Welcome back everyone! Are we ready to hear Raeger's side of the story? Don't lose too much faith in our misguided chef just yet!

Chapter 9: Lean on Me

Blinding light. Raeger groaned, rolling over in bed and pressing his palm firmly against his throbbing head.

He rarely got hangovers, last night must've been a roaring success.

The sun was already above the horizon, meaning he was late waking. Raeger gave a great stretch, sighing as his spine crackled delightfully. As much as he wanted to laze around, he needed to get up. Maya would be wanting breakfast soon, no doubt, and he was nothing if not accommodating-

Raeger's brow furrowed. Where was Maya, anyway?

He'd woken up very much alone in his bed, the restaurant downstairs even quieter than his bedroom. Had she already left for the farm? That wasn't like her. She would typically have remained if only to give him crap for how drunk he got. Had something happened?

A vague memory tickled his mind, something about icing? Raeger couldn't remember. Pushing the thoughts aside, he reached for his phone to see if she'd texted him while he was asleep.

It wasn't on his bedside table, as it always was. Raeger frowned, tossing the blankets off of him and making his way to the kitchen. He must have left his phone downstairs last night- plausible, considering he was still in his jeans.

Raeger caught a passing glance of his appearance in the floor length mirror near his staircase and paused. His hair was atrocious, although that was hardly enough to warrant suspicion on its own. No, what caught Raeger's attention was the faint red lines trailing across his chest. They almost looked like-

All at once, the forgotten events of last night came rushing back to him. The icing on Maya's neck, kissing her, lifting her onto the counter, losing himself in her embrace, where the kiss was leading, and finally, what made it stop.

Raeger felt a rush of nausea. Iris. He'd said Iris's name aloud while kissing Maya. Damnit!

"Shit," he cursed, suddenly rushing down the stairs. A hard, all-consuming fear gripped him. It wasn't what it sounded like, far from it, but there was no way Maya could've known that. Finding his phone was suddenly very, very important.

The entire night Raeger was fighting with himself. Maya looked so beautiful, and she'd put together the best birthday he'd ever had. His feelings for her were coursing strong and true, and they'd finally taken over once his inhibitions were muddled with alcohol.

But… Iris. No, it wasn't what it sounded like.

Raeger rushed around the kitchen, turning over plates and discarded napkins in a near panic. He'd been thinking about Iris, but only for a moment. Long enough to confirm his suspicions: he wasn't in love with Iris anymore. His feelings for her had been eclipsed by his feelings for Maya. And now he knew that for certain.

Raeger groaned. How could he be so stupid? His drunken mind had colossally fucked up, only voicing a fraction of a full thought. The 'Iris' that Maya heard was only part of what he'd been thinking, a memory from earlier in the night surfacing at the worst possible moment.

Klaus had just retired to get another drink, leaving Raeger and Iris alone. He wasn't even sure she'd said anything to him, but he thought he'd heard her warn him about Maya. Threaten him never to hurt her. To not make the same mistakes he'd made with Iris with Maya. But when he questioned her, she just winked and greeted Klaus as he returned.

He would never hurt Maya, he didn't need Iris to tell him that.

At least, that's what he'd been thinking.

He never meant to say any of it out loud, and instead he'd said the worst thing he could've. He didn't blame Maya in the least for storming out, he would've too. But he needed to tell her the truth- tell her that he'd only wanted her last night, only her and no one else, if only he could find his damn phone!

Finally he caught sight of it, resting innocently on the table. Raeger lunged for it, every intention of calling Maya immediately; a text wouldn't be fast enough for him; he needed to rectify things now. But when he picked up the device, he froze.

27 missed calls. 14 text messages.

Raeger scrolled through the numbers, fear forming in the pit of his stomach. 10 calls from Maya. 6 from Marian. Another 8 from Corona. 3 from Klaus.

9 texts from Corona. 4 from Marian. 1 from Klaus.

0 from Maya.

Raeger's hands shook as he read, his bones turning to lead as he pieced together what happened while he was passed out upstairs.

He was out the door before he'd taken another breath.

.

Maya sat leaning against Eda's front porch, her back pressed painfully into a post. She couldn't remember if it was part of the deck, or the stairs, or a useless piece of wood, but she was too tired to care. The air was quiet around her, a huge change compared to the panic and despair that permeated the farm only a few minutes ago.

Marian was inside Eda's house with Klaus and Veronica, trying to figure out what to do with Eda's body.

She was nearly gone when Maya found her, collapsed on her kitchen floor with a broken teacup near her outstretched hand. Eda was smiling, as she always was, happy to find out that her call hadn't woken the young farmer. Maya wanted to laugh but found the lump in her throat stopping her.

The fear she'd felt in that moment was nothing she'd ever felt before. She helped Eda into bed, doing everything she could to keep herself together, but when Eda fell unconscious Maya lost it. She called everyone- Marian, Corona, Klaus, Veronica, Raeger-

Raeger. She'd called him before anyone else, without even thinking about it.

As embarrassed and hurt as she was, Maya couldn't quell the longing in her heart. She wanted Raeger there with her, to feel his warmth, his strength, it was what she needed as she watched Marian burst through the door, Klaus hot on his heels. It was what she needed as they tried in vain to resuscitate the old woman. It was what she needed when Corona arrived, tears pouring down her cheeks. It was what she needed when Veronica took control of the room, shooing everyone unnecessary from the house.

It was what she needed now, sitting in the late morning sun and trying desperately to keep from falling apart.

Corona was inside, making tea. She didn't think it was appropriate, but it was all she could do. Veronica commanded a wagon be brought from the Guild Hall to transport Eda comfortably. It had arrived, and now they were just waiting for Marian to finish his work before they moved her.

"How are you?"

Maya jumped out of her skin, falling onto the grass as Klaus appeared behind her.

"Apologies," he frowned, offering her a hand. Maya took it, gingerly righting herself. Klaus looked exhausted, like the rest of them, with thick bags underneath his eyes and unsightly five o'clock shadow. Maya shook her head, staring firmly at the ground.

"Marian said it wasn't a difficult passing," Klaus whispered, seating himself next to her on the ground. "May I?"

Maya nodded, still staring at the gravel.

They sat in silence, listening to the cheerful chirping of the birds, twittering about as if this was any other day.

"I'm afraid I have to help Marian move her when he's ready," Klaus lamented, turning to face Maya. "Will you be alright here by yourself?"

"I'll be alright," Maya sniffed, thinking of Corona working away just beyond the door. "I'll be fine."

Even as she said it, tears began to pool in her eyes. Maya inhaled sharply, trying desperately to keep her breathing even, but Klaus saw right through her. He pulled her gently against him, almost thinking better of it after their tumultuous relations of late. Maya fell against him gratefully, her shoulders shaking with grief.

"You're right, you know." Klaus murmured, pressing a soft kiss to the top of her head. "You will be fine. I know you will."

Maya said nothing, the weight of all that had happened pressing down on her heart.

They sat in silence, the cheerful morning sun offering bitter contrast to their moods. Klaus cleared his throat after a time, shifting to look down at her.

"Maya?" She looked up. "I know things have been a little… off between us lately. But I want you to know that if you ever need anything, you can always call on me. No matter what, I will always be your friend."

Maya blinked, feeling like her head was full of cotton. Klaus was right. They were friends. And Maya had been a pretty awful one lately. After all, he hadn't done anything wrong. She shouldn't be punishing him for her inner turmoil. Besides, he was here now, when she needed someone the most.

"I'm sorry Klaus," Maya found herself saying, wrapping her arms around him in a tentative hug. He squeezed her back, giving a slight, joyless chuckle.

"You have nothing to apologise for."

"Maya!"

The pair looked up at the panicked shout to see Raeger, tearing across the lawn as fast as he could.

"Raeger?" Maya whispered, pulling away from Klaus's embrace. She stood without thinking, taking only three steps before Raeger collided with her, wrapping her tightly in his arms.

"Are you okay? What happened?" Raeger demanded, squeezing her as tightly as he dared. "Where's Eda?"

Maya's answering silence told him everything he needed to know. The embrace he'd caught between Maya and Klaus told him that he was too late to do anything about it.

"Raeger?" Corona appeared then, followed closely by Marian. "Where have you been? We've been calling you all morning."

"I know, I-" Raeger paused, knowing there was no excuse he could make that would improve the situation. Instead he brought his gaze down to Maya, conveying as much regret as he possibly could, "I… I didn't have my phone. I'm just glad you called Klaus before you called me. At least you weren't alone."

Maya was about to correct him, but found her voice disappearing.

"Speaking of," Marian interrupted quickly, gesturing to the perfumer. "I think we're about ready in here."

As Klaus and Marian returned to the house, Corona and Maya explained to Raeger what happened. All the while his heart hammered painfully, his knuckles white as they clung to Maya's dress. It was only then that he noticed she hadn't changed from the night before.

"She gave me her farm."

Raeger blinked, startled by Maya's bitter words.

"Right before she… she gave it to me." Maya continued, tears spilling down her neck and onto the fabric of her dress. "She gave it to me and I- I don't- it's Eda's farm-"

Maya couldn't say more than that. She wasn't letting herself think about the implications of taking over Eda's land- it was too much at once. Even explaining the situation to Raeger left her gasping.

"I'm so sorry," Raeger murmured, his cheek pressed firmly into her hair. Maya hiccupped into his chest, sobs wracking her body. "Sweetheart I'm so, so sorry."

Maya tried to tell him it was okay, that she was just happy he was here now, but no words would come. Her throat hurt, her eyes were swollen from crying, and she was so incredibly tired. Instead she buried her face snugly against Raeger's neck, gripping him with all the strength she had left.

"You should bring her inside," Corona suggested softly, her hard eyes staring disapprovingly at Raeger. He didn't need her punishment, he was already overrun with guilt. Marian and Klaus had disappeared down the path, the faint sound of the wagon's wooden wheels crunching over the gravel walkway carrying on the wind.

Raeger nodded, pulling back just enough to get a view of Maya's face. Her eyes sparkled with tears, looking devastatingly beautiful even in heartbreak. His stomach clenched.

"Is that okay?" He coaxed, gingerly brushing her hair from her eyes. Maya nodded, sniffling, and let Raeger lead her back towards her farmhouse.

"Raeger?"

Corona's voice met Raeger's ears, bringing him to a halt. He'd known the woman long enough to recognize that her tone implied she wanted to talk, so he told Maya to go on without him. He'd meet her inside.

"I know I fucked up," Raeger sighed, speaking before he'd even looked at Corona. Her answering grunt was enough to confirm that she wholeheartedly agreed. "I can't make it up to her from out here, though."

"Where were you?" Corona pressed, laying a hand gently on Raeger's shoulder. She was angry with him, but the emotional turmoil of the morning left her drained. And besides, he clearly understood what he'd failed to do for Maya.

"My phone was down in the restaurant," Raeger sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger. Corona really looked at him then, at his dishevelled hair and rumpled clothes. He looked as though he'd rolled out of bed and come running, and she suspected he'd done just that. "I didn't hear it."

The pair was silent for a long moment, listening to the wind carry through the trees. Raeger felt a crushing guilt like he'd never felt before; he should've been there for Maya and he wasn't. Not only that, but he'd hurt her so badly the night before. Screw being her boyfriend, he couldn't even handle being her friend without fucking it up. He clenched his fists.

"She called you first, you know."

Raeger turned, blinking at Corona in surprise.

"You said you were glad she called Klaus instead of you." Corona gathered her things, moving to follow Marian and Klaus's path away from the farm. She paused briefly to glance at the house where Maya had shut the door firmly behind her. "But she called you first. I just thought you'd want to know that."

Raeger didn't know what to do with that information. He watched Corona leave, the thought lingering with him until she was well on her way down the mountain, and then he made his way to Maya's farmhouse.

.

Maya was in the shower when there was a knock on her door.

Raeger pulled himself off of the couch with great effort, dragging his feet as he made his way to the door. He was exhausted, and emotionally drained, but he'd been with Maya for a few hours now and it seemed like she was finally beginning to feel better. He hoped that whatever waited behind the door wasn't about to ruin that.

"Klaus?" Raeger blinked at the perfumer in the late afternoon sun, standing with a tray of snacks in his hands. "What are you doing here?"

Klaus cleared his throat, nodding to the tray he held.

"I just stopped by to see how Maya was doing," he explained, his deep vibrato grating Raeger's ears like nails on a chalkboard. "She was so distraught this morning that I was worried. Besides, I thought you might want a bit of a break."

"Thanks," Raeger tried to smile, but an overwhelming resentment welled inside him. Seeing Klaus standing on the other side of Maya's door, asking about her… his blood began to boil no matter how hard he tried to stop it.

Raeger couldn't begin to explain what he'd felt when he came up on Eda's farm only to see Maya leaning against Klaus, his lips on her hair. It stirred a dormant jealousy in him that he didn't think he was capable of. Jealousy, anger, regret, fear, and a deep, deep loneliness.

"She's doing better," Raeger explained, swallowing his pride. "Thank you for looking after her when I couldn't."

"She's a dear friend," Klaus nodded, dismissing Raeger's thanks. "It was the least I could do."

The two men hovered awkwardly, unsure how best to proceed. Raeger wanted nothing more than for Klaus to leave- his presence made Raeger twitchy. After everything that had happened, everything they'd been through, Klaus was still a better friend to Maya than he'd ever be.

Seeing him there, concerned and helpful when he had no obligation to be, rubbed salt in Raeger's open wounds.

"She's in the shower," Raeger blurted suddenly, the silence aggravating him worse than Klaus's voice. He desperately needed sleep. "I can tell her you stopped by, but she only just got it. It'll be a little while."

A small fib, but enough to get Klaus taking a step backwards.

"If you could, that would be much appreciated," he nodded, thrusting the snack tray into Raeger's hands. "Let me know if either of you need anything. You should try and get some rest, Raeger. You look like death."

Raeger shrugged, giving a curt wave before closing the front door again.

A shard of guilt lodged itself in Raeger's stomach. Klaus didn't deserve his hostility, but he couldn't control himself. Raeger wasn't accustomed to feeling jealous, so he was horribly ill-equipped to handle it.

The snack tray clattered noisily as he dropped it on the counter next to the other dishes. He'd been cooking earlier, trying to entice Maya into eating something. She'd been stubbornly fasting all day, and Raeger was getting worried that she would make herself sick.

"I can't even feed her properly," he sighed bitterly, "what the hell kind of chef am I?"

"What?"

Maya's voice startled him, appearing in the kitchen entryway. Raeger spun, knocking a spoon to the floor.

"Sorry," she apologized, the ghost of a smile gracing her features. "I didn't mean to scare you. I heard you talking and I thought someone was here."

Raeger swallowed hard before speaking. He had to- Maya, fresh from the shower, was making his throat dry.

She'd changed into a clean pair of shorts and a loose tank top, one that fell low on her chest. Her hair was still wet, tendrils of auburn locks curling around her face, skin glowing with sparkles of leftover water.

"Klaus was here," he forced out eventually, shuffling his feet until he realised how childish it looked. "He dropped off some snacks, if you're hungry now."

Maya pursed her lips, surveying the counter with mild interest.

"I'd rather have some of that soup you made earlier," she shrugged, giving him a sheepish smile. "If that's okay?"

'Okay'? Raeger almost sang.

"Anything you want," he promised, holding out his hand to her. She took it, letting him pull her into his arms. "It's yours."

He held her, much as he had this morning, letting her warmth sink into his skin, reviving him. She smelled of soap and perfume, a scent that he could get addicted to if he let himself.

"Raeger?"

"Hm?"

"Can I ask you for something?"

Raeger nodded, pulling back from their embrace just enough to take in her expression. She met his gaze with nervousness, chewing her lip out of habit.

"Kiss me?"

Her words startled him, far heavier than they seemed. Maya's tone was thick with implied meaning, and Raeger knew that she was asking for more than just a kiss.

"Maya-" Raeger hesitated, tightening his hold on her but refusing to accept her request. Maya blinked up at him with defeated eyes.

"I know, I know," she sighed, looking away from him. Already he missed her gaze, and the pull to give her what she wanted was nearly unbearable. "This isn't… I understand; last night, I mean. I just-"

She paused to sniffle, discreetly wiping a tear away with her wrist. Raeger wanted to correct her, but she began speaking again before he could.

"I just want to feel close to someone for a little while," Maya whispered, her voice breaking under the weight of her words. "It's stupid, I know. I just don't know what else to do. I haven't lost anyone since I was small."

Silence fell between them. Raeger stared at the profile of Maya's face, his heart thudding loudly in his ears. He was in love with her, he knew that now, but this wasn't a confession of love. Maya was asking him for something purely physical, and as much as he wanted to agree he wasn't sure that he should.

Affairs were nothing to Raeger. He'd had many in his day, and they were always fun and easy. An affair with Maya, on the other hand… no. That wouldn't be easy at all. Fun? He thought of their intense kissing the night before. Hell yes it would be fun. But he'd never entered a fling with someone he had feelings for before. This was new territory, and he certainly didn't trust himself for that.

But he could give her something, at least. Raeger tilted Maya's chin back towards him with his thumb, capturing her lips with a sweet, gentle kiss. Maya sucked in a startled breath but kissed him back none the less.

"I can't have sex with you," he mumbled between kisses, rubbing soothing circles on her back with his palm. "I can't do it."

"Why?"

Raeger opened his eyes to see her staring at him, green irises sparkling in the sun. Butterflies erupted in his stomach.

"Because it isn't what you want," he smiled, caressing her cheek with his thumb. Maya leaned into his touch, letting her eyes drift closed. "It wouldn't be right. Not while you're so upset and vulnerable."

"You didn't have a problem with my vulnerability last night," Maya grumbled, making Raeger burst into a full-bellied laugh.

"Last night I was very, very drunk," he countered, pressing one last kiss to her forehead. He paused, feeling the tense shift in the air. "And… I was very, very stupid too."

Maya stiffened, catching the implication in his voice.

"Raeger, we don't have to talk about it-"

"No, we do," he insisted, putting as much conviction in his words as he could. "I mean… we don't need to right now or anything. But it's not… it's not what you think it was."

Maya raised an eyebrow at him, saying nothing. He took it as permission to continue.

"When I said… what I said. I didn't mean it that way." He began, releasing one of his hands from Maya's waist to run his fingers through his hair. "I was working through some stuff, stuff that had nothing to do with you." A white lie, but he wasn't ready to open that can of worms. "It was about Iris, yeah, but not… like that."

Maya furrowed her brow, blinking.

"You know you're not making any sense, right?" she pushed, her defenses up and strong. Raeger took a breath, trying again.

"I don't think… well, I don't think I'm in love with Iris anymore."

Maya's brows lifted. She hadn't been expecting that.

"I was thinking about it all night, and I guess some of my thoughts just slipped out." Raeger huffed, already feeling his anger at himself swell again. "Maya, I promise you. Me kissing you last night had absolutely nothing to do with Iris. I know that's asking you to put a lot of faith in me, but-"

"I believe you."

Raeger jolted his gaze back to hers, startled.

Maya held his stare, unwavering.

"I do," she insisted, shrugging. "You're a terrible liar, Raeger. I know when you're telling the truth. And… maybe part of me just wants to believe it. Saves me a bit of embarrassment, you know?"

Raeger opened his mouth.

"Wait," Maya interrupted, "I don't mean that I'm just believing you because I want to. I know you. You wouldn't try and cover your own ass like this, not right now. Not after… this morning. It's ok. We're ok."

Raeger almost couldn't believe her. It was too good to be true. But, that being said, she had to be telling the truth. Maya wasn't one to spare his feelings; if she was upset with him, he would know it. Raeger replayed the words in his head over and over. 'We're ok'. It's all he ever wanted to hear.

"I'm so sorry I hurt you," he whispered, pulling her against his chest again. "And I'm sorry I wasn't there when you needed me."

Maya shook her head, burying her nose in the crook of his neck.

They stayed like that for another while, Raeger listening to Maya's steady breathing, Maya relishing in the warmth she'd been craving all morning. Eventually, Raeger sighed.

"How about we try and get some sleep, okay? Maybe get some of that soup we talked about?" he paused, a mischievous glint in his eye, "And… if you're still interested after you've rested for a while…" Raeger smirked, ghosting his lips across the sensitive skin near Maya's ear, "I'll be happy to oblige."

Maya playfully swatted him, and he knew things were back to normal. Well, as normal as they could be. Maya's expression was tinted with sadness and fatigue, and Raeger knew that the upcoming days would be hard on everyone. He reached behind him, pulling the string on the lamp near Maya's counter, and invited her to lie down with him on the couch. She did, snuggling into his embrace as he'd been hoping she'd do the night before. Maybe if everything had gone differently, they wouldn't be here right now. Maybe, by some miracle, Eda would still be here and he and Maya would've woken up in his bed, naked and tangled with one another.

Of course, that wasn't the case. Raeger knew that. But he let himself think it a possibility as he drifted off to the sound of Maya's even breathing.

I think this fic has turned into a challenge: how many times can two characters almost have sex before they're officially a couple? A few more at least! *wink*

Favourite, Follow, Review!