A/N: hey hey loves ! another lil ficlet in honour of the anniversary of the other time (except this is set after intent lol but oh well). this is my interpretation of donna's mindset during 4x16 and how her feelings for harvey have developed up to this point. been writing lots more and hope to finish some new things soon ! shoutout to my beautiful cheerleaders ruth and vic as always and let me know what you think !

sending all my love and good vibes your way :)

tia x

p.s. remember when i hated writing descriptive pieces and now i've written two in a row lol x

the fall

Donna thinks she didn't know she loved Harvey until tonight.

She'd noticed the fall. It was always in the back of her mind. The fluttering against her chest as she waited for him and his grin to round the corner of the halls in the morning. The turn of her lips at his wrinkled brow, when his mind raced to find a solution to whatever problem it was this time. How her throat catches when he wears those three-piece grey suits that just fit. How she always inhales too much air to try to fill the hollow pang in her stomach, because yes, it's heartache, but she feels it through her veins. It's a longing that engulfs her entire soul, heavy in her head, causing her eyes to close in a tired-of-being-in-love-with-an-emotionally-unavailable-man kind of way.

The more she thinks about it, the more the past decade unravels in front of her.

Hidden in the depths of the DA's office and the excitement of the chase, they were kept safe from the brewing feelings. Because it was just flirting. It was him wanting to get into her pants and after he'd got what he wanted, he would leave. He was the kind to leave. Except the 'I don't want to find out what kind of lawyer I'd be without you' indicated otherwise and she'd followed him regardless because at least this way, she'd keep him in her life.

She'd noticed the way she studied his unsuccessful attempts to commit to relationships and whilst mercilessly teasing him, had secretly wished it'd been her between his sheets. How she accepted these women into her life because they were dating him yet they also searched for her approval. He cares about your opinion, they'd say whilst simultaneously investigating the possibility of more between their boyfriend and his secretary. But she kept quiet, brushing it off with murmurs about brothers and cousins, ignoring the subconscious yearning for a man who was not hers to miss. The pain of loving a man so determined in ruining every connection he made that surely it was worth savouring what they do have rather than hoping for a what if.

She'd noticed her failed relationships always having the ending phrase 'you prioritise your work life too much' in common. Because yes, she did prioritise Harvey more, but how could she not? By the time her typical six month entanglements were up, she'd spent too long comparing their smiles and they'd gotten bored of waiting for someone whose heart was clearly claimed a long time ago. She'd mourn the ever-diminishing possibility of a relationship with her boss instead of the half-a-year boyfriend she had lost, bring it up in casual office conversation a couple nights later, they'd share a look but that, of course, would be it.

She'd noticed the craving for the physicality of being with him but it's more than that. It's the late night mind wandering to the places she rarely lets it go. She dreams of his blue suits intertwined with her burgundy dresses in a shared closet. Or sometimes it's arguments over why she's stopped buying milk when doing the grocery shopping and switched to oat and he doesn't want to drink 'that crap' in his coffee. Receiving questionable looks for their laughter fits in the middle of dinner and stumbling out in a giggling honeymoon-like trance to dance in the light of their fireplace to his dad's old records. And every once in a while, it's wearing one of his old Harvard tees over an emerging baby bump and contemplating paint colours for their newly purchased brownstone house or maybe penthouse apartment.

She'd been so distracted over the years that she hadn't even realised she'd long since fallen. Donna was in love. Which also seemed like an understatement because how can two simple words possibly encapsulate the lengths she would go to for that man? How can the heart wrenching pain she feels when they head home in opposite directions be limited to just that?

And since yesterday, she'd noticed that she'd fallen too deep. The weight of the unexpected 'I love you' had lifted her up and thrown her miles in the matter of seconds. The almost-there-but-never-quite was coming up and twisting around her throat. Any longer and she'd drown. They were locked in a stalemate and she feared if she pushed any further, he'd run.

If you love something, you let it go and if it loves, it'll come back. Or some crap like that? So here, she finds herself on a New York night, leaving his office indefinitely. And if he loves her, he'd come back, right?