"Adora, please wake up… Don't leave me…"
The world was ending, and Catra was about to lose hers.
She held Adora in her arms as the Heart of Etheria shined the horrid green around her. The failsafe on Adora's chest was the same color, reflecting upon Catra's face as she looked down at Adora.
Adora had fallen, and Catra clung to her. She thought of all the times she had tormented this girl; tortured her friends, traumatized her, destroyed her homes, and all for what? Catra had nothing to show for it. She just wanted to do one good thing with her life.
"Adora… Adora…" The air was being sucked out of Catra's lungs. She didn't care about princesses or Horde Prime or Etheria or anything at that moment. All she needed was Adora, and she wasn't waking up. No matter how much Catra shook her, Adora's eyes were closed and wouldn't open.
Catra put an ear close to Adora's mouth. No breath. She pressed it against her chest. No heartbeat. "No, no, no, no, no… Adora, don't you dare…" The panic started to set in. Dread, anxiety and fear filled Catra's veins in an instant as she scrambled for something to do. Something to bring Adora back. Even if she had to give her life, she needed to save the one person who even cared about her.
"Adora… Adora, I love you, please don't go…" The words spilt out, but Catra didn't care. She placed a hand on the Adora's cheek, staring down at her, and she saw droplets of tears spill onto Adora's face. Her own tears. Catra didn't know she had started crying. Everything was blurry, and she could only hear white noise. "I love you, I love you, you can't go… You can't go, dammit…"
Denial was the first stage, but even Catra refused to admit that. This was the one thing she was afraid of, the one thing she dreaded. That she would be responsible for Adora's death.
Death. Catra didn't even want to think about death right now, but it all came flooding to mind in an instant. Death. Death. Death. Adora's death. Adora dying. Catra had never felt so useless in her entire life as she pushed her forehead against Adora's. "No… You can't take her… Take me, not her! Not her!" She wasn't sure who she was speaking to as she grabbed Adora by her cheeks and embraced her. She wrapped her lifeless body in her arms, and the first sob choked out. "I deserve to die, not her! Not… not her… It needs to be me…"
Catra didn't care about her own death. She had never placed value in her own life, but she placed everything into Adora's. Adora didn't deserve this. She was always trying to get herself killed for her friends. Catra hated that. She hated how reckless Adora was. This was everything she had feared, and worse.
"You realize this is your fault, right?"
Catra felt an icy chill down her spine. She looked up and saw a monster standing before her. Horde Prime. "You… were a distraction," he said. "If you hadn't been here, perhaps Adora could have succeeded… I suppose I should thank you. You were the one that killed her. You spend so long trying to ruin her, and now you've done it."
Catra wanted to scream, but she felt like she couldn't. In fact, she couldn't breathe in the first place. Horde Prime smiled down at her, and she felt paralyzed. Tears continued to flow down her cheeks as the world shook around her. "Although, I wouldn't be so simple minded. It's not just Adora that you killed. But… everyone on the surface of this infuriating planet. Scorpia, Entrapta… They were depending on She-Ra. You took that from them." Horde Prime stood over Catra, and she scrambled away, still clutching Adora's body.
Except it wasn't there. Adora's body had completely disappeared. Everything turned to darkness around Catra, except for the glowing green eyes of Horde Prime. "I suppose you always wanted to be worth something… To be a big, bad villain… Well, how much more worse can you get than being responsible for all the deaths of your dear friends? Of an entire planet? Of the one you love? I mean, it's only up from there. You… are a worthless being."
Catra lunged at Horde Prime, but he disappeared. Along with him, Catra saw her hands begin to fade away. Her arm, her torso, all crumbling to dust. She wanted to scream, but she didn't even have lungs anymore. Everything faded away…
And it was all her fault.
Sweat covered Catra as she awoke with a start. It was still dark out, and she was laying in bed next to Adora. She sat up, and the feeling of choking was still there. Catra gasped suddenly, but she was still choking. Air. She needed air. Catra couldn't breathe.
These nightmares were still happening. Even though she was sleeping in the same bed as Adora now, even though they defeated Horde Prime and everything was okay, Catra was left with mental scars. She hyperventilated, and felt another panic attack begin to creep its way into her system.
She glanced at Adora, still asleep. Catra didn't want to wake her. She tried to stand up, but every limb in her body felt numb. She sucked in air every five seconds or so, still choking as tears streamed. She looked at her hand. It was shaking, and she couldn't keep it still no matter how hard she tried.
Catra let out a sob. It was accidental, and she instantly covered her mouth. She can't wake Adora. This was the fifth night in a row, and she was sick of bothering her. She was a burden, not only to Adora, but to everyone. She knew that everyone still didn't trust her, and that she was still seen as the bad guy. Nothing she could ever do would get rid of that fact.
So why should anyone care if she had a panic attack? Catra always tried to hide them, but Adora, stupid, dumb, superhero Adora always had to save her. Catra just wanted Adora to have one night of rest.
"Catra…?"
Dammit.
Adora slowly woke, and Catra knew she had to calm down. But trying to calm down made her even more anxious. What if Adora got annoyed? What if Adora decided to leave her? What if it got worse? In trying to calm down, Catra only made herself worse. She opened her mouth to tell Adora she was fine, but all that came out was a sob, a gasp, and more hyperventilating. Adora suddenly sat up upon seeing her love like this. "Catra, Catra! Hey, hey, I'm here…"
Adora reached out to touch Catra. She didn't want to startle her, or make it worse. Adora knew these panic attacks took time, and that smothering the person might make it worse. Catra hated having to burden Adora again. "I'm… I'm sorry…" Catra choked out.
"You have nothing to be sorry for, okay?" Adora spoke in the most gentle tone she could as Catra let out another three sobs. "It's okay, Catra… You're allowed to let this out… I love you so much."
Stupid, dumb, superhero Adora.
Catra threw her arm around Adora's shoulders. She buried her head into Adora's neck, and clung so tightly she was afraid she was choking Adora. Almost instantly, only after Catra had initiated the embrace, did Adora return it. She felt Adora's soft hand rub her left arm, and felt tingles as Adora's other hand stroke her short hair. "I'm right here… I am right here…" Adora whispered.
"You… you were… gone and… and Horde Prime, he… I… killed you and… I…" Catra could barely form a sentence. Her entire body was shaking from the anxiety that the nightmare had brought upon her. It only made her cling to Adora even tighter. She took care to not scratch Adora as much as she could, but sometimes it was just beyond her control. Years of being haunted by Shadow Weaver caused her to be on the defense always after waking up.
"He's gone, Catra… He's never coming back. I am still here. You saved my life." Adora kissed Catra's forehead. It was soft, small, and yet Catra felt a flow of love and comfort spring throughout her body, reaching the ends of her fingertips and spreading to her toes. Adora's kisses were what gave Catra the warmth and security she needed her entire life.
Adora's hand on the back of her head stroked her hair, her fingertips gently rubbing every strand of Catra's hair. How much time had passed? Five minutes? Thirty minutes? An hour? Slowly, the shaking of Catra's body begun to subside. She eventually came around, and felt oxygen return to her lungs. Her throat opened back up, and she begun to practice the breathing techniques Perfuma had tried to teach her.
In through the nose. Out through the mouth.
She felt dumb doing it, but Catra slowly felt oxygen begin to fill her with life. Her hands slipped away from Adora's body, and instead she grabbed Adora's hands and held them. "You okay?" Adora asked.
"I… think so," Catra sighed. "I hate waking you. I shouldn't be doing this, just… freaking out all the time."
"I get scared too, Catra," Adora tenderly stroked Catra's cheek, and Catra grabbed her hand, kissing her palm. "What if he comes back? What if I did something wrong? You're not alone, Catra. We've only just gotten into peace and I don't think anyone is used to it. It's… bizarre to not have to fear for your life anymore."
"But…" Catra sighed. "I was the one that was making you afraid for all that time. I was… I…"
"Catra. Please look at me." Catra looked up and met Adora's eyes. Those ocean blue eyes that she could get lost in for years. "I love you. Alright? I love you so, so much. I am always going to be here for you. It is not your fault what Horde Prime did to you. What he did to our planet. And I promise you're not burdening me, or annoying me, or… anything. I will be here as much as you need me to. I don't expect this to go away in a day, but…" Adora smiled. "I can at least try to make it a bit easier."
Stupid, dumb, superhero Adora.
Catra stared at Adora's smile. At her lips. She looked to Adora's eyes, wordlessly asking to kiss her. Adora moved in, and Catra did the same.
Her lips sent chills of security through Catra. The kiss that told her that everything was okay. That she had nothing to fear as long as they were together. Catra just wanted to kiss Adora forever, but thanks to her stupid bodily need to breathe, they had to separate.
"… Thanks," Catra said. "Thank you. I… think I'll be okay now."
"Okay." Adora tenderly stroke Catra's cheek with her thumb as they slowly lay down together on the bed. Catra turned away from Adora, but allowed Adora to cuddle her from behind as they lay together. Catra held Adora's arm close to her, and closed her eyes.
They slept together, and Catra felt safe for now.