallway silently as her sock-clad feet sank into the plush pile of the burgundy carpet. Her steps carried her towards the younger Hart woman's room, instinctively knowing that she would find Lorna there, understanding the need to feel close to her daughter any way she could. Hovering in the doorway without alerting the Scot to her presence, Sam watched the distraught redhead sitting on the edge of Katie's bed, a photo frame cradled reverently between shaking hands, silent tears coursing over her smooth, ruddy cheeks. Sam hurried further into the room, wrapping her arms around her lover's shoulders and pulling her bodily towards her. Lorna sank into the embrace, unwilling to relinquish her hold on the photograph but leaning into the other woman and accepting the physical comfort.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap at you and Moira. I know you're just trying to look out for me." Lorna's voice was deep and throaty from her grief.
"Ssshhh sweetheart, you've nothing to apologise for. I couldn't eat or drink anything for nearly three days when Abigail was taken from me, the mere thought of it made me want to be sick." Lorna's head rose, her quizzical expression inviting Sam to explain further. "Of course, you weren't at Sun Hill when Hugh Wallis happened, were you? He was consulting on a case, a psychologist offering insight into the likely profile of a guy we were hunting at the time. He got under my skin and things turned sour. He manipulated and drugged Abi, turned her against me – not that she needed any much persuading back then. She was so young, so angry and so naive, an ideal target for his mind games. Jared, Abi's son, is Hugh's child. For the longest time, I couldn't convince anyone that there was a problem, they simply thought that I was having a hard time accepting Abi was growing up and making her own choices. Hugh was so suave and personable whenever anyone else was around, until his mask began to slip and someone finally believed I wasn't the one with a vendetta. I lost months of Abi's life because of that, months where she was convinced she hated me, months I can never regain. There are still nights when I wake up in a cold sweat, remembering it as though it happened just yesterday and I have to call Abi the following day just to remind myself that we're ok, we're close, she's doing fine. I was lucky, I got my girl back, and I am going to cling on to every last shred of hope, turn over every single piece of evidence we can find and do everything within my power to try and bring Katie back to you too." Sam sunk onto the bed beside her lover as she finished regaling Lorna with her tale, clearly remembering the stabbing pain in her heart that had come first with Abigail's disappearance and then again with her rejection. From her new position, Sam could see the photo in the frame Lorna was holding so delicately; mother and daughter captured in a joyously spontaneous moment of mirth, matching emerald eyes twinkling at one another, mouths beaming in forever fixed expressions of delight.
"I can't feel her any more, I can't feel her, in here. I'm scared that means she's gone… for good, that the only way I'll see her again is if her body is found." Lorna sank into the supple body beside her, her own strength sapped.
"You can't think like that honey. Fear and adrenaline are making you feel that way at the moment, don't let that convince you into thinking the worst. There are leads, there is evidence for the police to follow and none of it has even come close to suggesting that Katie came to any physical harm during her abduction." Sam wanted to spark some kindling of hope in the redhead, knowing the wait for news was bleak enough without presuming there was no chance of seeing that smile again or hearing the laughter captured for posterity in the picture she lovingly held. Changing tack, Sam opted to try something she hoped would make Katie appear more alive again to her mother. "Tell me about this picture; where was it taken? What made you both so happy in that moment?"
Looking down at the object in her lap, Lorna appeared to have forgotten she was holding it. Studying it for a few moments, her features softened as the memories from that day were pulled from the dark recesses of her mind. "Last year, Katie and I went up to Scotland, to an area near where I grew up. I still have some family up there so we stayed with them. Her cousin, Justin, took this photo on the beach one morning when Katie had insisted we get up in time to watch sunrise over the water. It was a beautiful morning, a little on the chilly side but we dressed for the weather and the three of us headed off to the beach. We walked to a nice spot and sat on the blankets we'd taken with us. I'd made up a flask of coffee before we left the house, Katie joked that I wouldn't stay awake to see sunrise without the caffeine so I decided to prove her wrong, keeping the coffee until after the sun was up. We all sat, huddled up together under the blankets, keeping one another warm and I fell asleep, just as Katie had predicted, shortly before dawn began to break. The rotten little minx decided it would be funny to wake me up by draping seaweed over my face. I woke up with such a start, screaming and yelping, thinking I was being attacked by some sort of creature which of course highly amused my daughter and her cousin. Justin snapped this just after I finished tickling Katie and vowing to get my revenge on her. It was a special morning anyway, it would have been mine and James' wedding anniversary, but it marked the start of the most incredible day. We walked further along the beach, Justin is a keen photographer and wanted to make the most of the early morning sunlight. In a bay about a mile from the house, we were lucky enough to see a pod of porpoises swimming, silhouetted against the orange horizon. It was a magical experience, we watched them for almost half an hour before they disappeared." Lorna's face was illuminated by a soft smile, lost in the memories of that day. "We spent the whole day together, the three of us, just wandering along beaches and coastal path's watching the world go by, playing about for Justin and his camera. It was so simple, so… just so natural and unplanned. It was different from how we usually spend holidays – normally it was a frenetic dash from one must see place to another, shopping centres, water parks, wildlife centres and zoos. To just have a day together, outdoors, enjoying the wonders of nature and each other's company, it made a really nice change. We both chose that as our favourite memory from the trip when we were chatting about it on the drive home. Katie's had this photo on her bedside table since the week after we got back. She said it reminds her of what really matters every day when she wakes up and sees it." Her improved mood shattered as the crushing despair at her daughter's loss crowded back in. Face crumpling as fresh tears raced over ruddy cheeks, Lorna twisted into Sam, burying her head in the crook of the blonde detective's neck. "She just an innocent. She knows so little of the real world. She's got to be so scared, so confused. She won't understand why this is happening to her."
Even though the words were still bleak and her blouse was currently being soaked by new tears, Sam was relieved to hear that Lorna had begun to refer to Katie as being a hostage once more rather than blindly accepting that she was already dead. "I know sweetheart, I know. We'll make sure that she gets whatever support and help she needs when she comes home." Sam wrapped her arms tightly around her lover, one hand weaving into the thick fiery locks, cradling Lorna's head to her body. She instinctively dropped a series of gentle kisses onto the crown of her head, wondering how she could have been so stupid, so arrogant to think she could have denied the distraught woman this kind of comfort.
"I hope to God we get that chance, Sam, I really hope to God we get that chance." Both women lapsed into mournful silence, resting against one another for long moments, neither feeling the need to move away, to speak, to do anything more than simply co-exist.
Jo slipped beneath the covers of her bed, turning onto her side and facing the wall, away from where her lover would shortly join her. Tears trickled over her cheeks in silent testament to her torment. Guilt still gnawed at her from earlier, from what she had almost allowed to happen between herself and Sam but that was only a small part of her current despair. Lucy had fled the room shortly after telling her about Katie's abduction with an hurried request for some time alone. Jo had remained in their bedroom, absentmindedly continuing to dry her hair. And that was when she had noticed it: hairs wrapped around the brush she was using, too many, too great a quantity to be normal shedding. She had thought herself to be prepared, naively thought that she couldn't possibly feel any worse about herself than she did after her surgery. In one single moment, her illusions were shattered. She curled herself into the foetal position, body language screaming to be left alone loudly enough that even a deaf person would be able to hear the message. How could anyone love her now? Not only was she less than a whole woman, she would also soon be bald. This was it, this was the beginning of the end of the best relationship she had known throughout her adult life. There was no was that Lucy would stay, not now, not with this on top of everything else. Why would she? Why would she stay with a grotesque imitation of a woman when she could have any real, full-bodied woman? She heard the bathroom door opening, quiet footsteps padding across the bedroom and a soft sigh as the young woman approached the bed containing her huddled lover. A cool draught rippled across her back as the covers were lifted, followed by the bed dipping as Lucy climbed in beside her. Jo had done what she could to hide the evidence of the beginnings of her hair loss, not wanting to have to face the confrontation when she was already feeling so raw. She could only hope that Lucy opted to maintain her distance, to not suddenly want to reach out for her and insist on holding Jo close.
"You feeling ok, baby?" The soft concern in her lover's voice pierced Jo like a thousand knives, only adding to her agony, knowing that if she admitted the truth it would be ripped from her along with her heart.
"Just tired," Jo mumbled into her pillow, attempting valiantly to mask the sound of tears in her own voice.
"We ok?" A colour of uncertainty this time accompanied the raven-haired woman's question.
"Course," came the monosyllabic answer. Lucy knew it was a lie just like Jo knew she had not fooled her lover for a moment.
With a defeated sigh, the younger woman whispered, "sleep well then sweetheart." Rolling onto her side facing away from Jo, she murmured a final, "I love you," as a tear trickled over her own cheek. Never before had she realised that a person could feel so alone in the company of another.
"Will you humour me, please, and just try to eat something? I'm not expecting you to finish a three course meal or anything, just a slice of toast or a sandwich. Something, anything so that I don't have to worry about you collapsing in a heap," Sam intoned, still holding Lorna close.
Shaking her head sadly, Lorna confessed, "there's no point, I'd only bring it back up again a few minutes later. My stomach's churning too much to keep anything down. I'll be fine Sam, honestly, it's not like I'm about to waste away is it?"
"No, of course it's not. I mean look at you, you have so much spare flesh on you. Lorna, you're bordering on skinny as it is, I've already noticed the weight you've dropped since this whole investigation began. The truth is, you can't afford to drop any more pounds, honey. Please, at least promise me that you'll eat something in the morning? It doesn't matter if it only stays down half an hour, at least you'll be getting some nutrients and sustenance from it. Katie is going to need her mum when she comes home, what use will you be if you can't even find the strength to lift your arms and give her a hug?" Sam attempted to appeal to Lorna's naturally nurturing instincts, her fiercely protective maternal nature in the hopes of instilling some sense into her lover.
"I can't, Sam. I'm sorry, I just can't." Knowing that she would only meet further resistance and risk destroying Lorna's willingness to talk to her if she continued to push the issue, Sam backed off, conceding defeat for the moment and giving herself time to regroup and formulate a new plan of action.
"Ok love, I understand. How about you lie down for a while and try to get some sleep?" Thankfully, Lorna acquiesced numbly to that request, allowing herself to be manoeuvred deftly beneath the narrow single duvet. Sam tucked the covers around the slender redhead as best she could, caressing her cheek and running a hand soothingly through Lorna's hair in an attempt to lull her to sleep. Emerald eyes fluttered shut, sluggishly trying to open again until Sam cooed messages of support and encouragement. Lorna's eyelids drooped for a final time, settling heavily against their lower counterparts, breathing beginning to even out and deepen, signalling that sleep was well on its way to claiming her. Sam remained in her position, continuing her caresses, her soft, tender phrases for a further ten minutes until she was entirely convinced that her lover was asleep and would remain so. Rising on stiff legs, she turned towards the door ready to make her exit when she spied that they had had a silent observer. Moira indicated that Sam should follow her, leading her back down the stairs and shooing her through into the lounge before bringing a bottle of wine and two glasses through from the kitchen. Pouring each of them a glass of the ruby red liquid, Moira perched on the armchair beneath the window in which Sam herself had sat earlier that evening.
"I'm sorry… for what I said before. I… it's a little… difficult for me… to set aside everything I believe in." Moira held up a hand forestalling the interruption she could see was about to come, "please let me just get this out there before I lose my nerve." After receiving a tiny nod, the younger sister continued, "I came up to see how Lorna was doing. I heard you begging her to eat, I heard the genuine care and love you have for my sister in your words, in your voice. I saw it in the way you touched her, held her, let her draw on your strength. My heart and my head may be at war over this for quite some time and I hope you'll forgive me if there are occasions when I respond automatically to something between you. What I'm trying to say is, please take care of my big sister. Love her, be there for her and try not to hurt her or let her down because I can see that no matter what my Church tells me, this is what God wants for her. He would never show her this kind of love only to condemn her for opening her heart to it, to you."
"Thank you, that means a lot to me and I'm sure it will to Lorna as well. This, us… it's all so very new to us both, neither of us is sure of what we're doing. But I am sure about how much I care for your sister, how much I want to be the one to help her find happiness in every moment. I meant what I said before, she is a truly remarkable lady and whilst I don't share your faith, I do feel incredibly blessed that she is choosing to share her life with me." Sam sipped her wine, eyes wistful and tinged with regret at the situation as a whole. She feared that it would all prove to be too much for their burgeoning relationship, that the stresses and strains of the investigation, their work, Katie's disappearance and to a certain extent Jo's cancer would all conspire against them, throwing too many hurdles in their path.
As though she was able to read Sam's mind, Moira murmured, "the path to happiness is fraught with dangers and toils which, though at times may seem insurmountable, only go to prove how worthy you are of reaching that happiness."
"I can only hope I'm worthy," Sam replied softly with a slight frown.
"You must be. Lorna doesn't give her heart to anyone unless she is one hundred percent sure the recipient is worthy." Their quiet contemplation was interrupted by the loud, jarring sound of the landline ringing. A quick glance at the clock caused Sam's heart to hammer in her chest. Nobody rang that close to midnight with good news.