It's that time again! Where do the weeks go? I figured I'd upload this now since I was away at a singing coaching weekend and am currently sleep deprived so not sure I'll be awake much longer! Lol.
Thank you so much, A for Antechinus, Sez01 and iheartsergeantsmith for your reviews, I love reading them. And never feel like you have to apologise if you don't review for a couple of chapters or if you just want to review one chapter or none at all, I never expect readers to review, I just like to show my appreciation for those of you who do take the trouble to send me your comments :) I think you're all superstars.
Anyway (do I really have to reiterate this every time?) I own absolutely zip so don't bother suing me. I'm making no profit nor money of any kind from this story, I'm just taking the characters out of storage to get some sun on their bones so they don't get rickets!
Jo looked at herself in the bathroom mirror as Lucy let Charlotte out. She barely recognised the woman looking back at her. Gone was her shoulder length, casually styled bob and in its place a short crop of closely cut hair which resembled a skull cap. Lucy and Charlotte had assured her that it looked fine, that it wasn't as bad as she felt it to be but gazing upon her reflection, she couldn't help but want to break her heart crying. Lucy closed the front door and padded softly towards where she had seen her lover wandering off to, wrapping her arms around her slim waist when she found the distressed woman and dropping a tender kiss against her strong, tightly clenched jaw.
"I feel…so…" Words failed Jo, everything that sprung to mind insufficient to explain how naked, how ugly, how worthless, how exposed, how vulnerable she felt. Knowing that there was little she could say to appease the woman she loved in that moment, Lucy opted to gently sing to her instead. Locking eyes with her girlfriend in the mirror, Lucy poured every ounce of emotion she could muster into the song excerpt which perfectly summed up what she wanted to say:
"Her lips, her lips, I could kiss them all day if she let me
Her laugh, her laugh, she hates but I think it's so sexy
She's so beautiful, and I tell her every day
Yeah, I know, I know, when I compliment her she won't believe me
And it's so, it's so, sad to think that she don't see what I see
But every time she asks me 'do I look ok?', I say
When I see your face, there's not a thing that I would change
Cause you're amazing, just the way you are
And when you smile, the whole world stops and stares for a while
Because girl you're amazing, just the way you are"
(Lyrics from Just The Way You Are, Bruno Mars)
Both women had tears pouring down their faces as Lucy finished serenading Jo, arms still tightly wind around the taller woman's midsection. The administrator turned her head into Jo's neck, nuzzling her and dropping tender kisses all over the smooth column of flesh before twisting her around and reverently covering the detective's lips with her own. She cupped Jo's face, letting her fingers tangle in the savagely shorn locks where remaining wisps brushed her temples. Breaking their kiss briefly, she whispered against Jo's lips, "you're amazing just the way you are," before resuming their passionate make-out session.
Sam pulled up outside Lorna's house as dusk was setting in, a rising sense of dread permeating her core. Her hands shook and her knees felt like jelly as she climbed out of her vehicle. Grace was beside her in a matter of seconds, a supportive hand on her arm and a concerned frown adorning her face.
"You going to be ok in there?" DC Dasari asked softly.
Running a hand over her face in an attempt to quell her gathering tears, Sam nodded. "I have to be. We don't know for sure yet that it is Katie, I need to help Lorna focus on that until we know for definite one way or the other." Nodding sagely, Grace preceded Sam to the front door, ringing the bell and steeling herself for the news she was about to have to share. A haggard looking Lorna flung the door open, momentarily relieved to see Sam but her expression and Grace's presence seemed to register almost immediately.
"Come in," she croaked, standing back to allow them entry, leaning heavily against the wall for support. Grace stepped through the doorway first, walking a little way down the hall to make way for Sam. The blonde stopped just over the threshold, taking the door from her lover and closing it quietly, never once taking her eyes off the distraught Scot. "Tell me, Sam, please…" Lorna begged hoarsely.
It was the DC who spoke up. "Perhaps it would be better if we discussed this in the lounge?"
"Just tell me, have they found her? Have they found my baby girl?" Still the eye contact between the fiery redhead and the diminutive blonde remained unbroken, Sam's eyes imploring Lorna to heed Grace's request and at least be sitting down for the news.
"We don't know yet. A body matching Katie's description was found on part of an embankment beside the Thames…" Any further words were lost on Lorna as she slumped against the hallway wall, sliding down in a hail of tears even as Sam wrapped her arms around the devastated Scot.
"We had to tell you because it's possible it might be Katie but nothing's certain yet. It might not be her," Sam murmured in the taller woman's ear as she knelt before her, holding her for all she was worth. Heedless of their audience, Sam manoeuvred their bodies until she was seated on the floor beside her lover, cradling her close and dropping tender kisses into her hair as she offered words of hope and solace. The DI's own face was wet with tears, her voice choked and her body trembling as she too grieved at the possibility of losing such a vibrant young life.
"They never gave it a chance, they never stopped to see if we'd do as they instructed. They should have at least waited to see if we would follow their orders before they killed her and dumped her like she was garbage." Anger shone through Lorna's words, her muscles rigid with tension.
"Where's Moira, honey?" Sam asked gently, rubbing her hands in wide circles over her girlfriend's stiff back and shoulders.
"Lying down. She didn't sleep much last night, I told her to get some rest." Lorna pulled away from Sam's embrace, hauling herself to her feet shakily and stumbling through to the lounge. Sam watched her go worriedly but Grace prevented her from following immediately.
"Why don't you go wake the sister? I'll try to talk to Lorna a bit more."
"Yeah… yeah… ok… right… yeah I'll find Moira." Sam headed for the stairs in a daze. Lorna's rejection, mild as it was had stung more than she had anticipated. Rationally, she knew that the woman was not completely aware of her actions or how they might appear to others but that didn't stop the brief stabbing pain in her heart as Lorna had shrugged off her embrace. Standing outside Lorna's bedroom, Sam raised her hand to knock, watching it shake violently in the air.
"Come in," a groggy voice called from inside to darkened room. Sam put her head round the frame, peering in towards where she knew the bed to be. "Sam, what time is it?" Moira asked, still trying to rouse herself from her prematurely ended slumber.
"A little after five, I'm home early. There's been a… umm… a development," Sam watched as the covered mound in the bed took on a more human shape as Moira bolted upright and shed the duvet.
"What's happened? Have they found Katie? Is she ok?" Sam clenched and unclenched her jaw as she worked to deliver the news as professionally as she could, reaching in vain for the aloofness her training had instilled.
"Nothing's definite yet but… a body… of a young girl was found earlier today by the River Thames." Her voice choked and she was physically unable to utter anything further, her stomach roiling and causing her to bolt to the bathroom down the hallway, making it to the toilet just before she lost the meagre remains of her lunch. Moira chased after her, offering a cool, damp face cloth once Sam came up for air which was accepted with a weak 'thanks'.
"It's not Katie, it can't be Katie, I'd know if it was, I'd feel that she was gone and I don't. I know she's out there somewhere alive and needing our help. We will get her back, Sam, the Lord wouldn't show my sister such happiness only to destroy her. I trust in Him to bring her back to us." Sam envied the woman's stoic sense of faith in that moment, wishing that she shared such a belief but having seen too many lives shattered and destroyed on the whim of others to trust in anything other than the presence of indescribable, inexplicable evil in the world. "I need to be with Lorna… we both need to be with Lorna, she'll need us to be strong for her until she sees that this poor unfortunate soul is not our Katie." With one hand outstretched in invitation, Moira assisted Sam to get herself up off the floor, giving her a few moments to rinse her mouth out and wash up before ushering her back towards the stairs.
Grace watched the restless CSE pacing around the cosy room like a caged animal. She wished there was some way to speed up the identification process, hoping that the DNA labs were not backed up too much and that there wouldn't be any unnecessary delays in getting the results back to them. Given the nature of the case, she had been informed that a trusted officer would be escorting the evidence through the lab to make sure it was not compromised or 'lost' anywhere along the way.
"Lorna, is there anything you want to know? Anything I can try to find out for you?"
"How did she die?" Lorna responded without preamble.
"The coroner won't know for sure until after the post-mortem but it is a suspected overdose. There were fresh needle marks on the girls arms but no sign of long-term drug use. It didn't look like she had been in the actual water, initial investigation seemed to indicate rather that where she was found was either where she injected the drugs or where her body was dumped." Figuring that as a CSE, she would appreciate having something to visualise as though detached from the scene, Grace supplied more details about the surroundings. "The crime scene examiners have taken impressions of numerous footprints from around the body, the technicians are examining footage from CCTV from every available camera along the stretch of road nearest to that part of the river, there was no drugs paraphernalia found at the scene so we can safely assume it was removed or is long lost to the water by now."
"Who found her?" Still there was no cessation in the Scot's pacing and Grace was beginning to feel a little queasy at the constant motion.
"A barge worker spotted her from the river, called in the coast guard who took a closer look from the water and then called it in to us."
"How likely is that the body belongs to my daughter? Are we talking a vague resemblance or is it just a formality getting the results back? Why don't I just go and look at the body? I'll be able to tell you quicker than the DNA or dentistry results can come back whether it's Katie." Lorna fixed a level gaze on the visiting detective, finally stopping her patrolling long enough to glower across the room determinedly.
"Why put yourself through that?" Moira's voice was soft but filled with steel as she stepped in through the lounge door, closely followed by a pale, drawn, timid-looking Sam.
"What's the alternative? This limbo until the lab jumps through hoops? I need to know… I need to know right now if I've lost my daughter because some sick bastard can't keep it in his pants." Lorna's soft Scottish lilt became more pronounced as she became angrier and more agitated. "I've seen bodies before, I know what to expect."
"This is so very different though, Lorna. You wouldn't be viewing a body with professional, clinical detachment. You could end up haunted by the vision of your daughter on a mortuary slab, don't let that be your abiding memory of her. I'm not even sure it's an option at the moment, not until after the post-mortem has been conducted." Grace advised gently, noticing Sam's reticence to speak up, almost as though she were afraid to draw Lorna's attention to the fact she was still there.
"Then go do your job and find out. I want to see her. I want to see my daughter." Lorna's eyes held a fire in them which Moira reflexively recoiled from, having been on the receiving end of that ire before, many moons ago, and not willing to repeat the experience.
"Lorna…" Moira began before she was cut off.
"Get out, all of you, just get out and don't come back until I can see my daughter!" Lorna screamed ferociously.
Jo allowed herself to be pulled into the bedroom by Lucy, their kiss never ceasing, hands caressing any place they landed. She felt her body responding automatically to the stimulation the young brunette was providing and prayed that her renewed fears regarding her appearance wouldn't prevent them from seeing the evening through. Up until then, Lucy had been nothing but patient and kind, deferring to Jo's wishes to remain fully clothed but it appeared, that night, she wished to feel the press of flesh on flesh.
"Oh God Jo, I want to touch you so much," Lucy purred, hands working the taller woman's belt loose and unfastening the fly with remarkable ease. Jo hissed as the cool evening air wrapped around her now naked legs. The button down shirt she was wearing fell to just below her buttocks, covering the place she most wanted her girlfriend to be. Stepping out of the discarded jeans and kicking them out of harm's way, Jo steered Lucy towards the bed, her hands working to release the brunette from her own attire. Her heart pounded but she quelled her anxiety by assuring herself that Lucy would allow her to keep the shirt on, that being naked from the waist down would suffice.
"Please Luce, touch me." Jo's voice was raspy with need as she sunk onto the mattress and guided the young woman in next to her.
"I want to see you, all of you. I want to lie naked with you and make love to you, body, mind and soul." Lucy murmured, unsnapping buttons as she spoke beginning with those at the very base of the white cotton shirt.
"No…" The word fell somewhere between an order and a plea, Jo's hands trying to stop Lucy's ascent.
"Yes. You are so beautiful, I want to show you that I love every part of you. Please honey, let me love you." Lucy had successfully managed to avoid Jo's questing hands and undone the remaining buttons on the shirt. She ducked her head to kiss the toned, lean stomach she had uncovered, dipping her tongue seductively into Jo's belly button.
"Lucy," Jo whined, caught between her desire and her fear.
Still kissing her way up the writhing torso, Lucy murmured, "so beautiful," into the flushed skin, nuzzling gently the area just below Jo's bra-encased breasts. She pulled the older woman into a seated position, teasing the soft cotton from her shoulders and ridding her of the shirt whilst distracting her with a searing kiss. She concentrated on kissing Jo, on pouring all her love and passion into that kiss, to reassure her girlfriend, pausing and letting her adjust to the lack of barriers between them. When she felt Jo begin to relax, to acclimatise to her near-nakedness, Lucy allowed her hands to draw circles over the expanse of flesh at Jo's back, creeping inwards from her sides, caressing her shoulder blades, drawing ever closer to where the clasp of her bra lay. Expertly, she unfastened it, pressing her hands flat against Jo's skin and holding her against her body as she felt the woman readying to flee. "Stay with me baby," she husked against Jo's lips. She could feel the thundering heartbeat beneath her palms and realised just how petrified the older woman was. Lucy drew back slightly, far enough to see into the other woman's eyes but not so far as to separate their bodies, so as not to leave Jo feeling any more exposed and vulnerable than she already did. "I've got a suggestion that might make this more comfortable for you. How about I nip into the bathroom while you take your bra off and get under the covers? That way, you don't have to be naked in front of me if you're not ready for that yet." Jo simply nodded, unable to speak beyond the lump which had taken up residence in her throat. "Ok sweetie, give me a shout when you're ready." Lucy leant in and kissed Jo one last time before turning her head away and shuffling off the bed, stalking into the bathroom with a seductive sway in her hips.
Jo eased her bra down her arms and off her body entirely. She yearned to grab a baggy t-shirt but knew that would disappoint Lucy so despite her misgivings, Jo climbed beneath the heavy duvet, turning to lie on her side facing away from where her lover would settle and tucked the covers up high around her body. She wanted to make love to the young woman, she truly did, but it was proving too much to cope with, first losing her hair and then being naked for the first time in her company since her surgery. She called over her shoulder to alert Lucy it was safe to re-enter the bedroom, holding the duvet tightly in her clenched fist. She felt her muscles tense at the sounds of her lover's approach, squeezing her eyes tightly closed as the lithe young brunette slipped beneath the covers.
Seeing her girlfriend turned away from her, body coiled with nervous tension, Lucy opted to scoot close behind, making no reference to the fact that Jo was still hiding from her. "Mmm, you feel so good," she whispered as she spooned Jo from behind, her hand grazing across her hip before curling around her abdomen and possessively pulling her tighter against her own body.
"I'm sorry," Jo murmured sadly, wishing she could find the strength of spirit to turn over and face her lover.
"You've nothing to be sorry for, this is perfect for now. I can feel you against me, that's all I need." Lucy dropped a sweet kiss on the back of Jo's shoulder, content for the moment to just hold the other woman, to reassure her that there were no feelings of regret or neglect. After a long, comfortable silence, through which Lucy relished the feel of Jo's muscles becoming more pliant beneath her hands, she whispered seductively, "can I touch you?" Lucy dipped her hand just a little lower on her lover's abdomen to indicate where she meant to touch her.
"You don't have to…" Jo protested, fearing the young woman was only do so out of obligation.
"Oh I know that but I want to. I want to so very, very much," Lucy confirmed.
"You do?" There was wonder and astonishment in Jo's voice, her head twisted around to meet Lucy's gaze. Rather than replying verbally, Lucy lowered her lips to Jo's own in a heated, passionate kiss as her fingers traced a tantalising path ever lower. Gripping Jo's toned thigh, she hiked the detective's leg up draping it over her own hip, granting her greater access to her lover's centre. She let her fingertips graze against the sensitive skin of Jo's inner thigh, pleased to see it quiver in response to her ministrations, assuring her that the other woman was into this as much as she herself was. Lucy slid her fingers through the sparse patch of coarse hair between Jo's legs, pushing lower until she encountered her swollen lips. The brunette parted those lips dipping the barest hint of a fingertip into the hot cavern, not entirely surprised to find it a little dry. She had expected Jo's nervousness and anxiety regarding her body image to overrule her natural responses to desire. Cooing continuous reassurances to her lover, she reached behind her for the bottle she had retrieved when she went into the bathroom and liberally coated her hand with the water-based lubricant. She added a little more to her fingertips before replacing the bottle and returning to her previous position. Dipping her fingers back into the heated core of her lover, she smeared the lubricant through the folds, drawing alternating ever decreasing circles around the older woman's clit and entrance. Jo hissed in a breath at the feel of the cool liquid meeting her overheated flesh.
"I've got you sweetheart. Just relax and let me show you how gorgeous you are, how you drive me wild and make me want to ravish you no matter where we are or who's around." Lucy purred further words of reassurance into her lover's ear as she continued her sensual massage. She slid her fingers through the now slick folds, Jo's own natural juices beginning to flow once more as she succumbed to the ministrations of her partner. Jo moved her leg higher onto Lucy's hip, opening herself up more in encouragement for the other woman to take her. Needing no further invitation, the young woman pressed a fingertip into Jo's core, assessing her body's readiness to accept such an intrusion before pushing further in. She started a gentle rhythm, circling the brunette's sensitive nub with her thumb. The feeling of being loved in this way was driving Jo mad; so much and yet not enough, the light pressure where she needed it awakening a yearning in her stronger than she could have imagined was possible but at the same time failing to satisfy her hunger. She whimpered softly, a quiet keening as she rocked her hips in an attempt to prolong the contact, to deepen the penetration. "What is it, baby? Are you ok with this?"
"More… I need…I need…" Jo's breathing was becoming more shallow as her arousal increased.
Lucy took pity on her, working a second finger into her opening and angling her body so that she could push further, deeper inside, curling her digits as they retreated to caress the spongy area she knew would bring her lover to the brink. "You're so hot, so damn sexy! I love feeling you; feeling your muscles gripping my fingers, feeling your hips grinding into mine, feeling your juices on my hand." Lucy picked up her pace as she spoke, thrusting into her lover with fervour, encouraging her to allow herself the relief of orgasm. Her thumb pressed down firmly on the distended bundle of nerves at the apex of Jo's folds, drawing a low guttural moan of pleasure from the older woman. Moments later, Jo spasmed in Lucy's arms, muscles convulsing as she plummeted over the precipice. Hot tears coursed across her cheeks at the sheer unadulterated joy she felt, the euphoria of lying naked beside her lover in the afterglow of a spectacular orgasm overwhelming her. She felt herself being cradled and gently rocked as she came down, words of affection and support being cooed into her ear.
"You're amazing," Jo breathed once she had recovered sufficiently. Summoning all her strength, emotional and physical, she rolled onto her back and gathered the young woman in close beside her. "I love you so much. Thank you." It was insufficient, Jo felt, to express the depth of her gratitude, but there were no words which would accurately convey that so instead, she allowed her actions to speak for her. She guided the brunette part of the way on top of her so that Lucy was straddling her thigh. She encouraged the lithe woman to ride the firm limb, to bring the release she knew she must be craving. Jo noticed that Lucy was careful to keep her eyes away from the expanse of flesh which was exposed by the movement. Whilst she was grateful for the consideration her lover was showing, she also felt how restrained Lucy was being in her movements and suddenly needed to let her lover explore her as freely as she wanted to. Rather than voicing her wish, she simply reached out for Lucy's closest hand and brought it to rest in the valley between her breasts, eyes imploring the young woman to understand what was being asked of her.
"Are you sure baby?" Jo nodded, eyes dusky with lust as she watched the petite woman's arousal surge. "Any time it gets too much or doesn't feel good, I'll stop ok? You just say the word and I'll stop." Lucy dipped her head, trailing kisses over the exposed collarbone and down each arm in turn, taking care to avoid the PICC line, where her chemotherapy was administered. Her lips traced a path through the valley where their hands had lain entwined, her eyes closing in relieved delight as Jo ran her fingers through Lucy's hair, applying pressure to guide the young woman across to her exposed left breast. She reverently worshipped the pliant flesh; kissing, nipping and sucking, distracting her lover from the path her left hand was taking. She took the taut, erect nipple into her hot, wet mouth, teasing it lightly with her teeth as she allowed her fingertips to graze its twin on Jo's other breast. Jo steeled herself against her natural instincts to shrink away from the contact, willing herself to remain calm, to focus on how it felt for her girlfriend to touch her in such an intimate way rather than give in to the fears regarding her own attractiveness. Sensing the fight raging within the other woman, Lucy placed a gentle palm over Jo's ravaged breast, holding it still and simply cradling it in an almost protective gesture, whilst continuing to worship her other mammary with tender care. Jo felt tears prick at her eyes at the realisation that the intuitive woman could read her so well, could sense her reactions, both conscious and subconscious. The knowledge that she understood through the tensing of miniscule muscles that Jo was battling with herself and had instinctively reacted in a way meant to both soothe and inflame stole the breath from the brunette's lungs. The detective became aware of her lover's mouth moving lower, kissing across the smooth expanse of her stomach, descending ever lower. When that talented mouth latched on to her core, drinking in the evidence of her desire as fast as it produced new floods of arousal, Jo let rip a throaty cry of ecstasy, body convulsing with another strong orgasm.
"Oh… my… God," Jo groaned as she lay spent and sated against the plush mattress. "Damn woman, get up here so I can kiss you senseless!" Lucy chuckled, placing one last gentle kiss against her lover's pubic bone before acquiescing to the request and scrambling back up the bed. She lay in the cocoon of Jo's arm, pulled tightly against her left side, head resting against her broad shoulder as they shared a deep, soulful kiss. With Lucy suitably distracted, Jo allowed her right hand to snake down between their bodies, sliding into the molten heat which heralded the height of her arousal.
"Unnnngghhh Jo." Lucy's voice was thick with desire, her legs parting to grant easier access for her lover. Jo wasted no time in utilising the extra space, plunging two fingers deep into the younger woman's sodden centre, closing her eyes in bliss at the welcoming, wet warmth. Expertly, Jo brought her partner to the brink of her climax multiple times, playing her body like a finely tuned instrument, before finally allowing her to topple over the peak and into oblivion. The buxom brunette was there to catch her lover as she came down to earth again, kissing her face softly and murmuring words of love. They lay entwined for many silent minutes, each basking in the sensations created by the coupling. Feeling her energy levels flagging, Jo clasped her lover's hand in her own and rested them back between her breasts as she succumbed to the pull of sleep. The last thing she was aware of was Lucy pressing a kiss to her shoulder and whispering a heartfelt, "I love you." With an intense sense of acceptance and hope, Jo drifted off into a restful sleep.