Heartfelt apologies for not having managed to update last week - never volunteer to take part in something until you realise quite how much additional work you're letting yourself in for! Financial year end, staff shortages following redundancies plus an NVQ requiring completion of 3 massive projects within the next 12 weeks plus the usual day to day work, add in a busy period of preparing for a big singing competition in my home life equals very little free time! However, enough excuses, on with the important things here. Thank you A for Antechinus and Sez01 for your fantastically kind reviews. *hangs head for making you awesome people wait longer than you should have had to*. I hope you enjoy this latest (belated) update too.
As usual, I own precisely zip - even less since I'm doing extra travelling so my car is next to worthless and my bank balance severely depleted thanks to stupid fuel costs! So yeah, if you object to me playing with these characters, even though I claim no ownership and am making absolutely no profit whatsoever, feel free to sue me but bear in mind that nothing is still nothing no matter how many times you divide it!
"Sam, I'm sure you'll understand when I ask you to work with Angie and Kezia on whatever cases you catch while the rest of the team concentrate on finding Katie and Stuart. With all that's been going on recently, I don't want to overlook the possibility that Angie's intentions are not altogether innocent and I have no intention of jeopardising our search by opening ourselves up to the possibility of tipping off the kidnappers. Grace, Terry and Mickey I trust and I've requested a temporary redeployment of another sergeant we can trust, someone who has history here – I've not had confirmation yet who it will be but the likeliest candidates are Ramani De Costa or Phil Hunter. Until then, I'll need you to handle things, keep an eye on Angie, let me know of anything that might be pertinent." Jack eyed his DI over the desk, watched her nodding her acquiescence to his request as she processed the possibility of Phil returning. "How's Lorna?" His tone softened, becoming more fatherly in his concern.
"She's… as you'd expect really, swinging between denial, depression and anger. She alternates between being convinced she'll never see her daughter again, that Katie's already been killed, and clinging on to the hope that she'll come home safe and sound," Sam told her boss, a soft frown marring her smooth brow indicating her concern about the CSE's wellbeing.
Jack nodded his understanding. "You know that you can't get involved with the investigation so I don't expect to hear about you asking questions, ok? I appreciate you let me know about your conflict of interest before it could become an issue but I won't afford you any leniency because you're emotionally involved. Keep your head focused on your own cases and let the rest of the team do their jobs."
"It's ok Jack, I have no intention of interfering in the investigation in any way. It's too important, to Lorna… and to me that Katie is found. I'm here to do what I can to free up the rest of the team as much as possible so they can concentrate on making that happen. All I ask is that someone lets me know if there's any news, if there comes a point when I need to make sure I'm with Lorna." Jack understood that the detective was asking to be told if Katie was found to be dead or gravely injured that she be given an opportunity to offer her support to Lorna when she was informed.
"I'll do my best, Sam. She's lucky to have you supporting her through this. I know it can't be easy for you either, must bring back memories you'd rather not be reminded of, so I want you to know my door is always open. If you need anything, need someone to talk to, I'm here for you."
"What do you think of this one?" Lucy held up a purple patch of material with small white fleur-de-lis adorning it at seemingly random intervals.
"Hmmm, I'd rather go for neutral colours I think, you know what I'm like for co-ordinating outfits; low maintenance and simple," Jo answered with a shrug.
"So the rainbow one's out then?" The young brunette asked with a mischievous grin.
"Do you really think I need to advertise the fact that I'm gay that much? I don't think so. The idea is to not draw attention, I think that would have the opposite effect, don't you?" Jo swatted her lover's arm for her teasing before turning her attention back to the display in front of them.
"I like this one, is it subtle enough for you?" Lucy's next offering was black with a deep crimson fractal pattern lifting the colour without being overwhelming.
Jo pulled the fabric from the brunette's hands, studying it for long moments before responding. "Yeah I think that one will work. What about this one as well?" Jo handed her partner a dark green bandana with lighter green streaks marbled through it.
"Oh yeah, that's cool." Lucy handed the fabric back to her lover, stroking a hand down the taller woman's arm lovingly.
"…disgusting dykes…" The words penetrated both of their consciousness' at the same moment, heads snapping around to find the source. A few feet away, two young women were staring at them, faces frozen in matching expressions of distaste. Lucy felt Jo tense, readying herself for unleashing a verbal tirade in the face of such blatant homophobia. Deciding that actions spoke louder than words, Lucy gripped her lover tightly, swinging around until she was standing in front of Jo and drawing her in close. She ambushed the detective with a searing kiss, moaning in obvious appreciation. Behind Jo's back, Lucy flipped both women the finger, indicating her lack of concern regarding their opinion of her relationship. They heard their spectators grumbling and muttering as they stalked off. Lucy pulled back, looking deeply into Jo's eyes to assess her reaction to the incident…and to her own actions.
"Feeling a little feisty today are we, Miss Sorella?" Jo asked with a wry grin.
"Just not in the mood to stand for that kind of crap," the brunette replied with a sigh.
"What say we pay for these and go get coffee somewhere? I could use a sit down after that, my knees are suddenly weak!" Jo quipped, feigning a swoon. In truth, she was beginning to feel a little exhausted from the constant walking around and standing. A sit down, she hoped, would allow her to recoup some of her energy.
"Sounds fantastic to me, sweetheart. Let's go."
Lucy watched her lover from across the circular table where they sat in the coffee shop. She could tell there was something on the older woman's mind. Jo had looked pensive since they had sat down. "Want to talk about it?" Lucy wasn't sure if it was something to do with what had happened earlier in the shop or if it was something entirely unrelated but whatever it was had rendered Jo somewhat mute.
"Hmm?" The vague response proved how far away the detective's mind was.
"Whatever's going on in that brain of yours, do you want to talk about it?" Lucy tried again, seeing that for that fleeting moment at least she had Jo's attention.
"I was just trying to decide what to do about work. I still want to see if I can help in some way but… I'm scared of going in, of seeing people, of people seeing me… like this or rather like I will be." Jo pushed her cup further away from her suddenly no longer interested in the half full beverage.
"Babe, I realise that you want to do what you can to help Sam and Lorna but realistically, do you honestly think you feel up to trying to work? Even if only for a few hours a day, that's a lot of pressure to put yourself under. You're still tiring quickly, even if you do try to hide it from me, and I'm sure your work takes a whole lot of concentration. If you can convince me that you feel able to cope with it then of course I will support your choice but baby, please don't let your sense of duty override what is best for your health." Lucy reached across the table and covered Jo's hand with her own, squeezing it gently.
"I'm not sure of anything right now; that I have the energy to be of any use, that I can face my colleagues. I just hate feeling so useless, I feel like there should be something I can do to help."
"I understand that sweetheart but I'm sure Sam would tell you that you can help them most by concentrating on fighting to get better and by being there for the pair of them as a friend. They'll have other officers working on the case, other people to take care of tracking down leads and following evidence. You might serve them best by just being there for them to talk to, a sounding board for them to vent their fears, their hopes, their frustrations to. Why don't you talk to Sam before you make any kind of decision about it? See what she says and then we can take it from there. It might all be a moot point anyway, the doctor might not even entertain the notion while you're receiving treatments." One of the servers chose that moment to approach their table, asking if either of them wanted anything else to drink. Lucy was about to order another chai latte when she noticed the frequent glances the waitress was casting in the direction of Jo's head. The young brunette was hyperaware of the growing obviousness of Jo's hair loss and hoped to avoid her lover noticing that it had become the subject of their server's fascination. Fixing a pointed glare on the intruder, Lucy declined, indicating that they were planning on leaving very shortly. Jo fidgeted uncomfortably, feeling the visitor's eyes raking over her like a physical assault. She kept her gaze downcast, not wishing to see the disgust she suspected would be evident in the waitress's eyes. Finally, they were alone once again but both Lucy and Jo were aware of the server whispering about them none too subtly with her co-workers behind the counter.
"Can we go home now?" Jo understood that it was human nature to be curious about things out of the ordinary but it still didn't make it any more comfortable being the subject of such scrutiny.
"Of course we can," Lucy replied, standing and helping her lover to her feet, wrapping a protective, loving arm around her slender waist. As they exited the cafe, she threw a withering glance in the direction of the young girl who had approached them, her stare clearly indicating her displeasure. She was disappointed to find they had an audience of more than one, with a cluster of staff watching them make their way towards the door. After they had made their way to the car, she feigned that she had left something behind in the coffee shop. Leaving her lover in the refuge of the sedan, Lucy retraced her steps, clattering back into the cafe with a scowl. "What do you think she is? A freaking zoo exhibition? She's sick, she has cancer, she's having chemotherapy which is slowly poisoning her system and destroying cells both healthy and cancerous. I hope you're all proud of yourselves for making her feel even more self conscious than she already did and I hope to God that none of you or anyone you care about ever has to feel what we're feeling right now. Why don't you think on that before sniggering behind people's backs and making judgements when you know absolutely nothing about their situations in future?" Without waiting for any kind of response, Lucy turned on her heel and stalked back out towards her waiting partner, desperately willing her temper to cool before she reached the car.
"Did you find whatever it was you left behind?" Jo asked, a knowing expression accompanying her raised eyebrow.
With a quirk of her mouth, Lucy shook her head, "guess I must have put it in the boot earlier before we went in, I couldn't find it anywhere."
Jo leant over from the passenger seat and claimed her girlfriend's mouth in a firm kiss. "Thank you," she said simply as she pulled away.
"What for?" Lucy asked, a little breathless from the unexpected gesture.
"Defending my honour," Jo supplied, letting her know she had seen through the guise and understood the real reason behind the younger woman's return to the coffee shop. "I doubt it'll make a difference to them but it does to me."
"Kezia, I need you to go and interview a witness in the Dobbin's robbery." Sam handed the keen young trainee a slip of paper on which the address of her interviewee was written.
"Yes Guv," Kezia replied, bounding out of her seat and through the hinged double doors like an overly excited puppy.
"What can I do, Guv?" Angie rested her elbows on the desk in front of her as she regarded the petite blonde DI carefully.
"There are a pile of phone records to go through from the Stanley Arms break in. Cross reference them with Adam Wiltshere's call log, see if there's anything tying him to the place," Sam ordered, a little more sharply than she had intended. With a brisk nod, the mahogany-skinned woman began the arduous task she had been set, without word of a complaint, despite having been lumbered with the grunt work all day. It seemed that she understood Sam's reticence and the need to prove herself before she would be trusted with anything more demanding. Her easy acquiescence made Sam feel even more rotten for being so short with her, her cool facade dropping briefly as she asked, "can I interest you in a coffee? You might need the caffeine to plough through that lot."
"Not at the minute, Guv, but thanks for the offer," Angie replied, acknowledging Sam's attempts with a warm smile and twinkling brown eyes. Stepping away from the open office and behind her own desk, Sam sought refuge by burying herself in her own paperwork, leaving her door open so she could observe hub of CID. After scant few minutes, her attention was wandering to her lover; wondering how she was getting on, if Grace had made contact yet having been officially appointed as FLO, wondering if there was any hint of a development in the case. Deciding that her time would prove fruitless unless she made attempts to answer some of the queries, Sam reached into her pocket and slipped her mobile out, dialling a now familiar number and waiting for her call to be connected.
"Hello?" Lorna's soft burr answered after a few rings, her tone hushed as though she was trying not to disturb someone by speaking.
"Hiya love, how are you?" Sam asked equally as quietly, not wishing to draw attention to the private nature of her call by closing the door but also not willing to share with those present in CID either.
"Ok, I guess. Missing Katie, missing you, wishing the day would go faster. Every minute seems to take forever to pass when you're waiting for news, waiting for someone to come home. Have you heard anything?" Lorna questioned hopefully.
"No, and I've been warned by Jack not to even think about trying to put myself in the middle of the investigation. I have to respect that and trust our colleagues to do their job to the best of their ability." Lowering her voice even further, Sam murmured, "I miss you too, that's mostly why I called. I needed to hear your voice."
"Do you know what time you can finish yet tonight?"
"I should be free to get away by seven or shortly after. Want me to pick something quick up for dinner on my way in? I can call at the supermarket, get us something microwaveable if you don't feel like cooking or I'll rustle us up something when I'm back." Sam studiously avoided referring to Lorna's house as home, even though it was on the tip of her tongue and felt strangely normal to do so.
"I haven't even thought about food, Sam. Just pick up whatever you feel like, I don't have much of an appetite." The knot which had formed in Lorna's stomach upon hearing about Katie's disappearance refused to budge or even shrink in the slightest, preventing her from believing she could tolerate any kind of food.
"You need to eat, Lorna, no arguments. I'll buy something on my way to you and we will eat when together this evening." Sam spied Angie heading her way brandishing a sheath of papers so she quickly, regretfully wrapped up her conversation with her lover.
"Honey, wake up." Lucy felt awful disturbing her slumbering girlfriend after seeing how exhausted she had been on their return from the shopping trip but the hairdresser they had contacted had arrived and since she had fitted them in between other appointments, there was no option but to wake Jo. The brunette groggily roused herself from where she lay prone on the sofa, covered by a spare duvet, head resting on a cushion which was adorned by yet more lost hairs as she sat up.
"What's up?" Jo asked through a yawn, rubbing her eyes with the back of one hand.
"The hairdresser's here," Lucy informed her, voice thickening a little as a lump formed in her throat. The reality of the moment caught up with her and tears sprung unbidden to her eyes as she cast a last loving glance at the shoulder-length chestnut locks which would soon be gone for the duration of Jo's treatment and recovery.
Taking a deep breath to fortify her resolve, Jo nodded and said, "let's do this then, let's get it over with." She rose to her feet, steadying herself against the shorter woman's frame as blood rushed to her lower extremities.
"Steady babe, take your time," Lucy cautioned, watching the slight colour Jo carried drain from her face. Slowly, the two women made their way through to the kitchen, where Lucy had directed their guest to set up, figuring clearing up stray hairs from a tile floor would be easier than from the lounge carpet.
"Hi, you must be Jo. I'm Charlotte," the perky middle-aged blonde greeted them cheerily when they finally made it. She had positioned a chair in sufficient space to allow her to move freely around it and access all sides of her customer's head. "Let's get you sat down then we can chat about what you want doing." Charlotte offered them a warm smile as they continued their approach, already having been filled in about Jo's condition during the initial phone call from her young companion. Once Jo was settled in the chair, Lucy took a seat at the kitchen table, as close as she could be to her lover without impeding on the hairdresser's workspace.
"How are you at wielding a razor?" Jo asked with a weary half-smile, the mirth not quite reaching her eyes. "Might as well scalp me now since it's just going to keep falling out anyway." She could barely keep her eyes open, such was her level of fatigue. It frustrated her to think how little she had done to render her so tired but guessed that she would have to accept it as a fact of life for the duration of her treatment. It made her think twice about how much use she could really expect to be at work though and could only hope that the side effects would become less pronounced or more manageable as the cycles progressed.
"Ok, well, do you want me to retain some of the hair? It might not all go, especially if you try wearing a cold cap while you're receiving your treatments. We could cut it quite close to the scalp, almost like a very short pixie cut, so that you're not having to deal with completely losing it all at once and it'll be less noticeable if it does continue to thin out?" Charlotte trailed her fingers through the ends of the flowing hair she was about to desecrate, internally crying out at the injustice of sacrificing such beautiful locks.
"Not your first time dealing with this huh?" Jo asked, giving herself a few minutes to weigh up her options.
"Unfortunately not, no. My best friend was diagnosed with leukaemia a couple of years ago – her hair was longer than yours and when it started to fall out, she called me and asked me to help her disguise it. I won't lie to you, it will be a shock when you see yourself in a mirror and not just the first time either but it is a temporary side effect. Your hair will grow back once you've finished your chemo, then you can get back to looking like the you that you're used to or you can completely change your look again at that point and choose to have a completely fresh start to celebrate getting through the treatment cycles. You'll be a blank canvas." Lucy liked how straight talking but with a positive slant the coiffeur was being, happy that they had picked the right name from the phone book (even if she had been the fourth person they had contacted and the only one able to fit them in at such short notice!)
"What do you think Luce? I mean, you're going to have to look at it more than me realistically, what's your preference?" Jo asked quietly, eyes watery though whether from emotion or crushing fatigue, the younger woman couldn't discern.
"Sweetheart, you know it wouldn't make a difference to me if you decided to paint your head purple with gigantic pink polka dots on it but I do think that perhaps, to give us both time to adapt to it, leaving a short covering might be the way to go." Charlotte had to grin at the mental image the young brunette created with her vivid description. "However, regardless of what I think, this is about what's best for you. If you want it all gone from the get-go then say so and that's what will happen. What do you think is the option which will allow you to deal with this best?"
"Would it be ok to try the short cut first and see what it feels like? If, after that, it still doesn't help, I can always shave the rest off myself."
"Nonsense, I'll do it for you if you want it doing, whether that be today or tomorrow or any day after that, ok? You have my number now and I will do whatever I can to fit you in anytime you call," Charlotte assured as she draped a protective cape around her customer's shoulders. "Now then, if you want me to stop at any point, if you need a break or anything, you just let me know." The hairdresser laid a supportive hand on the seated woman's shoulder as she reached for the water spray she carried and set about damping her hair thoroughly. Lucy placed a shaky hand over her mouth as she valiantly tried to tamp down her emotional response to the scene unfolding before her. She sucked in deep lungfulls of air, willing herself not to lose it in front of her lover, knowing that Jo needed her to be strong and supportive. Jo's eyes flickered shut as the first snip of the scissors sounded and remained resolutely closed, her face a stoic mask breached only by the silent tears which trickled across her cheeks, tears which were kept company by Lucy's now free-flowing own.
Sam looked up from where she and Angie were pouring over line after line of phone calls, sensing someone watching them. Neil hovered in the doorway, his face set with an uncertain expression as his gaze flickered between the two women.
"Could you give us a minute DC Walker?" Sam requested quietly, eyes never leaving the joint DI's face. Angie rose without a word, taking the sheet she had been studying with her so that she could continue to work while she waited for Sam and Neil to finish their discussion. Once she was out of the office, Neil stepped further into the room, closing the door behind him.
"Sam…," he paused, lips pursed together in a grim line. The blonde DI gripped the edge of her desk tightly, knuckles instantly losing their blood supply and turning a deathly shade of white. "I think you need to go to Lorna's. The body of a young girl matching Katie's description has been found."