"Hermione, I'm being blackmailed to join the Quidditch team." Harry says, catching Hermione in a corridor.
"Well, it's your fault for deliberately disobeying a direct instruction, you're lucky you weren't expelled." Hermione says.
"You looked through the rules though, before flying class?" Harry asks.
"I did yes." Hermione responds.
"I have a plan to get out of Quidditch permanently, I just need to know if it's possible." Harry says.
"To the library then." Hermione says.
"It says here it's a sport on a broom, but it doesn't block any other form of flight. Except flying carpets which are illegal in Britain." Hermione says, "What are you planning anyway?"
"I have a friend, no father figure, named Walter Dornez who lives a block away from the Dursleys, he's ex-military or something like that, and always said he had equipment if I need it." Harry explains.
"I'm not manning an anti-aircraft gun Harry, that's obviously illegal." Hermione says.
"I asked about the broom rules, not the crowd interference rules." Harry says, "I thought you were smart."
"If I wasn't so interested in this plan of yours, I'd jinx you to next week for that." Hermione says.
"Excellent, He says he can do it." Harry says, as he treats Hedwig after her long journey. "He just needs the date and time."
"Wouldn't he need the place as well?" Hermione asks, glancing at Ron to make sure he was still occupied by his food, "And should he really know about magic, he's clearly an unaffiliated muggle."
"He's like a father to me, so it's fine." Harry says, "What the ministry doesn't know won't hurt them, and it says here that just as he was going to ask about location Hedwig pointed it out on a map for him."
"Your Owl's intelligence amazes me." Hermione comments, Hedwig clearly enjoying the compliments.
"Alright, that's a reply ready, fly safely Hedwig." Harry says, giving his owl a boost as she takes off for Southern England once more.
Over at the staff table, McGonagall notices these interactions.
"Pomona, is it just me or does Mr. Potter have the same grin as his father did just before a big prank.
"Oh he definitely does." Sprout replies, glancing over.
"Oh dear." McGonagall sighs.
"Harry, where is your broom?" Wood asks as he gathers the team for a pep talk.
"Oh, my method of flight is on its way." Harry replies cryptically.
"Now Harry, you must understand. Quidditch is sacrosanct, no pranks allowed." Fred, or George say.
"I would never bring myself low enough to play pranks on serious sporting events." Harry replies, "I've merely found a loophole in the rules."
"As long as we win." Wood says.
"Oh, we'll win, though maybe by default." Harry replies, looking out into space.
"I have a bad feeling about this." Angelina says.
As the teams enter the arena the announcer quickly notes Harry's lack of broom, but before anyone could do anything about it a distinctive chopping sound was heard from the direction of the Forbidden Forest.
'Oh no' Hermione thought, recognizing the sound, 'I don't even want to know how he got one of those.'
Just as Hermione was crying internally and the other muggleborns were getting a bit scared, the attack helicopter creating the noise roared over the stands and landed behind Harry.
"You're flying with that? How can you even catch the snitch?" Fred or George asks, "What even is it?"
"It's a Solviet Mi-28 of course, easy to get your hands on one in the current political climate. And I don't need to catch the snitch I just need to ensure the other guy doesn't for long enough that you all win."
At this point Hermione had noticed the pilot's seat, usually behind the gunner, was tinted to look like the rest of the craft, making it look like Harry was on his own.
'And the wizards probably won't even question how it got here' Hermione thinks.
The rest of the Muggleborn either didn't know enough about helicopters or just wanted to see what would happen so no one mentioned anything.
"If he wants to fly with something that big let him." The Slytherin captain says.
"I'm sure that's against the rules." Madam Hooch says, examining the strange device.
"Well actually it's not. The rules never prevent any other flying tool, so as long as I don't use an illegal carpet, I'm good." Harry replies.
"Well, since it's not against the rules and the opposing captain has no objections, it's fine. Let's just get started." Madam Hooch says, clearly not happy but not able to complain.
"Well Harry, show us this excellent plan of yours." Wood says skeptically.
"My pleasure."
"Walter, you've really outdone yourself." Harry says after closing the canopy.
"Of course Harry, anything to put these backwards yokels in their place." Walter replies.
"I don't think they're that backwards." Harry says.
"You haven't seen all the research I've done over the past few months." Walter says, "using some keywords, like Hogwarts and Quidditch I was able to find some others in the know. When I told them your plan they gave me this free."
"I see, we'll have to discuss this more later, it looks like the game is starting." Harry says.
"Indeed, I'm taking off now." Walter replies.
Well it turns out a helicopter wasn't ideal for Quidditch, they hadn't even managed to maim the opposing seeker despite constant attempts. That was hurt even more by the constant bludger attacks.
"Good thing this has some armour or these cannon balls would have torn us to shreds by now." Harry says.
"Yes, I've had enough of them, you said we can't target the players directly, but is there a rule against targeting the balls?" Walter asks.
Pulling out Hermione's Quidditch rules cheat sheet, Harry quickly confirms there wasn't.
"Well, make sure your team clears that side of the field would you?" Walter says, "I'd rather not have any unnecessary collateral damage, it's unfortunate the magic here prevents any guided weapons but, with enough rockets..."
As Harry quickly signals the nearest teammate, Fred or George, to come over.
"Have them leave that side of the field!" Harry shouts through the massive downdraft.
"Get out of your way? Alright, but just for a moment" Fred, or George says.
As soon as the red dots had left his line of sight Walter unleashed a barrage of rockets while Harry yelled through the speaker system.
"These Bloody Bludgers have hit my Helicopter for the last time!"
"And it looks like Potter has snapped!" Jordan commentates, "Massive explosions on the Slytherin side of the pitch! But it's all in the name of destroying Bludgers so acceptable losses."
"Jordan!" McGonagall shouts.
When the smoke cleared it seemed Slytherin had not weathered the barrage with dignity. Only their seeker was unscathed flying high above the stadium, quite terrified of the helicopter after all the close calls earlier. A penalty was called, but no Slytherin chaser was in flying shape to take it so the seeker descended into position.
"Hagrid! How is that just a penalty! He severely injured or killed most of the other team!" Hermione shouts.
"Er, don' know." Hagrid replies.
"Since he didn't intend to hit the players it's not against the rules." Ron replies helpfully, "But not using a broom is just bad sportsmanship."
'What kind of society have I gotten myself into.' Hermione thinks.
With most of the Slytherin team out of action the Gryfindors quickly put up a massive points lead, with the Slytherin Seeker taking the role of captain. Despite his best efforts Wood wouldn't call the game until Gryffindor was up by such an enormous amount that they all but had the cup for the year.
"The Captains have agreed to end the game. With a score of 100,000 to 70, Gryffindor wins." Madam Hooch announces several days after the start of the game. Harry had sent Walter home long before this as fuel was becoming a problem, leaving the Pitch.
The few remaining spectators cheered half-heartedly as the exhausted remnants of the teams landed and left unceremoniously.
"And with this first change of the official Quidditch rules in over a century, only brooms shall be allowed. Also Harry Potter has been banned from Quidditch for life." Dumbledore announces.
"I don't know if I should be proud that you are once again in the history books or ashamed to be part of this." Hermione says as Harry cheers loudly on his own.
"I'm now famous in my own right Hermione!" Harry says, "I'll be in the history books as long as Quidditch is played! The Great Helicopter Massacre of 1991."
AN: I believe this requires some explanation. Let's just say this came from an argument between myself and my sister about who's car had the better name.
The only thing different from cannon is that Harry is mentored by a retired Walter who lives nearby.