Clarity
Hillary knows better than to be surprised when their friends play games with each other - she only wishes they invited her, too

"Didn't you have something to say?"

Hillary Tachibana, the current coach of the BBA Revolution, stared icily through the dimly lit hallway and at a double-maned beyblader. His urgent,'Meet me in the hallway across the cafeteria in ten minutes' text had provoked a tide of emotions in her that she didn't quite know how to handle.

She was supposed to be at the bleachers right then; their match against the F-Dynasty would be starting any minute. But for some unfathomable reason, she was here; right at the beck and call of their ex-Captain, who was simply leaning against the wall with his arms crossed. So typical.

Her weakness for him annoyed her.

People wandered in and out of the cafeteria; some not noticing them in the rush to get back to the bleachers to catch the beybattle, while others giving fleeting gazes in their direction. People would recognized at least one, if not both, of the teens who stood occupying a small corner of the hall outside the cafeteria exit – she could hear the disapproving mumbles.

No one dared near them though, leaving a fine area around them unoccupied.

Not that it matters, Hillary thought to herself as Kai continued to gaze at her with a blank expression; He doesn't speak. He doesn't move.

She shifted her weight out of discomfort, but her gaze didn't falter. She was way too proud to let on what she actually felt; annoyed, sad, and impatient.

It was only when the crowd had almost dispersed and the halls were silent did hear his voice - she hadn't realized how much she'd yearned for it.

"I just wanted to see you."

Hillary didn't know what to say. So she sighed.

When she'd received his message, she had been hesitant - she wasn't quite sure if she wanted to see him after everything that had happened. She didn't think she wanted to see Ray or Max either.

She wasn't a naive; she fully understood why everyone left and that it was only inevitable that they did. She sometimes looked back wondered why everyone –including her, and especially Tyson - was surprised when they did.

Tyson.

He wasn't going to take her meeting Kai like this very lightly. Usually, she wouldn't care - she could see whoever she wanted. But he had been feeling very vulnerable lately, often yelling at her and even Kenny to 'leave just like everybody else did'.

Tyson was still having a hard time merging friendship with competitiveness - and she didn't want to give him any pretext to doubt her as well.

Not to mention, she herself had her own doubts.

"How are you?" She finally settled on saying.

Kai Hiwatari looked the same. Maybe a little worn, just a bit jagged, somewhat exhausted, but still the same.

Hillary had often found her hand on the 'send' button messages drafted for Kai. Sometimes, she'd open up her contacts to almost press the green call button in front of his name. Many times, she'd scroll through the thread of conversations with him, the monosyllabic 'Ok's and the urgent 'I'm at the park', signifying that he had something on his mind and he wanted it out.

(He was always at the park, and she would always find him, and he would always let her.)

Most of the time, however, she'd just put her phone out of sight to rid herself of the temptation.

She could understand why he left right after Ray and Max. She thought Tyson would get over the betrayal and abandonment, and eventually understand as well. She could also forgive their competitive streak, the childish urges to go against Tyson that often pushed their loyalties to him aside.

What she quite understand was why she wasn't informed of this decision.

"Fine." Came the blunt reply, and Hillary only just managed to prevent her eyes from narrowing into slits at the rudeness of it. "How's Tyson doing?"

"Perfectly fine."

She wasn't surprised when Tyson's well-being was questioned - as if she hardly mattered. What was the point of texting her and wanting to see her? Was she nothing but a step on the ladder towards the reigning champion?

She didn't know if it was pride, contempt or jealousy - but she thought she should matter more and she Goddamn should have known when he had decided to leave.

But she wasn't surprised.

Despite her moments of understanding and flashes of dependence on each other, Kai Hiwatari was, after all, Kai Hiwatari; the reckless abandons were almost traditional.

He chuckled at the defensiveness in her voice, "Make sure he doesn't do anything brash."

"I don't need you to tell me how to get him in line." Hillary rolled her eyes, barely masking the disdain. "Especially when you yourself were the one to push him out of it."

"One of the few." He corrected, somewhat amused.

Hillary would have been enraged, she should have been enraged, but she wasn't. All she ever felt concerning her friends these days, was indifference; anything else was a waste of feelings. Everything that happened with them was just a phase that passed - Tyson would pine for a few weeks and then he'd stand in front of them, tickling his nose, patting down his snapback, and throwing his cocky one-liners.

And when they've judged and evaluated each other, that phase will be over - and they'd be standing beside each other again; hand in hand and shoulder to shoulder.

-and, as always was the case, she should know when they decide it. But she won't.

And she wouldn't be surprised.

So when she started to leave the hallway, did it matter if she nodded in consent to Kai's statement thrown carelessly over his shoulder as she passed him by?

"I would like to keep in touch."

Posted: 18.6.14

Edited: 20.8.2020

I'm giving my account a makeover, and deleting and editing left and right – changing titles, removing isolated one shots and adding them into an anthology to reduce the scattered , all over the place clutter. And also, there is so much depressed angsty teenage suicidal needlessly dramatic shit - wow I was really going through it - i'm happier now thank fuck, but all this sappy shit needs to be rearranged.

Author's note (18.6.14):

I'msorryIcan'thelpbutwriteangstsometimes. *sighs*

Something I wrote on a whim. This takes place between everyone leaving and Tyson finally coming to terms with everyone leaving. As is apparent, he still hasn't. But this was about KaiHil and Kai wanting to stay in touch with her- or everyone else through her. Whatever you take it as.

The title was taken from John Mayer's (this dude's AWESOME) Clarity (Was there a second of time that I looked around? Did I sail through or drop my anchor down? Was anything enough to kiss the ground? And say I'm here now and she's here now ^.^)

I've been a little slow. Lol. I can't write fast anymore. BUT, h&c5 is nearly almost done. Just one scene left. So, yeah. Maybe this is why I ended up writing another angsty one shot again. H&C is hardly what you would call angsty and I was feeling angst-deprived. Huh.

But, anyways. Review on this and lemme know how it was :3 I would appreciate it.

Special thanks to KHL, who gave it a once over, and who wanted to read something about Kai and Hil remaining in touch despite being on different teams, and she let me know that through a text that I read right in the middle of writing this. And which inspired the last line of this fic.

Signing off :)