For some reason I swear a lot. Sorry about that. I think I just get overly passionate about these too.
Also, SMUT.
Not sorry about that.
Chapter Ten
Four days. Four days she had been off on her secret little mission Daddy had her on. He felt like messaging her but he also thought better of it. She's busy, doing something probably pretty dangerous. She didn't need the distraction of him.
There has been no more leads in the case, the firearm had led to a dead end. And thank god, they'd had no more bodies. That didn't ease Tony's mind. The fact they hadn't had one in a while meant something bigger was probably coming their way. He didn't like that.
Today had been a long day of nothing on nothing. Everyone was starting to get frustrated that they were getting nowhere. Obviously on top of that he'd been frustrated about Ziva being gone. Frustrated because he missed the touch of her skin, frustrated because he worried about her.
Derek had been concerned about him of late. He could tell. He hadn't asked anything yet but Tony wouldn't be surprised if the man would hit him up about it soon.
Tony stepped into his shower hoping to wash the stress of the last few days off. He knows he won't be cleansed of the feeling, not until she's back.
He's found that his thoughts of her are heading in the direction he's always avoided with women. Sure, he loves sex and he appreciates women, but he's never wanted to be involved emotionally. Not since Wendy. Since her, he hasn't wanted emotional connection. She broke him and it hurt. He didn't want that feeling again so he avoided it.
But with Ziva, the feelings came out of nowhere and he couldn't stop them. He tried, oh yes. But as much as his mind told him no, something else was telling him that she was beautiful and the way she made him feel was real.
He's told himself maybe having sex with her isn't a good idea with everything that's going through his head, but he can't help it. He wants to touch, wants her to touch. Just wants to be in the essence of her. It was addicting.
He's like a drug addict on a crash course, because the train he's on only has a certain length of track and if he doesn't put on the brakes he'll collide with the harsh fate at the end.
He heard the sound of his bathroom door open then and his heart was hammering in his chest in fright.
As he turned to look at the door, her face met his through the glass. His heart was suddenly pounding for all sorts of different reasons.
She looked exhausted and her face held an anxious look. She didn't say anything to him, she just held his gaze as she started taking her clothes off. He could see the way she hesitated and as she lifted her shirt over her head she winced.
He wondered what was going on, but then he saw it. Saw the bruises that covered her body. Her arms, ribs, shoulder, legs. All owning angry purple marks.
He went from excited, to worried, to angry in the span of five seconds.
He pushed the shower door open and went to get out, went to say something. But she was naked now and pushing him back into the shower and kissing his lips. Hard.
He managed to pull back, as much as he didn't want to.
"Ziva" his voice was soft and her gaze avoided his, looking everywhere but his eyes.
"I do not want to talk about it" she said quietly. He felt the way her body was tense beneath his hands and he really didn't like that. Didn't like that he father sent her on some killing mission and now here she is, beaten and bruised. Feeling tense under his hands.
These things her father has her doing, they aren't good for her. She's suffering physically, emotionally. He would bet a hundred that she would never admit it, but he feels it. Sees it.
All he wanted to do was fucking talk about it. He's thought about all the things he wants to talk about with her over the last four days. But, she needed him to not talk about it right now so he bit back his needs and put her first.
For now.
He brought one hand to the side of her face, brushing some unruly curls from her face that had caught the shower water. She lifted her gaze to him. There was a lot of pain swirling in her eyes right now and goddamn it was hard to keep his mouth shut and not demand to talk about it.
Suddenly he realised just how much of her she was baring to him right now, letting him see her like this. Hurt, exposed.
His heat pounded at how much she trusted him.
"What do you need?" he asked. Her eyes holding a solace gaze at his words. Were her eyes suddenly wet?
"I need your touch" she all but whispered, so low he almost didn't hear it over the failing water. His touch, he would never deny her.
"You're hurt" he then pointed out. He didn't want to hurt her more as he tried to pleasure her in all the ways she wanted. He wanted.
"I am fine" she said, firmly. Yeah, she was probably hurt and she wouldn't admit it he's sure of it "I want you" she added. Clearly she wanted him over any pain her bruises could give her.
He didn't deny her any longer. His lips touched hers and as gentle as he tried to be that seemed to be the opposite of what Ziva wanted right now.
Her lips were hard and demanding on his, her tongue pressing into his mouth as her hands went between his legs and gripped him. Hard.
He all but moaned into her mouth. God, he'd missed her.
He turned them around, pushing her against the back of the shower and pressing his thigh between hers. Her hands went to his shoulders then, gripping hard on his back. He kissed her almost aggressively. All that pain he's held over the last few days was coming out in waves now.
Suddenly, he can feel what she was looking for from him, working the same for him. The rough touches, hard kisses, letting that tension and anger roll off him.
He felt her shudder under him when he pressed a hand between them and touched her. She wasn't just wet from the shower. Damn. He cannot get used to how ready she always was for him without any effort.
The way she looked at him under heavy eyes and all but rode his fingers, told him she'd missed this too. That she wanted him. Bad.
Yeah, he wanted to let her come at least once before he went inside her, but he couldn't fucking wait any longer. He was almost desperate for her. Her eyes almost went to protest when he pulled his hand from between them, she must have been close. Her lips were about to voice that protest but before she could say a word his hand lifted her leg for him and he pressed into her.
There was definitely no protest written on her face after that.
Her head fell back against the wall and he watched the way the pulse in her neck was hammering. His heart was pounding just as hard.
He jerked his hips then and her mouth dropped open.
Her hands gripped his shoulders tighter as his hips bucked at her and his lips went to her neck. He got rough with her then, fucking her so hard against the wall he hoped to god it wasn't going to break.
He didn't know where it had come from, but suddenly more of that tension was leaving him. And yes, she seemed to like exactly that. Her legs wrapped around him and little sounds of just how much she liked it slipped from her lips.
His fingers were digging into that delicious ass of hers and he felt her hand go to his neck, gripping him just enough to be firm but not to restrict his breathing. His eyes caught hers and they were that deep black he loves to see. Her lips were demanding on his then.
At this rate, he wasn't going to last much longer.
She lost her breath and couldn't concentrate on kissing him and breathing at the same time just then. Yeah, she was close too.
Her hand fell from his neck and her arms wrapped around him, hands going to his back and her fingers dug into his skin. Her mouth was panting by his neck and her legs gripped around his hips so tight then he thought she was going to snap him in half.
"Harder" she whispered, her voice heavy with need.
His chest was pounding so hard he thought he was going to explode at her words.
"Fuck… Ziva" he moaned. And yeah, that was her name slipping from his lips in a deep need.
He fucked her even harder then and he thought his whole body was going to break. It seemed to be exactly what she'd needed when he felt her fingers dig hard on his back and her teeth were suddenly at his shoulder, biting him and suppressing the scream she wanted to let out.
He felt her heat grip him and she was all kinds of tight and wet suddenly. In that moment, he couldn't hold back either and he let go.
He had to press his face into her neck, trying just as much not to moan to the high heavens at how fucking hard he'd just came.
His full weight was pressing her against the wall, both of them breathing heavily. His legs wanted to give way to the weight right then, they were almost shaking, but he didn't want to let her fall.
He wouldn't let her fall.
Her legs fell loose from his then and her face buried into his neck. Her hand ran softly down his spine.
He's not sure how long they stood there for, listening to the others breathing and holding onto each other with a bit too much desperation. The hot water poured over them and yes, this shower had washed away all his anger and tension.
But it had also created more complexities to his relationship with her. But you know what? He didn't care. His hands gripped her tighter then and her eyes met his.
She was quietly reading him. He could tell she could see what he was feeling, but it seemed as though she didn't care too much about that either. Right now, both of them together like this, it had them at peace. And in this secret moment between them, nothing else mattered.
Not NCIS, not Mossad. Not her father, not goddamn anything else.
He found his hand coming to her face and brushing away those wet curls across her face again.
"Will you stay for a bit?" he asked, he didn't want her disappearing like a ninja yet. He wanted more time with her. He expected to receive protest from her then, saying it was a bad idea. But tonight was different, she didn't have it in her to fight what she wanted to do with what she should do.
"Okay" was her soft response. This Ziva right here, the one he's seeing with no guard, she's not the same woman that he sees at work. This is the real Ziva, the one Ezra had talked about. He wondered how many people had truly seen her like this.
He gave her a smile and she kissed him softly before slipping from his hands and removing herself from the shower.
He found himself staring at her back as she grabbed a towel from his shelf and walked out of the bathroom.
He felt his blood rise slightly as he saw some more angry purple covering her back.
The fact he'd just been fucking her hard against the shower wall, he knows that would have hurt. He should have known better but when she demanded him he couldn't say no. He suddenly felt bad for being so rough, but then again that seemed like what she had wanted.
Right?
By the time he left the shower and dried himself, he half expected her to have snuck off even though she said she would stay. But she hadn't.
When he walked out of the bathroom with his towel wrapped around his hips, the main light was out and his bedside lamp was on. Ziva was in his bed, her back facing his direction. He could see those damn bruises again and he wondered if that's why she'd turned the main lights off, so he couldn't see them as well.
She seemed so fragile tonight and he couldn't quite believe that she was letting him see this side of her. Maybe she was falling for him just as much as he was her.
He thought about pulling on some clothes, to be respectful, but she looked naked still so he didn't bother.
He lifted up the sheets and climbed into the bed, he wasn't sure what to do next. Yes, there was obvious feelings screaming out, but it had only been sex between them. There hadn't been any cuddling.
He touched his hand to her shoulder and softly ran it down her arm.
"I didn't hurt you did I?" he asked quietly. If he did, he didn't know if he could live with himself. His eyes were assessing all the dark purple on her back. Fuck, she must be sore.
"No, I am fine" she said. Her voice just as quiet as his had been. She still didn't want to talk about it, but he wasn't backing down this time.
"Ziva" he said as he let out a breath of gentle frustration. For a moment, nothing happened except for his hand softly running up and down her arm. He couldn't help but look at her coloured back, and suddenly he was tenderly pressing a kiss to one of the bruises at her shoulder. He felt her breath hitch as he did this.
That is when she turned to face him. She settled on her back and her eyes met his.
"I am sore yes, but you did not hurt me Tony" she said, her hand came up to rest on his chest and her fingers played with his hair there "That was everything I needed after the last few days, plus some" she said, smiling softly at him. Her eyes were honest. Some relief went though him.
He found himself snaking a hand across her belly, coming to rest on her hip.
"What happened?" he asked, wanting to know more than anything else right now why she was so covered in bruises. He wasn't sure if she would let him in, but she'd come to bed with him tonight so if he had any chance, it might be right now.
Her eyes told him she really didn't want to talk about it.
"Things… went wrong and I got into a bit of a predicament. And that is where the bruises came from. It was nothing I could not handle, I have had much worse" she explained. He was feeling himself get upset again. Why must she think its okay because she's had worse? She doesn't deserve that.
"That's besides the point, you shouldn't be getting beat up like this" he said. His hand lightly traced the bruises up her side.
"This is who I am Tony" she pointed out, and suddenly her gaze was a little guarded. Like reminding him that she is a killer would scare him away in disgust.
She didn't expect it when he moved closer, so his body was touching the length of hers and his lips came down to kiss her temple.
"But it shouldn't have to be" he whispered against her skin. He felt her hand at his chest cling to him a little tighter. Yeah, he was right. And she knew that, so why did she still do it?
"He doesn't have to govern your life Ziva" he added when she didn't reply. Yes, she stiffened at those words. Wasn't expecting him to take it quite that personal. But, she needed to know. And goddamn he was going to tell her.
Still, she didn't want to say anything. That's fine if she didn't want to talk about it yet, he just needed her to know. He kissed her softly on the cheek, then by her ear.
"You deserve better" he whispered to her. When he pulled back to look at her, her eyes looked wet.
She leant over him then, kissing him so softly. A kiss that was full of the emotions she didn't want to discuss out loud. His hands found her hips as she moved over him, legs either side of his. Her breasts were soft against his chest and her lips tender on his.
And yeah, he felt her tears hit his cheeks. He didn't pull back to recognise them, he'd keep her secret.
He'd keep all her secrets if she'd let him.
Her lips turned hungrier on his and her hands were touching him all over, currently wrapping deep into his hair. She had this way of melting him in just seconds.
This time when they had sex, it wasn't like the last time. It wasn't like any other time they have had sex. It was… loving.
She didn't hesitate with him, she kissed him and rode him with a slow gentle passion. She let him kiss her bruises after, she let him hold her.
She let herself fall asleep in his arms.