Ed Tucker wasn't an idiot. Neither was Olivia Benson.
The communication in their relationship had always been great and this was the first time he had actively made a decision to exclude her from anything. Ed convinced himself it was to keep her from worrying, to keep Noah out of the situation. His thoughts were racing as he kept his eyes trained on her. The feeling of her hands wrapped around his midsection grounded him more than he cared to admit. Both of her hands were splayed across his lower back and it felt like heaven. He let one hand rest on her shoulder, the other pushing some hair out of Olivia's face.
"You know IAB had been working a case against cops somehow sneaking dope into a holding facility. Today we decided to move and he wanted suicide by cop." Ed's jaw clinched before he forced it open, his head shaking slightly. "So he shot first and I dunno, I had my gun out. The bullet was so close, Liv. It shocked me. And then his partner bum rushed me, got the first good punch in. I didn't see the knife." All he could do was shrug, shaking his head again. "I didn't even get a shot off, Liv." Already she could tell that it was time to stop talking and, thankfully, she heard the buzz indicating their food was outside the building.
Olivia placed a soft kiss on Ed's lips before pointing to his clothes. "Get dressed and meet me in the living room." After she left, he did exactly as instructed. Socks, underwear, sweatpants. Ed picked up the t-shirt, holding it loosely in his hands before deciding to stuff it back in the dresser. The idea of trying to drag the cotton over his face seemed too daunting. Ed appeared in the living room as Olivia unpacked all their food. All he could do was stand and watch, even letting a smile grace his lips.
"A cheeseburger and extra fries. I am a lucky man." Ed wasn't sure he wanted to eat but he knew he needed to.
"I even turned on SportsCenter for you," Olivia responded proudly. She set her salad down next to Ed's meal before straightening up. He was still standing just outside of the living room, lingering where the hallway ended and opened up into the kitchen. The lost gaze in his eyes was something that she never wanted to see again and she was willing to do anything to make it leave. So, she let her eyes wander — Ed kept himself in great shape and she loved him for it — but her eyes snapped up to his face as soon as he cleared his throat. There was a heavy pause before they both laughed softly.
"All I gotta do is stand here shirtless, huh? Should've known you just wanted me for my body, Benson." And, even if it was short term, that empty look was gone. Ed's eyes looked just a little brighter and there was a flush on his cheeks that never failed to make Olivia's stomach flip.
"Sit down and eat, Tucker," Olivia responded with a smile. As soon as Ed got close to her, she reached out and took his hand. The immediate squeeze she felt in return told Olivia that she was exactly where she needed to be. They both lingered between the couch and the coffee table. Ed was looking down at her, his mouth partially open as he struggled to figure out his next move.
"I was embarrassed," he rasped, licking his lower lip as a heavy sigh moved his chest. "I was mad at myself for such a rookie mistake and then I —" Ed let out a noise of frustration, his free hand moving to cup Olivia's cheek. "I know you gotta focus on Noah and I didn't want to worry you with my dumbass decision. So I told them to not call you and I waited until I was home so you could arrange things with Lucy. I didn't want Noah to see me like this."
"I was going to slap you, kill you, and then bring you back to life to kill you again," Olivia responded as she let her face rest heavier against Ed's hand. "But I don't want to talk about that right now. Noah is at our place with Lucy. She agreed to stay over night. I'm here for you." Without a thought she pressed a quick kiss to Ed's lips. "Now, sit down and eat."
It was evident that Ed had spent most of his life following orders. Anytime Olivia ordered him to do something, he did exactly as instructed. So he sat on the couch gingerly, grabbing a french fry and mindlessly eating half of it. The baseball highlights had captured his attention. It made Ed feel normal for a minute, not at all like the man who had nearly died earlier in the day.
What had scared him the most was the instant thought of Olivia and Noah losing him. On his back, a brother in blue attempting to stab him through his vest, all he thought about was getting home to his family. Before he'd fallen in love with Olivia Benson, he'd not thought of much. But today something took over him. He'd grabbed the knife during the struggle, easily flipped them as they fought —
"I think the Mets might actually be good this year," Ed murmured, pulling himself away from his thoughts as he picked up the cheeseburger. "Maybe I can take you and Noah to a game." One bite, just for show.
"You know how much Noah would love that," Olivia replied around a bite of her salad. Out of the corner of her eye Olivia saw Ed mindlessly picking at his french fries, occasionally lifting one to his mouth to actually eat it. Not eating was definitely out of character for Ed Tucker. Olivia would have no idea how much the man actually ate given how in shape he looked. It was impressive, really. Then again, she'd also watched him workout.
With her salad half finished, Olivia moved to rub her boyfriend's back. It was clear he wasn't going to eat. There was an unspoken exchange and, without a word, Olivia was sitting with her legs crossed and Ed's head resting in her lap. The cut across his cheek looked painful but she did her best to distract him by scraping her fingernails through his silver hair, against his scalp.
"Why 'Little Lion Man'?"
"Have you ever listened to the lyrics?" Ed's voice was deeper than normal and Olivia hated how her first thought was how aroused it had already made her.
"I can't say that I have." The answer made Ed open his eyes, his lips curling in a weak smile.
"Maybe we can do that later." His eyes were closed after that statement. Olivia swore the man was purring like a cat as she continued to run her fingers through his short hair.
She wasn't sure how long they had stayed there but at some point Ed had turned his head, pressing his nose gently against Olivia's stomach. When she looked down she saw that his eyes were open.
"I'm gonna need some melatonin," he whispered. Olivia heard his voice crack for the first time in her life. The thought of Ed being weak was not one she had ever entertained. Ed Tucker was intimidating and he knew it. The way he carried himself, the piercing blue gaze, the low voice. If his career in IAB hadn't been so good he would have been an amazing interrogator anywhere else. But he used his skills to do good, to find those who made the rest of them look bad.
"Why don't you go back to the bedroom? I'll clean up and bring you some melatonin. Did they give you any pain medication at the hospital?" Olivia watched as Ed shook his head the best he could in her lap. "Ibuprofen it is." Before they moved she bent over and placed a lingering kiss on his forehead.
They moved like they were in sync with one another. Never bumping into each other unless they intended, even in Ed's dazed state. They each shuffled around, Ed back to the bedroom and Olivia around the living room to clean up. By the time she was walking back with water and pills, she was hopeful Ed might have fallen asleep. The floor lamp was off but when she turned into the room, she noticed he was sitting up. Waiting. There was a silent exchange. Pills first, water second.
"Sleep with me?" Ed lifted the blankets up and Olivia slid under them without a word. This was new for both of them but they seemed to know the dance. Usually Ed held her and she listened to his heartbeat as her head rested on his chest. Tonight, he sprawled out on his stomach, threw one arm across her midsection, and buried his face into her side. "I love you."
"I love you more" Olivia whispered with a smile. She didn't get the normal reaction.
It felt natural to hold him. She turned slightly to run her hand up and down his back while the other one rested just above his head. With the amount of melatonin Ed took, she knew he'd be asleep in no time. Olivia could already tell she wouldn't sleep much and planned on cleaning up the rest of the apartment while he slept. If all went according to plan, she'd be back by his side as the sun came up. She had a feeling he wouldn't be going into work the next day.
In a matter of minutes she felt Ed's breathing even out. Olivia felt each exhale from his mouth against her skin and it made her smile. She could count on one hands the number of times he had fallen asleep before her. Despite the hectic evening, she decided to take her time studying the man buried into her side. His head was turned so she couldn't see his black eye. Instead, the fresh cut across his right cheek was visible, the blue stitches standing out against his skin. Even with the wound, Ed's face looked relaxed and she couldn't help but think he looked years younger. Her hand was still moving slowly up and down his broad back, enjoying the feel of his muscles even when he was relaxed.
What caught her eyes was the scar across his left shoulder blade. Had that always been there? It wasn't from a surgery, it looked a bit jagged on each end. But it was long, cutting across his shoulder blade, down his back and across his spine. Olivia knew she'd run her fingers down his back, had dug her fingernails into it, but how had she never felt that? Or seen it? Ed was, oddly enough, a man who would walk around their place shirtless all day if she let him. The scar was thick and she knew there would be an indication that it had been stitched shut. As her boyfriend slept, Olivia began to realize that she knew less about Edward Tucker than she should. And he knew practically everything about her.
Their lives had intersected from time to time. Through out the years it was hard to think about him as anything other than the "rat squad." Ed showed up in Olivia's life at the worst possible moments because that was his job. But there was a man behind that IAB investigator. There always had been. And now she had a chance to truly get to know that man, she just had to take advantage of it. The way Ed curled into her, let her care for him all evening, was a side she knew next to nobody had seen. Hell, she might have been the only one.
"Oh Tucker," Olivia whispered as he subconsciously pressed closer to her.
In an hour or so she would get up and let him hog the mattress, would clean up and return to bed before he woke up. For now, though, she was going to enjoy the feeling of taking care of the man she loved.