Say You Won't Let Go Chapter 4
A/N: Thank you for continuing to read this far in my fanfic! I am very, very grateful for all of you readers!
Liz woke up the next morning to hazy sunlight drifting through the blinds and the feeling that she'd just had the best sleep of her life.
Groaning softly as she began to open her eyes, her mind still slightly foggy with lingering tendrils of sleep, Liz started a bit when she realized that Ressler was still beside her.
Smiling as she turned to see his face, Liz propped her chin on a hand, her heart doing backflips of its own accord as she watched him doze silently beside her, his arm that had been draped languidly around her shoulders slipping to fall to the warm sheets.
Liz felt her breath catch for a moment as she fully took in how handsome Ressler looked in this moment; she'd never really taken the time to appreciate his good looks before, but she certainly could now.
His blond hair looked almost silvery in the sunlight filtering through it with ease, the strands unkempt and messy in a way that made him look much more boyish compared to the polished, impeccable agent that Liz was so used to seeing. It was utterly adorable, not to mention that it made him even more attractive.
His full lips were slightly parted and painted in shadows, the dipping arches and pointed bows looking so enticing that Liz almost had the urge to press her lips to his for a moment, if only to see how they would taste.
His skin was even paler beneath the sunlight, but it still looked smooth and perfect, as if someone had chiseled away all of his impurities to leave behind an unblemished, perfectly sculpted face.
Last but not least, his eyes were closed, his long lashes grazing the skin on his cheek as they fluttered slightly.
Liz felt a warm, tingly feeling build in her chest as she continued to gaze at him. Donald Ressler was...how could she put it...harsh, unrelenting, righteous, stuck-up, and so stubborn that she sometimes wanted to scream.
But, more than all of that, he was the kindest, most caring person she'd ever met, courageous, brave to the point that Liz wondered if he had any limits, and the most dedicated, driven person she'd ever encountered.
He might not always show his soft sides, but...Liz had seen them countless times. And she had to say that those were the parts of him that she loved the most. Those were the parts that made her smile, the parts that allowed her to believe that someone in this twisted world of hers might actually care for her, might actually love her for who she was instead of who she was involved with.
But, of course, she loved every part of him. Donald Ressler was one of the few people in her life that she could say she trusted and cared for implicitly.
Hardly thinking as she let her mind run rampant with her thoughts, Liz reached out a hand to brush through Ressler's thick locks, the smooth strands slipping easily through her fingers and getting the tiniest bit more mussed up with every stroke. She couldn't help but chuckle at the sight, the sound jocular and sweet.
As Liz thought about all of the reasons that she loved her partner, she also couldn't help but let the thoughts that scared her the most plague her mind.
She was always so scared that she might lose him, that she might get him hurt or that he might not be there someday for her to lean on. She knew that it was always a possibility given how dangerous their jobs were, but the mere thought still made her want to cry.
It was a terrifying thought, and one that crossed Liz's mind far too often. She felt a pit of despair open up in her and threaten to swallow her whole as she kept on debating those thoughts, kept on letting herself fall farther and farther, with nothing to yank her back.
It wasn't until Ressler began to stir that Liz was pulled out of her trance, quickly swiping a hand across her eyes to wipe away the glimmering tears that had begun to form there. She'd already cried in front of Ressler more than enough times. She didn't need to again.
Withdrawing her hand from massaging through his silky hair before he noticed, Liz sat back and fought the blush creeping up her cheeks and neck as Ressler slowly got up, his lean muscles pellucidly visible through his thin shirt as he stretched. He turned lithely to meet Liz's gaze, an easy smile slipping across his face as he did so. The gesture made Liz's heart skip a beat.
God, why am I such a mess around him lately? She chastised herself. She seemed to be falling apart around him, in far more ways than one; and many of those ways, she didn't want to admit what they were.
"Morning, Keen," Ressler said as he brushed a hand through his hair exactly as Liz had done earlier, leaning back on his forearms as he did so, that irritably handsome grin still stretching from ear to ear. It took Liz some effort to form words, but once she did, she replied softly,
"Good morning. How'd you sleep?" Ressler chuckled lightly.
"That was the best sleep I've had in a long time," he said, and Liz let a small smile cross her face.
"What about you?" Ressler said as he stared at her. It was Liz's turn to laugh this time as she sank back into the pillows that were piled up behind her.
"It was the same for me," she said finally, letting out a sigh as she laid on the overly soft cushions beneath her.
"I...almost don't want to wake up," she confessed quietly, fingering the edge of the sheets as she waited for his response. She wasn't even sure if he'd heard her.
Ressler just shifted, turning on his side to face her as she continued to slip her fingers over the smooth, comfy fabric.
"Are you okay, Keen? Is anything else still bothering you?" Liz flicked her eyes up to his, tugging her lips up into a smile as she stared into his stunning blue eyes.
"Yeah, yeah, of course; sorry, I'm still trying to wake up is all." Ressler snorted at that, his lips tilting back up into another smile. His smiles seemed to come easier these days, she'd noticed. She wondered why.
Liz debated for a moment if she should tell Ressler about her worries for him, if she should confess that she cared about him so much it hurt, that she was deathly afraid at the prospect of losing him. But she was afraid of what implications would drag along with those statements, as well as what Ressler would say or think in response.
Swallowing back her worries, and choosing to keep her mouth shut, Liz sighed as she took a moment to stretch out her tired muscles, the pulling sensation feeling wonderful as she prepared to get up.
Ressler did the same, pushing back the sheets of his bed in a fluid motion and standing up.
"Well, if you're really okay, Keen, I think that I'll go and cook something up for breakfast. You can keep on resting if you want," Ressler said as he made his way to his bedroom door. Liz quickly got up, running to follow him.
"Hey, wait, let me help-"
She forgot how slippery the floors of his apartments were, however, because she quickly lost her balance, letting out a yelp and a tiny shout of "Ressler!" in warning as she began to crash to the floor.
Her fall ended up being quite short-lived anyways, as Ressler whirled around at her yelps, quickly slipping his arm around her waist and breaking her fall easily with his strong grip as he pulled her protectively against him. For what it was worth, he had a remarkably fast reaction time.
Liz let out a gasp, still trying to process what had just happened as she dangled in Ressler's arms, his concerned eyes meeting her own as she let out a shaky breath.
"You okay, Keen? You almost had a bad fall there." Liz let out a breathless laugh, managing a nod as she laid a hand over her chest, trying to calm her racing breaths.
"I'm fine, thank you for catching me. I'm so sorry, though, Ressler. I really didn't mean to fall, I'm such a klutz-" her words were cut off as Ressler pulled her to her feet in a whoosh, her hands instinctively moving to wrap around his neck as she was thrown off balance once again.
Ressler set her gently back on her feet, his own breathing ragged as he became aware of how close they were in that moment, their eyes locking once again as they became enveloped in each other's presence.
Liz hadn't made any move to remove her arms from around his neck, and she found that she didn't want to; she wanted to keep holding him, and she wanted him to keep holding her.
They continued to gaze at each other, still lost in one another's eyes, before Liz finally came to her senses, clearing her throat softly as she allowed her hands to slip slowly from around Ressler's neck, her cheeks and neck now a flaming red.
Ressler moved to do the same, his hands sliding from her waist and leaving frigidly cold spots as he took a step back, clearly trying to be respectful and give Liz space even when all she wanted was for him to step back, take her into his arms and never let go. She'd only been away from him for a few moments, and yet she found herself yearning for his warmth, his sense of protection, his kindness and caring nature that were like a lifeline.
Wanting to break the sudden tense silence, Liz brushed a rogue strand of hair behind her ear before speaking.
"I'm, uh, I'm really sorry again, Ressler," she said quickly, the words spilling out in a rush as she said them. Ressler allowed himself to look up, his eyes filled with amusement and mirth as he replied,
"It's fine, Keen. You have nothing to apologize for; you can't control the fact that you slipped." Liz smiled at that, placing her hands on her hips as she playfully surveyed the floors like an engineer assessing a building.
"Speaking of which, why are they so damn slippery? They're like a death trap for clumsy people like me." Ressler let out a laugh at that, the tension in the air quickly disapating as she joined in with his fun. After a few moments, when both of their stomahs were aching, Ressler sighed, grabbing Liz's hand as he steered her toward the kitchen.
"Alright, come on, Keen, let's go make some breakfast. Try not to slip this time." Liz couldn't help the giddy grin that crossed her face as she followed him eagerly, her pulse thundering and her emotions running haywire.
She realized that this time, Ressler had just taken her with him rather than give her the option of staying and sleeping some more. It was a sweet gesture, to Liz at least; it showed that he wanted her there with him, rather than giving her the option of distancing herself.
That easy grin never left Liz's face as she helped Ressler cook up eggs and bacon, their laughs echoing around the walls as they joked and their smiles lighting up the room with every warm glance and flickering touch.
As she plated their food, and shared one last triumphant look with Ressler before digging in, Liz couldn't help but think that this was quite possibly the happiest she'd been in a long, long, long time.
...
A couple of hours later, the two blossoming lovers found themselves back at the Post Office, Liz in a fresh teal and black suit that she'd nabbed from her apartment that morning before her and Ressler had gone to work and Ressler in his own handsome navy suit with a freshly pressed white shirt and matching tie.
The Post Office was abuzz with activity as usual, the phones constantly ringing and the amicable chatter from the agents filling the cavernous space.
The team was still tracking Alex Karven, their Blacklister from the previous day, and they now had a set plan to catch him, with the help of Reddington of course. Their plan was to raid an abandoned warehouse on the far side of D.C where his ex-wife had said he'd gone every so often to check on the "belongings" that he'd stored there.
Of course, they assumed that that must be where he'd been stashing his drugs, and they hoped that he'd also be doing one of his quality checks at the same time. If he wasn't, however, then hopefully they might find clues to his whereabouts lingering around the place.
Reddington offered his help with tracking down the criminal if they didn't find him, so he decided to stay back at the Post Office with Aram until further notice while Liz and Ressler moved out to begin their search for Mr. Karven.
"I'll let you two handle the explosive dirty work," he'd said in farewell with a tight smile as Liz and Ressler had climbed into the Post Office's elevator, rolling their eyes as they did so.
Mulitple SWAT teams along with one of the FBI's sleek black Escalades with Liz and Ressler inside drove down the busy streets of Washington D.C, sirens blaring as they wove around the shiny multicoloured cars populating the road.
They'd decided to carry out the operation later in the afternoon, so bright sunlight welcomingly drifted into the car from the fiery orb hanging in the sky, setting everything in the car awash with white light. It was a beautiful day, at least.
It didn't take long for them to reach the address Aram had provided, the beat down, rusty warehouse squatting on the side of an empty street further out of the city blending in perfectly with its bleary, mundane surroundings.
Had they not known what dangers it beheld, the agents probably would've avoided it. But they knew all too well what was lingering beneath that carefully crafted facade.
Stopping their caravan of cars with a squeal, the teams jumped out of their vehicles, Liz and Ressler ensuring that their tactical gear was secured before drawing their guns and following the running SWAT teams to the lone door situated on the front of the warehouse.
At Ressler's command, they kicked down the door, pouring into the massive, dark space that opened up beyond like water into a glass as they surveyed what lay beneath.
By the time Liz and Ressler squeezed in, the teams had unearthed piles upon piles of drugs, ranging from cocaine to meth to ectasy to fentanyl. They were all in huge bags that weighed at least a pound each, the white powder sitting in each one like phantom dust glimmering slightly in the luminous light of their flashlights.
"Oh my God," Liz breathed as she took in the never-ending amounts of drugs stacked to the rafters in the warehouse.
"I can't believe he has his hands buried in this big of an amount of drugs," she said incredulously as she continued to sweep her gaze around.
"Yeah," Ressler replied slowly as he tried to take it all in himself. Alex Karven was clearly far more than their run-of-the-mill drug dealer.
"No sign of Karven yet?" Ressler asked a SWAT team captain when he appeared at his side to report, and the captain affirmed his question by replying negative. So Alex wasn't here...or wasn't here yet.
"Well, we'll keep an eye out for him," Liz said matter-of-factly, taking over command as Ressler stepped away to inspect some of the drugs that another team was continuing to dig out. They needed to know exactly what they were dealing with here.
"We'll set a perimeter. Be on you guard, because we don't know if they'll try to surprise us or not," she continued, and the team captain nodded swiftly.
"Yes, ma'am," he said affirmatively before turning to bark orders at his squad, the soldiers nodding and moving outside of the warehouse to form a secure line moments after the words had left his mouth.
The warehouse lay silent for a while, the teams continuing to try to sift through the copious amounts of drugs as they searched for anything else that may be of value hiding within the stacks.
Liz felt exhaustion begin to creep up on her as she swept away bags of drugs with her one hand, flashlight in the other, Ressler beside her copying her movements.
"Do you think we'll actually find anything?" She finally said skeptically to Ressler, and he stood up for a moment, wiping sweat from his brow and taking a breath as he moved his eyes to hers.
"I don't know, Keen. We can't answer that question unless we keep looking." Letting out a resigned sigh, Liz leaned back over, knowing he was right as she pushed aside more and more bags, her arms growing tired and her movements becoming sluggish.
She was just about to complain to Ressler again when one of the windows that were situated farther up shattered, the glass raining down as she registered shouts coming from the soldiers outside.
"What's happening?" she yelled as she held a hand above her head to protect herself from the deadly sharp shards continuing to rain down, instinctively moving her body closer to Ressler as he drew his gun.
"Alex Karven is here, ma'am! He's brought his own forces and is currently engaging ours!" A soldier nearby shouted as his gun rang with shots fired toward the door.
Breathless, Liz gulped as she drew her gun, pointing it at the doors as the SWAT member had.
"When did they get here?" she yelled to Ressler over the cacophony of noises, the shadows of unknown figures appearing in the doorway as they began to fire back at their teams, some members dropping as they became either dead or wounded. It was a full-on ambush; Karven had cornered them.
"I don't know," Ressler shouted back as he fired shot after shot, the bullet cases dropping to the ground with a dull clatter.
"He cornered us though, that's for sure," he yelled again, and Liz nodded at him, firing her own shots as the final intruders filtered into the warehouse.
There were ten of them at least, all cloaked in black and carrying heavy machine guns, save for the person at the very front, who was wearing a black ensemble and bullet proof jacket, but no helmet or protective head gear like the others.
As Liz squinted at him, she realized that it was Karven, the angles of his face perfectly matching those of the pictures embedded in her memory from his file. How convenient that he'd chosen to show his face rather than hide it.
"Ressler! Ressler, that's him! In the front with no hood!" Ressler stopped shooting for a second as he looked, squinting to see the man's face. Once he recognized it, Ressler nodded at her.
"Let's focus on shooting down his goons first, and then we'll deal with him after." Liz nodded, drawing her gun again as she took aim at the black shapes that looked like wispy ghosts firing beside Karven.
"Sounds like a plan."
The air continued to be filled with the ringing noises of gunshots and the screams of people dying or becoming injured as the fight escalated. The remaining members of the SWAT teams managed to shoot down half of Karven's men, while Liz and Ressler shot down a couple more.
After at least an hour had passed, a mass of bodies lay in the warehouse, Karven and his two remaining men standing panting on one side while Liz and Ressler stood panting with the remaining members of their own teams on the other.
"You can give up now, Karven," Liz said as she held her gun, aimed straight for his head.
"You can give up now and you might have a chance to live." Karven just guffawed at that, wiping a trail of blood that had splattered on his cheek from one of his dead men as he stared at her.
"You and I both know that we'll die either way, you filthy fed. I'll fight until your pretty head is rolling on the ground next to your comrades." Liz gritted her teeth at that, letting out a breath as Ressler stepped closer to her, training his gun on Karven.
"Have it your way, then, Karven. I'll make your head roll just for those comments that you spat out of your disgusting mouth." Karven laughed again at that, a smirk crossing his face as he took in Ressler, who was now standing right in front of Liz, shielding her as she protested and tried to see around him.
"Well, well, look what we have here. A protective lover. You must care about this girl a lot if you're willing to take a shot for her, since I'll be embedding a bullet in that head of yours any time now." A muscle flickered in Ressler's jaw at that, and Liz didn't even have the sense to breath as she took in his words behind Ressler.
They...they weren't lovers, were they? No, they couldn't be, they'd always just been friends...
But the more that Liz thought about it, the memories of what had begun to transpire in the past few months between them grew increasingly evident as she thought of how their relationship had grown from being close friends to standing on the precipice of lovers.
Every touch had grown warmer, every smile had been brighter, every beat of her heart had practically skipped and gone in circles when she was around Ressler, and then grown so incredibly lonely when they were apart...
What she'd been trying to ignore and brush off up until now had suddenly become clear to her, like sh'd seen her reflection in a looking glass, and she couldn't hide what that feeling was anymore.
The simple fact was that she had fallen deeply in love with Donald Ressler. And that revelation was both so freeing she wanted to laugh and so terrifying she wanted to cry.
But as Liz watched Ressler continue to stare at Karven, a death wish in his eyes, she reached out to gently touch his arm.
"Ressler, don't. He's not worth it. Let's just arrest him and bring him back to the Post Office for Cooper to deal with." Ressler instantly snapped out of his brooding stance at her touch, and he turned to meet her gaze, letting out a deep breath as Liz nodded.
Pausing for a moment, Ressler eventually sighed before nodding back, holstering his weapon as he nodded to the SWAT team to arrest the remaining suspects.
They began to move, but before they could get close, Karven whispered,
"Oh, I don't think so." Faster than anyone could see, he swivelled his gun to point at Liz, pulling the trigger as he did so.
Liz moved to dodge the bullet whizzing through the air, but before she could, Ressler grabbed her, his strong arms shoving her aside and into safety as the bullet instead whizzed into his left shoulder.
As the SWAT team's gunshots rang out once again, Liz desperately fumbled toward Ressler, who was now lying unconscious on the ground, screaming his name as tears streaked down her face.
"No, no, no! Ressler!" She sobbed, rushing to his side as she took his head into her lap, her tears dripping onto his cheeks.
"No! Ressler, stay with me! Stay with me, Ressler! You can't die today! Not today!" She sobbed and sobbed and sobbed until the gunshots finally wore out, until they finally arrested Karven and his associates and shoved them into one of the vehicles, until they came over to grab Ressler and rush him to a hospital.
But as she followed them, running into the waiting ambulance with tears still streaming down her face, obscuring her view of Ressler lying motionless on the tiny stretcher inside the vehicle, and as she watched them try to resuscitate him again and again, she collapsed into a fit of hysterical sobbing, her chest aching so much she thought it might split apart.
He couldn't die. He just couldn't.
Because she hadn't gotten the chance yet to tell him just how much she loved him.