Restless Nightly Pursuits

How could I have not known?

The question was at the forefront of Sesshomaru's mind as he stormed through the halls, attempting to put as much distance as possible between himself and the study. He could feel Rin's presence at his back. Hear wood rattling in its frame as the door slid open and her scent — gods, her scent. She always smelt of blossoms and woodlands, ink and paper, the ocean and all its arcane wonders, but beneath it was what he'd been ignorant of.

A child.

Children, if his mother were to be believed.

Girls.

Twins.

And his wife knew, but she deemed him unfit of such knowledge. For how long?

His skin crawled, claws brushing against the palm of his hand as his fingers curled into fists beneath the drape of his sleeves. Gentle words and tender touches to guide her from her studies to the comforts of the bath he'd drawn for her were mottled in the disgusting bitterness soured on his tongue. Poison burned beneath his claws, and the fissures gathered on his heart widened as pain throbbed with every beat. His fur rippled wildly on his shoulder as he drew in a deep breath, forcing the molten touch of his poison away from his claws in order to slide open one of the doors.

Outside.

Fresh air.

He needed to find release before something untoward came forth. Traitorously, his feet led him further from the open flatlands near the forefront of the castle. Terraced land, dipping into a grassy hillside where at the base rested a thicket of trees meandering around a rocky cliffside — The expanse of the ocean was open to behold past the veritable wall of nature, and it was where Sesshomaru intended as he took to the skies.

Distance.

He needed distance from all which lingered behind him, but he couldn't go far. His wife, the mother of his children, lingered on the grounds, and he would be loath to abandon her.

Abandon Rin?

As quickly as he took to the skies, he landed on the thick and sprawling grassland. Bade himself not to think of the water glistening upon curved blades of grass speaking of the earlier rainfall. How his wife would have buried her toes in the soil and called for him to do the same.

If she is with child, would she not grow ill if —

Sesshomaru clenched his jaw to stifle the surging growl and marched down the hillside, unperturbed by the incline. If he closed his mind for a moment and pretended the trees surrounding him as he stepped into the thickets were that of the forests he used to roam, then perhaps it would ease him. Thoughts of the castle, of the woman who was waiting for him or perhaps searching for him, set aside.

How could he yearn for her as much as he wanted to be upset with her?

Does she not trust me?

Bright-eyed Rin with her wit and smiles, always at his side, assuring him with soft touches and imploring glances. She coaxed him to calm more than once, showedfaith in him to protect her, and later on, entrusted him with her body and soul . Sesshomaru's eyes shuttered as he turned his head away from the notion of distrust. His wife was loyal to a fault. Even if her very life were in imminent danger, she would put her faith in him just as she had done time and time again.

So why now?

He tried to breathe in, but the air was thick and humid, refusing to slip down his throat, instead clogging and suffocating. What was this feeling? He hated it. Hated this urge to lash out — to question her on why — to see beyond the smiles that constantly blinded him with their beaming radiance .

Will that change once they're born, or will I—

Sesshomaru drew in a large breath to steady himself. What would she say then? Did she regret this? What they had done, what they had created together? A burning pain cracked at the fissures in his heart, and he turned his head away, forcing the rippling of his fur to cease.

No. She hadn't said it, he hadn't felt discontent in her heart, but she'd been hiding this.

Hiding from him.

Regardless of what anyone may claim, Sesshomaru was not born for the sake of an heir.

And his mother knew. He wanted to scoff. Of course she knew. She always knew what others didn't and kept the information to herself until it suited her needs to reveal it. But this revelation explained much: whyshe was adamant in helping him with affairs, bidding Rin to rest, or insisting that they spend time together. During all that time, he hadn't noticed a thing.

I expected to find myself weary of being tethered to this helpless and needy being, eventually finding him to be a burden, and kill him when it suited my needs.

Why?

The tip of his boot caught on a root while the other skidded in the grass, jerking him forward. Silver-white hair veiled half-lidded eyes as he stared listlessly at his own shadow. It wasn't a secret. He knew inuyōkai weren't always accommodating or wanting of their offspring. His mother's affections were peculiar, to say the least, while his father's were occasional. Did Rin find fault in that? The scandalized way in which she gasped, the indignation in her voice — was it out of concern, or did she doubt what he would desire?

Children. Did she think he would abandon them as his father abandoned him?

No matter how desperately he tried to wrap his mind around it and force her away from thought, she would always return, and he would find himself staring into the memory of her eyes, her smile gone and replaced by a sullen thoughtful expression. Brown irises darkened, pupils dilated and dreadfully saddened —

Sesshomaru.

He twitched upright and jerked his entangled foot forward, ripping forth the sunken roots and flinging dirt into the air. His energy crackled. Teeth elongating, then shortening painfully,he tried to keep himself from transforming as he briskly strode through the forest until the sky opened up before him and the cliffside was centimeters from the tips of his boots. From the precipice, he could view the foamy darkened depths crashing against the shore, then receding. His breaths were short; shoulders rising, then falling slowly; red tinging the corners of his quivering, swimming vision. Looking up to the sky, the moon was dreadfully familiar.

Mikazuki.

A crescent moon, just like the one he'd been born with.

What would it be like for them? His daughters. Would they have the same moon as his birth, or would they be without it? Perhaps they would have ears as his half-brother did, or take on their mother's appearance...

He wouldn't have known.

Ruefully, his lips pulled back into a sneer, blinking slowly to chase away the stinging heat gathering at the back of his eyes. He wasn't sure for how long he stood there or when the clouds began to roll across the sky, dimming moonlight washing over him. Left in semi-somnolent darkness, Sesshomaru inhaled , then closed his eyes as the sound of wet grass squelching underfoot accompanied a quiet voice.

"You heard."

He knew this conversation would come, but he hardly wanted it to ensue.

No, I did.

Knowing would set these bitter feelings aside, yet he couldn't bring himself to turn and face her. Out of not wanting to show her this side of him or to feel compelled to forget and draw her into his arms.

Answers.

What he needed were answers.

"Did you intend for it not to reach?" Sesshomaru asked, fighting to keep his voice steady.

Rin was quiet for a moment, but when she spoke, her voice was filled with an assurance and stability he envied. "I had to be certain of what I wished to do," she said.

Sesshomaru bristled at that. What she wished to do. His mother had made it clear that they created life, yet she kept him ignorant. Complacent. And for what? His jaw clenched painfully, fang pressed to the skin of his lip.

"Then it was needed to deceive, Rin?" He asked, barely able to keep the contempt from his voice. "To keep me ignorant of their existence."

Do you not trust me, Rin?

"What are you saying?"

Sesshomaru blinked, and despite all of his composure, all of his struggling to not look at her, he glanced over his shoulder. Rin was staring at him, her brown eyes narrowed . True, he'd seen her withering glares, brows furrowed as she began to unleash fury upon someone foolish enough to insult her. But it was never directed toward him. Not until today. Rin glared at him scathingly — disbelief, hurt, and anger deadened in chilled, honey brown eyes.

"This isn't something I can simply be prepared for, it isn't an eventuality I expected. I never considered being a mother. We never spoke of having children — "

Sesshomaru scoffed, turning on his heel to face her, feeling the venom on his tongue as he spat. "You never asked."

Rin recoiled, her face crumpling for a second, then she rose , her shoulders tensed and hands balled into fists. "Because I know you…" She trailed off, the words tense, and bit into him for as they left her lips, he saw the sheen in her eyes. "You despise hanyō."

And there it was. The fact that he'd overlooked this entire time. His wife, his beloved wife who would be the mother of his children was human. Half their child's blood would be hers, and the other would be his own. A voice, whispering from the distant past, told him it would be disgusting. The proud bloodline of his father's would be sullied by yet another hanyō, and this time, it would be of his own making.

He wasn't sure what expression he showed, but Rin's face fell and her eyes widened, shimmering with unshed tears. Sesshomaru tried to force the air to course through his lungs.

"I had no desire to follow the path of a normal girl," Rin hissed, stamping her foot in the soil. "No man nor woman I cared for long enough to lay with and consider a family until you began to travel with me again."

Sesshomaru jerked his head away. He didn't want to hear that. He'd come to terms with the idea that Rin had loved others. It was within her rights. He made her a promise, but gave her the room to search her heart. To explore what it is she wanted from the world that had denied her the right to live . If he'd come back to the village where they parted ways and found her married with child —

"I'm frightened, Sesshomaru."

Those words wrenched him from his thoughts, and he tugged his head up. Senses heightened as he became acutely aware of the world around them. There were no threats he could cut to ribbons with his claws or melt to nothing with poison. No. The only threat present was Rin looking at him. Her voice rose above the crashing waves against the rocky cliffside.

"I am scared more than you know," she seethed, and the hurt cracked at her voice just as the threshold blocking the tears she'd been blinking away began to falter. "You have every right to be angry, I won't deny you that. But I do not want to do this without you."

But she would. The words unspoken weren't a threat. No, they were a promise. Rin was independent of him in both mind and body. She would make her own choices as she deemed fit — as she'd always done — as he once bade her to do. Even in this, with the lives that they created, she would take it into her own hands. Sesshomaru stiffened his jaw, stamping down his turmoil at the scent of her tears.

How could you think to do this without my involvement, Rin? I am always —

"I need to know that you are beside me, that you can set aside this silly prejudice."

His thoughts spilled from her lips, and he recoiled with such ferocity that his heel clipped a deep crevice in the earth.

"Silly?" He uttered in a tense graven tone, shocked and exasperated at being referred to in that manner.

Rin didn't seem swayed by his tone or otherwise, her arms folded loosely over her chest. Sesshomaru's gaze flicked to her wrist where the sleeve of her yukata fell back, exposing smooth skin without the cloth bracers she'd don into battle. He didn't expect for Rin to take arms against him. Never once had she raised a hand to him, albeit she was adept at making her words sharper than her knives.

"And what would you call it?" She demanded fretfully, a wrinkle in her nose as she tipped her head to one side. The uneven fringe of her bangs darkened the shadows around brown eyes, which were almost glowing in the dim light. "What reason could you have for hating hanyō as you do? You feel they are beneath you? Just as humans are — as I am?"

Before he could think to rein in his tone, Sesshomaru growled. "You are not beneath me."

How could she say something like that? For a second, the displeased look gave way to one of fleeting affection, and he brieflyyearned for the Rin who smiled at him warmly. Not the incandescent woman who glowered at him a second later, unapologeticallyerasing the kindly expression of his beloved wife.

"I am an exception then?" She shifted her stance to set her hands upon her waist, and he couldn't help but notice the way her fingers lingered at her abdomen. "Will your daughters also be an exception, Sesshomaru? How will you justify it to them?"

He almost wanted to say that he did not have to. When they were born, he would protect them with all that he had because they were theirs. Part of them was Rin, and he loved her. That they were hanyō was unavoidable. Why was that not enough for her?

"Where does this stem from, Rin?"

He had to know: whatdrove the wedge between them that she could not speak to him as candidly as she did now? He stared at her, and she looked away. It was enough to loosen his tongue, but he bid himself not to say a word. Give her time. Give her a choice. Even if she seemed keen on taking his own away with nary a word.

After a moment of painfully long silence, resignation flickered across her face. "Inuyasha."

Sesshomaru scoffed at the name and turned his head away, but Rin wouldn't allow him to evade thr topic . She hardly ever did. Now, as they stood on the precipice with only the sea behind them and their home before them, there was nowhere for either of them to flee .

"He is the root of all of your hate towards hanyō."

"This has nothing to do with him."

"Don't you dare lie to me, Sesshomaru."

The image of her displeasure in his mind paled considerably in comparison to the dark, terrible expression marring her face. She flung a hand aside sharply, the grass bending upon the breeze as if answering her call.

"You felt scorn toward your brother for your father's demise — because he fell protecting him and his mother —"

"He was a fool—"

"He was a father protecting his child," Rin gestured aggressively to her abdomen, curling her fingers in the silken fabric. "It didn't matter if Inuyasha's blood was tainted by humanity, he loved his son. And you hated your brother for so long, enforced this idiotic belief that he was beneath you to wallow in your own pain and justify your actions against him."

Sesshomaru turned his head away. He didn't want to hear this. Not from her. Though, when he closed his eyes, he could see Inuyasha and the priestess Kagome as she'd been then. A wide-eyed andterrified teenage girl clinging to his half-brother's sleeve.

"You used his mother's image to trick him."

Inuyasha's eyes, golden and glazed over, unseeing him but someone else. He couldn't see past the demoness' guise. It was according to his plan, a foolish mistake on the hanyō's part. Sesshomaru suppressed a tick of annoyance at how he referred to his brother then. Inferior, lacking, sentimental.

What he saw was the face of his dearly departed mother. The woman who caused their father's demise all so that he could live. And what a wretch he'd grown to be.

He isn't any longer.

Why the Mu-on'na protected him, Sesshomaru couldn't understand at the time , but the pain in Inuyasha's eyes when their gazes met — he felt satisfaction.

Now, it was a acrid memory of his failures in the pursuit of what would have never been his. Slowly, he met Rin's eyes . Her shoulders undulated heavily, and the smell of tears had only grown stronger. Pain. She was in pain.

I am the cause.

No, this started with her deceit. Hadn't it?

"Are you my judge then?" Sesshomaru questioned in a low tone, almost lost to the night with how airy and light his voice had become. "Is this your punishment — to withhold this from me? Shame me?"

He could see them before, but now as the clouds rolled past, moonlight spilled into their small pocket of the world and glistened on streaks of silver tracking down her cheeks. She shook her head slowly, the corners of her lips twitched upward, but there was no mirth to be found. Her eyes were wet, lashes heavy and fluttering shut as she closed her eyes.

"This is my evidence. My evidence of what I need from you…"

His fingers twitched at his side. The urge to reach out and wipe away her tears stilled by her own hand raising to do the deed itself.

"Set aside your prejudice, learn from your mistakes, and be better for it…" Her shaky breaths were beginning to even, and when her hand pulled away, the disheartened woefulness in her eyes was replaced with a fierce assertion. "Because you were wrong."

The tight grip on her yukata eased. Silk smoothed out with gentle brushes. His gaze transfixed on each sweep of her fingers as if he could see past the tranquil veneer she'd set.

"Because if you raised a hand to these children as you did your own brother, I—"

Sesshomaru's eyes widened, and Rin's face fell. Their eyes met, and not a word had to be said. He could feel the intent behind her pause . Her calm mask had cracked, replaced with a horrific and fearful expression. His own facade schooled into neutrality despite the sudden upset at the implication.

"Would you threaten harm to me…" His voice trailed off as he watched her shift from one foot to the other, her gaze falling to her feet. Disbelief crept into his voice as he called out to her. "Rin?"

Her eyes closed. "To protect our daughters?" She started resolutely, a fatigue and sadness engulfing her face as she met his eyes. Her brown almost deepened to a murky black.

"Without question."

Sesshomaru straightened and this time, when he turned away from her, he didn't look back. Rin's footsteps were deafening. Each one guided her further from him to the thicket of trees and beyond to the palace.

Standing alone on the edge, Sesshomaru looked to the crescent moon in the sky.

Author's Note

And this chapter is done! A lot of things were happening yesterday which actually led to this chapter's completion to which I'm both surprised and amazed! While it did end off on a sour note, I'd like to bring up a few things -

1) Rin and Sesshomaru, the entire time, were both at war in my head. They both had a point and an equal stake in all of this but the focal point is something that you, the reader, may have noticed. In the end, their argument and the thoughts they feel come from a place that they both despise.

2) The grounds of the Western Palace is something that I'm mulling over constantly, but the cliffsides where the ocean is at view, is what comforts them both the most. And in many fics of mine where it's just the two of them - the pivotal moments happen somewhere near water or in the forest. They're both nomadic people and feel the best around wood and grass rather than brick and mortar.

3) A lot of the feelings outlined on either side open up a wealth of thought on where their story goes and what lies behind them.

But don't fear, there's one chapter left. Until then, you can check me out for updates on Twitter at unlockthelore and see my original writing on Tapas.

Thank you so much for supporting me thus far and reading this story.

See you next time.