I kissed him...
I actually kissed him. My face was flushed scarlet and my blood was boiling. I slowly opened my eyes, worried I might see him trying to pull away. His amber eyes were wide with surprise but he made no effort to break our kiss.
Is this a dream? Why does time feel like it's moving so slowly? There's no way I'm passionately kissing my best friend.
Yet soon enough, I could feel the mix melt into the kiss as he accepted my embrace. I was surprised yet happy as he deepened it. It wasn't at all like I imagined, because in my mind he'd be a bit awkward and shy, but in a cute way. And we'd both be blushing madly as we got lost in each other's eyes...
Clearly, I'd been thinking about this a lot- but that's not the point. Rocky was kissing back with an unexpected but welcome passion. My heart was racing and I could feel the warmth radiating from him send shivers down my spine.
When he finally broke the kiss, his muzzle was flushed the same pinkish-red as the beautiful sunrise behind him. I was no doubt as red as Marshall's fire truck.
"Wocky, I-" before I could finish, he pulled me closer and rested his forehead against mine as he gazed into my eyes with a new expression of peace and relief. Rocky didn't look nervous or anxious like usual, he looked... happy. I closed my eyes with a sigh of a mix of joy and relief
He loves me!, I thought. I never expected this to happen. After months of obsession and longing, I have an answer.
If it weren't for the lack of space and preserving the mood of the moment, I would literally be jumping all around with joy. He finally knows how I feel- and he seems to feel the same!
I slowly opened my eyes again to look at him. I open my mouth to speak, but what I saw was so shocking after what had happened. His expression turned to one of worry, right before turning into an uncomfortable and hesitant look. But how could that be? Is he not the same pup I was kissing mere seconds ago?
I was so deeply confused at the moment, I could almost feel the anxiety creeping up on me, but I tried to hold a smile on my face- just hoping everything would be resolved and we could go back to that short little moment where even if just for one second, it seemed as if all of our worries vanished into thin air...
Rocky's POV
The kiss was just so... so good. But thinking back on everything, it is clear I shouldn't let a stupid kiss win over my rationality. Yet part of me still wants to and it's like they're both battling over the decision, making me feel so light headed. I shook it out to try to focus
I spoke with certain uncertainty, but it had to be said. It had to be done. "Z-Zuma..." I said, trembling, and after mentioning his name no more words could escape my lips, as opposed to the thousands that I felt needed to be said
"Yes?" I could hear him softly reply. His tone was so quiet and soothing, his eyes staring deeply into mine, open wide as if he stood in awe to the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen, with such a great and genuine smile, it's enough to make you happy for a long, long while
I took a deep breath and close my eyes to try to focus on what I would say. It was hard to say anything when he seemed so innocently happy, though I could see after opening my eyes as his smile continue to fade as he noticed I was acting strange
"I need a moment... away" I said, still hesitant, before being brought to reality and the realization that we were far from land, in a relatively small vehicle. There was nowhere to run, but I just couldn't continue. I needed a break and I needed one as fast as possible. I needed to get away, yet he approached me with his concerned look, until there was such a short gap between our muzzles that I could feel his breathing softly brushing through my face
"W-What's wrong?" He questioned. He once again stared deep into my eyes, this time with a look of such worry that would make any smile fade away purely from the shared concern and uncomfortable tension that filled the air, like a dense spore that made it more and more difficult to breathe
"I can't do this," I said quickly with regret for the whole moment I allowed to happen earlier. I took a step back and was forced to shift my look in the direction of my paws as I couldn't bear with the guilt inevitably provoked by the lab's expression
"But you... you kissed me," Zuma started in disbelief. "You kissed back! Where's the problem?! What can't you do?! Isn't this just the part where we live happily ever after?!" His rising tone made me reluctantly look back to him. He was shaking and his voice broke as he spoke. He choked back tears. I'd never seen him like this. This fragile in appearance
"But this isn't a fairy ta-"
"Then just tell me what the hell is the problem!" the lab screamed. "I-" his voice broke once more, "... I deserve to know... You make a nice gesture, you take me out for a fun day to a reclusive spot with just the two of us... you kiss back, and now you're telling me you don't love me?" Zuma was speaking more quietly now, not worrying about the steady flow of tears down his face."What, is it because I'm a dude too?"
"What? No!" Rocky responded quickly. "Dude, I assure you it's not even near to being the whole 'but he's a guy' bullsh*t. I'm well over that. But what were you expecting to happen? We'd just live happily ever after? It doesn't work like that, Zuma... this whole limerence thing in itself is so primal and stupid. Have you even considered what happens next? It risks crossing boundaries over our professional relationships, and what about our goals in life? I'm not going to be stuck here, I plan to live a life of my own. And we are both very different pups... it just wasn't meant to be" I practically whisper to him, trying myself not to make a huge deal over the situation. I can't let it take over me
"So you just plan to abandon me before you even give it a chance? You are such a lovable and fricking stupid pup, aren't you," he scolded with no regret and wiped the few tears left on his muzzle. The rest had dried out
"What did you just call me?" I said, with a more serious tone. His kind words combined with an insult and all said in a mean tone gave off mixed signals, yet I felt the need to respond to his change in attitude
"You heard me," Zuma muttered. "You just always think you know everything and pretend like you're too smart to love yet even you know deep down you're just scared. You're scared that you don't understand as much as you thought you did. You're scared to get hurt again." He took a step closer and said, in a more reassuring, soft tone, "but you don't have to be scared of giving us a try. You of all people should know it's only logical to give it a try" and with that, he took my paw
I pulled away in a quick motion. I stiffened my body and deadpanned. "It's only a waste of time... look, whatever you were expecting isn't happening. I just came here to fix a friendship so that everything could go back to normal. So if you don't mind, I need to drive us back to shore so I can return to the lookout" I said sounding like an emotionless robot. At this point, even that doesn't sound quite bad
Yet the lab stood up straight and tall, looked me in the eyes and said, in a cold, defiant voice, "No."
I looked at him annoyed. "No what"
"I'm not letting you run away from this like you do with all your other problems. Hell, this shouldn't even be a problem; you're making it one" Zuma said with such confidence and arrogance in his words it just made me want to push him overboard and drive away
I didn't respond but simply stared at him with a blank look. He sighed and sniffled, trying not to let more tears out. We stood there in a few seconds of awkward silence, except this time he stared broken hearted through watery eyes while I stared coldly, wanting for him to just get over it. At any other moment I would console him...but not now. The things he said without a hint of regret. Thinking only he has the voice of reason in this and acting like I was being insensible. I was definitely mad at him at this point
Suddenly, I feel the lab quickly pulling me in for another kiss, but before he can even touch his muzzle to mine I instinctively flash my paws out to push him away. I didn't measure my strength; I just shoved him away and wasn't even hesitant or worried about the effects as I heard him hit the ground with a thud.
It all changed when I looked to see a claw mark on the side of his muzzle.
Blood
He reached up to touch it and winced at the burning sensation of the fresh cut
It all felt so different when he looked back up to me. His eyes, just a minute ago showed passion, then confusion, heart break... now, they raged with anger. A type of anger I'd never seen ever before. I regretted so much of what just happened but it was too late.
He got on all fours and glared at me with a stare so icy it could freeze the entire ocean around us. He growled at me with a deep and menacing force behind it as if he was about to tear me apart.
I gulped. Trying my best to keep my body from shaking, I took a step back and carefully speak up. "Z-Zuma, I-I'm so s-sorry, I didn't m-mean to d-do th-that...". He didn't respond. It was as if my once best friend was completely gone. I was face to face with an intimidating, anger driven beast...
"Z-Zoom?" I asked with fear evident in my voice
One second. One strike. He swung forward and striked me clear across my muzzle, going much deeper than I had when I hit him
It was at that moment that everything just stopped making sense. I had to strike back. Everything went pitch black as I started viciously attacking the lab, and with my claws fully visible started swinging and striking across everything I encountered. Biting, if necessary
Good thing we were far off shore for anyone to notice the violent fight we had come to have. Never in all our past years had we taken part in a physical, literal fight. But this was real, alright
The sky became cloudy and the day became dark in a matter of minutes, as if waiting for dramatic effect. To this day, I still regret the occurrences of that day. To be honest, my mind pretty much blocked most of it from my memories; though I don't quite blame it
One thing that did stand out in my memory was the aftermath
I opened my eyes, feeling the injuries sting, mostly open wounds of scratches and a few bites. I looked to the side of the relatively small vehicle to find the lab curled up into a ball, whimpering from the injuries he himself had endured. It was the sight of him that brought me back
Realizing what I had done, my mind was overloaded with thoughts, worries, memories, and visions of what would happen next. As everything flooded my mind, I stumbled back, shivering, until I had no more room to stand. I suddenly fell backwards, my vision of Zuma twisting as I descended over the side of the craft into the ocean.
I was far too tired to swim and too overloaded with panic to focus. I instinctively tried to take a breath but only filled my lungs with water, causing me to drown faster. I flailed my paws frantically and helplessly, knowing that I just had to accept my fate. Once again, I felt the all too familiar feeling of losing consciousness as the ocean water appeared to have become darker and darker until I inevitably sunk into the cold, empty abyss
-
Hours had passed before I regained consciousness. I slowly opened my eyes to see Ryder and the pups standing near me; Zuma included. I was back at the lookout
"You're finally up! We were getting worried" Ryder said
"What happened?" I asked, groggy
"Zuma told us about your incident encountering those strays and almost drowning. We're just glad you're okay. Katie said with some rest all your wounds would heal in no time"
I gave Zuma a confused look. He shrugged, still looking really unhappy.
At least they bought it, I thought. But I had no time to think about this or him, I just wanted to get back to my pup house
"If you'll excuse me, I should leave to rest," I said jumping off the bed where I was put
I yelped as I landed; pain shot up from my front right paw. It was bandaged. I grunted as I walked limp towards my pup house
I heard the pups call to me confused, but I didn't bother to look back as I headed to my truck. Luckily Ryder understood and let me go.
Peace and quiet is all I needed.
I gave a frustrated sigh as I entered, thinking about what happened. I wanted to forget everything yet my mind kept repeating the incidents on my head
I never imagined it would go that way. It was way beyond unexpected, and it hurt me more to know that I hurt him than any hits and scratches I received. And right at that moment, I gasped with such fear as I came to the realization that I myself was experiencing the very same thing that had been hunting me for years. What I did- I was becoming him. I was becoming father
Breathing became harder. My body went numb. I felt very lightheaded as I stumbled through my pup house, pushing things to the ground as my body fought to stay in balance
Inevitably, after seconds of stumbling around barely conscious, I felt my body hit the cold metal ground, filled with papers and little written notes everywhere
How could I let this happen? This is all my fault... I let myself fall for him, and I ended up hurting him, badly. I wasn't even thinking... what if he had died? In my arms? I would never forgive myself if that were to happen, yet even then he still rescued me and I didn't thank him. So now I... I became just like father
I let out a flow of tears slowly making their way down my face, falling into the papers below me, making the ink unreadable and thus destroying all the written notes I had laying nearby
But I didn't care. In fact, I was too hurt to even notice. I grabbed a bunch of wet papers and crumbled them with my paw into a fist. A million thoughts went through my head, too many to process which only gave me a nauseating pain. Many more memories of that day invaded, just adding to the headache. And to make it even worse, the images of Zuma after I hurt him started flashing in my mind. All at the same time. The overwhelming emotion was just far too much
I just want it to stop. I just want all of it to stop, I thought with only more tears flowing to accompany the feeling
Suddenly, among all the massive chaos of thoughts and memories of the past and present, one very short but lucid memory appeared. I can still remember it like it was yesterday...
It was an unusually stormy night many years ago. Back when it was just me, an orphan mutt, and his owner, a loving 12 year old boy
It didn't typically rain this much. It was pouring so much outside, you could hear the loud sounds of the accumulated raindrops hitting the ceiling. It was late at night, but it was also raining too hard for anyone to be out on such conditions. Danny peeked out the open window to admire the view. His fascination for rain was unbelievable, yet understandable once you stood by him, just like I did that day. I peeked out the window beside him as my nose was welcomed by the amazing smell of wet grass from the frontyard. That cool, humid smell was so relaxing; combined with the sounds of the rain splashing on the ground, anyone could easily fall asleep to the calming sensation
And so we stood for quite sometime, just peacefully watching the rain. It rained for hours upon hours, and the best part is father wouldn't be home until much later in the day, so it was just us. Although it didn't seem to last long. Maybe we both just lost track of time thanks to the soothing sound of the rain, but one blink and hours had gona by. It was already nighttime
The sound of keys clinging took us both out of the trance induced by the fallong rain. It was now 40 minutes past Danny's bedtime, and if father saw him still up he would get mad. Really mad
He instinctively dashed in direction to his bedroom. I followed closely behind him with fear as I knew what was coming if we were caught. Yet it was too late. Before Danny could make it to the room, the front door opened. In came a drunken father, as he usually did, ready to pass out in the couch until having to deal with his hangover in the morning. Except this time something called his attention: us
Danny froze the moment he felt his father's glare land on him. He looked over at father standing in the hallway to his bedroom as he said with the most annoyed and angry tone possible, pausing shortly after each word, "what-the-hell-are-you-doing-up?"
Danny quivered. After a long pause, he said shaking, "I-I just lost t-track of t-time"
Knowing what would soon happen I cowardly moved to a corner where I stood watching the whole thing
Father didn't seem to believe him. He walked in our direction and while I stood cowardly with my backagainst the wall, he leaned down standing face to face with Danny, probably sending down a nasty breath full of alcohol, and stared at him menacingly. The poor boy continued to tremble in fear
"I guess I gotta teach you a fucking lesson once more, huh?" Father said in a raising tone
"No, please don't. I swear I'll behave," Danny pleaded.
Normally this would just be the point father looked at him with disbelief and yelled more as he abused him until he could barely stand on his feet and send him to bed before he passed out.
This time, however, father was unbelievably merciful, though probably from being too drunk and tired to abuse him this time. "You're off for tonight. But get to your bed before I change my mind" he said dismissively.
Danny didn't bother to speak at this once in a lifetime occasion. He raced to his room as fast as he could and I followed, finally after gluing myself off the corner wall like the coward I was
As we both settled in his bed (which father was against but I slept with him anyway for mutual comfort), Danny started weeping with silent sobs. But he managed to pull himself together before falling to tears completely and alerting father. He took a deep breath and sung a short little song his mother taught him a long time before when he couldn't getover his irrational fear of a home intruder coming into the house and murder his parents, taking everything they had with them. It was like his own worryingly realistic version of the monster in the closet.
[Back to the present]
I closed my eyes and sang along to the memory of Danny singing a little song to calm himself down...
~When it's just a little lullaby...
This is just a little lullaby to keep myself from crying myself
A little lullaby to keep, keep-
My eyes from always crying, this is just a little lullaby
I'm trying to get myself to fall asleep, sleep
It's just a little lullaby...~
Danny said to sing this repeatedly until things got better or you drifted onto sleep. I must've sung this over a hundred times that night. Whatever I did, I couldn't stop thinking about what would happen next, and what Zuma said.
"You just always think you know everything and pretend like you're too smart to love yet even you know deep down you're just scared. You're scared that you don't know this as much as you thought you did. You're scared to get hurt again"
Was he wrong? Or does what happened today only prove me right?
Maybe love might be worth a chance. Just maybe. But either way, I fucked up way too bad to retreat
Hello again, amazing people of FFN! Thank you to everyone for supporting my story! And special thanks to The_Phoenix6070 for the help with the beginning hehe. Got kinda stuck so he helped me out. You should check out his amazing story, Ashes! (Also RxZ) And while we're there, might wanna check out Taurusology_ . She's an amazing writer as well and has several works of amazing quality
Anyway, hope you enjoyed, and I'll see you all next time!
-LSMMPGBFECLRMCFD