Vanessa might not have been the best person to ask even in normal circumstances.
When Phineas tried out her next idea at the dinner table that night, his mother gasped, his father flinched and broke a plate, Candace screamed, and Ferb was flabbergasted. Even Perry had his mouth open in shock.
"What?" Phineas asked. "I'm not allowed to say that Ferb needs to get lai-"
"No, absolutely not," Linda answered angrily. "I don't even know where you learned that language, young man, but it is not welcome at this table! Go to your room, we'll talk more after dinner! You are so busted, young man!"
"Oh, come on!" Candace screamed.
"I mean, I know they're not immune to getting in trouble, towels and all, but seriously? An innuendo? And Ferb wasn't even involved! There's still no justice there!" Candace complained into her cellphone.
"Phineas knows innuendos?" Stacy asked.
"Yes, somehow. He must be going through puberty or something. But, Stacy. Justice."
It should be noted that Phineas was sixteen years old, turning seventeen, and also, when Candace went back into her room, he was rooting through her stuff.
"Hey! Just what do you think you're doing?!" Candace screamed indignantly.
"Oh, just painting my nails-"
"Not you, Stacy! I'll call you back!"
Hanging up, Candace stomped over to her little brother.
"What. Are. You. Up. To."
"Oh, hi Candace. I'm just looking for some magazines," Phineas replied, turning back to rummaging through her closet.
"...what. Why? Are you going to make a giant paper airplane again?"
"Nope.."
"Paper mache praying mantis kite? 3D moving movie set made out of paper? No, a giant tower of paper!"
"Can I start writing these down?" Phineas asked.
"...no. You can't," Candace said, "not until you explain just what you need them for."
Since, well, she may have decided to give up busting her brothers after that whole time loop destroying reality and also an anxiety attack in a crowded hallway sometime in her second year of law school, but that didn't mean she wanted her brothers just doing whatever.
So she had resigned herself to being cautious and wary around this idea, but she was not going to try to interfere or care in any way.
However, Candace's cautious wariness was completely blown away by Phineas' answer.
"I'm looking for the stuff with romance advice!" he exclaimed. "You do have those, right?"
Candace had to physically remember how to pull her jaw closed. She couldn't reply verbally, so she just pointed under her bed and tried to stop having her eyes open so wide.
Phineas thanked her, turned from her closet to her bed, and pulled out said box. He had started to sort through the magazines to find the ones he needed when Candace had recovered enough to ask, "why?"
Her little brother turned his head to look back at her, and like it was the most obvious thing in the world, he said, "for Isabella."
Candace gasped.
"Mom said I can't use the computer for a week, so I can't ask the internet again," Phineas said, "but I really want to get this right. So, um, you don't mind if I borrow these, right?"
"TAKE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM," Candace screamed, rushing over to shove the entire box of magazines into his hands. Phineas then watched as she ran out of the room crying, then heard her scream, "STACY, MY LITTLE BABY BROTHERS ARE GROWING UP INTO TEENAGE BOYS WITH HORMONES" into her phone.
Phineas had absolutely no clue what was up with that, so he just took the magazines and hid in the basement with Perry.
The problem was, every single article he found was related to starting a relationship yourself. There was nothing on how to help your brother and his crush get together! That was seriously a major oversight on the magazine writers' part.
"Oh Perry, I wish I could ask people for help with this," Phineas confessed as he pet his platypus friend. "I mean, I can't ask Ferb how to set him up with Isabella. Same for Isabella. And Buford and Baljeet think I'm talking crazy talk. You don't think I'm talking crazy, do you?"
Perry let out a reassuring chatter.
"Thanks, buddy," Phineas said, before noticing something about the magazine.
It was specifically aimed at girls.
He snapped his fingers together.
"That's it! Girls like romance, right!? And even though I can't ask Isabella, she's friends with an entire posse of girls!"
The redhead didn't see it as he stood up, but Perry was looking at him in confusion.
"Perry, I know what I'm gonna do tomorrow!"
Perry's expression was somewhere between a wince and a "what are you even talking about?"
"Hey Ferb," Isabella greeted the green-haired boy as she entered the Flynn-Fletcher backyard. Ferb was standing atop a ladder, assembling a magnificent structure. "Nice toothpick Eiffel Tower you got there."
Ferb sent her a nod of acknowledgement and thanks, before climbing down the ladder to level with her.
"Where's Phineas?" she asked.
"Grounded."
"Phineas? Grounded?" Isabella asked in shock. "What for?"
Before Ferb could answer, Phineas practically leaped forward from the glass sliding door, scattering the toothpicks and appearing before Isabella in an instant.
"Huh? What-"
"Isabella! Hi! I've been waiting for you- can you help me become a FIreside girl?!" Phineas' words came out in a rush. Isabella was hardly able to understand him, which made it more of a shock when Phineas grabbed her hands and looked up at her with excitement in his eyes.
"Uh, Phineas? What are you… talking about?" Isabella looked to Ferb for answers, but Phineas' brother was just as lost as she was, judging from his shrug.
"I want to become a Fireside Girl! In fact, I've already prepared my uniform!" Phineas exclaimed, pulling at his clothes to reveal his orange shirt and brown skirt.
"How long were you wearing that?!"
"All morning," Phineas replied.
"Okay, but why do you want to become a Fireside Girl? I mean," and this was when she looked Phineas up and down, not sure if she should say the next bit, "aren't you a bit too…"
"Male?" Phineas offered.
"I was going to say old. Aren't you a bit too old to become a Fireside Girl?"
"No, no I'm not!" Phineas answered with a grin.
"Um, okay," Isabella said.
"You said 'okay'?! Great! Let's go!" Phineas exclaimed, already running off. He was going so fast, the wind generated blew the toothpicks into the fence.
"Wait, I was just- That wasn't what I meant!" Isabella yelled after him. "How does he run so fast?!"
Ferb showed her their blueprints for sneakers that helped one run faster than sound.
"Huh. Cool, " Isabella admitted, before an expression of panic set in. "Oh no, Phineas can't become a Fireside Girl!"
Ferb looked at her in concern.
"Oh, I'm fine," Isabella said quickly, "but it takes a week to formally become a Fireside Girl. I think Phineas might explode if he has to wait that long."
Ferb let out a silent chuckle, before gesturing to his older sister's window.
"Yeah, Candace managed to become a Fireside Girl in a day, but that makes it worse," Isabella said. "What if Phineas decides to get every single patch in one day?! No future Fireside Girl would ever be able to top that!"
"Are there no rules preventing boys from becoming Fireside Girls?" Ferb asked.
Isabella paused, before pulling out her Fireside Girl Manual. She flipped through a few pages, grimaced, and kept flipping.
Then, finally, she looked up with a confused expression.
"...no? Apparently, the only thing that can bar you from being a Fireside Girl is 'showing a hatred of animals.'"
"That's odd."
"I know, right?"
"Anyways, we have to stop Phineas from setting impossible standards for generations to come!" Isabella announced. "I can contact the other girls and see if they can delay him long enough for us to find a way to stop him…"
Isabella looked up and found that Ferb was gone.
"Alright, fine, I'll do it alone since I'm the only one who cares about the dreams of little-"
That was when a helmeted Ferb opened the gate, showing Isabella his bike. His bike with the wheels that he had attached rocket boosters to.
"Ferb, you're a genius! We'll catch up to him in no time with these!" Isabella said, closing the gate behind her as she stepped closer. Ferb handed her a helmet. "Thanks! Now, let's go!"
Ferb got on the bike first, letting Isabella climb behind him before taking off.
That was when Linda came out to the backyard.
"Hm. I thought I heard something," she said to herself, before noticing the wooden fence. "Oh no, has our fence always been this… splinter-y? That's not safe at all."
She returned inside to find that Candace had been sobbing over photo albums and how cute and tiny Phineas and Ferb used to be. An amused grin appeared on her lips as she told her daughter, "Now you know how I feel."
"Come in, Fireside Girls!" Isabella called out to her troop on her phone. "Phineas is trying to join the Fireside Girls! We need to stop him!"
"Isn't that a good thing? Then you'd get to spend more time with him," Holly pointed out, making Isabella wince.
"He will either explode from waiting or earn every single patch in one day!" Isabella exclaimed.
There was a moment of silence, before all the other girls spoke at once, admitting that she had a point.
"He should be arriving at the lodge soon! We're right behind him, so just delay him until we get there!" Isabella ordered, just as she felt the rockets sputter out and the bike decelerate. "Uh, Ferb? Why are we stopping?"
Ferb got off the bike, knocking on one of the rocket boosters with his knuckles. Then, he frowned, before taking out a toolbox.
"Ferb, there's no time for that! Let's just pedal!" Isabella said.
The green-haired boy sent her a flat look, causing her to roll her eyes.
"We can do the rocket boosters on the way back."
Ferb nodded, before getting back on the bike and starting to pedal.
"Uh, chief?" Isabella heard Gretchen call out.
"Yeah?"
"He's already here."
If there was anything that was on the Fireside Girls' minds, well, normally it was stuff about patches or, you know, normal teenager things, but that day, the most prominent thought on their minds was a catchy little tune with simple enough lyrics that went a little like this:
'NO PHINEAS, NO, NO PHINEAS! NO PHINEAS, NO, NO PHINEAS!'
"Here, fill out this application, read the training manual, and sign these insurance waivers!" Katie said.
"Alright!" Phineas said, before pulling some weird goggles out of his pocket. The goggles became a headset with mechanical arms armed with pens and way too many lenses, letting Phineas read and sign and write so many papers all at the same time.
"And these liability waivers!" Ginger added, throwing a stack of paper at Phineas. His robot arms just started working through all of them.
"And the non-disclosure forms!" Milly said, throwing another tall stack of paper at him.
"Make your own Fireside Girl uniform… wait, you're already wearing one?!" Katie asked in shock.
"Don't worry about it, I'll be done in-"
"And my summer homework!"
"Adyson, no!" Gretchen exclaimed in horror as Phineas… actually started doing it.
"I think… the summer homework worked!" Holly whispered. "Good going, Adyson!"
"Oh, uh, yeah, I meant that as… just a diversion!" Adyson claimed, smiling sheepishly at Gretchen's indignant glare.
"Insurance waivers, application, liability waivers all done! Homework and non-disclosure forms, still a work in progress!" Phineas informed them, causing the girls to exchange horrified glances.
They then took desperate measures to keep him busy.
"Phineas, fill out this online quiz on zombies for me!" Gretchen demanded.
"Phineas, sign this postcard!" Holly exclaimed desperately.
"Do my homework too!"
"Mine too!"
"Stop that!" Gretchen ordered.
But, despite all their efforts, twenty-eight minutes later, Phineas presented a stack of completed forms, homework done and corrected, an online quiz result, and a signed postcard to the baffled Fireside Girls.
It seemed like all hope was lost, until Adyson came up with an idea.
"Uh, seems that's all in order," she said, "but, we have an informal tradition in this troop. Yeah."
"We do?" Katie asked, before being shushed by Ginger.
"Yeah! We watch... several hours of romance movies! To initiate everyone. So, if you want to be a Fireside Girl, you should watch all those with us!" she claimed, to a chorus of agreements from the others.
Phineas, however, grinned from ear to ear.
"That's perfect! I was trying to get romance knowledge anyways!"
"...you tried to join the Fireside Girls to get romance knowledge?" Holly asked in confusion.
"Well, I thought you girls could, you know, help?"
"...you could have just asked," Gretchen pointed out.
"That didn't seem as fun," Phineas replied.
"Let's just watch the movies and forget about this whole attempted joining thing," Holly said flatly.
"Sure! Let's gossip and give advice during the movie marathon!" Milly exclaimed excitedly.
Very predictably, things got out of hand.
By the time Ferb and Isabella got there, there was a giant palace behind the Fireside Girl Lodge. Buford was guarding the entrance with his trusty velvet rope.
"What… exactly, is this?" Isabella asked the former bully.
"How should I know? I just showed up and started bouncering."
"...okay," Isabella answered.
"May we go in?" Ferb asked simply.
"Are you kidding me?! You can't possibly step into a formal event in your casual clothes! You-"
Buford cut himself off, because Ferb just walked off.
"Hey! That's rude!" Buford screamed, though Ferb wasn't listening. He was busy grabbing his spare parachute out of his toolbox.
"Buford, we've been friends for years. Can you please just let us in?" Isabella asked, batting her eyelashes. "Please?"
"No can do."
Isabella was about to say more, when Ferb threw a parachute around her. She didn't even have the time to ask what he was doing, before he had managed to tie the fabric into a toga-like dress. He even tied the extra string into little string flower accessories.
"Huh," Buford said. "Alright, Isabella, you may proceed."
"But what about Ferb?" Isabella asked.
Ferb pulled a purple bowtie out of his pocket and attached it to his shirt.
Buford scruntized his outfit throughly. A white dress shirt with purple slacks and a matching bowtie...
"Nope, still not good. You're wearing sneakers."
That was when Ferb rolled his eyes and just opened the door himself. He and Isabella walked inside together. Buford was so stunned (and impressed) by the audacity involved that he let them go.
They found themselves in a grand ballroom with gleaming tiled floors and a high ceiling. The Fireside Girls were just putting the finishing touches on the decor.
"Girls, what is this?!" Isabella demanded, almost making Gretchen drop her vase.
"Hi guys!" Phineas said, hanging from the ceiling and working on a giant chandelier. Thankfully, his skirt turned out to be a skort. "Sorry, the place isn't quite done yet, since, well, Ferb-absence-induced time delay. Ferb?"
Ferb immediately threw his brother a wrench.
"Thanks, bro!"
"Uh, we stopped Phineas from wanting to be a Fireside Girl?" Milly offered.
"Yeah, all he wanted was to watch romance movies," Gretchen reported.
"It was fun!" Ginger exclaimed as she hung a painting on the wall.
"I still don't know why we made this," Katie admitted.
"Oh, I liked the castle and architecture in the last one we watched, so I wanted to make something like that, romantic ballroom place included, of course," Phineas said.
"Oh. Okay, then," Isabella said. "I guess… there's nothing really wrong with this. Feel free to continue!"
"Wait, don't you want to stick around?" Phineas asked. "Aren't you going to dance? You're all dressed up for it."
And that was when Isabella went 'what.'
Because, well, if you didn't know that Phineas was trying to get Isabella and Ferb to dance together and get together, it sounded like Phineas wanted her to dance with him.
But Isabella had too many triangle-headed bruises on her heart, so she took a deep breath in, let a deep breath out, and said, "oh, no, I, well, I meant… I came over because I thought you were becoming a Fireside Girl, but the ballroom? Is fine. It's nice. It's good. You can keep going."
The rambling awkwardness was because Isabella felt awkward, since everyone was staring at her. Including Buford.
"But wait, are you dancing?" Phienas asked.
"...sure!" Isabella exclaimed. "Why not!"
She could feel the eyes of her troop, the 'oh my gosh it's your big chance with Phineas' smiles on their faces, so she just kept her forced grin on her face.
She had basically long given up on that… but that didn't mean that she told anyone. It was so awkward to go, hey, remember that thing, that itsy-bitsy crush that you all think is an unchanging core trait of mine? Well, it's gone now, please stop betting on when Phinabella's happening.
So yes. Awkward situation for poor, poor awkward Isabella.
"And th-they were so tiny… remember when Ferb was scared of the dentist?!" Candace sobbed into her hands. She was sitting next to her mom on the couch.
"Yes, yes I do, Candace," Linda said, rubbing Candace's shoulders.
"And Phineas used to be…" Candace didn't even get to finish her sentence before she started bawling.
That was when Candace's phone rang.
"It's Phineas," Candace told her mom in the sobbiest of tones.
Linda just gave her daughter another box of tissues.
"Well, I'll go grab you a glass of water," Linda announced as she stood and went to the kitchen.
Candace honestly was not okay enough to answer, but then she got hit with a bright green laser that made her suddenly start breathing in and out slowly.
("Go back and tell O.W.C.A. that this one is a good one!" Doofenshmirtz yelled at the little teal platypus. "The Take-deep-breaths-inator is a good Inator, for good purposes!"
The platypus conceded his point and left.)
"Hey," Candace managed to say without bursting into tears again. "What's up?"
"Managed to build a hyper-romantic ballroom," Phineas said with a hint of smugness to his voice.
"Ooooh, nice! Are you going to ask Isabella to dance soon?"
"What, why would I do that," Phineas asked.
"...what," Candace said in response. "Why… why wouldn't you? Why did you build a ballroom if you didn't want to dance with your crush?"
"Wait wait wait no. No, wait, I don't have a crush on Isabella. I was calling to thank you for your magazines, because I used it to help Ferb and Isabella get together."
"...Phineas, are you kidding me," Candace said flatly. "They don't even like each other."
"That's what you think, but after you see my presentation on the evidence-"
"You made a presentation?"
"Yeah, but, uh, it kinda exploded."
"Whatever!" Candace exclaimed. "I still say you're completely missing the point, because they don't even like each other! Phineas, Isabella has had a crush on y-"
"They do like each other, and I can prove it!"
"Uh huh," Candace said disbelievingly. "I'll believe it when I see it."
Candace did not know it, but Phineas took that as a challenge. And he was nothing if not a challenge-seeker.
(Except for, like, an inventor, fashion designer, drag car racer, time traveller, etc...)
Isabella sighed, leaning against a balcony railing overlooked by a starry sky, light from the dance behind her illuminating her figure. It was a scene right out of a romance movie, which was what Phineas wanted.
Isabella, however, was not exactly wistfully staring off into the distance. She had been, but then she got distracted by, wait, why is it starry outside, it's four in the afternoon.
She wasn't even surprised when Ferb walked onto the balcony too, leaning on the railing beside her. She just complimented him on the amazing sky design. His response was to pull out a remote and switch through the settings.
"Wow, nice sunset! And sunrise, and-!"
And suddenly, there was snow along the floor, the railing, and snow falling from the sky.
Isabella grinned up at the sky, even sticking out her tongue to catch a snowflake. She blinked when she felt nothing.
"Holograms," Ferb informed her.
"Of course!" Isabella said, feeling a bit embarrassed that she had thought the snow was real. But still, it was so pretty… "You and Phineas really did do a good job."
Ferb shifted, though Isabella could see his lips quirk up, just a little bit.
"So, how come you're out here, instead of dancing up a storm inside?" Isabella asked.
He waved his hand back at her.
"You followed after me?" He nodded. "You shouldn't have, Ferb, I'm alright."
Ferb just stared at her flatly, until Isabella relented.
"Okay," she said with another sigh, "I just… needed a break. I mean, the girls kept looking at me and expecting me to ask Phineas to dance, it felt way too awkward for me in there!"
Another sigh left her lips.
"I kinda just… gave up on Phineas," Isabella confessed. "I don't really want to try that anymore."
She expected Ferb to tell her not to give up, that Phineas had surely grown up enough to notice her now, any one of the platitudes she heard whenever she hinted at her fatigue to others.
But Ferb simply stayed silent. He listened.
"He's a good friend, and I like talking to him," Isabella went on. "But… I don't think he's the type for romance, you know?"
A single nod was her answer.
Feeling emboldened, she went on.
"I mean, he wouldn't just give up inventions for a girl! Even if it were me! If he has a type, it's probably someone who loves the adventures just as much as he does. I like the stuff he does, but they're not really… date stuff." She lowered her voice to a conspirational whisper. "Remember that cruise ship for Baljeet and Mishti he did?"
Ferb let out a silent snort of laughter, making Isabella giggle.
"I like a game of platytennis as much as anyone, but that's not my idea of a date. And, well, I think I might be… growing out of it, anyways," Isabella admitted.
She had wondered about it a lot. Had she mixed up her amazement and wonder at Phineas' deeds with a crush when she was five and kept at it for eight years? Had she slapped Phineas' face onto her ideal partner, since Phineas was the boy she was closest to as she was growing up? Did she genuinely like him, only for years of obliviousness to discourage her to the point of giving up?
"I mean… everything I did always ended with me getting frustrated and disappointed. And even if I got him to like me, it would probably never wind up like my fantasies from when I was seven. But people still think we're meant for each other…"
Another sigh left her lips.
"I think the girls are pretty much seconds away from forcing me and Phineas into a plan to get us together at any given moment."
In her head, she figured it was kind of hopeless the moment that six people had to try and force a guy to even notice her.
Then she heard Ferb clear his throat, bringing her attention back to the present.
"Ah, shoot, sorry, Ferb. I kinda unloaded a lot on you, huh?" Isabella said sheepishly.
"It's alright."
And, after a moment's hesitation, Isabella added, "thanks for listening. It felt nice to get that off my chest."
Ferb gave her a reassuring smile.
"What else are friends for?"
Isabella let out an unexpected burst of laughter at the cliche line.
"Probably ice cream and dancing. Got any masterful moves you want to share, Mr. Mover and Shaker?"
Ferb's grin turned mischievous as he nodded.
Isabella expected him to dance to the classical music they could hear playing inside.
She did not expect him to start beatboxing and breakdancing on the balcony.
It was honestly absurd. A balcony overlooking a holographic lake and snow-covered forest, snowflakes glittering in the light from within, and this boy was doing the moonwalk up the wall.
Isabella couldn't contain her laughter.
Ferb held his hand out to her. She took it without a second thought.
They danced away from the gazes of others in something less than a waltz but more than random flailing. It was a casual, goofy dance between friends, one where Ferb could make exaggerated faces when Isabella stepped on his toes and Isabella could laugh wildly as he twirled her around too fast.
It ended with stumbling feet, rushed bows to each other, and Isabella breathlessly saying, "Thanks, Ferb. That really cheered me up."
Ferb's answer was a happy, quiet smile.
Ferb was Isabella's ride home, so Phineas wound up running back home alone. Not that he minded, since he had a sister to prove things to. He ran towards the house, new USB of proof held tightly in his hand and a bright smile on his face.
He, unfortunately, had no idea about the scientist who left the Take-deep-breaths-inator on random fire mode to provide good to others at random.
See, a bright beam hit Perry as he was pitter-pattering around the house. The platypus took a deep breath in and let out a deep breath, his tail moving with his breathing. His tail wound up hitting a stray baseball, making it meander into the entranceway.
Just as Phineas was entering the house, he wound up accidentally tripping over a meandering baseball. He faceplanted into the carpet, which, unfortunately, was where he dropped the USB during his stumble.
Yep, he wound up stabbing the thing straight through with his nose.
"Phineas, why are you sticking out of the floor?" Candace asked, walking into thehallway.
"Bu-bu-but… the proof… I was so close to showing you…" Phineas said, completely at a loss as to how this had happened.
Candace sighed, before pulling her little brother out of the floor.
"Yeah, proof does that. I'll go get you some ice cream."
"Bu-bu-bu-bu-but…" Phineas said, but Candace had already gone to grab some ice cream from the freezer.
He wound up spotting Ferb dropping Isabella off at her place through the still-open door and ran towards the kitchen to physically drag his sister over.
Unfortunately for him, despite Isabella and Ferb having a full-on conversation involving thanks for the ride home, complimenting the other on their dancing, laughter at jokes, and Isabella calling Ferb a good listener, it did not take that long for someone to cross the street. Even with a bike.
So by the time he and Candace got there, Ferb had put away his bike and had entered the house.
"Oh, good, just in time. I was getting ice cream for everyone. Want some?" Candace asked.
Ferb nodded.
"Bu-bu-bu-but… but…"
Candace just dragged Phineas towards the kitchen by force, Ferb following after her normally.
Linda and Lawrence had the sudden feeling that their kids were all grown up.