Dum Spiro, Spero
"I need you to bring the overnight bag from the trunk of the car and need you to call my mother and ask her to bring up some things at the hospital."
"Is there something I should know?"
"Mulder, whatever you found or whatever you might find I think that we both know that right now the truth is in me, and that's where I need to pursue it, as soon as possible."
"I will be right there."
Scully heard Mulder hang up the phone on his last broken words. Turning around, she stared at Penny who was lying in the bed, eyes closed. Was Scully foreseeing the vision of her immediate future? How many days would be allowed to her before becoming helpless and lonely in front of her own agony?
And then she realized that she wouldn't be alone.
That Mulder would be there every time she needed him.
That she could always reach him by phone and listen to his voice, the low vibrations of his vocal cords sliding along and smoothing her inflamed nerves. That she could ask him to come and sit beside her, so he would hold her hand and rub her palm with his thumb to alleviate her fears and suffering. That she would bury her face in his chest and be wrapped in his arms, his strength transfusing from his muscles to her frail body. That she would swallow his scent and his warmth, taking them as powerful substitute for painkillers.
Remembering the exchange she had with Penny about her abduction and a supposed common experience she couldn't recall, Scully became aware of the importance of narration and memory, of the weight of the words when sharing inner feelings.
She decided now and then to buy and keep a diary, to write down what she would experience all along the difficult path she was about to step onto.
Because she owed Mulder the truth that was in her and she owed him all the clues and evidence she would be able to gather on her way. Because if she couldn't make it in the end, he would want to know that he had done all things right. Because he wouldn't survive without her comfort. Because her words on the paper would be a medium to reach him beyond death.
Mulder would be there soon, bringing her overnight bag and bringing worries and concern.
But also bringing comfort and hope.
Dum Spiro, Spero.