Sam's head fell back, he'd been pouring over the books in the bunker for hours and was still no closer to figuring out what it was that was killing people. It was late and Dean was still out with Crowley, as far as Sam knew they weren't coming back anytime soon, so he flipped on his music.
The opening chords stuck and Sam was reminded why he let Dean play music in the car. This one brought back too many memories, but he couldn't shut it off. Just for tonight would he let himself remember.
this is the last time
that I'm ever gonna come here tonight
this is the last time - I will fall
into a place that fails us all - inside
Closing his eyes Sam flashed-back to the Elysian Fields Hotel, where he knew the building lay in rubble. Reverted back to its haunting and crumbling sight under the pressure of time and the grace of an angel who's sacrifice was made.
I can see the pain in you
I can see the love in you
but fighting all the demons will take time
it will take time
the angels they burn inside for us
are we ever
are we ever gonna learn to fly
the devils they burn inside of us
are we ever gonna come back down
come around
I'm always gonna worry about the things that could make us cold
Sam could understand why Gabriel had made the stand there, why he had given them a chance to escape, but he would never forgive himself for leaving the angel like that. Everything that followed was Sam's fault; Lucifer, Hell, even Cas' god period, Sam believed if only he had listened. If only he had heeded the angel's warning.
this is the last time
that I'm ever gonna give in tonight
are there angels or devils crawling here?
I just want to know what blurs and what is clear - to see
Sam didn't cry anymore, there wasn't use for it or the time, but remembering the bright light of the archangels grace burning up in the rearview mirror, was enough to sting.
still, I can see the pain in you
and I can see the love in you
and fighting all the demons will take time
it will take time
the angels they burn inside for us
are we ever
are we ever gonna learn to fly
the devils they burn inside of us
are we ever gonna come back down - come around
I'm always gonna worry about the things that could break us
Sam's posture finally slumped as the thoughts of Gabriel began to leave as the song drew to a close. Gabriel was gone, but there was still work to be done.
if I was to give in - give it up
- and then
take a breath - make it deep
cause it might be the last one you get
be the last one
that could make us cold
you know that they could make us cold
I'm always gonna worry about the things that could make us cold
Sam let the final chords hum before shutting off the music and returning to the research. He couldn't save Gabriel, but he can save this town.
"I'm sorry," Sam whispered to the empty bunker, but even the words felt false in his mouth. It was his fault and Gabriel wouldn't forgive him.
"It's okay, kiddo."