2 weeks after Zuma joined the Paw Patrol
"Zuma wins again!" Skye cheered
"You need to need to step up your game, Chase. This is the thiwd time I've beat you at Pup Pup Boogie!© " Zuma exclaimed before howling in victory
"Yeah, yeah. You only won because I was tired. I need an empowering nap" the shepherd defended, earning a giggle from Skye and Marshall, who were watching the two and knew he'd just woken up from a nap not too long ago as it was a slow day
"Wiight" Zuma responded jokingly, followed by a giggle. He found it funny how Chase always seemed eager to defend his pride, no matter what
Leaving his thoughts aside, the lab immediately smiled as he spotted the wallflower in the room
Laying against the wall near the corner, Rocky was comfortably reading a book- per usual. Zuma trotted over to the pup and began in his typical, friendly tone
"Hey, dude! You wanna go against me in Pup, Pup Boogie? Not to bwag, but I'm on a stweak, and I need some new competitows" the lab proposed, looking at the mix who didn't take his eyes off the book
"I appreciate the offer, but no thanks. I'd rather stay here and read" he answered sounding indifferent
"Aww, but you'we always weading! Don't you get tiwed of doing that all the time?" He titled his head
"Don't you get tired of dancing to the same song all the time on pup pup boogie?" The grey haired pup replied in a monotone, flipping the page
"Well- I mean... that's not the point. You need to go on and have some fun for once, dude. So come join us!" The lab put his book down with his paw, making Rocky look up at him
"But I am having fun" the bibliolater whined
"What're you weading anyways? You hadn't taken your eyes off that thing in ages"
"It's a book all about the CDC." Rocky's eyes lit up in excitement as he finished his sentence
"Why are you reading about the Center of Disease Control?"
"No, the other CDC. The Canine Development Center" Rocky explained, holding the book close to his chest
"What's that?" The lab asked dumbfounded and curious
"You haven't heard of it? It's like every pup's dream!" The mix gave a short pause, "Well it's my dream at least. But anyways, the CDC, or Canine Development Center, is an organization that prides itself in its work between dogs and humans to develop new technology and discoveries in order to help make a better world for everyone, whether biped or quadruped," the mix stated from memory straight off the book's own definition like a computer. "Their full name is technically the Center of Research, Intelligence, and Development for Canines and Humans Alike, or CRIDCHA, but it wasn't as catchy"
"Uhh, that sounds pretty cool, I guess. Is that why you were reading about it, because it's your dream?
"Yep!" The mix answered enthusiastically. "I know for a fact I'll be working there in a matter of years. I'm thinking mechanical engineering, but I'm still deciding. They have so many options!" The normally shy pup's tail couldn't stop wagging, but he didn't care to refrain from it when it came to his passion
Zuma, however, seemed less excited. Instead he looked somewhat concerned
"But what about the Paw Patrol? I thought you were gonna stay here in adventure bay and help people, like we do now"
Rocky shook his head, "Oh, please. Don't get me wrong, I love working for the Paw Patrol, but they're a stepping stone towards my bigger goal- think about it, isn't it better to aim higher so I can help a lot more people in the future? Who knows what I can discover or build with their resources. Plus it'll be hella fun!" He cheered
"I mean, I guess... you seem to have made up your mind about it. But what about your friends here? Like me, Ryder, or Chase, or Marshall"
"Ryder, I'm sure he'd understand. It's not like my job is very crucial anyways. I mean, I love doing it, but when you compare firefighter, police, and water rescue with 'recycling', it doesn't seem to be quite the same level of importance. And, you know, I doubt the other two pups would care. I've been here for longer than you and yet you still managed to become closer to them than I ever did"
"What about me? I'm your friend. They're my friends too, but I also like hanging out with you" Zuma remarked sweetly
Rocky smiled. "Thanks. I promise to stay in touch when that happens"
Zuma returned the smile. "I'm not gonna push you away from your dream, but I'll just say you can never be so sure about it. Who knows, maybe the Paw Patrol will win you over in this time and you may choose to stay"
Rocky quickly dismissed the idea in his head. "Yeah, right, like that would ever happen..."
Rocky chuckled at the memory. Their past sure was a lot sweeter than their current situation
Zuma's prediction was indeed true. As time passed, he stopped seeing the Paw Patrol as just a team, but as a family. And as such he decided not to leave them, even if it was the dream of the boy he used to belong to before joining; family comes first
However, things changed. After literally fighting his best friend, and knowing what a disaster it'll be for them if Ryder found out, Rocky decided it was best to return to pursuing the old dream. Which is what led him here, sitting in front of his little desk, and changing the course of his future with a pen and paper by writing a letter of application to the CDC
"Should I lie about my experience? I bet most who are trying to join must have way better things down than having worked with an unofficially established team in a city they've never heard of," he mumbled to himself
Finally, he stood back to reread it, carefully analyzing each and every single word in the letter. His left paw holding the pen, the claws in his right clenched onto his skin ever so tightly to relieve anxiety
He dropped the pen and grunted. "Too repetitive" he said with frustration clear in his voice, crumpling up the paper with his free arm and throwing it in a pile along the other 6 failed attempts
He couldn't wing it on something like this. With the amount of highly skilled and experienced dogs attempting to join, he had to strive for perfection. That meant every word had to be the right one. What if it's not perfect? They'll surely have no trouble throwing it into the garbage
He held on tighter to his left foreleg. He wasn't about to let that happen
He started over, tensely writing a similar version of his last letter and attempting to avoid the same mistakes and carefully choosing each word like he was choosing a mate
Wait-
...
Bad example, Rocky
He did his best to ignore the thought and continued with the task
After he finished writing it, he once again stood back to carefully reexamine what he wrote. He pressed his claws deeper into his flesh, feeling his heartbeat increase as he analyzed his current attempt, looking for another error
The overflowing worry in the mix was quickly consumed by the echoing silence of the room
Time was in fact not of the essence, but to Rocky it was. The faster he applied, the faster they'd get back to him. He knew Ryder was smart but also caring, he wasn't gonna let go of the issue until he got to the very bottom of it- and sadly because Zuma's excuse of "encountering those strays" won't hold up for long. Ryder will surely want to find them, leading to an unnecessary search mission set to fail... plus if they ask any questions about it and their stories don't add up, they'll know something's fishy
Urgh, when did this all get so complicated? I went from falling in love to fighting my crush and lying to my friends. There's only one way out of this one
He focused back on the paper in front of him and noticed a lot of unnecessary details here and there, and rambling in some parts. All things that were simply unacceptable
"I should just burn this one" Rocky stated with such desperation and disappointment as he crumpled up and threw yet another try full of mistakes. He gave a long sigh; he was still far from finally making a good letter
And so continued two of what felt like endless, miserable shots at the same goal. All gone to the corner. All for nothing
He stared at the finished product of a third desperate attempt almost with hatred in his heart
Never before in his life had he been so angry at a paper; they used to be his main source of happiness
Now, he knew one more error and he would go insane, if he hadn't already.
A hint of hope surfaced in Rocky's voice. "Coherent, flows well, straightforward but detai-"
Splat
A drop of the thick, red liquid fell on the center of the paper, making the mix's ear twitch at the sound
He turned his head towards the tiny red spot contrasting the white paper, yet his mind it was far too busy to react to it
Splat
This time, the gentle sound was enough to snap the mix back into reality. He looked at the letter in realization and with extreme frustration surfacing
"DAMMIT" he shouted at the top of his lungs, crumpling up his 11th screwup and throwing it into his pup house door, making it bounce and hit the floor next to him
Knowing he wasn't gonna get anywhere at this rate, the mix opened the door to his pup house and walked out for some air and time to gather his thoughts as he headed to the Lookout
As soon as both his forelegs hit the ground, he felt a sting in his left as a repercussion of before, but decided to ignore it and continued walking
He was starting to feel less tense until the thought of encountering Zuma crossed his mind. The pup froze in place, unwanted memories of their fight flashed in his mind.
The fresh blood from the cuts of them both, the flashing claws and swinging paws with malicious intent.
But more importantly, the look of despair on the lab's face after they returned home
Before he continued walking, he pressed harder on the same spot as before, attempting to forcibly push out the thoughts overflowing in his head, but to no avail. Deep breaths, Rocky... deep breaths
Taking a short pause to focus on his breathing, he then continued his trajectory whilst submerged in worries, the familiar annoying stinging sensation returning as he did so. Regardless, he just couldn't stop thinking about that familiar, outgoing, water loving pup
He just wasn't sure what'd be of them now. They were such good friends- they could count on each other for anything and share all their secrets. But after that kiss and everything that happened that day, well, things would change. He was aware that Zuma probably hated him and the cover was just so he wouldn't have to deal with the consequences of getting into a fight with his own coworker and friend
But of course, not wanting to revisit that awful memory ever again, the mix would blame the loss of his friend on the kiss. That's the only reason that could fit in Rocky's logical thinking brain; had they not kissed and remained friends, no fight would've occurred. It was so simple in his eyes, he wondered how the lab could possibly see it any other way
Anyhow, he had to do something to handle the situation at least before he gets accepted into the CDC. It wasn't gonna be easy, but if they wanted to keep the unforgettable events of their fight a secret, he and Zuma would have to work together
Speaking of the cute devil, Rocky thought as he saw the infamous pup he wouldn't stop thinking about. We winced at the stinging pain that persisted but kept walking their way
I got this, all I have to do is be nice and pretend nothing happened. Simple...
"Hey, Zuma!" The mix called somewhat energetically to the lab who was talking to Marshall, but failed to see the exasperated sigh from him after hearing Rocky call his name
However, it was strange to see their reactions. The look of shock on both their faces as they turned to face him- they were absolutely horrified. The dally just as much as the lab
Did... he... tell him? Rocky stopped and cocked his head, feeling lightheaded and confused at the two pups' wordlessness. He tried to clutch onto his foreleg once again but this time the sting was back, concerningly increasing the level of pain until it drowned every other thought running through his mind
He felt himself losing balance as the world went quiet. He didn't know what was going on, but the two now did seem to be moving their mouths as they approached, only he couldn't hear a sound
"Z-Zoom?" He looked at his red-covered paw then quickly moved it forward to keep himself from falling, but failed to stay in his feet as he dropped down to the floor
"He's waking up!" Marshall exclaimed after hearing the heart monitor slightly increase, making the other pup and Katie gather up around the barely conscious pup
"Wha- Argh!" The mix winced in pain as he tried to get up from the little hospital-like bed where he was laying. However, with any better look it was clearly Katie's clinic
"Take it easy, you're still injured from whatever it is that happened to your front leg" said Katie, checking the bandage and unhooking the little heart rate monitor she had set up in case of any complications
Rocky looked at his bandaged foreleg. Must've been from holding onto it so hard. Man, was I really that numb?
He saw Zuma whisper something to the other two, who nodded hesitantly and walked out of the room
The lab sighed as they did. "Vasovagal attack? A bleeding leg with claw marks? Wocky, what the hell did you do?" He asked sounding concerned
Rocky remained silent for a short while before changing the subject and asking meekly. "What did Ryder say last night, after you explained our injuries and, well, me drowning." He avoided eye contact for the most part except an occasional glimpse or two
"Not gonna answer? Alright then. He believed it, but now he, Chase and Skye are out asking around and searching for whoever is responsible. Since I told them I never got a good look at any of them, Marshall stayed behind to keep us company after the 'attack' and make sure we both were okay" Zuma answered, not annoyed or angry but not in his usual, chill tone either. Something was clearly bothering him, and the mix was willing to bet it was because of the tension of the aftermath
"We'll have to find a way to drive them away from the search, maybe we ca-"
"What's gonna happen next?" Zuma quickly interrupted anxiously, peculiar of him
"I guess we bring the search to an en-"
"Between us. Last time we talked about how we felt we ended up trying to kill each other"
"I, uh... I'm sorry about that. I was the one who started it when I hurt you, but I didn't mean it to go that way"
"I know, but it was my fault too. I was so emotional and I went ballistic. There's just so much I've been having to deal with on my end too, you know? And after that kiss, when you seemed to change your mind I just- I couldn't control myself..." the pup shed a tear as he continued, "but what's gonna be of us now?"
"I wish I knew," Rocky gave a sympathetic smile to the lab who was on the verge of a breakdown
"I just... I thought I could get you to put your guard down, and I was ready to help you see that love isn't bad and... now I'm just not so sure. I mean, you're so stubborn about what you think. You never even hear out others' opinions because you've got your mind so set about love, and to be fair, I never really understood you. I tried and tried and I never stopped trying, but I just couldn't." Zuma sniffled and made a short pause. "You know, maybe we just weren't meant to be from the start"
Rocky was shocked. He never expected to hear those words. Especially since the last time he asked him about love. He remembered so vividly the happiness the lab tried but failed to hide when he said he had a crush, which was now clear to be him
He was so thrilled at the idea of being in love. Now I took his joy and flushed it down the drain. I didn't mean to, but...
"I think you're right"
A few seconds of awkward silence followed. The two just sat there, unsure of what to say next until Zuma spoke up
"Wocky?"
"Yeah?"
"Before you passed out, and again when we were on the jet ski, you called me Zoom" (Zum, spelling changed to fit the pronunciation)
"I-I guess I did... "
"It's cute. Don't do it again," he said coldly without looking at the other pup and walked towards the door. "Come on, we gotta catch up to them. Although we won't find anything, we can at least make good use of our patrolling to look for real problems in the city"
"Guess you don't plan to tell them either. Though I didn't take you as the kind of pup to be alright with lying to everyone"
"I'm not, but I want to stay in the team. Let's go." With this, the two headed outside and called Ryder before joining them in a patrol for non-existent strays, luckily finding a problem or two in that time so they weren't completely wasting their time
The team was curious and concerned of how the mix got his injury, but he constantly dismissed the question
Truth is, Rocky was lucky to have the ability to rationalize his actions in his head, that way he'd avoid the guilt of lying. But he worried for the other pup, who despite the 'chill' attitude was probably very uneasy about not telling the truth
The night soon came and the team had to head home. They managed to get a few missions on the way despite their initial goal, which obviously led nowhere. Many people had reported seeing a stray or two somewhere at some point, but nothing in relation to an attack, and Ryder tried to comfort the two saying they'll "find them soon"
Always keeping your hopes up, huh Ryder? Too bad we won't get anywhere with this, The mix thought walking under the night sky
Finally here, he thought, looking at the beach before him. He didn't know why, or at least why at this time, but something compelled him to visit the place again in what felt like ages. After all, sleep was far from near
He sighed at the sight. On one hand, the beach reminded him of the fight. The pain, the blood. The rush of emotion and lies that followed, leaving the memory to be buried in the past like a decaying thought in an ocean of irrationality
But on the other hand, it was the beach. The reflection of the delicate moonlight caressing every tide, the smell of wet sand static in the air around him, clinging to his being. The beautiful silence of the place that spoke a thousand words. Sure, some were of regret, but most were treasured memories
Tears surfaced in the mix's gazing eyes, mirroring the waves we was watching. He stepped closer into the coming tides, but stopping where the water just barely hit him. It was cold, but he didn't mind
He felt like he was having a conversation with the sea. Like he told the flowing water all that had happened with him, and with that cool midnight breeze full of memories, the beach spoke to him. It said that he understood his pain, but even Zuma, the greatest surfer Rocky knew, didn't fight the waves; he rode them, and with grace and delicacy, no matter how big or rough. So why should he fight it?
After so long, he was still fighting it. Whether love or emotion in general, he always chose to fight it. And now, he couldn't deny it
He's underneath the waves...
Of course this was completely nonsensical. It's impossible to have a conversation with the ocean, and he knew it. But there was just something about staring at the reflection of the water and breathing in that familiar scent that made him feel like he was in the right place.
Only something was missing
Anywho, it was as if answers unveiled in the few shells left behind by the tides. And for that quick moment, Rocky understood why Zuma loved the beach so much
It sure didn't look like much when he stood several feet away, frightened. But man was it majestic
This wasn't like him at all. The love for the beach, the optimistic views, the metaphors and the immense feeling that compelled him to swim his worries away
He was turning into Zuma.
"From admiring the pup to wanting to be like him, huh" the mix said to himself, shaking his head and letting out a chuckle
He shuddered away the thought, stepping further into the cold water to shake off his fragile state
"Whatever, it's just dihydrogen monoxide over fragments of eroded rock, and the smell is simply molecules from the wet sand being perceived by my nose and registered by my olfactory senses in my brain. It doesn't have a mind. It doesn't have vocal cords; it cannot talk and it doesn't mean anything except that; water. I have no reason to like it, plus it just reminds me of him. That's the last thing I need right now" he concluded, his mind regaining focus and thus retreating to his logical side; the only place he really felt safe
Part of him knew he often used facts as a cover; fancy words that degraded everything back to a simple, logical state that he could actually understand
Emotions were always so complicated to him, where you could easily feel lost while knowing exactly where you are, or feel alone while surrounded by others. It sure hit him sometimes- after all he wasn't some unfeeling robot, but between the trauma and the complications involving love in his past, he felt more comfort in the rational side, and hoped he could simply fight the feelings his whole life
Like trying to fight a wave, or make it change direction. How would he save himself before drowning again, just like his father tried to drown him?
And he would have stayed in his shell if it wasn't for that pup
That stupid, loving pup
He took another step forward, ignoring the cold, and felt the release of the water as I floated over it and closed my eyes to take in the feeling
Rocky still wasn't sure why someone would ever do that. To go through the trouble of opening him from his shell and allow him to truly feel
He hated to admit it, but everything that happened was because of that. Zuma didn't really care about him knowing how to swim- what he really wanted all along was for him to feel like he never did before
"You won, Zuma. I just wish you were here to see it" Rocky then realized he was unconsciously padding on the water on his own
But yet, he couldn't help but wonder. Is that why you did it? For love?
The mix simply had trouble believing the lab would do such a thing. Especially for someone like himself. And to think that in the end his love for him died as fast as lightning; It flashes at the speed of light, unexpected and fast, and kinda beautiful too.
But then, just like lightning, it dies out, leaving behind a gruesome scene. Sometimes even setting it on fire.
Father went crazy; Danny was abused- But could it really be that love can have such a positive impact, too?
The thought alone scared him. He hadn't been so compelled to explore it ever since he first got a home from the streets. And now, after years of rejecting it, he was forced to face it once again. But at the least he did gain something from this- Zuma's not the bad guy. He might've fought with him and messed with his mind before, but truth is, the lab, just like himself, might just have been another victim of the same terrorising emotion
Love
Hello, amazing people of FFN. I have to say that after all this time working on this story, I think I'll be on hiatus from writing. I enjoyed writing very much, especially this chapter which was actually written about two months ago. I didn't like my chapters much because they felt dull due to the lack of a certain level of detail and expression in the fiction that would take you beyond simply what was being said and done. This chapter, while not perfect, I felt was a much greater improvement
But things changed. Trying to force myself to write the next chapter has felt more like a chore than the hobby I so enjoyed. My passion for the overall story has sadly decayed. I don't know if this is a temporary thing, or maybe I just need to move on. I still have a soft spot for this story, especially being the first I've ever posted online, and even more so seeing the great response it got. However, I do not know if I can bring myself to continue, which is why it'll be on hiatus for some time. I want you to know that even if I do not continue it, I will not rest till I find someone I can trust who wants to help finish the few remaining chapters. I may still come back and complete it, but I find it less likely. Until I make a final decision, the story will remain on pause. Regardless, I hope you enjoyed all these chapters as much as I enjoyed writing them. Much love,
—LSMMPGBFECLRMCFD (no, it's not just a keyboard smash)