Surrender 13
When Gabrielle opened her door, it was to reveal a somewhat worried and nervous Varia standing on the other side. She had a stern, yet concerned expression on her face as she did her best to wait patiently for Gabrielle to let her in, but her fidgeting gave away the level of anxiety she was struggling with. There wasn't nearly enough time to discuss the things they needed to discuss before the council meeting and she wouldn't allow Gabrielle to dismiss her this time. At least not without a fight.
"Varia…," Gabrielle sighed as she leaned against the open door waiting to hear what Varia wanted.
"We need to talk." Varia pushed past Gabrielle, no longer able to wait for an invitation inside.
"So it seems." Gabrielle let out a frustrated huff as she closed the door.
Varia stopped halfway inside of Gabrielle's room when she noticed someone sitting on the bed, Gabrielle's bed to precise. Her eyes wondered over the young woman with a mixture of curiosity and anger at having to run her off. "We need to talk…alone." She emphasized the last word with a hard edge to her voice.
The anger in Varia's voice took both Gabrielle and Xena by surprise as they gave each other a knowing glance before Gabrielle turned her full attention to Varia. "Whatever you have to say, you can say it right now. I won't ask her to leave." She tilted her head towards Xena.
"What is happening with you Gabrielle? I don't understand." Varia pushed her hair away from her face and shook her head. "I can't talk to you about council business in front of her. She's just a kid." Her hand's waved in Xena's direction.
"I'm older than you are." Xena grumbled under her breath.
"What was that?" Varia turned angry eyes towards the young woman.
"Look…," Gabrielle held up her hands to bring some semblance of calm to the conversation. She was quiet for a minute and pursed her lips in thought as if trying to decide on something only she understood. Only when she gave a quick nod of her head indicating that the decision had been made did she finally speak again. "I don't care what Dite said. I'm going to tell her." The words were directed at Xena who seemed to ponder what had been said with a shrug of her shoulders.
"What Gabrielle? What are you going to tell me?" Varia put her hands on her hips and frowned as she waited for Gabrielle to respond.
"Are you sure?" Xena asked as she raised an eyebrow in question. It was a move that Gabrielle had seen many times before and it still caused her stomach to flutter.
"Yeah, I am." Gabrielle blew out a heavy breath. It was more from fatigue than frustration at this point.
"You've grown quite daring in my absence." Xena said with a slight shake of her head as if she wasn't sure she liked the change.
"That's what happens when you're left alone to fend for yourself." The words weren't meant to hurt, but they did all the same as Gabrielle watched Xena drop her gaze to hide the guilt in her eyes.
"What-are-you-going on about?" Varia's temper was now on the verge of a full blown tantrum as was evident when she stomped a foot down. "And you…," she whirled around and pointed at a surprised Xena. "Why are you even doing here?"
"Hey…," Xena stood and glared down at Varia. Even though she wasn't in her own body, she still towered over the short, but muscular form in front of her. "Don't test me." She squared her shoulders and the familiar stance brought a smile to Gabrielle's face. "You think this is funny, do ya?" Her expression softened when she looked over at Gabrielle and the smile she loved so much.
"By the Gods! If someone doesn't tell my why this…," Varia glared at Xena. "This kid is posturing, trying to get a rise out of me, I'll take you both down."
The last comment caused both Gabrielle and Xena to laugh bringing about more sputtering and anger from Varia.
"She's got you there." Xena crossed her arms, a smug expression on her face. "What?" She asked when Gabrielle scowled at her. "Well, she did get the best of you that one time, I think." Her brows knit together as another memory flashed in her mind. With it came a flood of feelings like anger, fear, and uncertainty. Letting out a nervous cough, she gave an understanding nod at the question in Gabrielle's eyes.
"You might want to sit for this one." Gabrielle pulled a chair away from the small table in her room and pushed it towards Varia.
"No, I will not sit. Tell me!" Varia demanded.
"So, it seems as if we have an old friend in the midst." Gabrielle nodded towards Xena.
"What does that even mean?" Varia's voice was on the rise along with her anger.
"Well, it means that Xena is back." A small smile curved Gabrielle's lips as she watched Xena smirk at the confusion on Varia's face. "There…," she pointed to Xena to indicate who she was talking about.
"Where? All I see is Leia." Varia huffed.
"Oh, yeah…, sorry. I forgot you can't see her." Gabrielle shook her head as she realized this was going to be harder than she thought.
"You have lost your mind." Varia's anger quickly dissolved into concern as she looked back and forth between Gabrielle and Leia.
"I have not lost my mind, although it wouldn't be the strangest thing to happen to me today." Gabrielle was starting to get annoyed.
"But you have lost your mind Gabrielle." Varia tried to reach out to touch Gabrielle's arm but her hand was shrugged off. "Please, you can't possibly think that she is Xena." Her eyes traveled over to the tall, lean figure of Leia.
"Thanks to the Gods…," Gabrielle crossed her arms rather defiantly before continuing. "She is Xena. Has been ever since Leia fell from the tree canopy."
Varia was quiet for a moment as she contemplated what she was being told. There had been a major change in Leia's behavior and attitude since her fall, but nothing could compare to the change that had taken place since Gabrielle had come back. She looked back and forth between the two women and for a moment she almost believed what Gabrielle was saying. But all things considered, how could she?
"Varia...," the name came out on a long, slow drawl. The familiarity of it caused Varia to visibly shiver. "Think about it. Has Gabrielle ever given you reason to doubt her?" The voice was Leia's, but Varia knew the words were Xena's and yet she still struggled to believe.
"How can I know for sure?" Varia let out a heavy breath and ran her fingers through her hair.
"You can't." Xena simply said. "But you don't need any assurances to know that what Gabrielle's telling you is the truth."
Xena's statement was followed by a contemplative silence that was neither uncomfortable or unexpected. Varia looked around as if she were trying to make a decision between right and wrong.
"I think I may need to sit down." Varia let out a heavy sigh. "Um…so," she looked at Gabrielle and then at Leia…or was it really Xena? "You mentioned you see can see Xena. Explain…,"
"Well, it seems as if Aphrodite and Artemis have decided to take pity on me and give me what my heart truly desires…," Gabrielle waved her hand in Xena's direction. "You see Leia and I see Xena." She shrugged her shoulders as if that should be explanation enough.
"Apparently, this is something I agreed to but I don't remember much." Xena dropped back down on the edge of Gabrielle's bed.
"I'm not sure I understand." Varia had a confused look on her face.
"It goes something like this…," Gabrielle took a seat across from Varia. "Three years ago, Xena died and for lack of a better way of putting it…stayed dead." She could see Xena wince at her statement. "She was meant to come back to me but we were both tricked into thinking she needed to sacrifice herself to save the hundreds of thousands of souls she felt responsible for. But…," The words got caught in her throat as she struggled to finish. "It was all a rouse perpetrated by Akimi to keep Xena with her for all eternity. Lucky for us, she didn't quite understand the bond we shared…still share."
"And it is the bond we share that has allowed me to return to you." Xena let out a heavy sigh. "I'm just sorry I let someone else influence me. It won't happen again."
The conviction in Xena's voice was enough to convince Varia that perhaps there was some truth to Gabrielle's story.
"You know how much the God's love to intervene in our lives." Gabrielle pushed her bangs away from her eyes. "Especially Dite and Ares."
"I do…," Varia let out a long breath at the memory of her experiences with Ares. "What do you remember?" She turned her attention to Xena.
"More than I did this morning when I woke up." Xena answered with a smirk.
"Why all of a sudden then?" The smirk was so much like Xena's that Varia couldn't deny it any longer, nor did she want to.
"I suppose it would be because I finally accepted the fact that Xena was really here…," Gabrielle waved her hand in Xena's direction. "And it doesn't hurt that Dite and Artemis gave a gift to help me along."
"And the gift is that you can see Xena instead of Leia?" Varia asked when another question came to her mind, one she wasn't sure she wanted to know the answer to. "Um…, what happened to Leia?"
"I am told that the fates had already made their decision to take her long before I came along." Xena sat down, leaned back, and put her legs out in front of her on Gabrielle's bed.
"So, her life wasn't taken to allow you this chance? It would have happened regardless?" Varia wanted to be sure she understood.
"I would never replace another's life with my own. I love Gabrielle too much to do something like that. It would go against everything we fought for together and everything we've lost would have been lost in vain…," Xena's voice trailed off as more images came to her giving her a glimpse of the pain and anger they had, at times struggled with. She hadn't noticed the way that Gabrielle stiffened when she made that last statement as she let herself get lost in the thoughts and feelings that were new to her.
"So, up until today…," Varia shifted in her chair so she could look back at Xena. "You had no idea?"
"Nope, no idea." Xena let out a huff.
"What do you remember now?" Varia asked warily.
"Bits and pieces really." Xena kept her eyes focused on her feet. She wasn't sure why, but she couldn't bring herself to look at Gabrielle at the moment. There was an uncertainty that radiated off Gabrielle and it filled Xena with self-doubt.
"Look Varia, I know this is a lot to take in all at once but you're just going to have to trust us on this." Gabrielle let out a heavy sigh. She was suddenly very tired and wanted nothing more than to climb in bed next to Xena.
Sitting up straighter, Varia could see Gabrielle's eyes rimmed in fatigue and knew she needed to talk to her about the council meeting before she was dismissed again. "We need to talk about the council meeting."
"Okay, what do you want to know?" Gabrielle's gaze moved from Varia to Xena who was still looking at her feet.
"Um…what are you going to tell them?" Varia tried not to sound as concerned as she felt.
"Well…," Gabrielle pushed her bangs away from her eyes and took a deep breath. She knew what she was going to propose and it was something she hadn't had the chance to run past Xena yet. Taking another deep breath, she looked back at Varia. "I think we need to join our alliances with the other Amazon tribes. I'll need to visit each village and convince their Queens that we need to, for the time being, join our banners under one. It's the only way to beat Ares. Divided we don't stand a chance."
Gabrielle watched as Xena's eyebrows went up and a sly grin slid across her face. She recognized the expression, knowing her words and ideas had indeed impressed her warrior princess. It was Varia's expression that had her worried. It was both resolute and hard as she stood and squared her shoulders.
"I'll go with you." Varia held her head up high and dared Gabrielle to argue.
Steeling herself for the impending argument, Gabrielle took a deep breath and reached down into her reserves of diplomacy. She knew what she had to do and what she needed from Varia, and she knew Varia would fight her on it.
"We both know that's not possible Varia." Gabrielle glanced over at Xena who looked away, grateful it wasn't her who had to deliver the news.
"It is and I won't take no for an answer." Varia puffed her chest out and glared at Gabrielle.
"No Varia." Gabrielle simply said.
"I won't have you telling me what I can or can't do. I am Queen of this tribe…your Queen." Varia pulled out her trump card and smirked when Gabrielle's eyes widened in surprise.
"And that my dear friend is why you cannot go with us." Gabrielle reached out to put her hand on Varia's shoulder.
"Wait…what?" Varia looked between Gabrielle and Xena.
"We both know that your place is here. If something were to happen while we're away, you need to lead these women. You need to keep them safe. It is your duty…as Queen." Gabrielle laid out her argument. She watched as Varia's shoulders dropped in defeat. "And I hate to have to ask, but I need Elle." Gabrielle could see the nod of agreement coming from Xena a she sat up on the bed, ready to act if needed.
Varia let out a sad sigh and nodded. "Of course. You're right. Whatever, whoever you need, I'll make it happen."
"I'm going to ask Eve and Epinon as well." Gabrielle glanced over at Xena for her approval and got it in the form of a soft, reassuring smile.
"I'm going to assume that Ainia will be joining us as well." Xena gave a shrug of her shoulders as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "What?" She asked when both Gabrielle and Varia gave her a surprised look. "I've noticed." It was all she could think to say about the budding relationship between her daughter and the Amazon warrior.
"As have I." Gabrielle let out tired sigh. "I suppose you're right."
"She's strong and capable." Varia gave her own tired sigh as she thought about her own love leaving to join Gabrielle on this quest.
"I don't doubt that but sometimes…love can be…," Xena paused as her eyes feel on Gabrielle and her expression softened. "…a distraction."
Gabrielle crossed her arms, shook her head, and chuckled lightly. "To say the least my warrior princess, but try to keep Ainia away and it will turn into a fight we both know we won't win."
Xena gave a nod in agreement and rolled her eyes. It didn't thrill her to have to take this young woman who had set her designs on Eve with them but from her past experiences with Ainia she knew it was a safe bet to include her.
"Who else will you need?" Varia asked.
"I will leave it up to you to put together a small group of capable women to join us. I think maybe five more should do it." Gabrielle smiled when Xena gave her another nod in agreement.
"What about Artemis? Will she show up at the meeting to back you up?" Varia's expression changed to a worried one.
"I don't know the answer to that Varia. She hasn't been the most reliable of the Gods." Gabrielle couldn't hide the irritation in the tone of her voice.
"She'll be there." Xena said with a certainty that Gabrielle didn't share.
"What makes you so sure?" Varia turned her attention to the young woman she was still trying to picture as Xena.
"She owes me." It was all Xena would say and it was enough for Varia but still not enough for Gabrielle.
"Yeah, well…," Gabrielle didn't need to finish. Instead, she rubbed her tired eyes and tried not to frown at the thought of how many times she and Xena had been let down by the Gods. "I'm going to need you to keep this whole Xena thing under wraps though." She turned her attention to Varia who was already nodding her understanding.
"Of course." Varia took a deep breath before she continued. "But there are already rumors surrounding your relationship with Leia. Don't be surprised by the questions that may follow." She glanced over her shoulder again at the image of Leia and got a warrior princess smirk in return.
"I'll handle it." Gabrielle's eyes met Xena's pale blue and she couldn't stop the small smile from spreading across her lips.
"I'm sure you will." Varia laughed as she headed towards the door. "I think we've covered everything for now. When will you talk to Epinon and Eve?"
"Tonight I think." Gabrielle followed Varia towards the door. It hadn't been her intention to seem anxious to get her to leave but it was obvious by the way she was gently nudging Varia that she was ready to be alone with Xena.
"Okay, should I talk to Elle or do you want to?" Vaira only briefly resisted Gabrielle's gentle push towards the door.
"You can tell her the plan but I will ask her myself it that's okay." Gabrielle opened the door and leaned against it.
"Fine. I'll see you tonight in the mess hall." Varia slipped past the open door and stopped. "Hey, for what it's worth…I'm glad you're back." She threw a wicked grin over her shoulder towards Xena. "But I don't think you can best me in the skinny body you got there."
"Oh yeah?" Xena stood up and tried to throw her shoulders back in a menacing way like she did in the old days. With a roll of the eyes, she realized it didn't quiet have the same effect as it used to when Varia laughed. But Gabrielle's sharp intake of breath reminded her that there was only one person in the room that she wanted to impress and it wasn't Varia. Her eyes moved from a laughing Varia to a very serious Gabrielle and she couldn't stop herself from giving a quick, sexy wink.
"I'm outta here." Varia said with a wave of the hand as Gabrielle shut the door behind her. Stopping just a few feet away from the door, she put her hands on her hips and shook her head. Things were about to get very complicated for the bard and her warrior princess but Varia knew that nothing would stand in the way of Gabrielle and Xena's reunion. Not even Ares.
Gabrielle stood next to the closed door and leaned against the frame with her head hanging. Taking a deep breath, she pushed away the fear of being alone with her soulmate for the first time in three years. With one hand pressed against the wooden door and one hand running through her shaggy blonde hair, she could almost feel Xena's eyes touching her, caressing her as they did so many times before.
"I know what that means." Xena's voice was closer than Gabrielle remembered her being when she had walked Varia to the door.
Tilting her head, Gabrielle gave a sideways glance to find that Xena was standing just a few feet away from her, frozen to the spot as if afraid of getting any closer. "And what might you be referring to?" Her words came out shaky and she took another deep breath to steady herself.
"Your body language my love." Xena took a step to close the distance between them this time as she spoke. "You're afraid…of what I don't know."
"Really Xena? You have no idea what I could be afraid of?" Gabrielle finally straightened to her full height and held her head high. Bringing her eyes to meet with Xena's, she could feel her confidence falter.
"You're not afraid of me, are you?" Xena stepped closer still, just short of pinning Gabrielle against the door. She closed her eyes for a moment as a memory came to her, vivid and full of detail. Shaking her head to dispel the images from her mind she opened her eyes and stared into Gabrielle's. "You're thinking about the bar maid, aren't you?" It was more of a statement then a question.
The surprised expression on Gabrielle's face turned sad before guilt got the better of her. Bringing her hands up to her face, she covered the tears that began to slowly run down her cheeks. Her only answer was a nod as she bowed her head, silently asking for forgiveness.
"Oh, my sweet, sweet bard…," Xena reached up and ran her fingers through Gabrielle's hair. "Please, there is nothing to forgive my love. If anything, I left you. I should be asking you for forgiveness, not the other way around."
"No, I was weak. I shouldn't have let it happen. But you had disappeared and I thought I'd never see you again." Sad green eyes looked up to meet pale blue. "She remind me so much of you. I've never done anything like that before or since." Gabrielle's breath came out shaky as uncertainty radiated off her.
"Gabrielle…," Xena drew the name out slowly, enunciating each syllable.
Hearing her name spoken in that way caused Gabrielle to look down as guilt washed over her again. "I'm sorry Xean." It was all she could think to say.
"Gabrielle, look at me." Xena's voice was soft and filled with understanding. When Gabrielle continued to look down, she used two fingers to lift Gabrielle's chin up so they were looking in each other's eyes again. "Don't you ever wonder why that young bar maid reminded you of me?" She asked with an arched eyebrow.
Furrowing her forehead, Gabrielle thought for a minute before both blonde eyebrows disappeared under her bangs. "How?" She looked around as if the answer might pop out from around a corner.
Xena rolled her eyes at the question before attempting to answer. "Well…, it was Dite's way of convincing me to go along with this." She waved her hands over her body.
"I don't understand. That, was you?" Gabrielle pointed a finger into Xena's chest, giving her a light push.
"Hey, no need to get pushy." Xena tensed under Gabrielle's angry glare. "I was reluctant taking someone else's body, you know. I wasn't sure we would be able to…," she paused and her cheeks colored slightly.
"We wouldn't be able to what, Xena?" By now, Gabrielle's anger was full on and she put her hands on her hips.
"I was afraid we wouldn't be able to love each other…physically that is…if I was in a different body." Xena let out a frustrated huff when her cheeks grew warm with her blush.
Gabrielle frowned as she thought about what Xena had said and then bit her lip as she remembered that night. "I thought I was crazy. I could have sworn I felt you that night. No wonder that poor woman was so surprised when she woke up next to me the next morning."
"Was she upset?" Xena winced at the idea that maybe Dite had crossed a line by letting her use someone else's body without Gabrielle knowing it was her.
"On the contrary. She looked mighty proud of herself and wanted to have another go, but I was running late for a meeting with the town historian." Gabrielle shook her head at the memory. "But it felt different when she looked at me, not the same as before. Now I know why."
"Are you mad?" Xena asked.
"A little I guess." Gabrielle sighed heavily. "It's kinda creepy though Xena. Using someone else's body to…you know…," she didn't have to finish because they both knew what she was talking about.
"Yeah, well…Dite promised to show her a good time. Hot mineral baths, essential oil messages, the works…whatever she wanted." Xena tried to defend herself and her decision. "Anyways, I needed to know that you could love me, no matter what body I was in. I just wasn't sure…," she looked away from Gabrielle's questioning green eyes.
"I would love you no matter what body you were in. How could you not know that?" Gabrielle placed her hands on either side of Xena's face, forcing pale blue eyes to meet hers again.
"I'm sorry I didn't realize it until after that night. But that's why I agreed to do this." The corner of Xena's mouth twitched up into a half-smile.
"I only wish I had known than. It might have made it more enjoyable." Gabrielle gave Xena's cheek a gentle pat. "Unfortunately I've carried around the guilt of what we did thinking that I had somehow betrayed you and the love we shared."
Xena took the other hand that was still placed against her cheek, brought it to her lips, and then placed a gentle kiss against Gabrielle's open palm. "I shouldn't have let Dite talk me into it. I just missed you so much."
"I missed you too Xena. And now I don't have to feel guilty…," Gabrielle's small smile turned into a wicked grin before she continued. "Because, truth be told, I enjoyed it very much."
"Really?" Xena reached out and grabbed Gabrielle by the waist and pulled her close. "It was pretty good, wasn't it?" She wiggled her eyebrows and smiled down at the smirk directed her way. "I especially like that thing you did towards the end…that was new."
Allowing strong arms to hold her tighter, Gabrielle rested her cheek against Xena's chest and closed her eyes. "I've missed you my warrior princess." She let out a heavy sigh as she soaked in the warmth and love that flowed from Xena into her.
"And I've missed you my bard." Xena squeezed a little tighter, thankful that she had agreed to Dite's plan to bring them together. Now that Gabrielle knew the truth; they could move past it and forward to what promised to be an exciting future together. But then she rolled her eyes to the heaven's and dared them to try to interfere again. She wasn't sure, but she thought maybe she heard laughter in the distance…laughter she was sure belonged to Aphrodite.