Disclaimer: This licence isn't mine. The opinions express by the characters are not mine. I do not support nor encourage the illegal or dangerous acts or words present here. I can make a distinction between fiction and reality and I trust in my readership's ability in doing the same.

Chapter 42: Paternal Love (Part 1)

Murderer. Murderer. Murderer.

This word was played on a loop under Huckleberry Pie's skull.

Murderer. Murderer. Murderer.

Since this awful day, he had never forgiven himself for being alive, while this innocent girl was dead. Dead by his own fault.

Murderer. Murderer. Murderer.

Since this day, Huckleberry had decided he would be a living dead. Literally. Never enjoying life again appeared to be a proper punishment for the monstrosity he had done.

Murderer. Murderer. Murderer.

He had envisaged giving him up to the police. He had thought it would be the best thing to do. But he always lost all his bravery when he found himself in front of the police precinct. He always found good reasons for retreating. Will they believed he did not kill her intentionally? Who will take care of his animals? What will he suffer in jail? He wondered all these things until a police officer noticed him and chased him away, telling him that begging what prohibited in this place. In fact, Huckleberry had understood he was lying to himself. Confessing this crime would make it too real, too present, while everything Huckleberry wanted was to forget it. To pretend everything was normal again.

Murderer. Murderer. Murderer.

But his conscience kept torturing him, every second of each days of his life. It was even worse that being in jail. Of course, Huckleberry Pie had considered the most radical way to get rid of everything, once and for all. When he was the most depressed, he thought that no one would weep over his passing. For his friends of Strawberryland, he was a criminal, a danger to the public, almost an infanticidal. This time, they were right: he had killed someone. Killed her.

One night, Huckleberry had walked to a road, Tom Tom, his best and only friend, following on his heels. Then he had stopped, his toes on the asphalt, his heels on the grass. The only part of the cars that were visible were their blinding front beams. At first, they appeared from very far away, in a weak throbbing, not brighter than two candles. But the weak lights speeded up, noisier and noisier, bigger and bigger, like a wild animal that was galloping on the road, howling, its huge eyes petrifying everything that got caught in its field of vision… But when it reached it, the beast did not mind him and carried on its journey, its deafening noise weakening. Huckleberry Pie stared at the cars for a long time. For sure, the drivers could not see him. He only had to take a step forward, and the young girl would be avenged. He would experience what he had made her experience.

Huckleberry Pie took a deep breath.

-I count to three, he thought. "At three, I'll take this step."

At his feet, Tom Tom was staring at his friend, wondering what he was doing. He could feel his distress and weakly whined.

-I'm sorry, Huckleberry Pie muttered, giving a last glance at his dog. "I think you'll have to manage by yourself now. I trust you, guy. I know you will do it."

At the horizon, two shining eyes had lighted up. A new beast was coming-but this one would swallow Huckleberry Pie.

-One, Huckleberry whistled.

He wished he could have been with Blueberry Muffin. She was certainly doing so brilliant studies. They would have gotten married. They would have raised their children in Strawberryland. But he had spoiled everything.

-Two.

The car was about ten meters far from here. One more second, and he would discover what was on the other side. What could he find in the side he was? He had lost everything. His friends. His house. His money. His innocence. What else could he do?

-Three.

With an incredible racket, the car, this huge beast of steel, brushed past the young man and his dog, without even noticing the two figures on the shadows, before disappearing in the night, jumping above the tarmac.

Huckleberry Pie was still alive. His feet had stayed stuck to the ground, and he was still in safety by the roadside.

At the last moment, he had been scared by death. Murderers like him were certainly doomed to Hell. And what he would have to endure in Hell would certainly make his current life similar to Heaven.

Too dignified to ignore the gravity of his act; too coward to punished himself. Huckleberry Pie was a damned soul, unable to reach the Heaven of forgiveness nor the Hell of punishment.

Murderer. Murderer. Murderer.

Huckleberry Pie's wanderings had leaded him to a little village named Green Meadow, which looked a little bit like Strawberryland. Its outskirt was the place where Huckleberry definitively settled his van, his animals and himself. His creditors could find him now! He had nothing else to give them. His debts seemed to be derisory, compared with what he had took to this girl. All the money he could pay would not buy her a new life.

All the inhabitants from Green Meadow Village ignored everything of his story. Fine! They simply saw him as a beggar. They would have never let him approach them if they had known he was a murderer. Murderer. Murderer.

A civil servant living in the village, a court bailiff with a rather irritating nasal voice, had noticed his presence more than everybody else and had ordered him to "get lost", because she didn't want any "vermin like him" in her village. Huckleberry Pie was resigned to be chased away, like the stray dogs he tried to save, when someone had herself heard. This voice belonged to Sister Pudding, a young nun living in the local convent, and who in top of that was Plum Pudding's cousin. She started to bring a lot of interest to this poor beggar she was determined to save.

Green Meadow Village's convent was in charge of all kind of charity. Its premises gathered at the same time a soup kitchen, an orphanage, an old person's home, emergency accommodations for battered women and homeless persons, plus the nuns' cells and a big cloistered garden in which they cultivated the vegetables they needed and where the children used to play. The first thing Sister Pudding did was to offer Huckleberry Pie a cell. It was the first step for reintroducing him into society, she said. But, at her big surprise, Huckleberry refused. He thought he did not deserve this luck. Her lucky star should had been next to the girl he had accidentally murdered. Murdered. Murdered. But he could not tell that to Sister Pudding. She was the very last person who did not treat him like an animal, like waste, like a good-for-nothing. She was the only one person that gave him the illusion of being normal. She was too pure to learn she was talking in a friendly way with a murderer. He had to hide the blood her had poured far from her, to prevent it from spurting on her white headdress.

Huckleberry Pie contented himself by telling her he was not made for living on society, and only wanted to live with his faithful dog, Tom Tom, the only one who had stayed with him. All the other animals, understanding that Huckleberry had nothing else to offer them, had fled from him, searching other homes where they would never lack food or warmness. This answer didn't discourage Sister Pudding. Huckleberry Pie might be a non-conformist, he was still a young man that needed food and despite everything seemed to enjoy her company. She daily brought him soup, and some offal for Tom Tom from the village's butcher's shop; something that was logic because the butcher was her little sister, a rude, offhand but generous girl named Black Pudding. At her contact, Huckleberry remembered what solidarity meant. He relaxed. He even felt again a feeling he had forgotten for a long time. Joy. But everything shattered when she tried to ask him to do some task in the village. No, he thought. He couldn't do that. He was still too dripping with blood to rub shoulder with pure people. He was so covered with blood that every one would discover her was a murderer as soon as they would saw him. And they would saw, too, that the blood that covered him had infected Sister Pudding. They would say she was a sinner because she had dared to approach him. No. For their sake, he must stay secluded.

-Would you like to go for a walk with me? Sister Pudding asked him one morning.

For her, Huckleberry Pie's disgust of society was a trick. She had understood it by the joy she saw in his eyes when she visited him, by his sadness when she had to go back to the convent, by the curiosity with which he questioned her about her life with the others nuns. Fir a reason she still ignored, Huckleberry Pie had resigned to live hidden on a damage van, which hadn't run since a long time.

Once more, Huckleberry Pie shook his head.

-No, thanks, he laconically answered.

-Why not?

Huckleberry Pie sighted. He wanted so much to have someone with which sharing his secret. But it was impossible.

-The villagers will reject me.

-For the moment, you are rejecting them. Are you sure you don't want to discover the village? I will stay with you all along. No one will laugh at you.

She insisted to such an extend that Huckleberry Pie agreed, hoping the shadow of her purity would hide the stains of blood that covered him.

At first, Huckleberry Pie did not enjoy that much the walk on the streets. Each time they met a villager coming the other way, Huckleberry Pie averted his eyes, pretending to look the other way. He didn't find himself worthy of looking at them in the eyes. This was why, when another villager was greeting Sister Pudding in front of the bookstore, Huckleberry Pie suddenly shown a great interest for the books displayed on the shop window. There were magazines, newspapers, and a few novels. Some detective novels, some romance novel, and… a children's book… signed by "Blueberry Muffin and the Berrykins".

It made Huckleberry Pie's boil. Without even telling Sister Pudding, he rushed into the bookstore, grabbed a copy of the book and opened it at the first page. There, there was a dedication. "To my daughter Blueberry Pie, when she will be able to read this book. With a lot of love, Blueberry Muffin".

This new was an electroshock for this poor Huckleberry Pie. He let the book fall on the floor. Blueberry Muffin had had a baby. Blueberry Muffin had forgotten him. Blueberry Muffin was dating with another man. Of course, he thought. What a fool he had been. How could he had imagined that a guy like him could be with a girl like Blueberry? He, he was a dropout. A murderer. She, she was brilliant. She had written a book. She had a family life. She was certainly so happy. And the man who was sharing her life was so lucky. Who could he be? Where did he had met her? Huckleberry Pie could say he had been the only human man living in Strawberryland for years, the other one being Plum Puddin', Plum Pudding's brother. Well, it must be him. Plum Puddin' was now Blueberry Muffin's boyfriend. For so long, Huckleberry Pie had believed he would be a such better seducer that his thin, shy, introverted classmate. Now, he must admit that Plum Puddin' was more deserving than him. He, he would never deadly knock over a pedestrian. Murderer. Murderer. Murderer. He wondered why Blueberry and Plum Pudding had chosen this name. Blueberry Pie. Well, it was not ugly, but they could have chosen something like "Plum Muffin".

Wait a minute.

Blueberry Pie. Blueberry Muffin. Blueberry. Pie. Muffin. Blueberry and Muffin. Blueberry and Pie. Pie. Huckleberry Pie? Huckleberry and Pie. Blueberry and Muffin. Huckleberry and Muffin. Blueberry and Pie.

Blueberry Pie was his daughter.

The following night was terrible for Huckleberry Pie. In the bookstore, he had stayed stunned, taken aback by this discovery, drowning himself into his thoughts and questions until the bookseller, noticing his rags, shouted him that his store wasn't a library and he was not allowed to read the books he didn't mean to buy. Sister Pudding had dragged him out of the bookstore, and Huckleberry had mechanically obeyed to her, too shocked to pay attention to what was happening around them. She had leaned him back to his van, and she apologized for what had happened. It was her fault, she had said. She shouldn't have overestimated his sociability. Was there something she could do for him? Huckleberry Pie had answered no, that he used to be a boor. She could not help him. Then, Sister Pudding had left him, and Huckleberry Pie had secretly hope she would visit him again, the following day. Maybe the brightness that spread all around her would be a lighthouse in the night in which he was stuck.

If Huckleberry Pie's dilemma was so cruel, it was because this time it was involving the future of a child. His child. Huckleberry already loved her. She was his daughter. He would have so much things to share with her. He would teach her to take care of the dogs, to treat ill animals, to never be scared of the dark, to love the person she was, in spite of everything she would fail or hear about her. He wanted so much to meet her. He didn't even know how she looked like, or how old she exactly was. He was angry with Blueberry Muffin, who had excluded him of their child's life.

But, objectively speaking, she was right. If Blueberry Pie asked him one day "Why didn't you stay with Mom when I was a baby?", what could him answer? "I had lost everything in gambling and I had accidentally killed someone". What a terrible father he would be! What a danger he would be for their daughter! The reason for which Blueberry Muffin had decided to raise their child alone was easily understandable. He did deserve to take part of their happiness. His sort in life was to be, forever, a dropout; a boy lost in a girls' world, a careless idiot while they were so responsible, a murderer hidden between upright villagers. But he wanted so much to meet his daughter. With her, he would find a redemption. All the love he would give her, it would be sent to the girl that would never experience love again. All the cares he would bring to her, it would be the cares the girl was still supposed to receive. When his daughter will grow up, thanks to him, the instants she would live would be dedicated to this poor victim. He would offer her a second life through his daughter. He must meet his daughter.

Huckleberry Pie's recklessness was so unsupportable that, unable to stay idle anymore, he raced to the convent, in the middle of the night, and hammered on the solid doors until a very surprised and sleepy nun opened up and asked him what was wrong. Huckleberry Pie cried he had to see Sister Pudding as soon as possible, for a matter of life or death. Then, in her cell, he burst into tears and confess her everything. That he was ruined and in top of that riddled with debt. That he had been unfairly charged for a crime he hadn't committed and banished from the place where his life and all his friends were. That, one night, he had knocked over a young girl who must be dead, now. That he had accidentally made a friend of him pregnant, and that he wanted more than everything else meeting the baby girl she had brought into the world. He wanted to redeem himself by being an exemplar father. But he had done so many errors, in a such short times pan, that he wondered if he shouldn't, for their daughter's sake, never approach her. Sister Pudding quietly listened to him, without showing any sign of indignation nor disapproval. When Huckleberry stopped talking, she said in a soft voice:

-I think everyone should be given a second chance. What you did to this girl is, unfortunately, beyond repair. But you aren't even sure she had really succumbed to her wound. Moreover, I think we should take your failed suicide attempt seriously. What you felt, by the roadside, was not fear. It was a sign from our Mother Earth. And It told you that you had to stay alive. Why? No one can say it for sure. But we can guess a good way to start what It wants you to do in this world is to resolve your old business. First, you have to find a way to repay your debt. Secondly, you have to prove your innocence. And the, you will be able to devote yourself to your new life, with your daughter.

-Do you really think I could…?

-Of course. No one is perfect, but our Mother Earth still host us all in Its heart, and It must have a good reason for that. Your guild shows you are a good person at the bottom. Maybe you didn't kill the young girl, but I can tell for sure you killed the old Huckleberry Pie, the careless one. The way you consider this issue, instead of rushing beside your baby, already proves your gain in maturity. How will be the new Huckleberry Pie? Now, it's up to you. Maybe your girlfriend won't want you to share her life, but you'll never know if you never try. Where can you go if you keep brooding the past? The new Huckleberry Pie has to look to the future. If the young girl is dead, it won't bring her back to life, but you are still here, Huckleberry, and you will have to show how you will employ the time you still have to live. All the goods thongs you are likely to do will prove to the world that you are not only a killer. You should never forget what you done o her, but this event must be an inspiring lesson for you. And by this way, you'll end by forgiving yourself.

Huckleberry cried a little during Sister Pudding's speech, both due to his guilt and his emotion. Sister Pudding had told him he was not doomed to be a murderer. He could wash the blood covering his hands.

They spent the rest of the night talking about the great resolutions Huckleberry Pie could make in order to get off to the better start of his new life. When the sun rose, through Sister Pudding's narrow window, Huckleberry Pie expressed his desire to take the first train for Strawberryland, but Sister Pudding pragmatically advised him to sort his outfit out, in order to be taken seriously.

To be continued...