CHAPTER THREE

INSTINCTS

By the time Lucy completed the three letters and sufficiently packed up her belongings, it was nearly 9:30 at night. All three were secured in their own envelopes, addressed to each of the intended readers in neat handwriting. There was a mental debate over how the letters would be delivered, but her fear of approaching the guild hall so soon kept her from taking them on foot. Instead she settled for leaving them displayed on her bedroom desk for whoever decides to search for her first.

With the help of Virgo and Loke, Lucy had packed up a small bag of jewel, a sleeping bag, some parts of her first aid kit, and a few pairs of clothing. Going through her closet had been a chore, as most of the cheerful colored clothes that consisted of mainly skirts and tank tops didn't seem to fit her current mindset. The idea of walking outside with such a loud outfit left her stomach twisting in knots. She would rather avoid any extra attention than is necessary.

Virgo had noticed her troubled thoughts, and returned to the Celestial Spirit world in search of attire better suited for her needs. When she returned, she held various dark brown, green, and purple clothing that didn't stand out as much as her bright pink shirt. She also came armed with a pair of hiking boots and a pale black cloak which Lucy made a grab for first.

"Wow Virgo," Lucy gasped as she pulled the heavy fabric between her fingers, "This is perfect."

Not only would it cover her face from passing strangers, but it would ease her own mind to have a protective layer over her clothing. It was an item that hadn't crossed her mind during her scrimmage through her closet, but she was grateful Virgo seemed in-tuned with her current desires.

The blonde turned to Virgo with her gratitude plastered on with a teary smile, "Thank you."

The maiden spirit bowed gracefully, "Anything for you, Princess."

Lucy gathered the new clothes, choosing to change into a new pair of dark jeans and a long sleeved purple shirt, and tucked the rest into her travel bag. After her bag was zipped up and packed full, she pulled the cloak over her shoulders and button it closed over her collar bone. The fabric was long enough to end just above her ankle, which gave her enough room to comfortably walk or run without dragging it through the dirt.

"Lucy," Loke approached her with her brown pouch filled with her Celestial Keys in hand, "Are you sure you wanna do this?"

"Yeah," Lucy grabbed her keys and attached them to her hip, "I'm sure."

As Lucy grabbed for one of her keys, preparing to summon a spirit, Loke spoke up again, "But your magic energy is still so low. I can ask him to visit on his own, you know."

Lucy solemnly shook her head, "I have to get stronger. I won't be doing myself any favors by letting you guys do all the work for me."

Loke refrained from making anymore objections and instead stepped back to stand beside Virgo once more. He wholeheartedly believed in Lucy and her abilities, but that didn't stop him from worrying about her. He would follow her where she chose to go, whether that was to leave Fairy Tail entirely or not. He had faith in her even when she didn't have it in herself.

Lucy took her stance in the middle of her bedroom, preparing her voice and body for her next move. Summoning a spirit had never been quite as nerve wracking and anxiety inducing as it was in the moment. She knew it was irrational of her to fear her magic. She's lived with Celestial keys her entire life. She's become accustomed to having these eternal being by her side, as her friends. Yet here she was, terrified of summoning one of her closest friends, over a bright light.

There wasn't any getting around this if she wanted to summon her spirits on her own. If she couldn't do this, she might as well quit Fairy Tail and find a new home for her keys. This was just step one of her journey.

Without any more second thoughts, Lucy thrusted her hand in front of her, letting her limited magic power course through her veins, "Open! Gate of the Giant Crab!"

As predicted, a pale yellow light illuminated from the key in Lucy's hand. Panic was crawling up her throat when she realized the light was actually touching her, which meant that soon it would engulf her and the pain would be back. But when the light subsided and all she felt was the familiar dull pain she'd been carrying since yesterday, she let out a sigh of relief.

When the room cleared, Cancer was posed in the middle of her apartment, scissors in hand, "Lucy, baby," his voice was smooth and soft as he snipped his scissors to his words, "I hope you're feeling cool."

Lucy replaced Cancers key, already feeling drained from opening his gate, "Much better," she gave him a grin, "Thanks Cancer."

The crab spirit flashed her a smile of his own, "What's on the menu today?"

"Actually," Lucy sat herself down on her desk chair, "I need you to cut my hair."

"Cut your hair?" Loke inquired from his seat on her bed.

"Yup, I want it short and uninteresting, throw in some hair dye too," She tossed her long blonde hair behind her shoulders, "Can you help?"

"Hair dye?!" Loke jumped to his feet and shoved his way between Lucy and Cancer, "What if you hate it?! You've always loved your hair!"

"Loke, it's fine," Lucy soothed the man that looked about 10 seconds away from bursting at the seams, "Cancer can always bring my hair back to its original form. If I desperately miss my old hair, I can ask for it back. Right, Cancer?"

"Right on, baby."

Loke didn't budge from his spot, his outstretched hand twitching in front of Lucy's face. He wasn't sure what possessed him to become so overprotective of Lucy. It's as if his perception of her has changed ever since he saw her so vulnerable. He can't bring it past himself to forget her shaken form, and every inch of him screamed to watch out for her.

As Lucy gently pushed his hand downwards, he finally relinquished his defiance. After all, she was right. She could always bring her hair back to its former self if she wanted to. Loke slowly stepped to the side, allowing Cancer to get to work on Lucy's hair.

Both Virgo and Loke swayed side to side to catch every precise move Cancer made near Lucy's head. The crab spirit spirit worked diligently fast, finishing in record time. As he stepped back from the chair Lucy sat at, all three occupants of the room surrounded her with various expressions of aw.

"Wow," Loke coughed, "You look nice as a brunette."

"Leo doesn't want to admit his faults," Virgo prodded with a smirk.

"Shut it, Virgo," Loke groaned, giving Virgo a scowl and jab to the side with his elbow.

Lucy chuckled and shook off her spirits bickering. Already she felt a difference with how lightweight her hair head felt. She stepped into her bathroom, finally seeing her reflection for the first time since she returned from her mission with Team Natsu.

Her newly dyed brown hair was cut just above her shoulders, and framed her swollen face evenly. A part of her felt instant regret curl in her chest, and she felt pointless tears begin to surface in mourning of her lost blonde locks. She needed to avoid attracting attention to herself, which her bright hair in it's signature hair style would do. Over time, she had become a recognizable face at Fairy Tail, especially with her being in Fairy Tails strongest team. If she were to leave looking like herself, she'd be instantly spotted and her efforts would be for nothing. She didn't have any intention of being found until she was ready to confront everyone again.

Besides, just like she told Loke, she can always transform into her old self with Cancer's help. That was a huge motivation for her to work harder.

Examining the rest of her body lead her to the sight of her scorching skin. Gently running a finger across her forearm left her hissing in pain. It was reminiscent of a sunburn and a rug burn mixed, and multiplied by 10. Overtime the burning sensation increased, to the point that even clothing gently rubbing against her body was becoming an issue. She may have a serious problem on her hands if she doesn't handle this rash soon.

She's aware Loke is keeping watch on her health, and she's sure if she gives him an inch of space to push her around he'd have her in a doctor's office in the next minute. She did promise him that she'd see someone, and he respected her wishes to leave town before finding that someone. She just hoped she didn't collapse before she got there.

Lucy reached her hands up to her hood, letting it fall over her face and shield her eyes. She felt a minuscule smile across her face, and an ounce of confidence was winding up within her. There was just one last item on her check list before she was ready to leave. Reaching into her bathroom cabinet, she pulled out a roll of bandages from the remnants of her first aid kit she hadn't already packed. Her right hand extended from the safety of the cloak. Her eyes brushed over the pink Fairy Tail mark she spent so much of the last few years staring at in astonishment.

Every mission, every fond memory, every guild celebration, was etched into her memory. All of them were linked to this symbol that she was lucky to bear. It was one of her most prized possessions, and it hurt her deeply to do what she was planning. Taking the end of the bandages, she began wrapping from her palm around the back of her hand until the entire mark was covered up in stark white cloth. As the pink mark disappeared from her view, she kept telling herself it was for her safety, so no one reported her to the guild or the magic council. If someone decided to post her as a missing person rather than heed her words and let her be, she would be the first suspect with a Fairy Tail guild mark on display. She couldn't risk it, even if the covered mark gave her a deep heartache.

Lucy gave herself one more good look into her mirror. It hasn't been more than two days and she's already changed as a person drastically. The thought of cutting and dying her hair would have had her sobbing just last week. She always took pride in her looks, but now that she was a swollen red mess, the desire to stay pretty was faded from her priorities. The only thing she should be worried about it getting stronger, so she doesn't disappoint Natsu again.

The now-brunette turned away from her reflection, turning off her bathroom light as she exited towards the rest of her spirits. All three gave her soft smile, Loke having calmed down from his mini freak out over Lucy's hair.

"Thanks for your help Cancer," Lucy said as she approached him, "You can head back now."

Cancer gave her grin and snip of his scissors before disappearing into his own pale light. Lucy felt pride in herself for only flinching slightly rather than panicking as she did early. She could tell both of her spirits were thinking the same thing with shared looks they both had.

"Well," Loke started with a survey of the apartment, "Looks like that's everything. Are you ready to head out?"

Lucy let her fingers brush against the nicely laid out letters. One to Fairy Tail, the guild as a whole that she'd called home for so long. One to Master Makarov, the person closest to a father figure she had in her life at the moment. Lastly, one to Natsu. The boy, no, the man who captured her heart and who she had failed to protect.

She dropped her hand to her side and bent down to pick up her travel bag, "Yeah, let's go."

As her hand encircled the shoulder strap, Loke's hand was on hers, "Hey I can carry this for you. You're still weak."

Lucy instantly stood with her arms crossed across her chest. Her stubborn nature was peaking through the cracks of depression, and Loke was secretly relieved to see something other than the sad shell she had become. Her eyebrows scrunched together and her lips were pursed as she spoke to him, "Loke, you've been mother henning me since you got here!"

"No I haven't!" He chimed back, but had a hard time keeping his pleasure out of his voice.

He never thought he'd enjoy arguing with a female, but there was always room for firsts.

"I agree," Virgo added, "Leo has been excessively hen like."

Lucy placed her hands on her hips, letting the cloak drape over her arms, "Quit worrying so much about me, when's the last time you returned to the spirit world, hm?"

Loke blanched at his master, finding himself in a rather peculiar position, "Uhh…"

The brunette sighed with a hint of humor in her voice, "Please get some rest. I don't want you getting hurt by being out here too long," Lucy turned her attention to the other party, "You too Virgo."

"I'm not leaving you alone," Loke demanded as worry began to set in, "I stayed out here for three years once, one day won't matter."

He wouldn't be able to live with himself if something happened to her and he wasn't there. He needed to be there with her, if not for her then for his own state of mind. He made a promise to protect her, and he wouldn't fail her.

"Days add up, Loke. I don't want to risk it," Lucy shook her head, letting her gaze fall to his feet, "I don't want to lose any of you, or cause you any pain."

Loke pondered his options, desperately trying to find some sort of loophole that would allow him to stay longer. He hated worrying her, and staying in the human world would only make that worse. She was naturally protective of her spirits, so it was in her very essence to look out for him and the rest of her keys.

Finally, Loke gave in, "Fine, I'll head back. But I'm returning later!" He pointed his finger at Lucy childishly, "And I'm sending someone else out in my place."

Lucy dropped her arms to her side with a satisfied smirk playing on her lips, "Alright, I can agree to that."

Loke turned to Virgo, initiating her leave himself. She gave Lucy a customary goodbye before disappearing back to the spirit world, leaving only Loke and Lucy once more.

"Thank you for everything," She spoke with sincerity and meek smile.

"It no problem Lucy," He responded as his body began to morph with the yellow light surrounding him, "I'll send someone in a second."

Once he was gone, Lucy was alone for the first time since she woke up. The first thing she noticed was the deafening silence that seemed to ring in her ear. It left her feeling on edge, like something would pop out from the corners any second. Shiver ran down her spine and for a moment she felt stuck in place. Her inclination to leave was multiplying as the seconds past.

Without any more hesitation, she picked up her travel bag and set off into the world.

ONE WEEK LATER

When Natsu awoke, it wasn't with a slow, gentle head rub. Nor was it a nudge to his shoulder. In fact, he woke up by himself with a foreboding feeling in the pit of his stomach. His consciousness was wrenched out of whatever dreamland he had conjured up, leaving him staring up at the light above him with a strain in his head.

He rubbed the sleep from his eyes with rough hands. His muscles felt stiff from disuse, which left him wondering how long he'd been laying there. His memory was hazy, but given he was alive he assumed the job was completed. The dragon slayer sat up on the bed that he found himself on. Looking around, he realized he was in the Fairy Tail Infirmary, which he wasn't too surprised about. The amount of times he found himself here was enough to warrant it the name of his third home, Lucy's apartment being his second.

He stretched out his body, pulling on bandages around his torso in the process. He glanced down to note the damage, but all he could see was bandages around his exposed chest. Yet he felt no pain.

Natsu shrugged it off, and instead pushed himself off the bed and towards the door. He could tell from the window that the day was still early, so most of the wizards should be in the guild hall. As he opened the door and approached the main hall, he could only pick up a few quiet conversations. Normally his hearing was better than the average humans, but he's blaming the undetermined amount of sleep and the worsening pain in his head for his inability to make out what anyone was saying.

The hallway from the infirmary was empty as one would expect, so Natsu's trek to the large open room was uneventful. That is, until he appeared in the archway and nearly everyone exploded into cheers. The entire guild was surrounding him, asking him a million questions at once but none of them reached his brain. He pulled back from the crowd of people, trying his best to understand what they were saying, but only one word made it through his cloudy wall of a consciousness.

Lucy.

"YO!" Natsu shouted above everyone, causing the wizards to quiet their onslaught of words, "Everyone talkin' at once is makin' my brain hurt!"

The crowd around Natsu backed away with solemn looks on their faces. The pain in his head began to grow as he tried to listen in to the whispered conversations around him. The only word he was able to catch is the same word he heard just a moment ago, Lucy.

"Natsu!" Mirajane approached him from behind.

Even her soft voice had his head rolling forward in pain. He brought his hand up to cradle his forehead, lightly pushing on his temple to ease the discomfort as he turned to the white haired woman.

"Yeah, what's up Mira?" He tried his best to make his voice not sound annoyed but he currently felt like his head was split in two so he's not so sure if he succeeded.

The girl was wearing a distressed expression, something he hadn't noticed was on quite a few of the guild halls visitors. She eyed him up and down before taking his forearm and dragging him back to the infirmary. The pink haired boy had no objections about leaving the rowdy crowd and allowed the girl to lead him away.

He was sitting on the hospital bed again, with Mira checking over his "wounds", which weren't actually wounds since he was completely healed. She had unraveled the bandages around his torso leaving him exposed from the waist up. Her fingers poked and prodded at his back and the fight that was dormant deep inside him made no move to stop her with the spiked rock that seemed to be floating around his head just to spite him.

After her cold fingers stopped touching his skin, the bandages were disposed of and she returned with a cup in hand, "Drink this, it'll help the headache."

Without any thought, Natsu did as he was told. He was expecting water but whatever he had ingested tasted more like rotten grape juice to him. Just as he was tempted to spit it out. Mira's voice deepened, "Don't you dare, Natsu."

And so, out of pure fear, Natsu swallowed the concoction without any further trouble. He wasn't expecting any sort of instant relief, but he wasn't complaining when the world suddenly made sense again and the voice around him didn't make him want to pound his head in.

"Dang Mira!" He exclaimed with much more energy than he had a few minutes, "Whatever you just gave me was a life saver!"

Mirajane chuckled as she cleaned up the empty glass. "It's a magic remedy potion Levy and Wendy cooked up for you."

"Well I guess I'll have to thank them!" Natsu jumped up from the hospital bed.

He scanned the room in search of his vest, but after a few seconds without instantly finding it, he figured he could just pick up a new one at home. It wouldn't surprise him if he lost it on the mission but he also couldn't be bothered to look much harder for it. At the very least, he still had his scarf and that's what he really cared about. A shirt could always be replaced.

Just as Natsu was about to exit the room once more, Mirajane reached a hand out to stop him. Her fingers landed on his shoulder, gripping onto his scarf. Her face held a sadness that he hadn't seen since she believed Lisanna to be dead. His mind instantly flooded with possibilities, and none of them were pleasant. What could possibly cause such a cheerful person to be reduced to this?

"Mira," He swallowed the lump in throat and pushed away the anxiety creeping into his mind, "My team… is everyone okay?"

Mira refused to meet his eyes, regretting that it had to be her to deliver the news to Natsu. She could only imagine the world of anger he might encompass himself into. He and Gray had always had their issues, but this very well may be the final straw. But a selfish part of her wanted Natsu to know as soon as possible, if only because he has the best chance out of any of them at getting Lucy to open back up to them.

Nearly everyone in the guild had paid the blonde a visit to her home bearing gift baskets, books, and various other treats. Gray and Erza arrived first with apologies and hope, but their knocks received no answers. Levy and Gajeel came next with Lucy's favorite novel, though still, she refused to open her doors. Mirajane, Elfman, and Lisanna visited with a fresh batch of cookies and some warm tea that only cooled on her front doorstep.

Eventually nearly all of the guild had tried to entice her outside, yet nothing worked. No one had seen or heard from her since that night, and no one wanted to intrude on her if she'd rather be alone. Instead, they waited impatiently for Natsu to awaken. Maybe then, the Celestial Spirit mage will let someone in.

"Erza and Gray are okay," She began with a low voice, "Wendy's been a bit shaken up but Happy and Carla are taking care of her."

The missing name did not go unnoticed by the dragon slayer. If anything, it only made him more aware of the situation. His instincts were telling him something was terribly wrong. He felt the need to protect, to defend, to attack. Yet he couldn't warrant any such actions without an answer about the only word he's been been able to process since he woke up.

"Lucy?" He almost didn't want to ask, the fear that something might have happened to her picking away at his self control.

"Last I checked, she's okay," Mirajane responded, finally looking up to meet Natsu wide eyes, "No one has seen her in a week."

"A week?" He tried to force his rapidly beating heart to calm. His mind was a whirlwind of confusion and anxiety. He hardly remembered what happened before he was hit, and he couldn't continue to imagine what might have occurred while he was down.

Had Lucy really been away for a week? Has he really been unconscious for a week? Both seemed hard to believe, but Mirajane never had any reason to lie to him before. It just seemed so odd to Natsu that Lucy would be hiding from the guild for so long. She loved Fairy Tail just as much as he did, and he had faith their guild members would do anything in their power to help her if she was in need. So that left the burning question in his mind, "Why?"

Mirajane refused to look away as her eyes filled with tears. What emotion Mira was feeling was lost to him with his own thoughts jumbled in his mind. It appeared as a mix of worry, or maybe anger or guilt, but he had no intention of finding out. Processing anything other than the sinking feeling in his chest was springing flaring panic in his brain. His mind was screaming at him to run in the opposite direction. Not to run away, but to run towards the only person who can relieve this frenzy in his head. So he can reassure himself that the person he cared about most didn't have a gaping wound in body or soul.

But he was frozen in his tracks, begging Mira to give him an answer. All she gave him was a shake of her head, and it was enough of a reason for Natsu to justify abandoning the conversation before was out the door and running through the guild hall with a rabid look in his eyes. Voices called out to him, but his legs refused to stop. His instincts were screaming at him to hurry, because one week was long enough for internal scars to dig deep or for physical ones to make their mark. He was preparing for the worst case scenario, because he had nothing to go off of. He wasn't even sure if he was going to the right place.

Lucy could be kidnapped, lost in her own mind, or 6 feet underground right now and he'd have no idea. He'd be none the wiser to her decaying body or her blood curdling tears. She might have been calling out his name for the past seven days while he was sleeping peacefully in a hospital bed. He shook his head in frustration, willing the dark thoughts out of his mind as he advanced closer to his destination. He could just be overreacting.

Without much information to go off of, Natsu ran to the first place he could think of. His second home and first choice of comfort, Lucy's apartment. He slowed to a stop in front of the building. The neighborhood felt just as homey and lively as it normally did with the passing families and familiar boaters, though Natsu couldn't calm the fire within him. As various people passed, waving their greetings at the dragon slayer, he stayed put on the cobblestone path.

He debated for a moment about which entrance he should take. Lucy had never been fond of him entering through the window, but he wasn't sure if he could handle waiting in front of her front door with a tentative knock. He'd never been a predictable person who followed societal norms, so the window was his choice. He quickly scaled the wall until he was perched on her window sill. The inside of her apartment was shielded by her light pink curtains but a light push on the wooden frame allowed him access. Although he was happy he was able to enter easily, he made a mental note to scold her for not locking her window to avoid crazy men from breaking into her apartment.

Yes, crazy men like him.

Natsu stepped through the opening between the curtains, landing directly on her perfectly made bed. Her bedroom was dark and silent, save for his own labored breathing. As his eyes adjusted to the lack of light, he noticed the entire room was void of any living creature. He tried to force his worry down, but he was alarmed not only by the empty room, but the distant smell. Lucy's scent, just as he always remembered it, was faded. He knew instantly that she hadn't been home for some time. The only thing keeping him sane was that it was only Lucy's scent and some of her spirits scents that seemed to have intruded the unit.

At the very least, he knew no one had infiltrated her home. The tiniest ease to his troubled mind was welcomed.

He pushed himself off her bed and searched for the light switch blindly before surveying the rest of the apartment. Just as he had assumed, the rest was just as empty as her bedroom with the same lingering scents of Lucy, Loke, and two of her celestial spirits. There was nothing foreign, which he was thankful for, but the panic was still ever so present in his chest.

His best friend was missing, and he was asleep the whole time. He growled in a deep voice as he grabbed his hair in frustration. Confusion wracked his brain. He couldn't compute why or how this was happening. He couldn't sense any signs of a struggle, nor did he have any answers from his guild. His memory only served him the image of Lucy's face of anguish as he fell into her arms. What had happened after he failed to take down that mage? Why wouldn't Mira tell him?

Natsu threw his hands to his side. Lucy's faded scent was suddenly overwhelming, like it was mocking him because he didn't have her here with him. He felt an itch in his palm to punch something, but the thought of damaging anything of Lucy's when he still had no idea what was going on was keeping him at bay.

He began pacing, trying to formulate a plan in his head. He needed to talk to the rest of his team and find out some answers. Obviously something was wrong and Mira didn't seem to want to be the one to tell him. He hadn't seen any of them in the guild, though he also wasn't exactly paying too much attention to who was near him when he was in the main hall.

As Natsu made a quick left to begin walking back towards the bedroom door, Lucy's immaculate desk paused his movement. Three carefully placed letters were organized with gold seals over the flaps, each corner placed over another. As he neared closer, the familiar writing stood out to him. In Lucy's handwriting, the letters were addressed to Fairy Tail, Master Makarov, and himself: Natsu.

Without much thought, he reached for his letter between the others. He was rather delicate with the envelope, which was unlike himself. He was careful with the nicely folded paper meant for him as he unfolded it, revealing words that hopefully lead him to the girl he wants to see most.

Dear Natsu,

I'm so sorry. You came to save me when I was down and I couldn't protect you when you needed me. I'm not worthy enough to be in Fairy Tail or in your team. We aren't on the same level, in strength or in power. I've only been weighing you down and causing everyone grief. I don't deserve your kindness or your help if I can't be there for you too.

I need to be stronger before I can call myself a Fairy Tail Wizard, before I can call myself your equal. I don't ever want to be the reason you never wake up again. I failed you, Gray, Erza, Wendy, and even Happy and Carla. I failed all of Fairy Tail, and until I can handle things on my own, I don't deserve to come back.

I'm leaving to work on myself and my strength. I don't know when I'll be back or how long it'll take, but I intend to return when I feel it's right. It may be months, or it could take years, but I will return eventually. Maybe by then you can forgive me for nearly giving you an early grave.

Please don't search for me, I don't want to be found. I need to do this for myself, and for you. I can't live with myself if I ever cause you such pain again. I'll be sending rent money every month until I return, but other than that I will have no contact with anyone inside Magnolia. Thank you for everything you've done for me. You mean more to me than you'll ever know, which is why I can't risk losing you over my stupidity.

Take care of yourself, Natsu. Try not to fight with Gray too much. He just cares for you, like I do. He's looking out for you, so don't take it out on him. He's justified in his anger, he just wants what's best for you. And right now, that's not me. But one day I hope I am. That's what I'm working towards. Maybe when I come back, I'll be someone you can be proud of too.

Sincerely,

Lucy Heartfilia

Light tears drops began smudging the paper as Natsu reread the words directed towards him. His mind wasn't processing what Lucy had written for him anymore, instead he felt despair leaking through his bones. The paper shook in his hands as he tried reading through the first line once more. He was trying to understand in his head what could have possibly happened during this week to make Lucy want to leave. Why did she feel like she wasn't worthy of being a part of Fairy Tail? How did this idea get wormed into her brain and drive her to run away? And why would she spend a paragraph defending Gray of all people?

Please don't search for me.

Natsu snarled as he jumped into a standing position. With the letter laying alone on the floor, he tore through Lucy's desk in a frenzy. He was searching for anything, any clue as to where she went. He just needed something to go off of. He would search the whole world for her if he had to, "Fuck this Lucy," He growled as he a pile of papers flew from the desk drawer, "I'm finding you whether you like it or not."

After finding nothing in the first drawer, he checked the second which yielded the same results. The third drawer was smaller than the others, and was rather empty. The only thing sitting at the bottom was an expensive looking pen and a pink and gold lined notebook. The way it was placed so meticulously had Natsu halting his messy movements. He handled this book with care, flipping through the pages until he reached the first one.

A Hearts Tamer

Written by Lucy Heartfilia

Natsu instantly shut the book, refusing to read any more as reality settled in. Everything that had occurred in the past ten minutes was finally making sense in his brain. Something happened while he was asleep to make Lucy want to leave. She left to get stronger, and left her most prized possession in her unguarded apartment. The novel she never let anyone besides Levy read was left behind for anyone to find.

He stared at the cover of the notebook with a numb feeling taking over. His tears had stopped, and his hostility was only just beginning, but for now he remained stoically calm while in the presence of the one thing Lucy cherished as much as her spirits and guild mates. He could leave it here just as she did, but he refused to leave her hard work unprotected. This work of art meant something to Lucy, and he made himself personally responsible for preserving it until it made its way back into her hands.

Finally, Natsu's panic had subsided into something more tame-able. Instead he had a fury burning deep inside him for whoever was responsible for this mess. They'd had close calls before, and Lucy had never reacted like this. Someone had to have caused this train of thought and he was determined to find them. He was itching to fight ever since he woke up, and he was sure he'd get a good punch in before he left to find Lucy.

Natsu grabbed the remaining two letters along with his own and placed them between the pages of the notebook. He quickly cleaned up the mess he made before disappearing out the window towards the Fairy Tail guild hall, intending to get some answers.

THREE DAYS AFTER DEPARTURE

Lucy had made it 20 miles before she was swaying back and forth on the dirt road, begging for sleep to claim her. Her feet and muscles ached from the endless walking and her skin was growing more and more irritated as time went on. Rather than taking the train to the small town she had planned to travel too, the Celestial Wizard had chosen to travel the entire way on foot with various spirits eager to accompany her. Her weariness to ride the train was explained by her fear of being recognized so close to home. If anyone were to notice her so soon and told anyone where she had traveled too, she'd just be leaving a map of her trail behind.

So for three days, Lucy Heartfilia had been limping her way, with minimal rest breaks, out of Magnolia and back down towards the small town of Carbume. The same town she had just returned from with a failed mission and an unconscious dragon slayer. The travel time was increased drastically by her choice to walk and only multiplied further with her inability to speed up much more than a hobble. She denied aid from any of her spirits to assist her, but she was beginning to regret her stubbornness as her flaming skin was approaching the height of her pain tolerance.

Loke had remained by her side constantly after the first day when Lucy had begun to lose track of time and subsequently forgot to order him back to the spirit world. His concern was only growing with each passing hour as he witnessed Lucy's reddened skin darken in the sun. Her moves became sluggish and her words were less frequent, but that wasn't even his biggest concern. What had been plaguing his mind most was why Lucy's magic energy hasn't been restoring properly. She had remained low on power and her body didn't seem to be able to regenerate it. He hated to let his mind wander, but without any answers he was left with only his imagination.

The brunette trailing next him fumbled on a rock, barely catching herself before she face planted into the dirt below. He reached out a hand to steady her only to pull away when she flinched away from him. She refused to meet his eye as she continued her snails pace.

"Lucy, please let me carry you," Loke pleaded from beside her.

"No," She replied with closed eyelids as she staggered forwards

He wasn't too pleased to say he and Lucy had been having a fair amount of arguments lately, but he hasn't regret a single word. He had been harping on her to rest for at least an hour, and it seemed the more often her requested he to stop and rest, the more agitated she became with him. She declared that she didn't need his help, or that she could make her own decisions, which he was respectful of. She was determined to do things on her own, that much was apparent. But when her choices are directly affecting her health, he can't help but step in to be the joy kill.

"You can't keep going like this. You're going to end up killing yourself if you keep this up!" Loke jumped in front of the girl, causing her to bump into his chest.

She fell backwards with a disoriented look, blinking her eyes into awareness. Loke stared with intense eyes as she returned to her tenacious behavior, "I'm fine, Loke."

As she tried to continue, Loke put his hand on her shoulder to halt her movements, "We've barely gotten half of the way there. At this rate, it'll take us over a week to get to Carbume."

Lucy seemed to widen her eyes in surprise before erasing the expression from her face and attempting to shrug off his hand, "If it takes a week then it takes a week. I'm not going to treat you guys as my personal taxis."

"Would you stop thinking like that?!" Loke's voice rose slightly, "None of us think you're using us!"

They both remained silent, each watching for each other's next move. For a moment, Loke thought his words might have finally struck a chord deep in her traumatized mind. Until her foot moved forward to take one step, but it never made it to the ground. Two arms circled around her body and lifted her into the air. She settled into a cradled position against a large chest, "Hellooo Miss Lucy! Hope you don't mind me stepping in!"

Loke smirked towards his friend, "Good to see you, Taurus."

Lucy struggled against her spirits hold unsuccessfully, "Let me go, Taurus!"

The bull spirit shook his head as he and Loke began to stroll down the dirt path much faster than they were able to a few moments ago, "No can dooo! You need your rest pretty lady! Let the duuuudes take care of the walkin'!"

"Just get some rest," Loke called from the ground below with a hope she would finally give in, "You can walk on your own again later."

Although she didn't respond, her struggles didn't falter for a few minutes, even as Taurus tried and failed to hold a conversation with her. All of her concentration was placed on breaking free from the prison she found herself in. Eventually her small amount of strength she had stored in her body dissipated and her movements began to slow until eventually they stopped altogether. Taurus went from constraining her attempts at freeing herself to holding a peacefully sleeping girl.

Loke blew a sigh of relief, silently thanking the universe for finally giving her a chance to, maybe, regain her energy. He was still unsure about whether her lack of sleep was a contributor to her lack of magic energy, but it was a more flattering idea than pairing it with whatever has been going on with her skin. She had become a handful by refusing help from anyone and denying her own body a break it so obviously craved, and was only worsening her state by insisting she do everything alone.

Ever since she came home from the mission with Team Natsu, she had become a lone wolf. She was hesitant to take any handouts or ask for assistance. She was pushing herself and her limits each day, which on its own could have been beneficial. But when paired with an unknown deteriorating skin condition, a weakened magical state, and debilitating anxiety, it only serves up more trouble rather than improvements. And all of these problems and their setbacks lead back to Gray and his hurtful words that took root in Lucy's mind.

"She's trying to prove herself," Loke blurted out to the company beside him, "by rejecting our help."

Taurus remained silent, watching the steady rise and fall of Lucy's chest as Loke spoke, "She thinks that if she can't do this on her own, then Gray was right about her," He put a hefty amount of force behind a kick to a small rock, sending it several feet in front of them, "but she's allowed to have help every now and then. That doesn't make her weak."

Taurus nodded in agreement as Loke calmed his inner frustration, "Guess we'll just have to show her."

He was fuming with hot footprints trailing behind him. No, he couldn't pinpoint his anger to one level, because he was far too pissed off to anchor it down by one definition. His right fist clenched the air repeatedly as he snarled at nothing in particular, but his left hand was relaxed with Lucy's novel secured in it's hold. The citizens passing him by with various faces of recognition kept their distance from the furious dragon slayer.

Natsu barely reacted to the children running from his stomping form, instead taking the space they'd given him to move faster. The closer he got to Fairy Tail, the more lethal his mind became. His fear and confusion were warping his emotions into a fiery vortex of outrage. For months, people would swear they could hear his footsteps echoing in their memories.

The guild hall was quiet when he arrived with not a single soul daring to speak a word. Every Fairy Tail wizard was patiently waiting for his return and silently pleading either for his good news or for his mercy. As his foot passed the threshold, everyone held their breath until his seething form was directly in front of Master Makarov. The only sound in the room came from the heavy puffs Natsu tried to keep under control, yet as he spoke the bite to his tone couldn't be quelled, "I want answers."

Master Makarov, who was settled on the bar counter with his hands placed neatly on his lap, remained silent for a moment to consider Natsu's emotional state. The anguish developing in Natsu's mind jumped to new heights as the guild seemed to shrink in on itself. In the corner of his eye, he could see part of his team. His gaze flashed towards Gray and Erza with a desperate look in his eyes, "What happened during the mission, dammit!"

Natsu slammed his hand on the wooden stool in front of Makarov, causing Mirajane to flinch behind the counter. Though regardless of his outburst, Makarov did not scold the wizard. Rather than call out his abysmal behavior, he dismissed it with pity drowning in his expression.

"Natsu," Makarov began as he recalled the past week in his mind, "We should discuss this in private."

"In private, huh?" Natsu sneered before gesturing to the silent crowd around them, "Seems like everyone already knows besides me. I don't think this needs to be private."

The onlookers shied away from the dragon slayers glare as Makarov sighed, "Very well, my boy."

The Master stood from his spot, seeming much like a regal king about to make an important speech to his lovely followers. But reality was far crueler as his intent was not to bring harmony, but to deliver the blow that may very well destroy the foundation of Team Natsu. He had already regretted his words before he spoke them, but his need to tell the truth outweighed his desire to lie to his children, especially Natsu.

He prayed the following moments wouldn't be as brutal as he'd been imagining they may be, that Natsu might not declare Gray his unwavering enemy or that Gray's apology may be enough to save him from Natsu's wrath. But one look at the dragon slayers face told him a story he had yet to experience. Natsu already knew more than he was letting on, quite possibly something none of them knew. He can only assume Natsu has spoken to Lucy and heard snippets of what took place one week ago. At the very least he can set his mind at ease that someone in the guild was finally able to connect with her.

"A week ago, your team failed your mission in the town of Carbume," Makarov began, "You were gravely injured and left unconscious by the enemies. Your team, at first, believed you to be dead," The older man swept his gaze towards Gray and Erza who seemed their own form of terrified, "There was an argument that crossed a boundary and though the party responsible has expressed their regret, Lucy hasn't allowed anyone to visit her home so nothing has been resolved as of yet."

There was a moment of blissful ignorance as Natsu processed the words the master gave him. The wheels in his head turned to each detail he analyzed, until everything clicked in place. It suddenly made sense why Lucy had such horrid ideas swimming in her mind, why she was so keen on defending Gray and his actions. He finally realized someone he considered family turned on her when they thought he had fallen. His head snapped towards his team with murderous glint in his eyes. The notebook he held in his hand was gently placed on the wooden stool he previously attacked, as he stalked towards Gray and Erza. Wendy trembled behind them with Happy and Carla holding each of her hands, leaving Gray and Erza alone.

Each footstep left a harsh click from the sound of his shoes until he stood in front of his friends. He could tell instantly who was at fault for Lucy's disappearance, whether he had the small amount of information Makarov and Lucy's note provided or not, it was written as clear as day on Gray's face.

"What did you say to her?" His voice was downright demonic, leaving Gray nearly speechless

He's justified in his anger, he just wants what's best for you.

Lucy's words rang in his head, only making his anger spark. Whatever this asshole said to her shouldn't be defended. His words cut deep into her soul, that much he knew, but what Gray said was still a mystery. And before Natsu decided to kick his ass, he needed to know what he was going to have to fix first.

Gray fumbled with his words, which was the last sign of admittance he needed. He was growing impatient with his insufferable mumbles. The longer it took the ice wizards to speak, the more Natsu's blood continued to boil until his patience snapped, "Did you call her weak?! That she wasn't worthy of being in Fairy Tail?!"

Natsu yanked Gray by his collar, reminding the ice wizard much of the night he did the very same to Lucy, "Do you have any idea what you did?!"

Gray cringed as Natsu literally spit his words into his face, though he refused to defend himself. He would let Natsu exact his revenge, let him take out his anger on him. He'd let him call him every name in the book or become Lucy's personal maid if she wanted. He'd do anything if only he could earn their forgiveness. So rather than provide excuses, he uttered out a sincere apology in the hope it may reach Natsu's currently clouded mind, "I'm sorry, Natsu."

He never expected his apology to help in the slightest, so the punch to the face wasn't entirely unpredictable to him. The gasps around him seemed to be surprised by Gray's lack of response to his attack, especially as the blows began to increase. Each fist hit him in the face, his chest, his arms, anywhere Natsu could reach, until he was down on the ground with his attacker towering over him. Yet he didn't block his hits, in fact he was happy to get some kind of repercussions for his actions. This was only the first step he would need to take to regain his friends trust and forgiveness, and he was eager to take them if it meant he could amend his bad deeds.

The fists disappeared as a thriving Natsu was hauled off of Gray's battered body. As he was dragged across the guild hall by Titania herself, his nails clawed against her sturdy armor. It took the ice mage a moment to decipher the words spewing out of the dragon slayers mouth, "IT'S YOUR FAULT SHE'S GONE!"

"Gone?' Gray muttered to himself as Erza continued to hull Natsu from the corner of the guild. Her hold on the boy was unwavering as she attempted to cool Natsu's heated temper, "Natsu this isn't the time! We can't turn on each other!"

Natsu flailed in her hold with a hysterical growl, "He hurt her! He made her leave and I'm gonna make him pay!"

Erza paused her movement in surprise, causing Natsu to escape from her hold. He charged towards Gray intending to deliver a few more beatings, but he was stopped yet again by Gajeel's iron arm trapped him around the waist. Natsu groaned as he struggled in his hold, shouting various curses towards the iron dragon slayer.

"Calm down you overgrown lizard!" Gajeel scoffed, "No one can understand you when you act like a rabid animal!"

Natsu struggled for few more moments before eventually giving up with heavy pants, but the anger directed at Gray, who was being helped up by Wendy, was unwavering. There was hatred flowing in his veins. His instincts were screaming at him to avenge the horrific actions that drove Lucy to leave him, all of which Gajeel understood on a different level than the rest. Gajeel could tell a mates bond when he saw one.

As Natsu began to relax in his hold, Gajeel murmured under his breath, "I get how you feel, but you're not doing anything to help bunny girl if you don't tell us what you're talking about."

Natsu hung his head, finally tearing his gaze from Gray's bruised body. His fury was still very much present, but Gajeels words were enough of a deterrent keeping him from pounding Gray's face in. The iron dragon slayer finally released Natsu from his hold, allowing him to adjust his scarf that had unraveled. He refused to meet Gray's eye, instead taking a moment to scan the rest of the guild. Levy was giving him a sympathetic look, along with many of the other members. Others refused to raise their gaze from the floors below, which he was reluctant to say actually made him uncomfortable.

"Natsu," Lisanna spoke up from Elfman's side as she stepped closer to the front of the crowd, "What were you talking about?"

"Yes," Freed added, "What do you mean Lucy's gone?"

"I mean," Natsu retorted with a glare straight towards Gray, "She left Magnolia a week ago because she thinks she doesn't deserve to be here.

Hey guys! I'm back again! There will be more Natsu being angry next chapter, I just had to cut it off here because this chapter ended up being just as long as the last one haha. I'm not sure how much I like this chapter honestly, so I hope it satisfies your Fairy Tail needs! I have some ideas about what I want to happen later in the story but I'm trying to decide how long I want this to be lol. If you guys are cool with a rather longer story I have some really cool things I wanna do but I also don't want to make it seem like it's dragging on too much lol. Either way, I hope you guys enjoy! And thank you all so much for your kind reviews, they make my day and give me a huge smile when I read them. I appreciate you all so so much!

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