Another week has gone whizzing by so here it is, another chapter for you all to (hopefully) enjoy! Thanks as always for your very kind reviews, glad you're happy with the depth and content. It's good to know if it's hitting the right notes or simply dragging so I really do appreciate the comments from you all :)
Feel free to gloss over this bit, it's the bit where I profess I own zip, zilch, nada, not a bean except for the plot herein. So without further ado, on with the story...
Moira snatched up the receiver, filled with a sense of dread and heart hammering to get out of her chest. "Hello?"
"You want to see your daughter again, shut the investigation into the kiddie porn ring down. If you don't, you can expect your darling girl to become the next big star." The call was ended abruptly, giving little hope of getting a trace on the origin, at least not swiftly.
"What is it? Who was it?" Sam asked anxiously, knowing that it was to do with the case from Moira's ashen expression. Footsteps thundering down the stairs added a sense of urgency to their discourse, neither woman wishing Lorna to hear details she didn't need to know, details which would only add to her distress her sister knew.
"They want the child porn investigation shut down or Katie will be their next star, that's what he said. At least I think it was a he, his voice sounded strange, almost mechanical." Sam surmised that whoever the caller was had probably had the foresight to use a voice changer to prevent recognition – a suggestion which led her to suspect it had been Stuart on the other end of the line. Unless they were missing something, no one else should have immediate cause for concern about being recognised on the telephone.
"Katie? Was that Katie? Who has her? Where is she? What do they want?" Lorna burst through the door, breathing ragged, body quaking with anxiety. Both Moira and Sam dived to catch her, fearful that her legs wouldn't hold under the weight of her stress. They guided her into the nearest seat, Moira retreating to the kitchen to fetch a glass of water for her sister while Sam perched on the chair arm, staying close to her lover.
"We don't know sweetheart. Whoever it was asked that the investigation be dropped." Sam knew she needn't elaborate as to which investigation they were referring.
"Or what? What did they say would happen to Katie?" Lorna twisted sideways until she was almost completely facing the woman balanced on the chair arm beside her, face contorted into a mask of torment.
"You know the drill with these things as well as I do Lorna. They make demands, they make threats to scare you into doing as they tell you but rarely do they ever follow through on those threats. Trust me to have it in hand and spare yourself the torture of having those images scrolling through your head. I will put your mind at least a little at ease, I hope, if I tell you that at no time did they mention they were prepared to take her life. She's worth more to them alive, as a bargaining tool, than she would be if they killed her. The longer they have her and she stays alive, the better our chances are of bringing her home in one piece." Sam knew that technically there was no basis for her optimism, that the longer Katie was in the company of her captors, the slimmer her chances of survival were. Moira returned, wordlessly handing the full glass of water to her sister and watching as Sam wrapped her own hands around Lorna's to keep the liquid from spilling over as the redhead shook violently. "I'm going to contact Jack and let him know about the phone call so they can try and trace it, get some idea of where it came from. I'll speak to him about replacing me as FLO while I'm talking to him as well," Sam informed them quietly.
"Are you not planning on sticking around then?" Moira's words were bitten off harshly, her protective instincts kicking into high gear as she assumed Sam was retreating and withdrawing her support.
"On the contrary, I'm too personally involved to act as FLO on this case. Any actions on my part would be those of a concerned partner, not of a police officer. I want to be here… no I need to be with Lorna as a friend and a… lover." Sam struggled with her definition of what she was to Lorna, not wanting to rub their relationship in Moira's face but needing to reassure her that she had no intention of going anywhere. Both women heard Lorna's intake of breath at the open revelation of the nature of the relationship between herself and Sam.
"It's old news Lorna. Honestly, do you think I live under a rock? How can I not have noticed how happy you've been the last month or so? I'd have to be blind or stupid, or possibly both. As I told Sam earlier, it may take me time to fully adjust to you being… with another woman, but I want you to be happy and if Sam is the one who makes you happy, I can't deny you that." Turning to Sam, Moira apologised for her assumption. "That was uncalled for and unnecessary, I'm sorry."
"It's ok, if Lorna and I hadn't talked earlier when you nipped home, you would have been justified in your accusation. I thought that I could just be FLO, that I could set aside my own personal feelings for Lorna and Katie and just solely be DI Nixon. I lost sight of what Lorna might actually need from me but thankfully she set me right on that and I have no intention of repeating the same mistake again. Arrogance and misguided nobility won't help us bring Katie home." With a final squeeze of Lorna's hand, Sam rose and padded out into the hallway to speak to her superior officer regarding the latest developments in the case.
"You never do things by halves do you, bairn?" Moira murmured after Sam had left.
"It wasn't anything either of us expected or intended to happen," Lorna informed her sister warily. "She's a good person, Mor, please don't give her too hard a time just because she's a woman."
"I promise that I will always try to see beyond that, Lorna. It may take a while to see which wins this battle, my head or my heart but I am trying to keep an open mind and consider the evidence in front of me. I can see how much she cares for you, hell I wish Robert would look at me once in a while the way Sam looks at you. I can't just set aside years of faith and belief in the Church's teachings though Lorna, please tell me you understand that?"
"Of course I understand, I do. Believe me, I'm still trying to get my head around everything too and I know Sam is as well." Lorna ran a hand tiredly through her hair, adrenaline depleted leaving her sinking under the weight of crushing fatigue. Shakily, she steered the still half-full glass of water towards a nearby table, Moira diving forward to assist her as her sister crumpled forwards, body wracking with fresh sobs.
Jo climbed out from beneath the cosy cocoon of the duvet, moving stealthily to avoid waking her slumbering lover. She had lain awake for the entire hour and a half since Lucy had joined her, sleep evading her no matter how tired her eyes were. Her brain refused to shut down or even slow slightly, thoughts random and dark spiralling through her mind, tormenting her and creating a tight, twisting sensation in her gut until she was no longer able to lie still. Not wanting to disturb Lucy, not in any state of mind to be facing an inquisition into the causes of her insomnia, Jo had finally opted to relocate, at least temporarily. She pulled a baggy, tattered old sweatshirt over her head in an attempt to stave off the worst of the night's chill and made her way to the top of the stairs. Stepping lightly, deliberately avoiding the more creaky of the floorboards, the detective slunk into the kitchen without turning on a single light. Before illuminating the kitchen, she closed the door over to prevent noise or light from escaping into the hallway, highly conscious of how any slight disturbance might bring undesired attention. Absentmindedly filling the kettle with fresh water and flipping it on to boil, Jo caught sight of her stark reflection in the naked kitchen window. She stared at herself for long moments before pulling her hair back from her face and screwing it up into a ball, trying to envisage what she would look like once it had all gone. The creature staring back at her was an alien, unrecognisable to her as her own image being reflected back at her. It taunted her, seeming to leer at her grotesquely as images of Lucy fleeing in terror sped through her mind. Resolving that she would rather get it over and done with sooner rather than allowing it to drag out for who knows how long it would take for all her hair to naturally fall out, the stricken brunette crossed the galley kitchen in short strides, yanking open a drawer and rifling through the implements it contained until she found what she was looking for. The scissors' sharp blades gleamed menacingly in the harsh fluorescent light of the room. Ignoring the kettle as it clicked off, Jo set the scissors down on the table, plonking herself into a seat in front of them, staring at them pensively as she attempted to work up the courage to go through with hacking her hair off.
"Thanks, Jack, I'll let Lorna know," Sam advised her boss gratefully, referring to his decision to monitor her phone in case there were further phone calls. "While I've got you, I need you to assign a new FLO for Lorna, preferably Grace if it can be managed. I can't do it, I'm sorry, I should have said no when you first asked me to do it."
"Why not, Sam? What's the problem? We're shorthanded as it is, freeing up someone else might not be possible." Jack groaned into his handset, tired mind already considering and dismissing candidates.
"Because it would be a gross conflict of interest. Sir, my…relationship with Lorna Hart is…" Sam began, trying to explain her reticence to her supervisor, but was cut off by Jack's gruff retort.
"…none of my business, Sam. If you tell me that it would be a conflict of interest, that's sufficient reason to make the change happen. I know you wouldn't ask if it wasn't important. I'll need you back at the station first thing though in that case, we'll need you working the other active cases so I can free up other officers to work Katie's disappearance."
"Of course, I'll be there by 7am," Sam replied with relief, glad the conversation had gone so well.
"Expect to be busy, I'll be pulling pretty much everybody else off their cases so your workload has just gone through the roof," Jack informed her, telling his officer in roundabout terms that she shouldn't expect to see much in the way of a social life for the duration of the intensive stage of the investigation. Her heart panged unexpectedly at the realisation that it would almost undoubtedly mean that she would have to be content with offering the majority of her moral support to Lorna from the end of a telephone, a thought which distressed her but she knew she had to accept as collateral for her honesty.
"Yes Guv," she murmured quietly before rounding off the call and taking a moment to steady herself in readiness to face the family and any questions they had. Re-entering the lounge, Sam swivelled her head around the room in an attempt to locate the women she had left in there. Moira had moved Lorna to the sofa and sat with the older redhead's head lying in her lap, combing her fingers through the luxuriant locks and softly humming a soothing melody. Lorna's eyes were closed, a tiny frown still marring her forehead even in repose but her steady breathing did suggest that she was at the very least dozing lightly.
"Everything ok with your boss?" Moira asked in a whisper, breaking off from her lullaby but continuing her tender caresses so as not to disturb her slumbering sister.
Sam nodded, offering a small smile. "They're going to monitor incoming calls on this line from now on, in case they phone back again and the technicians are already working to try and trace the last call's origins," she explained quietly, creeping a little closer, aiming for the chair beneath the window.
"No problem with them getting another liaison officer? That's not going to get you into any bother is it?" Moira was concerned with how subdued Sam seemed, fearing that all had not gone as well as the blonde was wanting her to believe.
"Not really no. Jack just warned me to expect to be practically living at the station until the investigation finishes… or is scaled back," Sam admitted in resigned tones. "I'll be handling pretty much every other active case so that all available manpower can be poured into finding Katie and the people responsible for taking her." Moira understood the battle raging within Sam. On the one hand, Sam wanted nothing more than to be beside the woman she obviously cared for deeply so that she could offer support and comfort whenever it was needed but on the other hand she also wanted to make sure as many officers as possible were available to chase up leads and evidence in order to bring Katie home at the earliest opportunity.
"I'll call my boss in the morning, explain the situation to him and take as much time off as he'll give me. I can be here for Lorna while you're at work. I presume you'll be coming home to sleep at some point each day, why not for the duration of the investigation base yourself here so you can at least see Lorna for a short while each day?" Moira suggested reasonably.
"I'd have to see what Lorna thought about that, I don't want to presume she'd want that…" Sam started, only to be interrupted by a scratchy, sleep-riddled voice.
"I do, I do want that. I understand that you can't take off from work indefinitely just so you can sit in the house holding my hand but I would appreciate you being here for at least some of whatever time they can spare you from the station for. I understand if you would prefer to sleep at home though, in your own bed." Lorna went to sit up, managing it after some assistance from Moira, her gaze locked with Sam's, green eyes imploring her partner to be honest with her, even if she thought it was not what Lorna wanted to hear.
"I want to be here, with you, beside you… but for now, I'll just agree to play it by ear. If I don't leave the station until late, I'm not going to disturb you by coming over here at all hours of the night. If I leave at a reasonable hour, then of course I will be here," Sam informed the sisters who were both looking at her intently.
"You're welcome here no matter what time you leave work. I have a spare key you can use so you'll be able to come and go as you need to. Please Sam, say you'll spend the nights here? It's not like you'll be disturbing my sleep or anything even if you roll in at three in the morning – I won't be sleeping worth a damn anyway." Lorna rose from her seat on the couch, approaching her lover and wrapping her up in a swift, tight embrace, whispering in her ear, "I need your arms around me or I don't believe she's coming back. You're the only one who gives me hope." A lump formed in Sam's throat, constricting her airway as she fought back the tears which rose unbidden at the heartfelt confession.
"If you're sure you can put up with me appearing at completely antisocial times then there's nowhere else I could be," Sam finally managed to admit, pulling back from the hug far enough to see into Lorna's eyes but remaining within the comfortable circle of her arms. They gazed at one another for a quiet moment, each assessing the other's level of comfort with the arrangement, oblivious to the other occupant of the room.
"Good, well now that's settled, if you ladies will excuse me, I'm going to lie down for a while," Moira broke into their reverie, beginning to feel a little uncomfortable with the intimacy of the moment she was witnessing.
"I'll change the bed for you and fetch you clean towels." Lorna moved to scurry towards the door, heading for the stairs until her sister's voice harshly called her back.
"You'll do no such thing. The bed will be fine as it is and I know where to find towels myself." Moira winked at Sam as she ducked out of the room, calling goodnight over her shoulder as she went. Sam couldn't help but be grateful that they weren't sleeping at her place that night – she doubted she could have prevented herself from insisting she change her own sheets before anyone else slept in them, knowing what herself and Lorna had done amidst them the previous night.
"How about you? Think you might be able to get some sleep?" Sam asked, wrapping her arms back around her lover and sinking back into Lorna's hold, gazing up at her questioningly.
"I doubt it but I'll bring you bedding and stuff so you can get your head down for a while. I know you need to rest, you've got an early start in the morning." Lorna once again attempted to extricate herself from the room.
"Lorna, sweetheart, just tell me where the stuff is and I'll sort myself out later but that's not why I was asking. I wasn't trying to hint that I wanted you to leave me alone. What do you want to do? What can I do to help you quiet your mind enough to maybe at least rest a while?" Sam pulled her partner to sit beside her on the sofa, clasping their hands together tightly and resting them on her knees.
"I don't know, Sam. I don't know what to do, what I'm doing, right now. I close my eyes and I see her face crying out for me to help her; I hear her screaming, asking me why I'm not there to save her, why I let this happen. I don't even feel like I can cry any more, I've no more tears to shed." Lorna leant back, head lolling against the cushions of the couch.
"You're exhausted honey, emotionally and physically. I know you want to spend the night in Katie's room and I fully understand that but will you lie with me here for a while? If I grab us a quilt to keep the chill off, will you just rest here in my arms for a bit and let me try to give you some of that hope you mentioned earlier? I want to do that for you, I want to feel like I'm actually helping you in some tiny way." Sam let go of one of Lorna's hands, allowing it to drop into a more natural position beside the reclining redhead, as she reached up with her free hand and cupped the weary woman's cheek.
"I'd like that but I don't want you to be driving tired in the morning. You need to sleep." Lorna leant into the casual caress Sam offered, eyes fluttering shut involuntarily. Breathily, she assured the blonde, "never worry that you're not helping just by being here, by offering your support and your affection. Please don't ever underestimate how much this means to me, how much you mean to me."
"It's not just affection, Lorna, it's love. I know it's early and we've not really discussed how we feel to that extent but I know now without a shadow of a doubt that I love you." Sam held her breath in the face of her confession, hoping that the other woman wouldn't feel too pressured to accept it for what it was.
"I love you too, Sam," Lorna affirmed confidently. "Amazing how life has a way of filtering out the crap and making you focus on what's important, isn't it?"
"It sure is, although I'm not too keen on the methods used to bring me to that realisation," Sam quipped sombrely.
"Me either, I'll be sure to have a word with the Boss when I finally meet him and kick his hind," Lorna retorted jerking her thumb towards the ceiling indicating to which 'boss' she was referring. Rousing herself enough to remember Sam had asked about a quilt, Lorna informed her, "there are spare duvets in the airing cupboard on the landing. It's the door next to the bathroom on the back wall."
"Ok, you stay here and…" Sam paused, realising it would be crass to request Lorna relax so opted for continuing with, "…well just stay put and I'll be back in a minute."
"Jo, baby, what are you doing sitting down here? It's almost two in the morning." Lucy shuffled into the kitchen, her view of the table masked by her lover's form where Jo sat stock still, back to the door, staring seemingly into the dead space in front of her.
"Go back to bed, Luce, I don't want to keep you up." Resigned and monotone were the adjectives Lucy would have used to describe that statement had she been asked. The lack of verve in Jo's tone, the slumped posture and her refusal to make any kind of visual acknowledgement of her lover's presence scared the young brunette into doing the exact opposite of what had been requested of her. Suddenly wide awake, she edged around until she was standing beside the obviously distressed woman. Her eyes dropped down to the table, drawn by the glint of metal under the harsh lights. "Jo?" One word but so many questions were held in that simple utterance.
"I said go back to bed." Jo had yet to move, to make any kind of attempt at eye contact or offer any explanation for what she was doing in the kitchen in the early hours of the morning with a pair of scissors sitting on the table in front of her.
"I don't want to go back to bed, sweetheart, I want to know what's going on here? What are you planning on doing with these?" Lucy grabbed the implement up from the wooden surface, folding her palm around the blades and thrusting the handles into Jo's line of sight. Beyond an almost imperceptible flinch, her actions produced no reaction in the brunette. Gripping the older woman's jaw, almost fiercely, with her free hand, Lucy twisted Jo's head up to meet her gaze, frantically barking, "look at me!" The woman's eyes were dull and haunted, no sign of the usual spark of personality apparent, causing her lover to gasp in shock. She dropped the scissors, cringing as they clattered loudly to the tabletop, her freed hand reaching up to cup Jo's cheek, drawing another, stronger, more noticeable flinch this time. "Baby, talk to me, please? Come on, you're scaring me. What is it? What's the matter? Was someone here? Has someone hurt you?" As though to confirm her suspicions, Lucy's hands began to do an inventory of Jo's body, checking for obvious signs of an assault.
"No one hurt me," Jo assured her, though her lifeless tone scarcely alleviated Lucy's fears.
"Then what? What has you so upset honey? Is it me? Is it because I asked to be left alone earlier? I just needed to get my head around Katie's disappearance, I didn't want to worry you. I didn't mean to reject you or hurt your feelings. Sweetheart, I am so sorry if I did." Lucy went to run a hand soothingly through Jo's chestnut hair, surprised and a little hurt when the head beneath her hands was yanked away violently. Hurt that was until she realised that in her hand she held strands of Jo's hair, more strands than would normally shake loose of their own volition. Suddenly, with startling clarity, the younger woman understood. "Oh baby…" No further words passed her lips as her heart clenched tightly in her chest and tears sprung to her eyes in empathy for the older woman's agony.
"It's ok, you can go, I don't expect you to stay. I'm repulsive, I won't blame you for wanting to get as far away from me as you can." Jo picked up the scissors with one shaking hand, gripping a fistful of hair with the other and violently pulling it away from her head, preparing to hack it all off, to expose her ugliness for the world to see. Gentle hands stilled her motions, wrestling the scissors from her and tossing them out of reach onto the workbench behind the younger woman.
"No," Lucy softly intoned. Prising her lover's rigid fingers from around the hair still clenched in her fist, she repeated, "no," more vehemently. Squatting down until she was level with the older woman's face, ignoring the burn in her muscles at the unfamiliar position, Lucy held Jo's gaze, making sure the brunette could see the fire in her own eyes. "You are beautiful. You are gorgeous and sexy and wonderful and always will be. With or without hair, I love you. I am in love with you and I am not going anywhere. What will it take for you to trust me? To trust in my love for you?" She pulled one of Jo's hands to Lucy's own chest, placing it palm down over where her heart could be felt hammering at a frantic pace. "Feel what it does to me when you're hurting this way. Feel how much it terrifies me to think that I've lost you to some dark place I can't reach you. Feel how it breaks my heart to think you don't trust me to stick around, to think you consider me so shallow and vain that I would leave you because of a side effect of a treatment which is going to save your life. How could I reject this without feeling like the treatment wasn't worth it? Do you know what that would mean admitting? I would have to decide that your life wasn't worth it, wasn't worth this. And I can't do that because I would be lying. Your life, to me, is worth losing your hair for a while. Hell to me, if it meant saving your life, I'd chop off my hair, an arm, a leg, whatever it took to save you. Because, Jo, whether you accept it or not, I want you around so that I can grow old and grey with you, so we can book ourselves onto Saga holidays together and sit in chairs beside a fire under fleecy blankets reminiscing about the good old days over a pureed meal because we've no teeth left to chew solid foods!" Lucy's impassioned plea broke a dam within the detached brunette, unleashing a torrent of tears. Tentatively at first the young woman held her lover close, then with greater confidence as Jo returned the embrace, tightening her hold and continuing to murmur words of comfort, adding her own tears to her distraught lover's without feeling any need to mask her own torment, sharing her fears, her concerns, her distress in a cathartic release.
After both women's cries quieted, a solemn silence settled in the kitchen, pierced only by the ticking of the wall clock and occasional soft sighs. Finally, Lucy drew back a little rubbing her hands down both sides of Jo's face before stooping to reverently worship her lover's lips in a breathtaking kiss. "Promise me you won't try this again tonight? We can call a mobile hairdresser in the morning if you want, get someone to come here and do it properly for you?" Jo settled for nodding, not trusting her voice enough to respond verbally. "Will you come back to bed with me? It's pretty cold down here, I could use a cuddle and a warm duvet. What do you say?" Lucy stepped away, extending her hand towards the still seated brunette in invitation to join her on her feet. It was an invitation Jo gladly took, grasping the cool hand in her own clammy, trembling palm. Without another word, Lucy turned and led her back up the stairs to their bedroom.