Kevin didn't realize he was holding his breath as he watched Sam's eyes roll under his lids. His lips pressed together, his brows knit into a confused wince, probably tasting the blood in his mouth.
"Sammy, c'mon," Dean whispered again and Sam's eyes just barely opened.
"He's awake?" Kevin asked, scooting closer just as Dean pushed a palm against Sam's face, gentle yet enough of a touch to get Sam to open his eyes wider. They were unfocused, rolling as if he wasn't really seeing anything.
"Yeah," Dean said slowly, watching Sam closely as he kept his palm on his cheek then moved up to rub his thumb along Sam's temple.
Sam turned his face into Dean's hand. His tongue kept working inside his mouth. "Yeah he's awake but, he's off..."
Dean tilted Sam's face up. Kevin got a glimpse of Sam's cloudy eyes rolling without focusing.
"Sammy, you with me?" Dean whispered gently.
Sam made a face and dazedly moved an uncoordinated hand up to his mouth. "Okay, Sam, it's okay," Dean promised quietly.
"We're gonna get you up just a little bit," he coaxed, pulling the blanket off Sam. Kevin had no idea exactly how Dean did it so smoothly but one second Sam was lying on his side still in recovery position and the next Dean had gotten Sam's knees to his chest before pushing him onto the floor into a loose kneel. Kevin was reminded of a sloppy child's pose in yoga.
Sam moaned in groggy, uncomprehending pain. Dean shushed him, offered nice but bland reassurances with that same soothing tone of voice.
Sam huffed and wheezed, slumped over his knees, his face only inches from the floor. He clutched his stomach and Dean wrapped an arm around Sam's back to anchor him before he pulled the bucket over.
"If you need to throw up or spit the blood out, here," Dean explained, giving Kevin a furtive glance suggesting the explanation was for him too. Kevin nodded his understanding. He shifted over to sit in front of Sam's down-turned head, then put the water bottle to the side of the bucket. He glanced at Dean and Dean nodded his approval.
Sam moaned again, empty and pained and somewhat haunting. Dean made it better for them both, interrupting Sam's inchoate misery with "you got this, Sammy" and "okays" and "all rights" while he rubbed Sam's back, pulling his hair from his face.
"Dean," Sam suddenly whimpered and Kevin caught the flash of surprise, then delight on Dean's face.
"Hey, look who's talking." Dean grinned. He looked over at Kevin and that's when Kevin got it. Sam had been mute earlier. Kevin smiled but he was still shaken. It was a shitty swap. Kevin would have preferred Sam mute longer than getting hit with a grand mal seizure.
Dean scooted up and threaded his arm under Sam's chest to make space so he could push his leg between Sam's knees and chest. When Dean was done, Sam was a little higher off the ground, hunched over Dean's leg. It seemed more comfortable and Sam could still reach the bucket if he needed it. Dean hugged Sam's hunched-over form against him, occasionally petting Sam's hair down or rubbing his shoulders. It was so blatantly protective Kevin knew not to come any closer.
Which was weird because that was when Kevin realized he wanted to come closer.
If Dean wasn't here, Kevin would be awkwardly patting Sam's back and feeling like this was way out of his league. He was an only child, his mom never got sick bad enough for him to care for her, he'd never babysat kids and he'd never been in a relationship where his significant other had been sick or wounded. All in all, Kevin had never really been expected to take care of anyone other than himself his whole life.
So the way Dean was able to do this so naturally, so smoothly… Dean, the most harsh and insensitive man Kevin had ever encountered, was able to comfort and hug and soothe. It was a revelation. Kevin realized he wanted to be this good too.
Sam was still blurry and incoherent, offering only some infrequent utterances of Dean's name. Dean was just letting him breathe through things as he hung over his knee with the bucket below. Dean kept Sam's hair pulled back.
Sam leaned forward and spat into the bucket with a whimper. "D'n," Sam groaned, his voice echoed hollowly around the plastic walls of it.
"I know, I got you, it's okay," Dean promised. He pushed his hand into Sam's hair and massaged his head.
Sam shivered. Dean looked for the blanket he'd pulled off Sam earlier and draped it back over them. Sam leaned into Dean's body though, holding on to Dean's leg against his chest. Dean offered his arm and Sam latched onto that too. Kevin was reminded of those roller coaster safety harnesses, Dean keeping Sam's body in perfect position, safe and as comfortable as possible while Sam endured… something unpleasant. Kevin wasn't really sure what Sam was going through but he didn't seem cognizant or happy and just knowing that alone, Kevin knew that had to suck.
"De," Sam grunted miserably, threads of drooled blood dripping from his mouth.
"You bit your tongue in the seizure," Dean informed but Kevin wasn't sure if Sam really heard or understood. Instead he just hacked spits and coughs into the bowl, trying to get rid of the tangy taste of his own blood.
It was gross but Kevin found himself watching Sam avidly, his repulsion dwindling as his concern for Sam's welfare grew.
Sam's forehead hit the rim of the bucket and nearly sent it whirling off its axis on the floor. Kevin caught it just in time, disgusted by the tiny sloshing sounds at the bottom of it, and set it back right. He came closer and angled it in front of Sam's face again. He kept quiet, unwilling to try to copy anything Dean was doing for Sam because besides how great and soothing it was in its own right, Kevin was nearly positive Sam accepted it easily, even as disoriented as he was, because it was his brother doing it and no one else.
Kevin kept a hand on the bucket so Sam couldn't knock it over again. He startled when he felt a light shaky grip around his wrist and realized it was Sam. Kevin froze and Sam tightened his hold. Kevin looked up at Dean for help on what to do but Dean just gave him an imperceptible smile and shrug. Kevin looked back down at Sam's hand. He decided to take Sam's hand so they were palm-to-palm. He held on tightly, willing the shakes to go away in his Sam's limbs. It didn't work but it felt like something.
Sam squeezed Kevin's palm, almost like he was comforting Kevin. Taken by the gesture, Kevin looked up at Dean again. Dean was holding his brother perfectly and though he seemed approving, his gaze was focused, almost hawklike, upon them.
Kevin swallowed nervously and kept his clasp on Sam's hand under the scrutiny. He'd never seen Sam so candid before as when he'd walked into the kitchen, nor so vulnerable and hurt as he was now. Kevin felt for Sam now. So with one hand he held the bucket steady and with the other he continued holding Sam's hand, squeezing it back, wanting to give back somehow.
When Kevin dared, he cast a furtive glance at Dean again. The man's wary expression had given way to something contented and relaxed. Kevin realized how much this was building trust for the both of them.
Dean cleared his throat. "Okay, seems like you're done. C'mon Sammy," Dean said as he pulled Sam away. Like a rag doll, Sam's hand slipped from Kevin's and he was tipped to collapse sideways against Dean into his lap.
"Okay," Dean dragged the word out as he shifted around to get comfortable, lying back against the cabinets. Sam idly squirmed along too, hazily agitated.
"Drink," Dean ordered lightly, bringing the water bottle to Sam's lips. Sam grunted and twitched away from it. "It's okay, Sammy, drink." Sam eyed it dully and reached for it. "No, Sam, let me," Dean pushed, still peaceful but persistent.
"Dean, Sam wants-"
"I know what he wants, Kevin," Dean said in the same exact tone of voice he'd been using on Sam.
"So why don't-"
Dean shifted and leaned the water bottle against Sam's mouth despite Sam's throaty whines of vague dismay.
"I've seen this. He'll just drop it," Dean said steadily.
Just then Dean managed to press the nozzle between Sam's lips and squeezed the barest level of pressure for water to trickle into his mouth. Sam let out a sharp cry and squirmed.
"Just let him do it himself."
"Kevin, stop. I know what I'm doing. It's okay, I promise. Sammy, it's okay. You're safe," and Dean continued saying nonsense and Kevin watched, conflicted, as Sam started drinking from the water bottle in Dean's hands. This time when his hands rose to help hold it, Dean let him place them over his own. With Sam stable and drinking, Dean addressed Kevin.
"Kevin," Dean said, his tone restrained, "you and I could be talking about anything right now as long as we're using this tone of voice. Sam's disoriented. He has no idea what we're saying-"
"How do you know?" Kevin challenged with a grudgingly smoother tone to match Dean's. Sam turned away from the nozzle of the water bottle so Dean set it down before wrapping his arms and legs around Sam. Sam melted into it, curling up, his back pressing against Dean's chest. Kevin reddened at the shameless display of affection. They were cuddling.
"Sam told me once to think of it like getting coated in fog. All your senses are muffled. You can only pick up maybe one or two words but ultimately you're only registering the way voices sound. He can hear but he can't understand what he's hearing kinda thing."
As if to prove the point, Sam heaved a deep sigh and ducked his head against Dean's neck. It lacked any semblance of awareness or self-consciousness.
"How does that work?" Kevin asked, watching Sam drift in this liminal space.
"I don't know. Not a seizure doctor," Dean quipped softly. Kevin huffed and with a sinking feeling, noticed the lines on Dean's face, the half-lidded eyes that spoke of so much exhaustion and stress. "Besides the disorientation, Sam's weak again too. I can tell," Dean offered, voice still soothing. He wiped some hair off Sam's face and Sam hummed something that sounded vaguely like Dean's name. Suddenly he squirmed again and Dean gave him some mobility. He twisted backwards a little, head angled up so he stare into Dean's eyes.
"I know, bud. I'm right here, you… clingy… octopus," Dean chuckled, moving around so they'd be more comfortable. He looked down at his brother. Sam's eyes opened a bit more with the better view of his brother's face.
Kevin could tell Sam's vision was still off; he wasn't focusing. His eyes just kept wandering around Dean's face and then away. He did keep coming back to Dean's eyes though. Every time he did Dean would say something like 'good job' and 'that's it Sammy' and it tugged at Kevin to see Dean so calm, so supportive every time Sam would show even a brief hint of re-orienting.
Kevin was thankful Dean was the one handling this. The younger brother's behavior was disturbing. Kevin had never seen anyone so absent-yet-awake. Sam was coming off like what Kevin imagined was a bad trip on drugs or something.
But Dean was handling it and despite himself, Dean's voice was doing for Kevin what it was doing for Sam. Kevin relaxed and shifted closer, wanting to watch and monitor Sam's emerging awareness just as solicitously as Dean.
"It's okay, Sam, I'm right here. You're safe, it's all good," Dean kept it up, his voice getting a little scratchy now. Kevin suppressed a smile thinking how Dean had probably never spoken this much in years.
Sam swallowed and winced. His tongue must hurt from having bitten it during the seizure, plus the taste of blood was no doubt awful.
"Do you want to move him?" Kevin whispered.
"Yeah I just want to give him a few more minutes, okay?" Dean said kindly, still looking down at Sam. Kevin had to give Dean a double-take when he realized the older brother was sporting a small, genuine smile as he looked down at Sam.
"Why're you smiling?" Kevin had to ask, his tone blunt and quietly accusatory. How could Dean even be thinking of smiling right now?
Dean sighed but kept the smile plastered on his face.
"It's just a thing..." Dean trailed off. Kevin cocked his head to the side, curious. "His senses will come online eventually and smiles universally put people at ease."
Kevin considered Dean's explanation. Just then Sam huffed, furrowed his brows and smacked his lips lightly. He hummed again but this time in something resembling irritation.
"What's he want?"
Sam hummed and waved a limp hand against Dean's stomach as he turned into Dean's waist.
Dean gave a small snort of laughter as he rubbed Sam's back.
"What? What's so funny?" Kevin whispered, watching Dean shake his head affectionately as he looked down at his brother.
"Ah nothing," Dean said, nonchalant as he reached under Sam's arms. Sam lifted his arms up to Dean, facial expressions and movements still unaware yet vaguely wanting. "Just... some things never change," Dean said affectionately as he hoisted Sam up into a sitting position on his lap and let Sam fall against him into a hug.
Kevin still couldn't get over the shock that this was Sam and Dean Winchester.
A/N: Originally published 4/20/2014, revised 8/15/2019.
Also this fic is now available on AO3! My pseud is fogsrollingin there too & you can download Trialculosis Sam in AO3's available formats for offline reading in case y'all'd appreciate/want that!
Thank you so much for reading - please comment/review if you can spare the time! xoxo, Alex