Isabella was freaking out.
On some level, she did understand the concept behind punkprincess' suggestion. If she didn't feel anything for Ferb, kissing him would be nothing but awkward and horrible.
But of course, Ferb was a friend and it would be so awkward to just go and kiss him for no reason!
And besides! Isabella was probably just confused. She had gotten over Phineas when she was thirteen, but honestly, what were her other options in guys? Buford? Baljeet? Irving? Heck, she didn't even talk to Django!
It made total sense that she would think she fell for Ferb. He was nice and supportive and sweet and cute and-
And that was why Isabella did not need to kiss Ferb, because she didn't have a crush on him. Case closed, everyone! No need to jeopardize any friendships!
But Isabella could not stop thinking about it. It was a truly troubling thing.
She could not ward away those thoughts, even when she went over and asked what they were doing. Phineas and Ferb hadn't even decided on a thing to do yet, meaning she could not distract herself with building materials and concrete.
Instead, Isabella was sitting on the grass with them, desperately trying to keep her mind blank.
This, of course, failed horribly. She glanced over to Ferb, who had been reading a novel. Again, that infernal suggestion popped into her head.
Isabella was wondering if Ferb's silver tongue would translate into good kissing skills, when Phineas, with an evil grin that stretched from ear to ear, asked her what she was doing.
Isabella let out a yelp, instantly grabbing the nearest thing to cover her blushing face. That thing turned out to be the Official Fireside Girl Badge Composium©️.
Thankfully, Ferb didn't notice Isabella's staring. Un-thankfully, Phineas had. Double un-thankfully, Ferb was now looking at Isabella, wondering what had caused her to yell.
"Um, wow! I just noticed!" Isabella said, trying to act totally cool and casual and friendly, because she was a platonic friend who was not blushing over the idea of kissing one of her best friends, thank you very much. "There are a few patches I didn't get yet!"
This was… borderline true.
Because, well, Isabella and her troop had gotten pretty much every patch there was, no matter how obscure or out-there it was. How-ev-er… there were some patches that were completely and totally optional.
"I mean, I didn't get my…" Isabella flipped through her book for a few seconds. Paused at one page, only to realize that she did get that patch. Kept flipping for a bit longer, then finally hit a patch she didn't have. "My Survive a House Fire patch!"
Ferb gave her a flat stare, only for Phineas to speak up.
"Oh, that's a shame! I'll get working on something to fix that right away!" he exclaimed. "You two stay here!"
Isabella winced.
"You'll be alone… together! Have fun!" Phineas added, before rushing inside.
Isabella felt like banging her head into the nearest hard surface.
How obvious did her crush on Ferb have to be for Phineas to notice so quickly!?
...not that she had a crush on Ferb, mind you.
"I can't imagine that the Fireside Girls would want people throwing themselves into house fires for a patch," Ferb said, shocking Isabella out of her stupor.
"I mean, it is an optional patch!" Isabella said quickly. "It was just an example. I'm not going to try and get it."
Once again, Ferb gave her a flat stare, before gesturing towards the house, silently asking, "and you couldn't say this before Phineas decided to try and set a house on fire for you?"
Isabella answered with, "Phineas will probably just do fireworks or completely safe pyrotechnics. It's fine. It's totally fine."
Ferb still seemed wary, but he nodded along with faith in his brother.
Suddenly, Isabella had an idea.
"But… I didn't get my Foreign Greeting Patch!" she said. "Do you think you could help me?"
Ferb gave her a thumbs up.
"Right, let's start with… French!" she said, thinking in her head that it was now or never. "Bonjour, Ferb!"
And she greeted him with a kiss.
There were several things Isabella noticed just then.
For one thing, Ferb was really tense. Also, his lips were soft, and her heart was racing and oh no, she liked this whole thing.
Unfortunately for Isabella, who was getting into this, this was the moment Ferb pulled away.
"...that is not how the French greet each other," he said, face bright red.
Isabella giggled sheepishly.
"Whoops?"
Phineas, by the way, had seen that. And he screamed.
"Phineas, just what is that racket?! I'm trying to call Jeremy!" Candace demanded as she stomped down the stairs. "Don't make me call Mom and Dad over from the antique store!"
She found her little brother, crouching over a metal contraption, lit blowtorch in hand, while he was completely and utterly distracted by something happening out in the backyard.
"Candace you just missed it, if you were just one second faster you would have-"
"PHINEAS," Candace screamed as she rushed to unplug his blowtorch. "Phineas, do not set the living room on fire!"
"But this machine is supposed to set our entire house on fire," Phineas replied casually, making his older sister's eye start twitching. "Uh? Candace, are you okay-"
"No. No. No! NO! Dismantle that right now!" she ordered. "You are not going to set this house on fire!"
"But-!"
"NO. BUTS."
And so, Phineas did, finishing up just as Candace glanced outside.
"What were you even trying to do? Ferb and Isabella aren't building anything incredibly dangerous," Candace noted, making Phineas pause.
"What are they doing?" Phineas asked, wondering if, maybe, Candace had just caught them-
"They're doing a musical number," Candace answered.
"They're… what?"
Phineas looked back, his jaw dropping at the sight of the two holding microphones with a banner of flags behind them.
He just barely caught the last line of their song before they put everything away.
'Store them in your frontal lobe, these greetings from around the globe!'
"Wh- but… b-bu-bu..."
Feeling bad for her brother, Candace asked him, "so, what was I supposed to see?"
"They were… they were kissing…" Phineas said desperately.
So, Candace opened the door and poked her head out to ask Ferb and Isabella, "hey, what's going on out there!?"
"Oh, hi Candace! I just earned my Foreign Greeting Patch!" Isabella exclaimed happily. "Ferb helped me out!"
"In what country do people greet each other by making out?" Phineas asked loudly, making Isabella blush.
"U-uh, I mixed up a French greeting with a French kiss… thankfully, Ferb corrected me," she said, before turning towards Ferb. "Sorry about that…"
Ferb gave her a thumbs up, signalling that he didn't mind.
"Alright, feel free to carry on," Candace said, before remembering something and sticking her head out again. "By the way, Phineas is NOT allowed to set the house on fire. Do NOT let him do that."
"Ay-ay!" Isabella replied, before Candace returned to addressing Phineas.
"I think you insisting that Ferb and Isabella like each other is still weird and not a thing, but if it were a thing, the mysterious force would probably completely prevent me from seeing it. So sure, fine, try and prove it all you want," Candace told her little brother. "But. You absolutely cannot set the house on fire."
"Okay," Phineas promised.
He then decided to go outside and build a hut, because Candace never said anything about setting other houses on fire.
Thankfully for Candace's sanity, this was around the time that Isabella realized that you needed to be able to replicate your results in an experiment.
So she kissed Ferb again.
It turns out, hey, it was just as nerve-wracking, heart-racing, stomach-dropping, and butterfly-fluttering as the first time.
Though, the sudden screeching sound that left Phineas' throat stunned Isabella into jolting away that time.
"What was that?!" Phineas demanded.
"Dramatic Arts Patch!" Isabella exclaimed quickly. Ferb helpfully lifted up the Official Fireside Girl Badge Composium©️ and pointed to the patch in question.
"Despite Romeo and Juliet's reputation as a love story, it's actually a tragedy," Ferb said.
"It does have a kiss scene in it, though," Isabella noted.
Phineas was about to scream, but then he got hit with a green laser that made him take a deep breath in and out.
So instead of screaming, he just calmly asked, "Isabella… will all the patches you earn today involve kissing my brother?"
And, without missing a beat, Isabella claimed, "First Kiss Patch."
Phineas stared at her for a few seconds. Then he went inside, went all the way up the stairs and to his room, flopped onto his bed, grabbed a pillow, and screamed into it.
The two of them stared at the door until the screaming stopped and mechanical building noises started. Mechanical building noises were a lot more normal around the Flynn-Fletcher house than Phineas screaming, and so the pair felt comfortable going back to what they were doing with no worries.
In this case, that meant that Ferb began to flip through the pages of the Official Fireside Girl Badge Composium©️, only for Isabella to snatch it from his hands.
She was about to list off some excuse about how the First Kiss Patch was in a different edition of the Official Fireside Girl Badge Composium©️ or something, only for Candace's screaming to interrupt her words.
"PHINEAS! STOP MESSING WITH YOUR LITTLE BROTHER'S LOVE LIFE!"
"...you're the little brother?" Isabella asked Ferb.
He nodded.
"I always assumed that you were older," Isabella said, before remembering that her description of her love life online was now incredibly inaccurate.
Thankfully, there were no consequences for this, since no one had recognized her description, right?
Isabella then remembered that Phineas had posted in her topic. And Buford. And Baljeet.
But Ferb didn't see it, right? Right? RIGHT?!
He didn't even seem like the type to use forums!
Isabella's internal freak out session was interrupted by Ferb poking at her shoulder, tilting his head at her to ask if she was okay.
"I-I'm totally fine!" Isabella answered. "Just wondering about… things."
Isabella couldn't handle following up on her failed attempt at an excuse, so she just got up and ready to leave. This entailed normal things like straightening out her clothes, making sure she didn't forget anything, and saying goodbye to her friends.
However, Candace had started yelling at Phineas to stop making whatever machine he was making (apparently it had something to do with fireworks?) again, so Isabella just settled for texting them bye. She was not getting between them.
But for Ferb…
"T-thanks again for helping me," Isabella said. "See you tomorrow."
And Ferb gave her a smile that said he was happy to help.
But Isabella was working on impulse and adrenaline, so before she could lose her nerve, she pressed a kiss to Ferb's cheek and fled.
"BYE FERB," she screamed, running like she could escape the butterflies in her stomach if she just ran fast enough.
She was in such a hurry to leave that she completely missed Ferb staring after her with wide eyes, holding a hand to his cheek as he blushed.
"Oh my god," Vanessa said.
"What is it?" Monty asked, peeking over her shoulder at her computer screen.
"There's a musical number going on in the forum," Vanessa answered.
"What."
She showed him the most recent posts in bow-buff's new update on the terrible crush disaster situation.
bow-buff: I KISSED HIM TWICE AND LIKED IT OH NO I THINK I ACTUALLY DO KIND OF LIKE HIM OH NO OH NO OH NO
duckymomoismyfriend: shhh calm down. scream into a pillow. do the little kickies, it's fine
bow-buff: HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO CALM DOWN I HAVE A TERRIBLE TERRIBLE CRUSH ON ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS WHAT DO I DO
fetchengretchen: you could always ask him out?
bow-buff: NO I CAN'T
byoofthegoof: a young heart in love is such a beautiful thing
sugarspice&everythingnice: you could try… flirting, lol?
bow-buff: How? Even when I was completely obvious his brother never noticed!
Silverguitar: I think I have a song that might help you out with your flirting problems.
That was when Silverguitar managed to somehow give the younger girl love advice through a musical number through the internet.
Vanessa's eyes widened in horror when she heard Monty singing along, only for her voice to join his.
She tried in vain to resist singing along. But she couldn't. The two of them sang backup as the internet guy went on and on about his crush on a girl who lent him a pencil in elementary.
Externally, they were beautifully singing verses of love. Internally, Vanessa was begging for the song to be over and done with. She was also wondering how much of a romantic disaster Silverguitar was, because the lyrics were about this guy taking photos of his crush for a class that didn't exist, trying to call her all day, making her name out of gelatin, and one time inviting her to a car wash.
Yeah, the dude offered to protect this girl from a car wash.
Thankfully, the sudden opening of the door jolted the pair out of their trance.
She could vaguely hear Monogram asking if Perry had really dealt with her dad's most recent Inator so quickly, while Perry just chattered in response. But that wasn't important.
The important thing was that she and Monty were safe from the singing.
The second most important thing was that Vanessa had a mission to carry out, and she did so with fervour in her eyes and passion in her heart.
punkprincess: don't do a SINGLE THING Silverguitar just recommended!
punkprincess: just invite this guy to the movies or make out with him some more or grab dinner or coffee with him! flirt with him like a normal person would!
duckymomoismyfriend: yeah, drop by his job with binoculars and take pictures and flirt.
punkprincess: ARE YOU TRYING TO GET HER ARRESTED?!
duckymomoismyfriend: it worked for me!
Vanessa stared at her computer screen for a few more seconds, before formally introducing her head to her desk.
That was when Monty started patting her back in an attempt to be reassuring.
"I can't handle this. I can't handle the sheer strength of this terribleness," Vanessa said.
Of course that meant she would be watching the drama with popcorn for hours on end, who did you even think she was?