Willow Mellark. I haven't hated hearing my own name so much since I was reaped. How could he do this? Did he get the wrong idea from my attempts to form an alliance? Or am I just stupid and didn't see how he truly felt about me? Is he lying? So many emotions start to build up inside of me. The cameras focus on Jay's face as what he said sinks in. Then I can see my face, jaw dropped in surprise. I close my mouth and stare at the floor, hoping they don't see my reaction. "Willow Mellark? As in the female tribute from District 12? The daughter of Katniss and Peeta Mellark?" Maxwell asks. "Yes, that's her," Jay replies bashfully.
"Well… that is some… bad luck right there," Roseclear says with fake sadness in his voice. The crowd speaks in agreement, but I can tell they don't believe it. "No, it's not good," Jay says, real sadness tainting his voice. "She doesn't know?" Maxwell asks. "No. Well, now she does," Jay replies with an awkward laugh. My eyes trail up the screen, and I see a bright, beet-red blush on my cheeks. "Well, I can't wait to see what Willow Mellark has to say about this when her time comes," Roseclear says. "But, for now, best of luck to you, Jay."
"Thank you," Jay mutters in response. The crowd claps, probably still not believing everything, and Jay walks back to his seat. Throughout the rest of the interviews, I think about what Jay has done. He didn't even discuss this with me before. Is he being honest? I look over to Daton and Safa. They're both as confused as me. I look to Xavier, who sits at my left, and his face is as stunned as the rest of us.
I'm only half-aware during the next interviews. I think Isla talked about District 4's bread. The girl from 7 talked about Tanya Mason, Johanna's daughter, and how she inspires her. Then, my focus turns on to Jaden when he goes up. He wears a blue suit, somehow making him look even smaller than before, and talks about his climbing abilities. "I'm small, and I know I may look weaker than the others, but I've got some fight in me," He says. "I don't doubt it!" Roseclear replies. Ramona stays silent, deadly silent. Her eyes glare into the cameras. her voice is low, and I'm convinced the only thing keeping her from ripping us to shreds are the Peacekeepers backstage.
Ty goes on and stays his shy self. Lily talks about paint and camouflage. Then, Xavier goes on. "So, Xavier, what is it like back in 12?" Maxwell asks. "For me, it's pretty basic, I work as the tailor's apprentice to my father," He explains. "Very nice. What would you say is your greatest attribute?" Roseclear asks. "Well, I'm strong... and I can fight," He responds. He's acting strange, I thought he would be more friendly like Jay. Oh God, the thought of his name makes me want to throw up right about now. I'm still conflicted on how I feel. I don't think I'll shove him into a table like my Mom first did with Dad, but I'm not exactly happy.
"Xavier, who do you want to win this for? Family back home? A lover?" Maxwell asks. "No, I don't want to win," he says. The crowd gasps and Maxwell asks, "Wait, what?"
"I don't think I deserve to win. The person I do want to win, though, is my District partner, Willow Mellark." Me? "Willow?" Maxwell asks, yet again reading my thoughts. "Yes, her," Xavier says. "Why her instead of you?" Roseclear asks. There is no blush on Xavier's face, he's not saying this out of love. "Because she has a family she needs to go home to, a loving one that has already been through so much. She deserves to win, not me." The crowd goes silent at his words. It's rare to see a tribute ready to die in the arena, most make sure everyone knows they're planning on winning.
"Well, no matter what, best of luck to you, Xavier," Maxwell replies. Roseclear tries to switch the mood after Xavier sits next to me by building up to my entrance. "Now, the one you've been waiting for," Maxwell begins. "Ahh, yes!" Roseclear says. "Please welcome, our next and final tribute," Maxwell says. "And, the daughter of the star crossed lovers of District 12," Roseclear adds. "Willow Mellark!" They both announce. I stand and make my way over to the front of the stage. My legs wobble from a combination of freight and heels, and I nearly topple over.
"Woah, careful there!" Maxwell says, grabbing my arm to keep me from falling. "Thank you, Maxwell," I say with a smile. I meet both of them at center stage and wave at the roaring audience. "Willow Mellark, what an honor!" Roseclear says. "Thank you," I say. "Now, I know we all have questions about your parents," He says. "But, we all have a different question that we've been waiting for you to answer."
Shit. They're gonna ask me about Jay. I haven't even made up my mind yet, how can I tell them? Do I go along with it? Or do I go against it? "How do you feel about Jay's confession?" Roseclear asks. I look to Daton and the rest of my team, searching their eyes for an answer. I can almost read Daton's mind, be honest. "I don't know," I stutter out with an awkward laugh. The audience gives back a pity laugh. I look back at Jay, who has the same bright blush on his face, smiling despite how flustered he seems. "Well, we know it's a lot to process, but-"
"Roseclear, leave the girl alone," Maxwell interrupts him. "Willow, you don't have to tell us." I smile, thankful he pulled me out of the situation. "Fine, I digress," Roseclear laughs out. "Willow, as you know we all love your parents," He switches the topic. "How are they doing? Do you think they're holding up okay?"
If I were to be one-hundred percent honest, they're both miserable. Even more so now that Jay said what he said. But, I know that's not the answer they're looking for. "They're probably proud! Am I correct?" Maxwell asks. I nod and smile. "Especially after my training score," I say. Lies. All lies. "That's amazing! Now, on a more serious note, am I correct to say you volunteered for your little sister?" Roseclear asks. "Yes. Her name is Iris," I reply. "Iris, what a beautiful name," Maxwell mentions. "What made you want to volunteer for her? Was it your own mother's actions in the past? Or something else?" asks Roseclear.
Be honest now. "I love my family, especially Iris, with all my heart. I wanted to save her," I say. Sounds of sympathy radiate from the audience at my words. "Well, looking back on the footage from your reaping," Maxwell says. On one of the screens, they pull up the moment I volunteered for Iris. Then they show a close up of Rye pulling Iris off of me. "Would I be correct to assume that is your brother?"
"Yes, his name is Rye," I say. "He looks just like your father," Roseclear says. "Now, what about the training score?" Maxwell adds in. "Oh, yes! A twelve! We haven't seen a twelve since your parents were last in the games!" Roseclear exclaims. "Tell me, what did you do to get that 12?" He asks. I look into the crowd and find Tesla Halo at the front, her dark eyes fixed on mine."It's a secret," I blurt out. "A secret?" Maxwell asks. "Yes," I reply. There is no secret, but it'll be fun to see what people make of this. "Ooh, a secret! Could that secret be-" the buzzer interrupts Roseclear, signaling the end of my interview. "Aw, Well folks, that marks the end of the interviews," Maxwell says. "Best of luck to you, Willow Mellark, our female tribute from District 12!"
The crowd cheers as I make my way back to the seats, and remain just as loud as I sit. The Capitol anthem starts to play, so we all rise out of forced respect. Oh God, I'm gonna have to see Jay soon. We all file back into the Tribute center, then head up to our designated rooms. Thankfully, we all go up by District ―District 1 and their team go up first, then 2, and so on―so I won't have to confront Jay. The elevator doors open, the smell of dinner floods my nose, distracting me from what has happened. We all sit down at the table, and they place the platters of food in front of us. They serve us some sort of bird meat that, when bitten into, bursts with spicy-orange juices.
"So, Willow," Daton says, finally addressing the elephant in the room. "What the hell happened with Jay? Did you two plan something behind our backs? Because his mentor, Derek, was as confused as I was."
"No, we didn't plan anything," I say. "That was all him. I still don't know what he's trying to do."
"What do you mean, 'you don't know what he's trying to do'?" Seraphina asks. "He's obviously into you." I shake my head. There's no way.
"Trust us, Willow," Safa says. "We've seen years and years of tributes faking their romance. We know when they're honest."
She has a point, he made it seem so genuine. But it can't be true. He would never go for me. "Did I at least do a good job? Or was my appeal all because of Jay?" I ask them. "You were amazing!" Safa says. "You were alright, I've seen worse," Daton says. "Willow," Seraphina says. "You did perfectly fine.
"What about me?" Xavier asks. The table is silent for a moment before Safa answers, "You did good!"
"Just good?" asks Xavier. "You really want to die, don't you?" Daton asks. "I don't have a family to go home to," He responds. "Well, I do. But, they aren't a good family… Willow has a loving family that needs her. My family doesn't need me."
"Xavier-" I say. "No, your parents have been through so much. My parents didn't even bother to say goodbye to me," He interrupts.
We finish the meal in silence, then it's time to say goodbye. We won't see our prep team tomorrow, only our stylists accompany us. This also means that Safa and Daton won't be with us either. I hug my prep team, they cry because I was their first star tribute. Then, I embrace the sobbing Safa as she says, "You two have been the greatest tributes I've had. It has been an honor to be your escort."
And then, just because of who she is, she squeaks out, "Maybe I'll finally get promoted to a decent District next year!" Then, we have to say bye to Daton. "Listen, kids," He says. Xavier and I stand side by side with him in front of us. "Do not run straight into the Cornucopia. Haul ass away from the center and stay as far away as you can from other tributes. Also, you two should stay together. You guys are a good pair."
"Anything else?" Xavier asks. "Find fresh water. Don't be an idiot by lighting a fire. Lastly, try your best to get out of there. I believe in you two… even you, Xavier," Daton says. "Thank you," I say. I decide to give him a hug. At first, it's awkward, but he warms up to it after a few moments. After him and Xavier hug, we both sit at the couch.
"Are you planning on sleeping tonight?" Xavier asks me. "Not really, I know we should, though," I reply. "Xavier, you have to at least try to survive."
"I can try all I want, but I know I can't make it out of there," He says. "Yes, you can. You're strong, and you know how to fight," I say.
"Yes, I know those things. I just… I don't want to live after the games," He replies.
I know what he means. He doesn't want to live with the trauma, the nightmares, and the horribleness you feel after you win. Well, no one wins the games. There are only survivors. "I know what you mean," I say. "I've seen it first hand."
"Yeah, you have something to go home to, though, that would make all the trauma worth it: Your family," He says.
"Can we stop talking about this?" I say. "The thought of people I don't know dying is already horrible enough, I don't need to think about my friend dying either."
He quiets himself, then stands. "You should try and talk to Jay," He says. "I'm sure if you asked, you two could talk on the rooftop. It'll be good for you, both of you, to talk about what he said."
"Maybe," I say. "Goodnight, Willow. I'll see you tomorrow," He says "Goodnight," I respond.
I enter my room and sit on the bed. I already know there's no way I'll sleep tonight, my thoughts are already racing with both Jay and the Games. I think about what Xavier suggested. What's the harm in asking? There's a lot of harm, actually. There's a chance I could get in trouble, or someone could get a picture of us and make us the next star crossed lovers. But I need to talk to him. What if one, or both, of us die before we see each other again?
Before I do anything, though, I need to shower and get all this stupid makeup off me. Once done, I change into some comfortable clothing and sip some water from a cup on my nightstand. I make my final decision and press the button on my remote.
Azalea walks silently into the room. "Aza- I mean…" I take a deep breath. "Is there any way I could talk to another tribute on the roof?" I ask. She gives me a questioning look. "Jay, from District 4. I don't know if you watched the interviews," I say. She nods her head, indicating she did see the interviews. "So, could you tell him to meet me on the roof?"
She hesitates before nodding her head. I smile and say, "thank you." She leaves my room, and I head up to the roof. I walk through the small greenhouse containing different flowers, waiting for Jay to come by. What if he doesn't want to speak to me? I didn't even consider that he might not want to see me at all. I pick a yellow rose from a hanging pot. Primrose, my mind tells me. I suddenly find myself yearning for a different time. No. A different life. One where the games hadn't started in the first place. A life where my parents could be truly happy. A life I'll never get to live.
I hold the yellow flower close to my chest, like hugging the person I never met.
"You're mad at me, aren't you?" The man's voice scares me, and I turn around. There's Jay, standing at the garden entrance. His tall stature shadows onto the wall, covering my small one up completely. "I don't know," I say. "I just wish you would've told me your plan sooner."
"There was no plan," He says. "It just, like word vomit, came out of my mouth when he asked me that question."
"So, everything you said is true?" I ask. He nods his head silently. He's lying, I think to myself. But, part of me thinks he's telling the truth. Everything, from the interviews to now, is so genuine.
"It's so stupid," He says. "We've only known each other for like three-four days? But I wasn't lying during that interview. All of it was the truth. The second I saw you at the parade, I knew I felt something about you. And I didn't realize it until I dreamt about you last night."
"You dreamt about me?" I ask. He nods, then walks over to where I am. "We were back in District 4 at the beach. You were running through the sand, and I was chasing you." He smiles. "We were happy. There were no games, no division. It was still the Time of Peace," He says, referring to the period before President Rose. "It was just you, me, and the beach."
I can almost picture it in my head. I've never seen the ocean in person, but I've seen pictures from my parent's past trips to District 4. "That sounds… amazing," I say.
"It was. Then I woke up, and it finally hit me," He says. "What hit you?" I ask. He blushes. "I really like you, Willow. And it's not just a small feeling or crush, I really… really like you. I'm so stupid for liking you, too. We're about to go into the games and fight to the death! I shouldn't be thinking like this"
We both remain silent, then he notices the primrose in my hand. "What type of flower is that?" He asks. I didn't realize I was still holding it close to my chest. "It's a primrose," I say. "It's beautiful," He says. "Yeah… My Aunt Prim was named after it,"
"Are you two close?" He asks. "No, she died during the war," I reply. "Oh, I'm sorry," He says. I set the flower down, then walk closer to the ledge.
"Couldn't someone jump off?" Jay asks.
"No, there's a force field that'll shoot you back up," I reply. "They're always concerned for our safety."
He laughs at my joke, then sits down. I sit next to him. "I'm not mad at you," I say. "You can't help the way you feel."
"Thank you," He says. We watch the city in silence, the only noise being the city bustle. A breeze blows cold air on to the roof, causing me to shiver. "Are you cold?" He asks. "No, I'm fine," I reply. "No you're not," He says. "You're shivering."
He sits behind me, then wraps both his arms around my body. Warmth floods my body, and the shivering stops. I sit in between his outstretched legs, resting the back of my head on his chest. A strange feeling radiates through my body now. Butterflies fill my stomach and electricity courses through my veins.
"Mommy, when did you know you loved Daddy?" Small Iris asked. "It was in the... it was on a beach. Your dad sat next to me, reminding me of how loved I was. Then, we kissed," Mom explained. "Ew! You and Daddy kissed!" Rye exclaimed. "Yes, Mommy and Daddy kissed," Mom said while laughing. "Rye, that's what you do when you're in love!" I explained to my younger brother.
"Get back to the story!" Iris exclaimed. "Okay, fine!" Mom laughed out. "So, during that kiss, it was like electricity went through my body. Butterflies filled my stomach-"
"Butterflies?!" Rye asked with a disgusted expression on his face. "Not actual butterflies, silly," Mom says. "Butterflies in your stomach represent feelings."
"Who came up with that?!" He asked. "Rye, shut up!" I yelled, wanting to hear more of the story. "Willow, don't tell your brother to shut up," Mom scolded calmly. "Sorry, Momma," I said. "But, it was during that kiss on the beach when I knew how much I loved your father."
The memory causes me to smile, I was only 9. It was one of the many times Iris and I asked about Mom and Dad's love story. Then, I feel a sort of dread. I have feelings. I can't have feelings for Jay. Like he said, we're going into the arena tomorrow. It's so stupid to have feelings like this! "You okay, Willow?" His voice cuts through my thoughts. "I'm… fine," I reply.
My eyes start to close―mental exhaustion taking over my body―and I sink deeper into his warm arms, dreading the moment he lets go.