A/N: I am so happy for the folks that have commented and enjoyed this so far! My head-cannon for Tucker has been a lot of fun to dive into and build. I think he's such a great and complicated character for the little bit of time we got to see him on screen. Here's another update!

Taking another human's life was an altering experience. Ed had learned that in late 1988, not even a whole three years after he'd earned his badge. That time it had been a firearm. It had been quick, a no-brainer. The kidnapper had the kid in his arms, had already shot once at Ed's partner and landed a solid hit to Jeff Malley's shoulder. It was his job. So, without a thought, Ed had shouted to get the attention on him.

It was slow motion after that. The kidnapper turned, Ed could see the look in the little girl's eyes, and then he was looking down the barrel of a gun from less than six feet away. It took one shot, perfect aim, and he mindlessly scooped the crying girl into his arms as he called it in. It was a clean shoot, he'd been cleared a week later, and given an award five months after that.

He had fired his weapon twice in the line of duty, earned two awards, and killed one person.

Until the previous day.

"I stabbed him."

The statement Ed muttered hung in the air between them. It was heavy and Olivia sensed it had been unintentional. They stared at one another as she rested comfortably on top of him. Every single part of her wanted to question him further. Just as she opened her mouth to speak, she felt Ed pat her upper thigh.

"C'mon, we've got Noah waiting patiently for us," he murmured. Despite his sore muscles, Ed lifted his upper body off the bed to give her a quick kiss. "Maybe you can earn seeing the scar on my calf later." The wink made Olivia smile as she effortlessly got up. They each shifted and got to their feet. Olivia found the clothes she had arrived in, changing effortlessly and without much of a though.

"I was thinking about that curry you made a few weeks ago, the one Noah lov—" When Olivia turned around she saw Ed standing at the foot of the bed, not changed, but holding a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. The look in her boyfriend's eyes was one of … embarrassment? "C'mere," she said softly. He obeyed immediately, a look of relief washing across his face at the fact that he didn't have to verbalize what the issue was.

"The orange curry? If you've got the stuff, I can make it," he murmured as he sat down on the edge of the bed. Olivia nodded as she slipped Ed's jeans up his legs. Had the playful moment still been there, she would have tried to feel for the scar. Instead, she stuck to business and pulled him to his feet so she could finish getting his jeans on. What she did allow herself to do was let her gaze linger on Ed's body. The man had no right to be this in shape for his age and yet she couldn't help but admire the defined v-shape that dipped into his jeans from his hips. Or his stomach that was defined but not outrageously toned.

"I'm getting a little more sore," Ed whispered as he sucked in a quick breath. Olivia had bravely let one of her hands trace the outside of his abdominal muscles. "I got tackled and I'm not twenty-three anymore," he added with a laugh. Olivia motioned for him to put his arms up and then easily pulled the gray and blue NYPD shirt over his head.

"We haven't been keeping up on your ibuprofen. Take some before we leave, it's in the kitchen. I'm going to pack a bag for you." Olivia placed a quick kiss on his cheek. Ed lingered for a moment, looking down at her with a warmth in his eyes that she hadn't seen in the last day.

"Thank you for taking care of me," Ed pulled her into a hug without another word. His arms were tight around her body and she returned it without a thought. After a moment he pulled away and left the bedroom, leaving her to pack a few things for him. She found the black backpack he always carried into her apartment for prolonged visits, laughing at how beat up it was becoming. The act of packing clothes for Ed was mindless, now a habit for her. A few shirts, jeans, sweats, shorts. Pajamas. Underwear and socks and …. the red pack of cigarettes tucked into Ed's socks made her sigh. Definitely stressed. So she grabbed them and stuffed them in his bag as well before going to meet him in the kitchen.

"I packed clothes for the next few days," Olivia had one strap from his backpack slung over her shoulder as she waited for him by the door. "And your cigarettes." There was no malice in the statement. Olivia knew it was a stress relief for him, that he'd quit smoking years ago, but it still made her cautious. After learning about his lung cancer she had been like a protective mother.

"You can leave them if you'd like," Ed said with a shrug. In a few quick steps he moved to wrap his arms around her waist, placing a few quick kisses against her neck. "I bought them yesterday before I came home, only had one. You know me, I needed something to do and I couldn't exactly go on a run."

"It's fine, Ed. Let's get home so you can start making that curry." Olivia winked at him, dropped a hand to entertain their fingers, and led him out the door.

There had been a brief commotion when Ed and Olivia had walked into the apartment. He had moved immediately into the kitchen so Olivia could explain his injuries to Noah. By the time the little boy had learned everything, he teetered into the kitchen and looked up at Ed.

"Hi, Tucker," Noah stated with a boyish smile. "Mommy told-ed me to say that you look 'mazing." The laugh that came from Ed's chest was genuine as he scooped the boy into his arms and placed a quick kiss on the crown of his head.

"Definitely not as amazing as you, sweet boy," Ed replied. "I'm going to make us curry for dinner, you really liked it last time. Now, go join Mommy in the living room while I cook."

The sound of some kid show filled the apartment while Ed started to chop some of the vegetables for the meal. The smell of their dinner filled the apartment and made Olivia smile warmly. Noah was happily playing with his building blocks as she sat on the floor, back against the couch. What pulled her out of the perfect scene was the sound of a small shout from the kitchen.

"Ed?" Olivia glanced once at Noah — still happily distracted — before she got up and moved into the kitchen. He was standing over the sink, right hand holding his left, as blood dripped from his index finger. "Ed?" She asked again because he wasn't moving, just staring down at the blood and breathing heavier than anybody ought to be after a small cut. Without a thought she moved to put a hand Ed's shoulder. In an instant he jumped, his head whipping around to look at her. Ed's eyes were wide and he had lifted his right hand to grab her wrist without a thought.

"Fuck, Liv," he let his eyes close as he dropped her wrist. "I'm sorry. Sorry." He swallowed hard as he rested both of his hands on the edge of the sink, leaving forward heavily on them. "I'm sorry," he repeated as he felt Olivia's hadn't rest on his lower back.

"It's fine, Ed. You're good." Her hand was already rubbing at his tense muscles through the t-shirt. "Let's get that cleaned up and bandaged. It doesn't look too deep." Olivia moved slowly out of the kitchen to grab the first-aid kit out of the bathroom. When she returned, Ed looked a bit better. He'd stirred some of the food in one pan with his left hand, checked the rice, and was waiting expectantly for her.

"Dinner should be done in a few minutes," Ed stated as he held his left hand out for her. It was like the earlier exchange hadn't even happened. Olivia knew they were going to need to talk after Noah went to bed. They didn't speak as she cleaned the cut and then put a band-aid on it, playfully leaning down to kiss the bandage.

"All better," Olivia said with a small smile. They shared a quick kiss before he turned his attention back to dinner. It was easier to focus on that instead of his obvious display of stress. Fear? Olivia wasn't sure but she knew it was something she'd never seen from Ed Tucker.

Dinner went well. Noah actively verbalized how much he enjoyed the meal with each bite. It made Ed laugh and forget everything for a while. Olivia agreed to clean up the kitchen while Ed gave Noah his nightly bath. They shared the duty of getting him tucked in, making sure he was comfortable before they left the bedroom hand in hand.

Somehow they ended up in the same position as the night before: Olivia sitting comfortably on the couch with Ed's head in her lap. She was mindlessly running her fingers through his short hair while they both watched some movie. Occasionally she glanced down at him, inspecting his black eye and feeling rage swell in her chest at whoever did that to him.

"Ed, I think you need to tell me what happened." Olivia had muted the television, looking down at him expectantly. Except Ed kept his eyes glued to the movie while he tensed his jaw. She knew that he could feel her gaze. "Look at me," she whispered as her free hand moved his head so they could meet each other's gaze. "Ed, you're not handling this well. I need you to talk to me."

"There's nothing to talk about. Bad guy's dead and I'm alive." Ed raised an eyebrow as he studied his girlfriend's face. "I don't know what else you want me to say."

Olivia wasn't sure what she expected so she was quiet for a while. Opening up about difficult situations was not easy for anybody, she had first hand experience with that. She just wanted to help soothe him and she knew that she always felt better when she talked.

"I want you to tell me what happened." Olivia's voice left no room for argument. They stared at each other and she could tell that he wasn't happy at all. She expected that, though. She knew this wasn't going to be easy. "You're not acting like yourself. You hardly ate any of the curry and I know how much you love it. You didn't eat much of anything last night, either. And don't you dare get me started on what happened in the kitchen."

"Olivia, what do you want me to say? That I killed somebody yesterday?" Ed moved his head from her lap, getting to his feet as he tried to get rid of his nervous energy. "I haven't killed somebody since eighty-eight when I shot that guy. But this time I had no gun," he let out a short bark of a laugh as one hand ran impatiently through his hair. "And he tried to stab me after I got us rolled. The knife was suddenly in my hand and all I felt was blood on my hand." In an instant he stopped walking, looking at her with a hurt gaze. "I don't remember doing it but the knife was in his side and he was screaming. Then there was blood in his mouth and he just… got quiet."

Olivia sat on the couch, watching Ed as he let it all out before something happened that she never thought she would see.

This was Ed Tucker, the man who seemed unshakable all those years. Who had no emotion and didn't give a damn about what anybody thought. He was standing in her living room holding back tears that were making his eyes brighter in the light of the living room.

"And his blood was all over my hands while he laid there," Ed's voice was weak as he stared at her, his mouth half open as he took several shaky breaths. "I don't know what happened." He ended the statement by holding both his arms up at his sides, letting them fall with a small slap against his thighs.

"Come back to the couch," Olivia said softly, patting her thigh where his head had been. Ed moved back without a word, his head back in her lap in an instant. It opened the flood gates and she wordlessly wiped the tears from his cheeks. The crying was silent, not even Ed's body shook, but she kept his cheeks dry. She was careful to avoid the stitches and to not press too hard on the bruise. "I've got you," she whispered.

Before long Ed was asleep, his face pressed against her stomach as he sought the comfort that only Olivia could provide. She kept moving her fingers through his hair before she let her head rest against the back of the couch. It didn't take long before she fell asleep as well.